Here's a unique question: Do you have what is known as "Bitchy" or "Asshole" Resting Face? If so, how do you deal with it, or how have you resolved it?
To define it, Bitchy (for women) and Asshole (for men) Resting Face is the description of what a person may look like when they relax their facial muscles into a neutral position. On their part it doesn't indicate any emotion or condition, it's just what their face looks like when relaxed, but people commonly interpret it as indication of intense emotion or a facet of the person's personality, and it makes the bearer's life a little harder to get along in since people are constantly misinterpreting them, which can alienate potential friends and lovers, and, in the case of this forum's financial focus, cost financial opportunities such as by failing job interviews.
I happen to have such a condition, and it's probably why I've remained so poor and lost so many jobs, and had a hard time gaining friends. If it's possible to resolve it I would like to undertake that self-improvement task, but I think it's a little more complicated than simply doing facial exercises.
However, to delve into its complexities I think this condition is best referred to as the gender neutral "Intense Resting Face," because while the popular conception may be of people interpreting it as anger or a hostile personality, I noticed a lot of people interpret it subjectively. In my case, the interpretations have varied from:
1.) Sexual Interest
Some people, both straight women and gay men, interpret my Intense Resting Face as indication that I'm sexually interested in them. It's caused some problems such as female bosses getting upset and trying to fire me because they thought I was flirting with them and eventually leading them on since I didn't reciprocate their interest, and of getting sexually harassed by gay men. Some men have followed me to my shower stall in the gym and tried peeking under the curtain as if they wanted to get in with me, and I think one guy was openly masturbating to me from his own stall. These days I throw my towel over the rail. Ugh.
It's tougher to be friends with women since they tend to take things the wrong way.
2.) Depression
Other people seem to think it's indication that I'm bearing some kind of emotional grief, as seen by the people who are repetitively asking "Are you okay?" It's a kind thought once or twice, but it can grate on the nerves when everyone is asking you that, or one person is asking you that non-stop. Eventually you do get upset when people ask you it so often.
3.) Hostile Personality
This one is probably the worst, as it's unfortunate that many people will make the illogical leap to think that they're able to judge your personality from your mere physical appearance. I think I have gotten fired from several jobs because of that. I had several bosses who would get visibly rattled when I looked at them, even if I was just doing something innocuous like looking at the clock or glancing quickly around the corner, and a few even get full-blown hysterical, such as one boss who would literally freak out and hit things when I looked at him. (No staring; just a split-second glance.)
I can tell it's my physical appearance that's the factor since there's no verbal provocation or inappropriate actions/behavior going on, and it's not like I'm staring at them. One glance at my boss while he was exiting the room got him to walk backwards, slowly turn around, and then slouch over forward to glare at me for several seconds. Obviously he mistakenly thought I was glaring at him, when I was in reality just quickly checking to see who was entering/leaving the room.
As to the firings: The above boss fired me in a little less than a week even though I wasn't doing anything wrong in comparison to the other staff (selectively punished), and one boss passive-aggressively fired me by cutting me out of the schedule without explanation even though I was a cornerstone employee. I got fired from my last job for a microscopic mistake despite having an excellent record and the bosses having tolerated very bad behavior from others (such as one frequently skipping shifts, or another doing actual violence). Perhaps the boss thought I was really angry and hostile during the mistake when I wasn't, and was therefore riled to take excessive action.
Aside from making it hard to keep jobs sometimes, my appearance is probably also why it's so hard for me to get jobs. I fail tons of interviews. Some interviewers get visibly upset, such as by staring at their papers intensely to avoid eye contact at all costs, flinching, or literally shivering with emotion.
It's also annoying in public. Some people will trace my movements while I walk or outright stare, such as one guy I passed by at the library who was so flabbergasted that he turned around while we walked past each other and called after me, "What?" Panhandlers notice I stick out from the crowd and approach me too, if I'm in that kind of area.
Since I'm very introverted I don't like sticking out from the crowd this much.
4.) Nothing
I can't say what fraction of people interpret it this way, but there is a good amount of people who simply don't see the "off" appearance and WILL treat you according to the substance of your personality and character. These people I like and get along with the best.
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The other factor that makes this condition other than the multitude of ways people will subjectively interpret you is that it's not so simple as casting a smile to remedy it. People with this condition also do something called "Fake Smiling," which is when they'll try to sincerely smile, but due to the physical construction of their face it won't look "real."
For instance, in my case, when I try to smile I want it to look like this --> :-)
But it looks more like this --> :-]
My lips just don't curve upward very well, so to my annoyance people are still asking me "Are you okay?" or showing fear towards me even when I DO smile . . . though some people have told me I do have a nice smile, so the subjective element is still at play.
I don't particularly like smiling either since my face feels as if I have to push against some minor resistance to make it come out.
I recall doing facial exercises for several weeks, but I don't remember if it actually alleviated the condition or made my social relations any smoother.
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The two major questions I have are:
1.) What do you think causes this condition? Is it truly just the way we're born, or can our regular facial expressions influence the shape or our resting face? Perhaps the emotions we *consistently* feel determines are default face? Intensely miserable people, after all, do seem to have a notably accelerated aging look, a distinct appearance of stress having eroded them.
2.) What do you think are the various factors are that need to be considered in solving it? Simple facial exercises? Dietary fix? Something else (other than plastic surgery)?
I'm not sure why, but in my own past I have noticed that the content of my diet will affect my personality. If I eat, sleep and exercise really well I'm very ambiverted, but if I fall off track then I tend to be reclusively introverted. On the ambiverted side it's not only possible for me to be very sociable, but also to express my emotions in my face sincerely. That is, when I smile, I WANT to smile and it comes out naturally, rather than my trying to do a physical motion simply to remedy my Intense Resting Face.
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What say you?