Don't wanna taco 'bout it, it's nacho business - adult children and parents

[justplucky]

My 60-year-old dad recently resigned from his job in order to not get fired. My mom is disabled and hasn't been able to work for nearly 30 years. Fortunately their four walls expenses are covered by my mom's disability income and an annuity they bought with the settlement money from the accident that caused her disability. My dad is looking for another job.

Unfortunately my parents' health insurance was through his job. Due to my mom's disability she will likely get some form of Medicare. However, as of December 1 my dad won't have health insurance if nothing is done. This is utterly terrifying to me. I'm worried something will happen and they'll be bankrupted. I'm terrified something will happen and he'll avoid going to the doctor about it until something that could've been treated causes irreversible damage or kills him.

I have asked both my mom and dad about what their plans are for health insurance for him, but they both seem to just wave off any concern over it. I strongly suspect their plan is to avoid thinking about it and just live without insurance until my dad is eligible for medicare or gets another job that provides health insurance.

I don't know what to do. Should I just butt out? Should I do extensive research into what their options are and present them (my parents aren't tech-savvy at all and may not realize it's pretty easy to buy a plan)? I've already told my husband not to bring it up to them, because if one of us pushes the topic, it should be me.

Ugh, is this an inkling of what parenthood feels like? I feel like on the inside I'm yelling "you're making a stupid decision, stop stop stop" and they're just going to do whatever the hell they want anyways.

[Cassie]

Since they are not very tech-savy I would research options & present them.  Then if they reject them you will have done all you can & have a clear conscience.  Yep this is what being a parent feels like!

[mxt0133]

Good new is that your dad is covered through COBRA if anything should happens in the immediate future.  You have 60 to apply and coverage is retroactive to the day he quit.  The premiums will be 102% the cost of what he and his employer were paying so it will be expensive but not catastrophic.

If he doesn't find a job soon he can get coverage through his states health exchange.

[Chranstronaut]

...they both seem to just wave off any concern over it. I strongly suspect their plan is to avoid thinking about it and just live without insurance until my dad is eligible for medicare or gets another job that provides health insurance.

I don't know what to do. Should I just butt out?

My parents are not in this exact position, but I have similar kinds of worries about them, like... will they keep the roof over their own heads this month?  I half expect they won't.

I've found that they won't want to talk to me about it until shit REALLY hits the fan, and even then it's only to vent or ask for something specific.  It kills me because I think they do some really dumb stuff, but they just don't see their children as having more authority on life's subjects.  They never ask my advice, only, "please, can you help with XYZ because ABC already happened."  I stopped mentioning that if they called me BEFORE it all happened we could have done something better because they never do.

The only thing I feel like I've been successful in doing is just planting idea seeds about what they could do, and then trying not to get involved with whatever they choose.  I think I helped them realize that MNOVs are not so scary and they pay too much for phones.  BUT they want data for their ipads so.... whatever.  It's... a learning process.  *sigh*

Good luck!  Let me know if you figure out the secret to communicating with parents... :)

[chicagomeg]

Good new is that your dad is covered through COBRA if anything should happens in the immediate future.  You have 60 to apply and coverage is retroactive to the day he quit.  The premiums will be 102% the cost of what he and his employer were paying so it will be expensive but not catastrophic.

If he doesn't find a job soon he can get coverage through his states health exchange.

+1. You have 60 days to apply for Cobra, so that gets him through the end of the year. Then, he can just sign up for an ACA plan. If he doesn't plan to keep working, he can probably qualify for a subsidy based on your mom's limited income, or maybe straight up qualify for Medicaid if he doesn't have any other income.