Thanks, lizzi, you're not being a buttinsky at all. It was kind of you to actually read and absorb the details and I am touched by your caring response. Sorry, if this is tl;dr.
1. MIL and her pal Al live with us in NorCal. She's healthy as a horse, but mentally probably Stage 5. DH and I joke that she just might outlive us all.
2. Dad is in SoCal, early Alzheimer's, congestive heart failure. On an ER visit, he was given meds that made him loopy and sent home. There, he fell three times and finally broke his hip. He had a partial replacement and just isn't interested in his own recovery. Still has a cheerful attitide, but is unable to get out of bed unassisted. He just wants to be home and with mom.
3. Mom has COPD and diabetes. She had a pulmonary embolism and is just not bouncing back. In and out of lucidity, can't get up, doesn't seem to care where she is. When lucid, says she doesn't want to live like this.
For clarification: Both parents had their latest issues at about the same time, so they have been in the same skilled nursing facility since October. Initially, their awesome insurance paid for everything. Now, since they are not improving, their insurance won't pay any more and they can't afford the $12K/month tab. Assisted Living isn't an option as mom is insulin dependent.
Six siblings, all on the same page, except for the "irresponsible adult daughter". She is no longer their caretaker and she did a shitty job of it when she was, IMHO, but my parents are attached to her because she's the one that lives the closest and they love their grandson. She got the position by default as she was an unemployed single mom who didn't want to get a job. She has been paid handsomely over the past four years, but in the last year the wheels have fallen off her bus. She's smoking, drinking and gambling on my parent's dollars without their knowledge. My Mom is not an easy person, so no one begrudged her the money she earned. When the stealing was exposed and the bank and my Mom's doctor started to hint at elder abuse, the rest of us realized it was time to make other arrangements. Sadly, the amount of money she has leached (and leeched) from my parents means that what should have been easily covered expenses are now not easy at all. Their main asset is their house, but since all Dad wants is to go home, selling it is out of the question. I'd consider a reverse mortgage, but not everyone's on board and I don't think convincing them is the best use of my time or energy right now. Their monthly income stream is $6k pre-tax, so if we're very careful, we should be able to make it work or at least get close.
A dear friend of mine who is at a crossroads in her life and has elder care experience offered to be their live-in caretaker, so we flew her in last week. She is smart, kind and compassionate, but is unable to lift. Our plan is to supplement caregivers who can lift on a however-often-is-needed basis. I'm trying to do what I can from a distance, so I want to handle the supply end of things so she doesn't have to go out and shop in an area she is completely unfamiliar with. Dad has been home for two days and Mom is due home today. He's burned through almost all of the supplies we laid in when we were there last week, so I need to figure this out fast.
I know that was a lot of info. Writing helps me process and my MIL's not up yet, so I had some alone time to think. Sorry if that was TMI.