i love this thread! its a much needed insight in mine too, i agree with the emailing of the emotions part, i write a letter to my husband when i get frustrated about something, instead of confronting, i vent it out on email., and afterwards, i feel much better, i come home as me and not a brewing monster waiting to explode.
we did have a new 'hideout' though, we created a secret group on facebook, just him and me hahaha we post stuff there, and comment on it, anything from bills, to events, to good deals, or future vacation spots, coolest thing is all the link will be there and we get to discuss about it together and not wait till at night when were both exhausted from work and kids.
i handle all the bills, and post the big ticket stuff on our hideout on FB for him to see, i even have a little spreadsheet saved there, he doesnt really comment on it coz he thinks making extra payments on debts is ridiculous but he lets me be, i guess marriage is more important to him too, than questioning why im making a career out of paying bills.
its a work in progress, i want things, he wants more things, but bottomline is we compromise, if its not on the budget, well include it in the next, it gets off hand sometimes, its a victory on other times, but what matters is, you both try to work it out, just talk it out or EMAIL your feelings to her, it helps.