Author Topic: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?  (Read 19643 times)

Bearded Man

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Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« on: February 14, 2016, 09:29:21 AM »
I own a few rentals now in a HCOLA. My dad knows about most of them, except the one I bought recently. I'm wondering if I should keep revealing. He doesn't know the numbers or values, but the more I buy the more obvious that I have a lot of money. After I bought my second house there was some attempt to try to get lifetime financial assistance from me but I didn't entertain it. Still, I want my dad to be proud and see my accomplishments, but not be a target for permanent financial welfare.

I had to stand on my own two feet since 18 while my friends got hand out after handout and are still getting handouts because they still can't make it. I don't feel I need to be a target just because I made it while others get handouts for being failures.

GrowingTheGreen

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2016, 09:52:00 AM »
It depends on who. My parents and siblings? Yes. Anyone else? I stay pretty general. If they started hitting me up for money, I'd probably stop immediately.

little_brown_dog

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2016, 10:13:52 AM »
We tell our families and close friends in a vague way, and only really when the opportunity naturally presents itself. So if we are talking about college, we'll mention we are saving already for our baby who was just born a few months ago. When discussing retirement, we might offer that we try to put a lot in our employer 401k and IRA. When we paid off my student loans we happily mentioned it. From each individual conversation one probably would have no clue about our financial situation...but if you add up all the conversations, it becomes clear that we are doing quite well. Properties are tough because they are tangible evidence of wealth. We only own a small house and two used cars, so no one can tell exactly what our finances look like.

startingsmall

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2016, 10:27:51 AM »
My brother & I had a chat about a year ago, in which I discovered that he also follows the MMM blog/boards. He's the only one that I really share with... We send each other text messages and screenshots of our net worth spreadsheets during exciting times, because neither of us has an SO who is really into it enough to appreciate that stuff. My parents know I'm doing well, but they're doing far better off so no worries there.

mandy_2002

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2016, 10:39:40 AM »
I had to stand on my own two feet since 18 while my friends got hand out after handout and are still getting handouts because they still can't make it. I don't feel I need to be a target just because I made it while others get handouts for being failures.

I totally relate to this. My parents basically said "have a good life" before I graduated high school. My dad owns his business and sets his salary. When I came home for Christmas after working 1.5 years and told him about my first promotion, he told me I was making more than him. I stopped telling him what I made after that.

My mother stole my identity and would probably still try to ride my gravy train if I let her, so I haven't told her one thing about my finances since college when I told her the Cc's she was using were closed (which shocked her; she still doesn't think she did anything wrong).

I'll tell them I'm leaving my job to join the Peace Corps the week before I leave. They may have questions at that point, but they won't get specifics out of me.

Cassie

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2016, 10:56:03 AM »
I wouldn't tell your Dad since he was trying to get $. He just doesn't need to know.

rockstache

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2016, 11:21:52 AM »
I tell my mom vague things like if I got a promotion but not a specific dollar value. I don't tell anyone else a single thing.

obstinate

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2016, 11:24:44 AM »
My parents know but no one else. Definitely not siblings.

RedmondStash

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2016, 01:05:59 PM »
I wouldn't tell your Dad since he was trying to get $. He just doesn't need to know.

This.

It's hard when you want a family member to play a role (proud papa), but in reality, they're going to play a different role (moocher); no offense to your dad. You can't help but want them to be someone else, at least around this stuff. I don't think you ever stop wanting your parents to be proud of you, or wanting to show off and be praised for solid accomplishments.

It may sound weird, but you could try this: either write down or imagine in your head the way you'd want the conversation to go, with dad playing proud papa to perfection. That may be the closest you can come to the way you'd like it to be, without actually risking the disappointment of the mooching response you expect.

Good luck.

icemodeled

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2016, 01:11:44 PM »
We reveal some, not all and only to certain close family. We had 10 rentals (sold a few) and siblings/close family automatically assumed we were 'rich' and made it known they felt that way. Though we do well, we are hardly rich and what we have is from being ambitious and frugal. We try to make ourselves sound as if we are not financialy well so nobody feels they can ask for money or even expect it from us. Not saying they would, but this way it eliminates that option. We are fairly private people but I would say my parents know the most details about our finances.

Zikoris

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2016, 03:13:18 PM »
If people ask, I'm very open about everything - what we spend, what we save, what we invest in. I try not to bring it up with certain people, not because I think there will be repercussions, but because I don't want them to feel bad about being a lot older than me with way less money. Most of my family are aware of my blog, where I post very detailed financial information, so it's definitely out there for anyone who wants to poke around at it.

My boyfriend's family is a bit odd in this regard - we tell them even more than my family, but they seem to just not believe it. Despite being told numerous times our salaries, that we save 60%+ of our income (and have for years), have no debt, pay X for rent, Y for food, Z for bills, etc, any time we do something "weird" (downsizing apartments, etc) they ask if we're broke or having financial problems. It's odd.

lhamo

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2016, 06:56:50 PM »
Our family on both sides know that we didn't have to worry about money when I quit my job last year, and still don't have to worry about money (at least in the short term) now that DH has quit his, and that once we sell our apartment we are basically FI.  We haven't really gone into specific details, though.

stlbrah

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2016, 09:22:51 PM »
They don't really want to hear about it. They're logic is basically "I have always done things this way, and it is working out for me, so why should I change?"

Widget

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2016, 10:04:36 PM »
I don't get specific, as a few other posters have mentioned.  Not that my family has ever been looking for handouts, more as a matter of "tact"...I am one of those people raised to feel awkward talking about finances, I've since gotten over it and don't think it's tactless at all to discuss money (or I wouldn't be here :-D), but my family still does so I just act accordingly around them.  I'm quite sure I make more than my mom has ever made, and more than my sister and her husband combined.  I know they wouldn't hold it against me, but I guess there is some underlying sense of guilt there.  I don't think anyone in my family has a clue what I make.  It's a little sad now that I'm typing it out...I've pretty much hidden every promotion and job accomplishment from them.  All self-imposed I guess.

Parizade

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #14 on: February 15, 2016, 06:20:02 AM »
Our family on both sides know that we didn't have to worry about money when I quit my job last year, and still don't have to worry about money (at least in the short term) now that DH has quit his, and that once we sell our apartment we are basically FI.  We haven't really gone into specific details, though.

This sums up my situation too. It's obvious to anyone who knows me that I don't have to worry about money (except my more spendthrift friends who shake their heads sadly when I don't join them in a "spree" and assume I'm impoverished LOL). I don't try to hide that, but I'm not advertising details either.

MayDay

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #15 on: February 15, 2016, 06:24:43 AM »
We're pretty open with those relatives who are doing comparably well, which is everyone except FIL and SIL.

With FIL, were vague because he doesn't have a ton and we don't want him to feel bad.

With SIL, its a little of the not feeling bad, a little trying to relate, and a lot of not becoming a target for a handout.

rulesofacquisition

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #16 on: February 15, 2016, 01:25:48 PM »
This subject seems to come up over and over again on MMM. My mother and best friend, they know my finances, and are pretty mustachian. My husband's side of the family, no way in hell. Despite the fact that he was recently left with a $189 net check a week after child support (not late, just the 2 kids are 2 different cases so they don't take each other into consideration, no, we can't do anything about it) his family keeps asking for money for dental work, cars, car insurance or to title and insure cars because their license is revoked, a new roof, other home repairs, etc. But if you try to help with a budget the cable TV is a necessity. We should be out of debt completely including the mortgage in 6 1/2 years, and I will still be driving my rusty farm truck and telling them how broke I am.

ReadySetMillionaire

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #17 on: February 15, 2016, 02:09:55 PM »
I graduated law school and clerked at a law firm for three months on a $2,000 (total) stipend.  In other words, I was making $666/month and was barely scraping by.

The firm then offered me a full time position. It's the best firm in town and I was absolutely ecstatic. Told my twin brother, happy for me. Told my dad, happy for me. Told my girlfriend, happy for me.

When I told my mom (who is bad with money), she congratulated me but almost immediately asked how much I was going to make. I said "enough." She kept pressing and I was blown away that she was so worried about this number instead of being happy for me. She then had all these conversations with family members about how this was like raising me my whole life and then "not letting her see the scoreboard."

Honestly, I'm still pissed off about this more than a year later. I basically won't be sharing any sort of details regarding a promotion or anything with her (unless I'm named partner).

Not surprisingly, my older brother, who I've posted about before and who is even worse with money than my mom, always has similar comments. I tried to help him with his budget and he turned it around with "you don't understand because you make [insert number he and my mom completely guessed]."

Also, when I told him that I bought an engagement ring for my girlfriend, he wouldn't shut up with his questions. "How many karats?" Told him "enough to make her happy." "How much did you pay for it?" Told him "enough that she'd be happy with it but not mad at me for spending too much." "Man that's nice, bet you paid $4-5 grand for that."

So tiring. I basically don't tell them anything. Ever. And don't intend to change that.

So I agree with others: you can only really share with people who are of like mindsets or otherwise in similar financial conditions.

« Last Edit: February 15, 2016, 02:12:55 PM by ReadySetMillionaire »

arebelspy

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #18 on: February 15, 2016, 02:17:48 PM »
Yes.  We're very open about finances. 

And pretty much everything else society considers "taboo" to discuss.

We find it much more enjoyable to live that way, personally.

Do what makes life best for you.  :)
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and are now settled with two kids.
If you want to know more about us, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out our Now page to see what we're up to currently.

Nickels Dimes Quarters

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #19 on: February 15, 2016, 02:34:28 PM »
Not really. My mom knows I'm working hard to invest and build wealth. She and I have have some of the same investment interests, so we talk about that quite a bit and I learn a lot from her.

But anyone else? No, I don't tell them anything. With several relatives, if they knew they would either (a) ask for a "loan" or (b) propose a business deal where I'd be the only one putting up funds. No thank you.

I live in a small house, blue-collar neighborhood and still live like I did during grad school. I act as if my money situation hasn't changed, so on the outside, no one's going to hit me up for money because I don't look like I have any. The entire family knows I work for the government and of course as the reputation goes, we don't earn much. As MMMs know, it's not what you earn, it's what you keep.

NDQ

boarder42

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #20 on: February 15, 2016, 02:42:31 PM »
i'm open about everything in my life ... probably to a fault.   but i dont really care.  its who i am and how i relay information.

dandarc

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #21 on: February 15, 2016, 02:52:41 PM »
I talk in fairly great detail with my Dad, because he seems interested and I trust him.  I would do same with Mom, but she doesn't seem as interested in the topic.  The in-laws get no details from me, for a variety of reasons.

One person I tell nothing to any more is my drug-addict sister - even if she asks directly she doesn't get anything more than a "we do OK" answer from me.

With friends and most of my extended family, I generally try not to bring finances up, but will discuss details if it has come up and seems appropriate.

Then I post way too many details of many aspects of my life to a bunch of strangers on the internet, so not being consistent at all ;)

Axecleaver

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #22 on: February 15, 2016, 03:00:51 PM »
Absolutely not, it would destroy our relationships with our extended family. Mrs Axe and I both have parents living near the edge of financial ruin. Mrs Axe's family is harder to justify because they made such poor choices. But if any of them knew what we actually make, we'd get 10x the asks, and it's hard enough to say no as it is.

The only person I've let into my circle a bit is my best friend from childhood, whom I've known since we were 5. He recently divorced, remarried a woman 15 years younger, and plans to start family 2.0 with her. He's happy, but he will never get to retire. He will be in his 70s when his new kids graduate from college. Part of this journey was making sure he was going into it with his eyes wide open about his path... and I shared a bit of mine with him.

Like the other posters said, I think it's best to fly under the radar, keep your mouth shut and let other people make assumptions about what you're worth.

WSUCoug1994

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #23 on: February 15, 2016, 03:16:18 PM »
My old man and I swap stories.  He is more of a "Millionaire Next Door" kind of guy.  He did very well with his money and we often talk about different investments and I often go to him for advice.  Like someone else said no one else in my family has shown interest - outside of a few people who got pretty upside down in debt.  Only my Dad really knows what kind of numbers we are dealing with.

Funny story - I am recently married and as a part of that process I had to "disclose" my financial standing for the pre-nup.  Word spread within my wife's family and they always want to talk to me about their finances and asking for guidance.  That can get pretty awkward.

dandarc

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #24 on: February 15, 2016, 03:20:45 PM »
Funny story - I am recently married and as a part of that process I had to "disclose" my financial standing for the pre-nup.  Word spread within my wife's family and they always want to talk to me about their finances and asking for guidance.  That can get pretty awkward.

At least they're asking for guidance and not a handout - means they likely want to do better.

thedayisbrave

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #25 on: February 15, 2016, 03:24:00 PM »
My mom knows everything financial about me.  I'm really where I am right now because of her, so no need to hide anything.  She helped me paint and fix up my last rental.  She's actually one of my business partners and we get along great in the business sense.  As mother/daughter, it's terrible, but I've come to terms with it.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be hesitant to reveal any more.  Like the previous poster mentioned... it's one thing if he's asking for guidance, but quite another if he asks you straight up for money...

PhysicianOnFIRE

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #26 on: February 15, 2016, 03:31:41 PM »
Parents, yes.  Otherwise, no.

Cassie

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #27 on: February 15, 2016, 03:40:57 PM »
What we found is that some people are happy for you and some are jealous. WE did not retire early by MM standards at ages 53 and 58 but a few of our friends were very jealous of our pensions even though we made it clear for years that was why we stayed at our jobs.  During those years they would say "You should be self-employed like we are"- "We are so happy with our work & never want to retire."  Fast forward 20 years later and they will never retire even at age 70 now. Now they want to of course. One couple left me a long message at work telling me not to retire and that selling our big house and paying cash for a small one was a big mistake.  It was key to our plan and something we always planned to do.  Then they inherited $ and couldn't sell their old house (underwater) but they put a down payment on a huge fancy home.   Why do 2 old people need 2700sq ft?  Anyways we lost 2 friendships that were long term with 2 different couples but I got so sick of hearing what we were doing wrong and finally dumped them.  It waws really bizarre and I was shocked.  Most of our friends were happy for us.

iamlindoro

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #28 on: February 15, 2016, 03:44:28 PM »
We share our FIRE plans and our progress with family and friends (and, without names attached, to the entire world on the blog).  There are a few family members with whom we don't discuss specific dollar amounts, because we have passing concerns about how they might try to exploit that info.  Otherwise, we're basically an open book.

Villanelle

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #29 on: February 15, 2016, 03:52:19 PM »
Not really,  I don't see why they need to (or would even want to) know the details. I have mentioned a few semi-specifics to my parents, and since they loaned us the money to pay off our bank mortgage (we pay them interest and have an official lien), they are privy to how much we owe on our house and the terms of the loan of course.  They are fairly mustachian, and I know it is relief to them that they don't need to worry about my financial situation.  That's the main reason I've shared as much as I have (mostly details about how much we've paid off on our HELOC in the last 2 years, the balance of which was from when we paid of the mortgage and did the family re-fi.)  I wanted them to know DH and I are more than okay, and that they don't need to worry about us, and that they should spend whatever they want of what they have (though they just aren't wired that way) rather than trying to save it to create a larger inheritance, because I don't need that (and neither does my sibling).  They have friends who kids are always broke or living right on the edge, and they see how much stress that creates, and I know they are grateful not to have that worry.

I haven't really shared details with anyone else.

It's not really secrecy so much as it is something that I can't understand why I'd share, unless the subject came up and specifics were called for.  I also don't share how often I take a shit or what I buy at the grocery store or many other things, simply because it seems odd.  Why would my friends care how much I have in the bank?  I've mentioned that DH and I are hoping to retire early.  No one asked for details, so I left it at that.  If they did ask, I'd provide some generalities and if the conversation continued, I might get more specific as needed. 

With the other side of the family, the lack of details might also have something to do with concerns over hands-out.  In those cases, even if they did ask and if the details did seem relevant to the conversation, I would try to avoid disclosing specifics. 


maco

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #30 on: February 15, 2016, 06:07:08 PM »
My dad, yes. He's always been the one good with money, and he's retiring soon (not MMM-early, but still earlier than social security kicks in). My mom...she's a spendypants and very into keeping up with the Joneses, in her country club neighborhood.

So when I tell dad I'm going to get rid of my brand new car and go to a beater or a bike, he says "great plan!" When I tell mom, she first worries I'm having money problems, then says how I earned that car, and I make good money, so I can't get rid of it. Mom's not going to hear things like that anymore.

Dad knows how much we're putting away for retirement (this year we'll max one of the 401ks, and we're paying tuition out of pocket while overpaying the mortgage to ditch PMI), and quickly went "hang on, you're setting yourself up to retire early!" Told him "yep, around age 40." Mom has only heard that stuff because I needed to reassure her after she thought I ran out of money because the joint account she and I had from when I was in college was empty. "No, mom, it's just that I'm married now, and so my husband and I are sharing a bank account at a different bank."

We both try to hint to our younger siblings about the importance of saving for retirement. My husband's parents know the early retirement goal, but none of our siblings do, though I've mentioned MMM on Facebook before. Mom knows my salary, because she's a worry-wart and this is a way to keep her calm. Dad doesn't, just trusts that he taught me well enough when I was helping him keep the books for one of his businesses.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2016, 06:15:52 PM by maco »

tj

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #31 on: February 15, 2016, 06:34:55 PM »
its awkward because I work for my dad, I kept him in the loop the few times when I wanted to spend big money on travel ,showing that I could easily afford it.

They definitely spend more than I do though...they're always encouraging me to spend more. I'm not sure they know what I have now, but they know that I liquidated my real estate and they know what they are paying me in salary.

My sister doesn't know my specifics, but again, she knows I liquidated real estate. My sister usually comss to me with questions and I redirect her to some of the lady financial bloggers..I worry that she is focusing too much on saving because she literally lives the apartment less than I do.


JustTrying

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #32 on: February 15, 2016, 06:56:22 PM »
I'd be completely honest with my family (parents, grandparent, siblings) if they asked, because they would NEVER ask me for money, and if they did, I would never say "yes." I'd love to talk to them about it because I think it could actually help them to make some better money decisions. I would NEVER talk about it with my in-laws because they are not only financial disasters, but they also wouldn't hesitate to ask hubs for money if they truly understood how much extra money we have.

BrickByBrick

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #33 on: February 15, 2016, 07:41:21 PM »
I talk with my parents openly about finances (including hard numbers), especially my dad, as we see eye to eye on most things and have a "agree to disagree" stance on anything we don't.  My dad taught me how to do my taxes by hand after all.  Likewise with my brother, we share our finances for the sake of exchanging information so we both can learn (mortgages/real estate/business/taxes/investing/etc.).

I talk openly about finances with my friends as well, but just in concepts not hard numbers.

My girlfriend and I share a lot of financial information, though not yet on the scale as I do with my family.  Fortunately she's fairly frugal by default (and necessity).  Her family, on the other hand, I expect I will never share that type of information with.

ender

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #34 on: February 15, 2016, 07:44:11 PM »
My parents and inlaws know we save a lot. They don't know our exact numbers (heck even I don't most of the time!). But the amount of conversations I have had with them regarding retirement types of funds, investments, and overall management means they are both very aware I am VERY financially literate.

Both parents are in financial situations where they will be fine in retirement, unless they completely implode. Which is a wonderful thing to think about and a huge blessing compared to a lot of other folks.

It's our siblings that are the "problems" so to speak. Most of them have much worse attitudes or at least actions with respect to money than we do. While it matters less now when we are young, over the next few decades our difference in attitude will almost assuredly change our respective net worths. I don't know how those relationships would be affected if they knew our net worth (especially in the future...), but I am not too eager to find out.

EcoCanuck

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #35 on: February 15, 2016, 10:51:13 PM »
Growing up I was well aware that we were tight on money so discussions with my parents on money was kept to a minimum for most of my life. Once I had my first job I was responsible for all of my purchases other than rent/food until I finished whatever schooling I wanted to do.

This changed after I got married. The situation was exactly the opposite, my wife's parents had very stable careers, did the legwork to get all of the increments and max out all pensions, etc. In her family they talked openly about money to a fault. I married in to this and as a result I had/have very probing questions related to finances (even when we were dating it was not taboo at all). This has somewhat carried over to my family where I am now more comfortable talking to them about finances. It's been eye opening. There will be some challenges for them going in to the retirement years.

My siblings and I are thankfully all doing well so no money issues have come up.

In general though with friends and coworkers I keep things light. Talk about goals and trying to maximize savings and that I'm debt adverse. I don't have all that much to brag about yet but I'm working on it and compared to many people I know I'm in a much better position (no debt, high savings rate, enjoying life).

EcoCanuck

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #36 on: February 16, 2016, 01:03:00 AM »
Yes, though not specifics about amounts.  I will be FI in my mid-40s, which kind of blows their minds a bit.

faramund

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #37 on: February 16, 2016, 02:41:35 AM »
Yes, though not specifics about amounts.  I will be FI in my mid-40s, which kind of blows their minds a bit.
All my DW's and my parents have passed away except her father. He spent Christmas with us, and at one point he asked, "what were you doing today", and I said, "each fortnight, I work out our budget and how are finances are", he said he'd never paid much attention to such things and so I told him about the Millionaire next door book, and said "don't you know that millionaires spend several hours looking at finances, in comparison to non-millionaires who only average a few minutes at most each week", which led to him saying "oh.. so you want to be a millionaire", which led to me not really saying anything, if you add together my superfunds, saving and other assets (most of which I can't access yet), my DW and I already are, but that seemed a very uncomfortable thing to say.

Saving and building investments is just so foreign to so many people.

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #38 on: February 16, 2016, 02:58:42 PM »
My family is pretty non-materialistic and wouldn't come after me for spare cash unless they were totally f'd, in which case I would be offering help anyway. So I trust them with details, but I don't share much because 2/3 of my immediate family are in perpetually dire straits and it seems crass to talk about how great we're doing. Occasionally I'll make DINK jokes while offering to pay more than my exact proportionate share of something, like a shared gift, but that's about it.

I do share general things - that I'm building a substantial investment portfolio, that I'm really excited about it, enjoying myself, and that it will enable us to spend more time near most of them, and possibly buy property in the area.

neo von retorch

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #39 on: February 16, 2016, 03:04:38 PM »
I had a conversation with a friend from college the other day. We've always been relatively open about finances. Now I'm house shopping, and she was surprised at the prices of the homes I was looking at. (OK, so maybe contrary to what you're thinking, I'm looking at more expensive homes than she expected.) Her husband and her, combined, make pretty much what my wife and I make. But when I told her how much I was adding to my savings each month, and that this would only decrease our budget a few hundred from renting, she was blown away. We're saving about ten times as much as she guessed! It was just such a surprise to her that you could make this income, and not spend most of it. I explained my budget, and she came around to that, but she's a parent, and I am not, so the parting thought was that kids will change all that. I can't really say - I won't try to predict the future. But I know I'll make careful, educated choices when it comes to that!

justjenn

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #40 on: February 16, 2016, 06:10:02 PM »
Iʻll tell people that Iʻm trying to pay off debt, but I donʻt really talk specifics. Once I talk about debt, people tend to assume the worst and generally leave me alone about money.
Iʻm still in the early stages of my FIRE journey, but Iʻve learned from my travel hacking experience to be very careful about who you tell about your accomplishments, especially if theyʻre out of the box. I started a few years ago, and have been going on 2-3 international trips a year ever since. At first I was telling everyone who would listen about all of my upcoming trips, but a handful of snarky comments later, I only tell a few. People used it as an opening to tell me how stupid, sleazy, wasteful, etc I am. I was working as an assistant at a law firm at the time (for only $24k net) and my dad responded to my excitement over my upcoming trips with "well, I guess theyʻre paying secretaries a lot these days".
If youʻre doing something cool/awesome/extraordinary that other people think is impossible, they tend to think you had it handed to you somehow. Somehow you donʻt deserve this, so they have a right to bring you down about it. People just see my vacation pics on instagram, not the hours spent researching, planning, and strategizing to make them happen. Or the turned down happy hour invitations, the beater I drive around, or the fact that all of my jeans are over 5 years old.

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #41 on: February 17, 2016, 05:29:20 AM »

Iʻm still in the early stages of my FIRE journey, but Iʻve learned from my travel hacking experience to be very careful about who you tell about your accomplishments, especially if theyʻre out of the box. I started a few years ago, and have been going on 2-3 international trips a year ever since. At first I was telling everyone who would listen about all of my upcoming trips, but a handful of snarky comments later, I only tell a few. People used it as an opening to tell me how stupid, sleazy, wasteful, etc I am. I was working as an assistant at a law firm at the time (for only $24k net) and my dad responded to my excitement over my upcoming trips with "well, I guess theyʻre paying secretaries a lot these days".


Wow, so rude of them, who needs enemies.

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #42 on: February 17, 2016, 06:37:32 AM »
tl;dr - it depends

With people in the MMM world i try to be very transparent, otherwise, I am typically pretty vague. I tell a good friend of mine i'm going to retire before i'm 50 and he simply asks if i'm on track, i say yes, he says awesome, and that is the end of that. he was always super frugal growing up to the point where we would always give him a hard time about it. he is, and will continue to be, fine financially. maybe not retiring early, but certainly not in any trouble.

I give more specifics to another friend of mine, but usually only if discussions turns to finances. i typically reveal how much i'm spending, saving, and putting towards debt reduction. he is the same as the friend above, but probably a bit more spendy. I share more detail with him because he is competitive and i know if i do he will subconsciously want to do better with their spending.

I try to avoid revealing my savings to my sister, but i do reveal my spending. she is in a very transitional phase of life and doesnt make a lot of money, so i dont want to discourage her with my savings but i also want to show that she has plenty of room to reduce her spending and bump her savings up.

mom and dad never really ask specifics so i don't reveal anything. Mom will ask if i'm doing ok from time to time but that is about it. I've told her countless times i'm retiring early, which is being laughed off less and less. We discuss retirement and how much they'd need. I'm pretty sure they just have a small nest egg, but between that, my dad's pension, an annuity, and SS, i hope they'll be ok.

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #43 on: February 17, 2016, 06:55:00 AM »
I had a conversation with a friend from college the other day. We've always been relatively open about finances. Now I'm house shopping, and she was surprised at the prices of the homes I was looking at. (OK, so maybe contrary to what you're thinking, I'm looking at more expensive homes than she expected.) Her husband and her, combined, make pretty much what my wife and I make. But when I told her how much I was adding to my savings each month, and that this would only decrease our budget a few hundred from renting, she was blown away. We're saving about ten times as much as she guessed! It was just such a surprise to her that you could make this income, and not spend most of it. I explained my budget, and she came around to that, but she's a parent, and I am not, so the parting thought was that kids will change all that. I can't really say - I won't try to predict the future. But I know I'll make careful, educated choices when it comes to that!
It really seems like most people are looking for an excuse to not think too hard about their current habits. Here you are having this conversation about actual numbers, forcing her to re-evaluate her decisions, until she conveniently decides (like so many) that the existence of a third (or more) human being under the same roof magically invalidates math. *POOF* no more thinking required. Back to somebody-else's-fault syndrome.

andy85

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #44 on: February 17, 2016, 07:26:48 AM »
I had a conversation with a friend from college the other day. We've always been relatively open about finances. Now I'm house shopping, and she was surprised at the prices of the homes I was looking at. (OK, so maybe contrary to what you're thinking, I'm looking at more expensive homes than she expected.) Her husband and her, combined, make pretty much what my wife and I make. But when I told her how much I was adding to my savings each month, and that this would only decrease our budget a few hundred from renting, she was blown away. We're saving about ten times as much as she guessed! It was just such a surprise to her that you could make this income, and not spend most of it. I explained my budget, and she came around to that, but she's a parent, and I am not, so the parting thought was that kids will change all that. I can't really say - I won't try to predict the future. But I know I'll make careful, educated choices when it comes to that!
It really seems like most people are looking for an excuse to not think too hard about their current habits. Here you are having this conversation about actual numbers, forcing her to re-evaluate her decisions, until she conveniently decides (like so many) that the existence of a third (or more) human being under the same roof magically invalidates math. *POOF* no more thinking required. Back to somebody-else's-fault syndrome.

agreed. it is like people think adding 1 person means a proportional increase in expenses. Example: expenses are $1000
1 person = $1000
2 people = $2000
3 people = $3000

just no...it doesnt have to be that way...

neo von retorch

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #45 on: February 17, 2016, 07:48:52 AM »
Ha yes - obviously adding a kid and possibly daycare is different from combining households, but when my wife and I moved in together, we immediately started saving a ton more money. So even if 1p = $1k and 2p = $2k, 2p in 1h = $1.5k or $1.2k... so 3p in 1h = $1.4k?? (The numbers are made up and the letters don't mean anything.)

The moral of the story is... don't lease $35k SUVs (they, like me, own three cars... the big difference is two of theirs are late model SUVs. Actually they own more than three but I'm ignoring his project cars to be nice :) I do, after all, own a 10 year old sports car on the side.) Also you don't need a big shopping budget.

rubybeth

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #46 on: February 17, 2016, 09:13:45 AM »
We were pretty open about paying off the student loan debt--we celebrated on Facebook when it happened, and took a big trip the next year, so I'm sure people figured out that we were doing "okay," but I don't tell people our exact amount of savings. I have told my parents that we plan to retire in our 50s (we'll do it earlier if the stash is doing well), and that the money we were throwing at debt is now being saved. My sister also knows more specifics, because we're close and she asks my advice on finances pretty regularly (she actually calls me her financial planner, she's asked me for so much advice). DH's family doesn't know specifics, but they know about the travel and that we're okay. We don't talk specific numbers.

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #47 on: February 17, 2016, 09:25:20 AM »
We've let people know that we finally got debt-free.  I'm sure they suspect that we're doing pretty well otherwise, but I don't want to talk about net worth and other similar goals.  I figure it sounds too braggy. 

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #48 on: February 17, 2016, 09:51:04 AM »
My mother is a tax prepare and therefore completes my taxes for free so she knows almost everything.  I started contributing to a 401k (very small amounts) when I was 21 years old and still in college.  I have heard for the last 10+ years that she is just so blown away that I put such a priority on retirement at my young age.  I don't foresee my parents hitting me up for money down the road so for now it is okay that she knows so much.

My bothers on the other hand enjoyed being over paid for the last decade but both got laid off last year and are now/still struggling, all they know is that we pay our bills on time.  For most of my adult life we have made a LOT less than them so they are accustomed to me saying "I am sorry, that is not in our budget." I now have to listen to them talk about how they would not take a job for $x/year, how does anybody live off of that. Usually it is a dollar amount not too far off of what I make.

Due to my bothers currently concerns, my parents are very worried about how the kids are doing financially but generally the worry is focused on the boys and I usually hear "I am so glad we don't have to worry about you too." 

afuera

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Re: Do you tell family about your financial accomplishments?
« Reply #49 on: February 17, 2016, 09:56:46 AM »
I'm pretty open with my income, saving strategy, and financial strategy with my parents.  Didn't share all the details.  But then I posted a Reader Case Study with all the info on this forum and my mom found it so I guess cats out of the bag haha.  Not that I'm worried, I really tell my mom everything.
My husbands mom does our taxes (accountant for HR Block) so she knows everything too.