Poll

Does your family talk about money?

Yes
77 (74%)
No
27 (26%)

Total Members Voted: 98

Author Topic: Does your family talk about money?  (Read 9336 times)

Gone Fishing

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Does your family talk about money?
« on: November 02, 2014, 07:02:03 PM »
I've always thought this piece of "etiquette" impaired financial literacy. What say you?
 

Zikoris

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2014, 07:41:47 PM »
Yeah - for starters, it's not very nice, but there are two financial trainwrecks in the clan (one on each of my parents' sides of the family) and we all make fun of them. Like, forward each other emails they send asking for money, emails complaining how nobody will help them, etc. It's been a huge source of entertainment for years.

Other than those two, everyone's doing fine, so it's easier to have those discussions.

As far as financial literacy, I've never learned anything from talking money with family - it's really just for fun.

Jessa

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2014, 07:44:41 PM »
My dad has ALWAYS talked to us about money. I still talk to him all the time about my plans. I don't know if he really believes I can pull of the early retirement thing at 50 (he will be retiring early at 62 or so, after making WAY more money than I ever will and working WAY crazier hours than I would ever do), but he approves of all my planning and the steps that I'm taking. He was always very clear on the importance of saving, of not carrying credit card debt (financing cars at a reasonable rate was acceptable, though), of carefully considering large purchases. I think it had a huge impact on me and gave me a leg up on personal finance that a lot of people don't have.

My mom is more about "saving" money...by which I mean, she'll go to Ocean State Job Lot and buy junk she doesn't need for really cheap, or buy clothing on clearance "It was only $3!" "I saved $57 and I only spend $35!" Which mostly taught me that sometimes it's better to spend money and get quality things rather than cheap junk that breaks three days later. When I was a kid I used to joke that she'd buy cat food if it was on sale (she hates cats). I did learn some frugality tricks from her, but I also picked up a bad habit of buying things I wanted (but didn't really need) because they were BOGO or 30% off. I've gotten a lot better about that now.


SailAway

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2014, 07:55:49 PM »
Unfortunately my parents were pretty standard role models for what not to do.

mike3725

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2014, 07:58:40 PM »
My family never really talked about money - we didn't really know what our parents were making and how much bills, etc cost.  I would tend to agree with you that it impairs financial literacy.  I also never had to take a personal finance class in school...which I don't understand why that's not a requirement since everyone deals with money. 

thedayisbrave

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2014, 08:17:30 PM »
I was raised by a single mom.  When we were little, she didn't talk about money with us other than making sure we knew how expensive our hobbies were.  I rode horses competitively so that was probably warranted but she made sure I worked for it - she bought me a horse, but made sure that every weekend I was out at the barn at 7 am mucking stalls in exchange for reduced board.  I don't think I truly appreciated all that she did until later.  But as I got older, we talked more and more about money and now in a way, money is all we talk.  Our relationship has always been business-like so it's normal for us now, but she knows all my money plans and has always been there to help me reach them.

terrier56

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2014, 08:24:45 PM »
I live with my fiance' and her mother and sister. All 3 are horrible with money and hence if i bring it up it kind of seems like i am gloating or poking fun. I am just trying to help them see. I imagine money can be a sore spot for many people.

On the other hand my parents are very well off and still never talked about money growing up. I find it is a very personal topic and you can tell so much about someone through there financial state.

Nudelkopf

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2014, 10:53:40 PM »
I talk to my Mum about money all the time. She relays some of it to my Dad (who doesn't speak on the phone, so I never speak to him), and he'll answer some of my questions through her. She also talk about my brother's [bad] financial picture. Mum & Dad both retired in their 50s, when they could access their retirement accounts. (Dad is 60 now, and has been retired for several years, and Mum's in her mid-50s and retired last year.)

They didn't really talk about it too much when we were growing up, but now I ask heaps of questions & they're happy to share. I know their net worth, and their asset allocation, and their incomes. They know mine (well, not much to know, really).

Thegoblinchief

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #8 on: November 03, 2014, 07:09:56 AM »
I live with my fiance' and her mother and sister. All 3 are horrible with money and hence if i bring it up it kind of seems like i am gloating or poking fun. I am just trying to help them see. I imagine money can be a sore spot for many people.

On the other hand my parents are very well off and still never talked about money growing up. I find it is a very personal topic and you can tell so much about someone through there financial state.

Off topic, but be very careful marrying someone who's bad with money, especially if you're in a shared property jurisdiction.

On topic: Both of our families are pretty bad with money. My parents don't have consumer debt, but they've definitely succumbed to lifestyle inflation such that my Dad still works nearly full time hours running his business at the age of 75. My in-laws are crazy generous. TOO generous. If it weren't for the government pensions there's no way they could have ever retired. They spend very little on themselves but they insist in huge gifts for us and others. Pretty sure they spend every penny they "make".

As for my own little family, we talk about money pretty regularly. The monthly budget lives out in the open on the fridge. My kids earn "stars" by being good in school and doing things around the house. They can spend the stars on whatever they want (within reason) but I make them save half of whatever they earn.

My wife and I have had friction over money, but we recently started doing "finance dates" at the end of the month and that seems to help a lot with the communication level.

zinnie

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #9 on: November 03, 2014, 07:33:55 AM »
My dad always talked about it--he was pretty obsessed with saving and hated spending. Though I spent a lot of years growing up thinking he was cheap, it apparently impacted me a lot!

But I guess he followed standard etiquette too in that I never knew how much he made or how much money we had. It was more about the principles of what to do with the money that he talked about.

greenleaf

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2014, 07:52:08 AM »
Yes, my mother and I talk about money very explicitly.  I know their net worth and she knows ours as well as salaries (never actually asked my husband if he's ok with this, but he hasn't complained).  And I know my mother has been bugging my brother and SIL to open Roths for years (because she complains to me that they don't listen).  My parents are the millionaire next door type, though not the MMM type.  Dad retired ten or so years ago in his early 60s (mom wanted him to keep working even though they have plenty), mom still works a little to keep busy.  I think she thinks not working unhealthy or sinful, idle hands or something like that, or maybe it has to do with growing up poor and wanting to feel secure.  As a kid she didn't talk to me about money as much as she does as an adult, but that may be because we didn't get along so well until I was an adult.  I will probably be a little more open with my kids when they are a little younger.  I remember asking for expensive things as a child/teenager without completely understanding what things cost.

My inlaws are more typical.  Money is talked about less, and in a different way.  I know what kind of mortgage rates people have or how much some car or improvement to a house costs, but not how much they have or save.  My MIL and FIL are approaching retirement (at a normal age), and I suspect that they are doing just fine (they seem fairly conservative with money and from their occupations, I know they've always made a good amount).  Sibling-inlaws are (I suspect) walking a finer line.  They seem spendy, especially compared to my husband and I.

RFAAOATB

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2014, 08:07:01 AM »
While everyone talks somewhat about money, do any of you structure your money talks almost like a board meeting?  I'm imagining the patriarch or matriarch acting as CEO of LastName Inc. with everyone planning on increasing their holdings.  From what I heard this is sort of how the Kennedys operate and how they were able to secure their wealth for the next generation.

This plan would need very accepting children who would defer to familial leadership in order to work, which may be why we don't see it much in a country that values individuality as much as this one.

Nancy

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2014, 08:22:22 AM »
My dad taught me the rules of credit and credit reporting when I was ~12. He didn't go too deeply into investing with me, but he piqued my interest to the point where I took books out of the library and started a Roth IRA in high school. Thing was that he is/was terrible at managing his own money. We still talk about money, but he still does all the wrong things.


iwasjustwondering

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #13 on: November 03, 2014, 08:31:03 AM »
Yes, we do.  I'm a single mom and talk about it with my kids a lot.  I just checked my 401K balance, and my older son was in the room.  I got excited that my balance is just a hair under $200K, and he saw that. 

We also discuss it as an extended family.  At a family dinner last night, we were all talking about how much our houses were worth, what we'd bought them for, and how much they had appreciated/depreciated.  I think my boyfriend was a little shocked that we were so open, lol. 

mining_melancholy

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #14 on: November 03, 2014, 09:32:57 AM »
Sooooort of.

My father is a VERY money conscious person and my mother works in HR so she knows the importance of records and taxes. Together, they're actually a fairly reliable couple in terms of not getting in debt or spending more than they need. But, they also do not trust money. My father believes that money is only good if stored in physical, paper bills in an envelope in a vault somewhere, while my mother has no desire to think about long term money.

So, when we talk about money, we tend to be talking on different frequencies. However, we can all agree on the basics, so from time to time we discuss short term savings or spendings and their benefits.

rujancified

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #15 on: November 03, 2014, 09:45:52 AM »
Generalities, yes; specifics no. My family as well as my husband's.  We were both taught to save rather than spend and repair rather than replace. My parents didn't do any investing until my brother and I were in our teens (paying for college was very important to them) and didn't really provide all that much specific guidance there (other than: you should be investing in your IRA or 401k).

My parents could retire for sure right now (my Dad has shared order of magnitude-type numbers), but my Mom loves her work. My Dad wouldn't know what to do around the house without her, so he's hanging on for a couple of years. My in laws are in a similar solid situation, but also hanging on for a few more months.

minimustache1985

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #16 on: November 03, 2014, 09:51:44 AM »
As a kid I didn't know what my parents made, but I knew that when we moved for my dad's job that they used the proceeds from selling our old house to put 50% down on the new one instead of blowing it.  My dad cosigned a credit card for me when I was a freshman in high school so I could learn to use one and pay it off every month while I was still living with them.  I was taught to save my allowance when young, babysitting and part-time job money as I got older.  I'm very lucky they made it a priority to teach us financial basics, and I definitely feel like it put me at an advantage starting my adult life.

As an adult my mom and I talk finances loosely, I know a lot about hers because I'm the executor of her estate when that time comes, and she knows the basics of ours but not the nitty gritty.  H's parents know we do pretty well and are saving for retirement (not ER) but don't know much beyond that.  I know they worry about their retirement but are likely set and just being overly conservative which is fine if it makes them feel/sleep better to work a bit longer.

Sid Hoffman

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #17 on: November 03, 2014, 10:06:04 AM »
My family was pretty open about it since the general consensus is that we can all learn from each other, both in success and failure.  We've only gotten more open over the years as the desire to help each other through knowledge has increased.  I fully credit my parents with helping me to get off on the right foot from pretty much as soon as I was working and I had purchased, then paid off my first car before I was 20, and saved up the 20% needed for down payment on a house by 23.  Each decision was cumulative, so by taking small steps on a daily basis, I am in pretty decent shape, even though I lost quite a lot in my marriage and divorce.  If I hadn't had my act together from a young age I'm sure I would have gone bankrupt or be sitting on zero assets and boatloads of debt after my divorce instead of looking at FIRE in 7 to 13 years.

astvilla

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #18 on: November 03, 2014, 10:28:54 AM »
I'm Asian so yes money is always talked about, only with my parents though, (I'm only child). We talk about ways to invest and try to learn from each other, I mostly from my dad but definitely getting another perspective by keeping an open mind and coming to you guys! ;) I'm finding my parents are not always right and even though over 60 years old, doesn't mean you have more experience or wisdom and that I have to start thinking for myself what's right based off what I see, some of it from you guys. 

I tend to but am definitely now trying to talk less about money with friends or anyone outside of my parents unless they bring the topic up, I try to learn from others if they do mention it.

My parents never really taught me directly about managing money, or saving, but talked about stock market terms here and there which I didn't really get until now. Instead they argued a lot more about money so most of my habits came from observing them.  But after during/after college, we talked more about money and I would say that some of the money talk and arguing helped me be more frugal and more financially literate than many of my peers (though still a novice). As a kid, I wanted an N64 but after seeing some previous fights about money and some resistance from them about not buying one, I told them not to get one for me, I was around 10 y.o. I also asked my mom to stop paying for math lessons because it was $85/month and not because I didn't like it, but I saw my mom working hard for me and making so much sacrifice and told her to not spend so much on me, I was 9-10 years old at the time. It continues to this day where I tell them to not spend money on me, save it, I don't NEED it. Imagine your kid says I don't want candy or video games or computer games because it's too much money! that was the kind of kid I was at the time. Interestingly, some computer games I played, my tactics were pretty mustachian in middle school. Invest all in gathering resources, build, and don't spend money on units and research, advance quickly, and generate enough resource flow that I couldn't be stopped at the end. I liked having a lot of gold, wood, etc lol on hand.

Being more open about money with parents and talking about it, has allowed my parents to have enough money for retirement than going to private school, and I have no debt and make 60k part time while in grad school with about 40k in savings already. People have some weird rules about how much to save, I put about 95% of my take home to saving. I think money should definitely be talked about, especially because it's important and you make so many decisions everyday based on it. Talk about it and have a good attitude towards it, respect money, don't worship it or waste it.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2014, 07:58:36 PM by fewaopi »

Fonzico

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #19 on: November 03, 2014, 10:45:59 AM »
My parents made certain to give all us kids a good financial education growing up. We were encouraged to save, and they helped us open our own mutual funds when we were teenagers to learn about investing. They've always been very anti-debt (besides mortgages), paying cash for used vehicles, and very careful about credit cards. My dad did tell me how much he made when I was younger, but under a strong admonition not to share that information with anyone else. They know how much I make, and what good pension, and that they most certainly have decent retirement savings of their own.

I also know that my mother is a worry-wart, and will think that they don't have enough to retire on until long after they do. But she loves her job, and probably wouldn't want to retire early anyways.  My dad is already semi-retired - he quit his corporate job and now works seasonally as a landscaper for an apartment complex.


My in-laws complain about money all the time - does that count as talking about it? My MIL makes it sound like they're always on the verge of bankruptcy, and whines about how much of her money she gives to her children (not the one I'm married to!). They make a LOT of money, but they also blow through it like crazy. And my husbands siblings do indeed happily take continuous hand outs, but whose fault is that?


In my own little household, I like to talk about money, but the hubs is bored by it. He just wants to know how much he's allowed to spend, and that we're doing okay. I asked him the other day if he wanted to see our savings/investment account balances, and he said "Nah, I'd rather be pleasantly surprised later, like I was when you paid off my student loans ahead of schedule without telling me*"

*He was told.. he was not paying attention.

Goldielocks

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #20 on: November 03, 2014, 11:46:10 AM »
Knowing that my in-laws were early retired at 55 and 57, and that my FIL does a lot of financial research, I broached the subject one day when we had them over for dinner (and I was working extra hard to make a nice dinner possible at the time).

I had recently discovered MMM and I wanted to ask him about the 4% SWR rate and what he generally thought about it, maybe show the Shocking Simple Graph and ask his opinion on that too (in a neutral way, if the conversation was flowing well).  Mostly as a conversation piece for general discussion, like discussing world events.

Well, I was shut down hard and abruptly when I said I had come across the 4% SWR concept and asked him what he thought.  He let me know in no uncertain terms that prying into their financials was no business of mine.  All said over the appetizer course with a roast cooking and finishing up the veg. 

Yup, pretty clear that talking money is out of the question, with that side.

My side of the family -- I have no idea how much total assets they have, other than it is quite a lot, more than enough (therefore I don't worry when he keeps buying new trucks to replace the 4 yr old ones). My father does share a little on how it is structured, or where he invests his more aggressive top 25% of assets for best returns, especially when I ask, and I know that he put a substantial amount in my mother's own name, in (her choice) conservative income producing funds, so she will always have direct control over money, and decisions on what to spend, no matter what. 

No one knows total asset values or net worth of any of the families, however.

« Last Edit: November 03, 2014, 11:02:53 PM by goldielocks »

GardenFun

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #21 on: November 03, 2014, 12:07:30 PM »
While everyone talks somewhat about money, do any of you structure your money talks almost like a board meeting?  I'm imagining the patriarch or matriarch acting as CEO of LastName Inc. with everyone planning on increasing their holdings.  From what I heard this is sort of how the Kennedys operate and how they were able to secure their wealth for the next generation.

This plan would need very accepting children who would defer to familial leadership in order to work, which may be why we don't see it much in a country that values individuality as much as this one.

My immediate family is similar to this.  Main topics consist of growing the principal for future generations (college/trades, availability to help with any significant illnesses or disabilities) to using it as necessary for taking care of the current extended family.  I know my parents finances and help them with investments, so the conversations have always been very open and educational.  They also have a basic idea of our situation (DH is not comfortable with them knowing everything, and they respect that boundary). 

My DH's family never talked about finances in detail.  Fortunately they were debt-adverse and handed down that trait to their children.  The in-laws are part of the pension generation so they didn't have any significant knowledge about other retirement/investment options. 

Gerard

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #22 on: November 03, 2014, 12:33:51 PM »
I grew up poor, so our childhood conversations about money were often "Here's how much that costs. That's why we can't afford it. Here's what we can do instead." Which is actually surprisingly useful and even reassuring to a kid.

Now that I'm old, my mom still talks money with me quite a bit. I think because she's not comfortable discussing it with that many other people.

The big thing I learned from my family is to consider the money aspects of any decision I'm making. I'm amazed how many people don't do that.

[nb "poor" = "Canadian poor" (earning less than social workers say it takes to survive): food on the table, decent public school, health care, old car, uncool clothes, no restaurants]

AllieVaulter

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #23 on: November 03, 2014, 12:44:16 PM »
Kind of. 

Growing up my parents talked with us kids about saving money and why we didn't spend money on things like brand new cars and maids.  When I left for college my dad made a point to tell me to never carry a balance on my (brand new) credit card, as well as outlining exactly how much every college class costs so I would know how much money I'd waste if I slept through class. 

BUT we NEVER talked about income or investing.  To this day, I still don't know what my dad makes.  I do know that he enjoys investing money, but every time I've asked him about it, he's not given very detailed responses.  He doesn't ignore the question, but only gives the bare minimum of answer and quickly changes the topic. 

I talk to my parents about my money situation.  I've always been very open and willing to give exact numbers.  They usually give good feedback, but my mom at least is very suspicious of early retirement ("what about health insurance!"). 

My husband and I are very open with each other.  Even before Mustacianism, we discussed just about everything with our finances.  I plan on discussing money with our children.  I feel like my parents gave me a good foundation, but I really wished we could have had the discussion of what to do with my money once I'd saved it. 

minimustache1985

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #24 on: November 03, 2014, 12:48:28 PM »
In my own little household, I like to talk about money, but the hubs is bored by it. He just wants to know how much he's allowed to spend, and that we're doing okay. I asked him the other day if he wanted to see our savings/investment account balances, and he said "Nah, I'd rather be pleasantly surprised later, like I was when you paid off my student loans ahead of schedule without telling me*"

*He was told.. he was not paying attention.

HAHAHA!  My H is the same way.  When I end up saying "I told you about X" his response isn't that I didn't but rather "Was I listening?".  At least they don't seem to have a problem with it provided the "surprises" are pleasant ones :)

pdxbator

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #25 on: November 03, 2014, 01:35:38 PM »
I WISH my family had talked finances with me. It was never discussed. I didn't know how much a house cost, how much food cost, how much utilities cost. I think these are all great things to introduce to teenagers in a non-scary way. Make sure not to make them feel insecure but it is a good education on how to run a household. Instead I didn't know a thing. I went off to a private four year university, fully paid for by my parents, and then graduation happened and I was expected to make it on my own. Just some basic financial sense would have done wonders for me.

It all wound up working out fine as I'm 41, have a paid off house, and an excellent retirement future.

Still though there are a lot of things that my dad has setup for me and my siblings that I don't fully understand and having it all spelled out would be so helpful. My dad wound up making quite a bit of money in business, and has all sorts of special things (trusts, large life insurance policies, LLC) that will allow wealth to be transferred on to the next generation with fewer tax issues. But it is all confusing and really needs to be discussed. When I do try to bring it up it seems like he is taken aback that I am thinking of inheritance before it is time, but it is all a black box.

I know that part of this is generational. Finances just were not ever discussed among their friends. I don't think he and my mom much discuss it either, whereas my husband and I very openly address our finances and our future.

Another issue with this is his family. He has 3 siblings each had a trust and each handled it in very different ways. Two have done practically nothing with their lives and now in their 60s have nearly nothing left. My dad worked hard and made a lot of money. His other sibling invested wisely and did fine. He doesn't like talking money because it opens him up to being the one that the two siblings with nothing left will go to for their retirement.

TN_Steve

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #26 on: November 03, 2014, 05:05:30 PM »
Like many of the older posters above, can't really answer yes or no, as it depends on definition of "family."  My folks never discussed money with us and my mom really doesn't do so now.  DW's folks discussed minimally with kids growing up, but more so after their early retirement and subsequently with helping fund grandkids' education and wealth transfer issues/planning.

We, otoh, probably went to the other extreme with our kids in their preteen years until now, in their twenties.  Explained compound interest on savings and credit scores to them in HS (at the latest), and got them credit cards at 16 when they started driving; matched their Roths in college years after going through the benefits of that route.  Continuing to discuss now as they are in their first earning years, including referrals to this site, bogleheads, and others (and frequent forwarding of article links from web and WSJ).

Finally, although they don't know precisely what our net worth is, nor precisely what we make a year, they have a pretty good idea--and they each have copies of all of our estate planning documents, etc., as we've put them down as co-executors and healthcare PoAs.  (We've also discussed/informed that if we get social security, it will likely go right into education funds for their kids, since they'll be the ones paying us that pension!)

StartingEarly

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #27 on: November 03, 2014, 06:37:53 PM »
So money bed time stories before the age of 8 by my father weren't so weird?  Ok, maybe a little

rmendpara

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #28 on: November 03, 2014, 06:45:31 PM »
My dad has ALWAYS talked to us about money. I still talk to him all the time about my plans. I don't know if he really believes I can pull of the early retirement thing at 50 (he will be retiring early at 62 or so, after making WAY more money than I ever will and working WAY crazier hours than I would ever do), but he approves of all my planning and the steps that I'm taking. He was always very clear on the importance of saving, of not carrying credit card debt (financing cars at a reasonable rate was acceptable, though), of carefully considering large purchases. I think it had a huge impact on me and gave me a leg up on personal finance that a lot of people don't have.

My mom is more about "saving" money...by which I mean, she'll go to Ocean State Job Lot and buy junk she doesn't need for really cheap, or buy clothing on clearance "It was only $3!" "I saved $57 and I only spend $35!" Which mostly taught me that sometimes it's better to spend money and get quality things rather than cheap junk that breaks three days later. When I was a kid I used to joke that she'd buy cat food if it was on sale (she hates cats). I did learn some frugality tricks from her, but I also picked up a bad habit of buying things I wanted (but didn't really need) because they were BOGO or 30% off. I've gotten a lot better about that now.

The part about your mom made me LOL. Reminds me a lot of my own mom. Sweet lady, but a little nutty when it comes to couponing and buying things on sale at the expense of quality. She's chilled out now that my siblings and I are grown and make our own money.

mozar

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #29 on: November 03, 2014, 07:12:16 PM »
My parents never talked to me about money. Recently my mom inherited 250k and I've been gently giving her advice on what to do with it. My dad has come to me for advice over the years, but never listened. His house goes into foreclosure this month. Oh well.

pachnik

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Re: Does your family talk about money?
« Reply #30 on: November 03, 2014, 07:18:35 PM »
My parents and I talk about money when something comes up.  When they made their wills,we talked about it a little.  Usually, we just talk about day to day money stuff like trying to keep expenses low.  So I guess my answer is 'yes' and 'no'.  When I sold my apartment, they highly recommended their financial planner to me.  If i'd been following their advice since I started working I would be further ahead than I am.