So, 2 decent nights of sleep later, and I'm feeling much more balanced about life in general. So, update:
1) husband folded the now-stained shirts, saw the stains, and came to see me being all like "oh, wow, I hadn't thought about it, I'm so sorry, I said I'd do this and I didn't think it was urgent, what frequency should I put a reminder on my phone so that I can remember better". YES. Note that I hadn't even mentioned it to him, because I was too freakin tired to even think about getting into it with him. So... he's noticing, and he's actually taking actio to fix it. Bless.
2) Dinner is supposed to by 'my thing' and last night I just couldn't (tiiiiired). So I whined via text (very mature), and he was like 'oh, take some shrimp out of the freezer and I'll take care of it', and he got the kid at daycare and came home and made a really excellent stir-fry while I lay down with a glass of water until I felt not-nauseous again.
3) We had a quick talk about general exhaustion and how I can't deal with picking up his slack when I'm already at the limit doing my stuff, taking care of a toddler going through a mama-stage, and growing another one. And, to his credit, he was like, eeesh, I hadn't considered that, and so we re-discussed the divison of labour in a way that leaves me with less weight to carry so I can actually get some sleep.
So, conclusion: exhaustion mixed with communication issues mixed with bad patterns lead to exhausted resentment, and that's no help to anyone. :)