Author Topic: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr  (Read 10486 times)

Giro

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Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« on: December 08, 2015, 07:54:31 PM »
He knows my goal is to retire early but apparently it isn't a big deal to him since he is already FI.  I'm trying hard not to be annoyed, but come on, the music gear is getting out of hand.  And oh by the way, a new guitar came by UPS today. 

Villanelle

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2015, 10:02:09 PM »
It's a gift.  You don't have to buy it. 

Do you guys have a budget?  Shared or separate finances?

FIRE me

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2015, 12:19:08 AM »
He knows my goal is to retire early but apparently it isn't a big deal to him since he is already FI.  I'm trying hard not to be annoyed, but come on, the music gear is getting out of hand.  And oh by the way, a new guitar came by UPS today.

$50?  $1,500?  $5,000?  What's your idea of ridiculously expensive?

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2015, 02:15:32 AM »
In that financial situation I'd lean towards getting a cheaper gift, and he can buy his own extravagance if he wants.

Giro

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2015, 02:36:14 AM »
We have separate finances.  We both want to retire early.  He could retire now, but is choosing to work another 3 years or so to get a second pension.  He's retired military.  I need another couple years of saving. 

There is no other gift.  This is the only thing he wants. He doesn't really value other things.  The amp is $3000

2Cent

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2015, 03:07:31 AM »
Somehow I don't get it. How can your husband be FI while you are not. Do you not live together and pay the same bills? If he has his own savings and has enough to cover 50% of the bills I would not call that independent since is depending on you for the other 50%. Otherwise a stay at home mom is also FI. And if he has enough to cover both your expenses, I would say you are also FI.

Anyway, what you could do when he asks for something expensive is just give a contribution towards it and ask him to come up with the rest of the money. It sounds unromantic and businesslike, but I guess that is how it is with separate accounts and all. If you want to make it seem a bit nicer you could ask for an equally expensive gift for Christmas for something that you would want to buy anyway. But be careful to work things out in a way that you guys have an understanding of how to deal with this. Money is the number one relationship breaker and I would say your marriage is worth much more than any gift.

Aside from the gift it seems his music hobby expenses are bugging you. I found that stuff keeps stacking up. Oh but I might use this in such and such conditions is the excuse to get ever more equipment. A good rule is that if you buy something new, you sell something old as well. That keeps the stockpile manageable and reduces the expenses.

Just out of curiosity, what amp is costing $3000? There are top of the line amps for around $1000. I worked in a sound equipment store a lot of money goes to emotion instead of actual difference in quality. Like they put in thick pieces of metal in the expensive ones to make it feel more expensive.

Giro

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2015, 03:44:34 AM »
I guess for all intents and purposes we are both FI.  If something were to happen to us, I would not be able to quit my job because I couldn't live on only my retirement for the rest of my life.  That's why the distinction for me.  I need to be able to know that I am fine regardless of his finances.  He does not look at things this way.  He sees things much more jointly than I do.  But, I was a single mother of twin babies for years and years, so I need to feel safe and secure in any situation. 

We split expenses and we both save a great deal of money.  We could pay all of our expenses with just his military retirement quite easily, but again, that's his and we split bills. 

We don't have money issues.  We have MMM issues.  I can afford the amp.  I certainly don't want anything that's $3k other than maybe a transfer to my VTSAX. 

I like the idea of paying half, but he'd probably just say he'll buy it.  He thinks I'm cheap.  Okay, maybe I can be cheap.  But, aren't we all on this board?

The music doesn't bug me. He keeps it all contained in his area and he sells a great deal of equipment.  He also makes a considerable amount of money (for music) at his hobby.  When he retires, this is how he'll spend his time.  The amp is a Suhr Peter Thorn PT100.  He's been doing this for 25 years or so.  He doesn't keep stuff that he doesn't use, so there is that.  If he doesn't like it, he'll return it and get something he likes.  He spends all of his free time on music.  So, it's really the second love of his life.

I guess I'm talking myself into it.  I want him to have nice things that he enjoys.  It's just WOW...$3k is a lot. 


Stashing Swiss-style

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2015, 03:58:27 AM »
I think you should buy it for him.  He'll get it anyway if you don't; he's got one passion and it sounds serious not frivolous; $3000 is a shit load of money but you know it's what he wants.  $3000 is not going to impact your goals for FI and, I'm guessing here, you could probably tighten your belt a bit in other areas for a few months to get back on track anyway.  Buy it with love and give it with love.   PS  I'm not the most mustachian person as you might have guessed!

11ducks

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2015, 04:55:39 AM »
Tell him straight up you can't afford it, and he needs to give you some ideas for reasonable presents. Otherwise, get him some clothes and a gift voucher towards the amp. Choosing not to spend $3k on a gift is not cheap, it's sensible, and prioritising your financial health over 'stuff'. Please don't set the precedent of spending more than you are comfortable with.

Doubleh

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2015, 05:35:20 AM »
While it may not be the most mustachian purchase ever it sounds like you are already to all intents and purposes fi already, and this is a considered purchase that fits with his life values if not necessarily yours - in which case I don't think you should feel bad if you do decide to get it.

A couple of things you might consider as alternatives could be:

-  a particularly interesting vintage amp that he would love and might take you dine time to track down at a lower cost

- a build your own amp kit. These can be had for relatively cheap, can give great tone and would keep him busy and give him the cool factor of having made it himself!

- is there a small local amp builder who could provide something even rarer and cooler than his choice for a lower cost?

Any time your dealing with something that is his passion you're on tricky ground making your own choice so you may few safer just going with his suggestion, but just thought this would be good for thought


deborah

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2015, 06:11:28 AM »
I would get it for him. It is the piece of equipment he is drooling over, his major hobby, his side gig that will earn you both money in retirement. Nothing else will be the same.

However, I think you need to come to some arrangement about money. It sounds like you have reasonable fears about thinking of money as shared, whereas where he is coming from, it all belongs to both of you. It also sounds like money is coming between you. Think out what it would take for you to feel like the money is shared. Do you need to have both drawn up wills that will leave you in an OK position even if you both retired tomorrow? Does he actually need to transfer some money to you so you are more even? If your relationship is important, it would be wise to get the money straightened out, because it is the number one thing that causes people to separate.

pbkmaine

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2015, 06:16:37 AM »
Get it for him and tell him you want $3000 in cash for Christmas.


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StetsTerhune

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #12 on: December 09, 2015, 06:23:54 AM »
Get it for him and tell him you want $3000 in cash for Christmas.

I'm so glad I read this slightly depressing thread all the way to this point. The whole thing reads as a joke and a punchline now.

My wife and I don't do presents. Not for Christmas, not for anything. We both agree that it was the greatest decision we've ever made as a couple. The amount of time and waste we've saved over the years is astonding when you think about it. Hell, I'm wasting time right now on Giro's christmas present.

MayDay

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2015, 06:24:56 AM »
I wouldn't.

That would clearly fall into the category of "save up your own fun money, fool".

He'd be getting something sub-50$, and if he "didn't want anything" it would be some nice booze or other consumable type thing.

Giro

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #14 on: December 09, 2015, 06:27:27 AM »
I would get it for him. It is the piece of equipment he is drooling over, his major hobby, his side gig that will earn you both money in retirement. Nothing else will be the same.

However, I think you need to come to some arrangement about money. It sounds like you have reasonable fears about thinking of money as shared, whereas where he is coming from, it all belongs to both of you. It also sounds like money is coming between you. Think out what it would take for you to feel like the money is shared. Do you need to have both drawn up wills that will leave you in an OK position even if you both retired tomorrow? Does he actually need to transfer some money to you so you are more even? If your relationship is important, it would be wise to get the money straightened out, because it is the number one thing that causes people to separate.

You do make some valid points.  I am not as secure as he is that's for sure.  It doesn't make sense for him to transfer money to me since I actually have more money in my accounts than he does.  I just need to get the hell over it already. 

He talked about combining finances, but I didn't really see the point.   We've never argued about money.  I just get a little anxious when I ask him what he wants and it seems so pricey.  He did give me 7500 for my birthday to pay towards a car I was buying.

BPA

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #15 on: December 09, 2015, 06:41:33 AM »
Get it for him and tell him you want $3000 in cash for Christmas.


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ha ha ha ha ha!

Again, and this theme seems to keep coming up on these forums, WTH has happened on these forums, that people aren't wanting to facepunch the husband?  Does anyone even read the blog anymore?  Or has this become a place for justifying extravagant spending, because "we want it" or "you can afford it"?

You have my sympathies, OP. 

use2betrix

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #16 on: December 09, 2015, 06:51:18 AM »
If he gave you $7500 towards a car I really wouldn't fuss too much about a $3000 amp in this situation. Especially because music is his only real vice and he makes money and is reasonable about it.

If he was stingy that'd be different, but beings he gave you all that money for a car when you have plenty of money anyways, that changes a lot...

GuitarStv

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #17 on: December 09, 2015, 08:19:04 AM »
You pay more for exclusive/expensive brands (Suhr - who make fantastic guitars, never played one of their amps), you pay more for something that's brand new rather than used, and you pay more for anything that licenses an artist's name (Pete Thorn).  If your husband really wants this particular amp, it probably won't turn up used as it's not particularly common.  It's very expensive though.  If you're not comfortable spending that much money  . . . don't.  Something not given freely isn't really a good gift.

As a side note, I'm really glad that we have pooled resources in our marriage.  The whole mine/yours false dichotomy is completely sidestepped, and issues like this just don't come up.

2Cent

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #18 on: December 09, 2015, 08:27:56 AM »
If he is bent on buying it anyway, then you can just ask him for $3000 - the amount you'd want to contribute. The good news is that this kind of equipment usually is built to last and retains and sometimes even increases value. So it's not money flushed away. Just locked up in an amp.

I had the same feeling years ago with a gold necklace. The thing is worth 3x the amount now, and it's nice to know I have something physical that is of value just in case the digital money thing ever fails.

The_path_less_taken

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #19 on: December 09, 2015, 09:30:26 AM »
If he gave you $7500 towards a car I really wouldn't fuss too much about a $3000 amp in this situation. Especially because music is his only real vice and he makes money and is reasonable about it.

If he was stingy that'd be different, but beings he gave you all that money for a car when you have plenty of money anyways, that changes a lot...


This.

But...I'm a bit concerned that you don't feel....comfortable I guess, with the retirement money.

You say "his military retirement" etc.

So...perhaps from raising two kids as a single mom....how it 'reads' (to a total stranger on the internet who hasn't had caffeine yet today)....is that you don't feel secure.

In the relationship? In it lasting? In your ability to be FI if for some reason things didn't work out?

To me, that's a MUCH bigger issue than the amp.

I'd buy the amp. But I'd also need to do something to resolve my safety issue/ feelings. And pronto.

norabird

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2015, 09:35:51 AM »
Since you guys are doing well financially, there are other issues going on here (as addressed upthread) that you should deal with. How can you feel more secure in your joint finances? He is clearly generous and I don;t see why he shouldn't have his amp, but you have some anxieties that are keeping you afraid of something larger than just the $3k.

zephyr911

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2015, 09:41:15 AM »
Damn. We have almost 100% separate finances but would still define our FI threshold collectively. If he's FI but wants to lock in another retirement (which it's implied he doesn't need) then couldn't he subsidize yours?

I'm a red panda

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #22 on: December 09, 2015, 09:58:22 AM »
People can't dictate what gifts you give them.  Buy him a small gift that means something to you.

You say he is already FI, he can buy the expensive thing himself.

Count me in as another who doesn't exchange gifts with my husband. It's just like trading money back and forth. I don't see the point. If we want something, we buy it ourself.   Now, some people might say there is thought and caring involved in buying the gift- but since here he is telling you what to buy him, I don't see that- it's not like you have to go to the effort of picking something out.  So what's the point?  What $3,000 object does he plan to buy you in exchange? 

Argyle

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #23 on: December 09, 2015, 10:01:17 AM »
Why not ask for $3000 to put in your index fund?  Then he gets his amp, you get one more step towards self-sufficiency win-win.  Otherwise I agree it's not really a present; it's like he put in an order and you're the fulfillment clerk.

canadian bacon

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #24 on: December 09, 2015, 10:19:12 AM »
Soooooo

I am a guitar player and could write pages on amps BUT I don't think that this positing is about the amp and whether $3000 on this amp is good value.  note that I would love to debate this and feel that $3000 on an amp is insane..

I would say that if music is a hobby for him and he is making (unneeded) money on his hobby than really he should be able spend what he wants (to a certain extent).   If it starts loosing money, that is a different story. 

I don't understand the split finances thing though unless you have more in savings then he does.  It my mind it just encourages a I spent vs you spent mentality.  Your call though and I suppose that this is a different topic

ulrichw

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #25 on: December 09, 2015, 10:33:37 AM »
There are so many different ways of managing finances in a relationship, all of which can work great, that it's really hard to come up with universal advice here.

I'm definitely in the "pooled resources" camp, but I can understand your concern, given your personal history.

In any case, here are my thoughts:
- Hubby definitely doesn't deserve a facepunch for having a hobby he loves and wanting to spend money on it. What's the point of saving money for saving's sake? Some people turn this into their hobby, but frankly I find it a little sad. Money has no purpose unless it is spent. The point of saving now is to be able to spend the money eventually, not hold onto it forever.
- Maybe the thing to look at is your gift-giving paradigm. Rather than buying something that the other person asks for, why not buy them something that they *wouldn't* buy themselves. Something that shows your thought about what they would like and/or need. This something doesn't need to be expensive - it's meant to be a token of your love for each other.
- You both have money to buy whatever you want for yourself, so let him buy his own amp, and don't judge him when he does.
- See if you can learn to trust him to the point you see his money as your safety net - it sounds like he's willing to be there for you financially.


TGod

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #26 on: December 09, 2015, 10:49:19 AM »
Part of MMM's message is about making conscious decisions about how you spend your money, as in, don't waste your money on shit you don't need, and if you do, don't do it mindlessly just for the sake of buying stuff.

Your husband may need a new amp or he may really, really want a new amp. Awesome. Good for him. If he has wads of cash to spend on a new amp, he gets to make that choice for himself.  I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, whether he really expects that you would spend 3k on a Christmas gift  (maybe there is a precedent for this type of spending, so he doesn't think this is a big deal?). If this really is the only thing that he wants, and rather than asking for a new tie or some plastic stuff he doesn't need, he put this out there for you to consider. IMO that doesn't mean that you have to foot the bill for the entire thing. Especially if you are working hard towards FI.

My husband lists lots of expensive things (we do exchange gifts, but I try to keep it modest and mainly stocking stuff), bigger tv, a newer camera.  I won't buy that for him, he gets cash from his folks for xmas and b-day which is close, so he can pool that, and his monthly spending money towards that stuff. But if I can't think of anything useful for him, I will give him some cash to put towards it...even though it is our shared cash so it's a bit ass-backwards, but it basically lets him know that he can spend 100$ from the gift account for whatever he wants.

It's a gift, not a bill, so you don't have to spend that amount. If you can't afford to spend that much money, don't. If you don't want to spend that much money, don't.  Its your money. The end.

Villanelle

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #27 on: December 09, 2015, 12:08:53 PM »
As you can see from my first post, I was completely onboard the "just don't buy it" train until you mentioned that he gave you $7500 for a car.  You surely didn't need that car, either.  You fuss about his extravagance, but you bought an expensive car, so I'm not sure you are much better.  He wants a ridiculously expensive amp, and you wanted a ridiculously expensive car.  So it seems like you only see the ridiculousness when it's his desires, not yours, and you were perfectly willing to let him help you with a ridiculously expensive purchase, when when he wants the same suddenly it's time to be mustachian. 

I still probably wouldn't buy the amp, but I wouldn't have bought the car, either.

Can you give him a gift certificate for some amount less than $3000 to the place where he'd buy the amp?  Then he can pay for the rest.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2015, 12:10:26 PM by Villanelle »

canadian bacon

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #28 on: December 09, 2015, 12:13:39 PM »
So I was thinking about this since I replied last.   Here are my thoughts:
I would go with 1 of 3 options assuming that he still insists on having this amp.

1)  Buy the cabinet ($1050) and let him buy the amp.
2)  Buy the amp USED and save $700 for your household ex (https://reverb.com/item/1262857-suhr-pt-100-pete-thorn-signature-edition-100w-head-w-footswitch-cover-mint)
3)  See if you can find the signature edition version (http://www.suhr.com/Suhr-PT-100-Signature-Edition/) for list price.  This amp seems to be a good investment since it is a limited edition.  I would call everyone on the dealers list and hope that I could find one.   (http://www.suhr.com/dealers-worldwide-selling-authentic-suhr-equipment.html)

Zikoris

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #29 on: December 09, 2015, 12:24:53 PM »
I wouldn't buy it, and I would suggest moving away from Christmas gift-giving entirely.

My boyfriend and I moved away from gift-giving several years ago and only exchange stockings for Christmas. They tend to get filled with tasty edible things.

Yankuba

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #30 on: December 09, 2015, 01:01:01 PM »
How much will the amp be worth in one year? Five years? Ten years?

Professional camera lenses are expensive but they can maintain 60% of their value for more than a decade if they are treated well. People get hung up on the sticker price but there is a difference between spending $3k on a home improvement, camera lens, amp, computer, dinner and vacation. Some things hold value better than other things.

If amps hold their value well and he will use it regularly then the question becomes "is this worth $200 per year for ten years?" That assumes the amp is worth $1k at year ten and the husband uses it regularly.




Giro

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #31 on: December 09, 2015, 01:28:15 PM »
As you can see from my first post, I was completely onboard the "just don't buy it" train until you mentioned that he gave you $7500 for a car.  You surely didn't need that car, either.  You fuss about his extravagance, but you bought an expensive car, so I'm not sure you are much better.  He wants a ridiculously expensive amp, and you wanted a ridiculously expensive car.  So it seems like you only see the ridiculousness when it's his desires, not yours, and you were perfectly willing to let him help you with a ridiculously expensive purchase, when when he wants the same suddenly it's time to be mustachian. 


You are right.  When I first posted yesterday evening, I didn't even consider the birthday gift of $7500.  And he would be slightly annoyed that I seem to be keeping track.  I hate that I do that.  I always add up the amounts in my head.  I do that for everything.  It's just disturbing.  Even when I'm at my daughter's birthday party, in my head, I'm adding up the expense for each person to attend and start calculating if the gift they brought was for at least that amount.  Idk what is wrong with me.  I'm not judging, because the kids that I know can't afford it, I prefer them to not buy her a gift because I worry that it will be a burden on the family.  I guess I'm just always running the cost of things in my head.

And you were spot on, I totally judged my car differently than his amp.  They are both toys that we do not need.  Why is my car okay and his amp not. 

I guess I'm being a total jerk.

ugh. 

I'm buying the amp. 


Dicey

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #32 on: December 09, 2015, 01:55:36 PM »
Somehow I don't get it. How can your husband be FI while you are not. Do you not live together and pay the same bills? If he has his own savings and has enough to cover 50% of the bills I would not call that independent since is depending on you for the other 50%. Otherwise a stay at home mom is also FI.
I'd like to take a swing at this one, if I may. I got married for the first time at 54. I am FIRE and DH still works. He made a mid-career switch, with a big pay cut, to take a job that includes a lucrative pension. He is about six years away from fully qualifying, so he's not stopping now. Plus, he walks to work and he loves what he does. DH's dad died right after we got married and we discovered that his mom has Alzheimer's, so we moved her in with us and I retired. His college-age son also lives with us. My company had no pension, so I saved my ass off during my working years and did well in real estate. Before I got married, I was FI, but still working, mostly because I was afraid of healthcare costs in the open market (pre-existing conditions, pre-Obamacare, blah x 3).

So, back to your question: Am I "just" a SAH spouse? Full-time care giver? Am I not "really" FIRE?

It might be easy to lament my fate as it has to do with his mom, but the freedom one experiences on achieving FI fortunately applies to more than just quitting one's job. I take care of his mom because I choose to, not because I have to. The longer she lives with us, the more time there is for her very substantial nest egg to grow. Since she's in excellent physical health, she could need frightfully expensive care for a very long time. Taking care of her at home and letting her nest egg grow as long as possible means there will be plenty of money when her care needs increase. If DH retired now, I might resent that I can't go gallivanting around the globe just yet. Since he's still working, we live off his salary and don't touch a penny of my investments, which just furthers our sense of security. It's also much easier to care for her because I know that when it gets to be too much, there will be options. Life handed me a curveball, but I am not trapped.
Fuck yes, I'm FIRE.

dcozad999

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #33 on: December 09, 2015, 02:10:56 PM »
As you can see from my first post, I was completely onboard the "just don't buy it" train until you mentioned that he gave you $7500 for a car.  You surely didn't need that car, either.  You fuss about his extravagance, but you bought an expensive car, so I'm not sure you are much better.  He wants a ridiculously expensive amp, and you wanted a ridiculously expensive car.  So it seems like you only see the ridiculousness when it's his desires, not yours, and you were perfectly willing to let him help you with a ridiculously expensive purchase, when when he wants the same suddenly it's time to be mustachian. 


You are right.  When I first posted yesterday evening, I didn't even consider the birthday gift of $7500.  And he would be slightly annoyed that I seem to be keeping track.  I hate that I do that.  I always add up the amounts in my head.  I do that for everything.  It's just disturbing.  Even when I'm at my daughter's birthday party, in my head, I'm adding up the expense for each person to attend and start calculating if the gift they brought was for at least that amount.  Idk what is wrong with me.  I'm not judging, because the kids that I know can't afford it, I prefer them to not buy her a gift because I worry that it will be a burden on the family.  I guess I'm just always running the cost of things in my head.

And you were spot on, I totally judged my car differently than his amp.  They are both toys that we do not need.  Why is my car okay and his amp not. 

I guess I'm being a total jerk.

ugh. 

I'm buying the amp.




Interesting. We always tell people not to bring a gift to our son's birthday party.  He already has enough stuff and we don't need 20 more toys clogging up the house.

Nobody seems to listen though.

DeltaBond

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #34 on: December 09, 2015, 06:37:37 PM »
I'll throw my thoughts in there, even if you already bought the gift -

My first and now ex husband had a serious spending habit... and most of it was on music equipment when he couldn't even play any instruments.  No big deal, though, because he also bought recording equipment.  If too many days went by without something new, and there were no music items to buy, he'd buy other things.  I didn't realize this until I suggested we keep track of larger purchases, thinking I was also to blame, so we kept a tally on the fridge... turned out, he spent somewhere between $500 and $2500 monthly on his things.... and never took no for an answer.  Golf clubs, exercise equipment, classic car project.  10 yrs of marriage and no savings, um, guess what happened.  Yup, I left.

I'm not suggesting you leave, but you forgot about something bought for you, because you were keeping a tally in your head and not on paper.  Its good to keep things in a very realistic perspective, and I'm thinking your outcome will be MUCH more positive than mine, so this coming year maybe keep a written tally somewhere you can both see - dry erase board on the fridge or something.  Like an argument preventative measure.  He knows you keep mental tallies, but this will show him that you are making an effort not to forget your own purchases, and it might help for your budget overall.  BUT... if he is just wanting something expensive and using your car purchase to justify it, that's not cool.  Good luck :)

canadian bacon

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #35 on: December 09, 2015, 08:15:30 PM »
Giro, I know that you keep separate accounts but this amp and other items (the recent guitar) should be tax deductible for your husband since he qualifies as a professional musician. I would make sure that things are tax optimized between the two of you. I don't know if this gets affected depending on who's account makes the purchase.

You may want to agree on a equipment budget with your husband if you find that he is becoming a gear junkie.  Seeing that 2015 includes at least 1 guitar and  1 amp, a budget may not be a bad thing, even if it is a large budget.  I would do it on the basis of his music profits (ex 20%).

I was buying a guitar a year for a while and then stopped.  I feel that I have all that I need now and equipment is not the main factor to make me better.  This may happen with your husband.  Note he is probably much much better than me but I was a gear collector for a while so I relate.  I have 4 electric amps, 4 elec guitars, acoustic, banjo, uke.

somepissedoffman

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #36 on: December 10, 2015, 09:12:02 AM »
Nobody (including professionals) can get actual utility out of a $3k amp.
The way I see it, if you're practicing or playing a small show, you need to keep up with a drumset.  a 100W combo amp can do that no problem.
If you're on a large stage, your amp is getting mic'd and going through the venue's sound system.

So, louder past a certain point has no increased value, and I find it difficult to believe that this $3k amp is going to sound better than a used marshall combo for ~$500

It's not about the money, it's about the fact that this is just a stupid thing to own.

canadian bacon

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #37 on: December 10, 2015, 09:57:54 AM »
 somepissedoffman:   I do agree with you about what you say about amps.

I was trying not to debate the value of the $4000 BUT since you brought it up..  heh heh

I started off with a 50W combo amp (1X12"), went to a vintage 40W head and Cab (2X12"), and now use a vintage 5W combo.  My amp is a monitor of sorts since the PA sends the sound to the audience.  Even with a 5W combo I have to be careful about stage volume.  I have run sound for shows in the past and I groan when people insist on using the big amps.  They insist on running the amp with a bit of volume so that they sound good (I understand this).  I end up taking them out of the mix and have to increase the volume of the entire show to create balance.  Really sucks.

The low wattage amps are more portable, I can turn them up to get tube saturation and stage volume can be lower allowing the sound guy to do his thing...  My 1964 Fender Champ amp was also $350 and sounds great for what I want.  I do not say that everyone should be running a 5W tube amp but I have no attraction to a 100W tube amp that costs over $4000.   I assume that some good high power amps can sound better at low volume than others due to how they treat master volume but you are still buying headroom that you (I) would never use or want.

For recording these days an amp is often not even needed...

Nonetheless he is making profit with his playing and music equipment is easy to sell...

GuitarStv

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Re: Husband wants a ridiculously expensive Christmas gift...grrr
« Reply #38 on: December 11, 2015, 06:31:11 AM »
Nobody (including professionals) can get actual utility out of a $3k amp.
The way I see it, if you're practicing or playing a small show, you need to keep up with a drumset.  a 100W combo amp can do that no problem.
If you're on a large stage, your amp is getting mic'd and going through the venue's sound system.

So, louder past a certain point has no increased value, and I find it difficult to believe that this $3k amp is going to sound better than a used marshall combo for ~$500

It's not about the money, it's about the fact that this is just a stupid thing to own.

It's not necessarily about volume.  A 100 watt amp is only 3 dB louder than a 50 watt amp.  They'll sound quite different though, and this happens for a few reasons . . .

Bigger tube amps typically produce tighter bass sounds (bass reproduction at volume is much more expensive in terms of power than mid/high frequencies), and you're also able to play very clean at very loud levels.

Then the speaker configuration comes into play.  Take any amp head, then put it through a 4x12 . . . there's a distinctly different sound than running the same through a 1x12 speaker cab.

The design of the amp and the quality of the components used to build it have an impact on the reliability of the amp as well as the sound.  Just as an example . . . any cheaper new tube amp that you're going to buy today is likely to have a PCB design, usually with tube sockets soldered directly on the board.  This is done because wiring the tube sockets off board requires manual work, manual work in amp building costs more time/money.  Having a hot vacuum tube sitting millimeters above a delicate circuit board is not a great way to run things long term.  The thermal expansion and flexing often ends up leading to loose solder joints or other damage to components.  Every time you pull and replace a tube the socket is going to place mechanical stress on the circuit board itself.  The transformers should be bigger and more powerful, so they'll take more wear and tear and last longer.  Etc.  Not all of the price is purely mark-up.


All that said, 3000 is an awful lot to spend on an amp . . . but it's his decision.