Author Topic: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?  (Read 28595 times)

Emilyngh

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #50 on: January 15, 2015, 06:02:13 PM »
My friends all know very close to what I make b/c we all work at the same place at very close to the same level, so make very close to the same.

My family parents have a good idea how much I make b/c I told them when I took the job and we're pretty open about finances (they're super high earners and while not quite fully Mustachian, have always saved a good amount so we often discuss saving/investing).   I don't really talk to others about how much I make (DH's family, my siblings, etc) b/c it can be a touchy subject.

I do love to talk about saving/frugal/investing type things, and I am able to talk some about this with my friends, but they don't quite get it, so I keep it toned down (while none of them are horrible with money, to them being frugal is a good sale at Kohl's or a good rate on their car loan).   I have been very open with my parents about it all and while they don't get it completely, it's the most open I can be about it.   Eg., I don't think my friends are ready to hear our net worth (considering they've stated they can't imagine having a positive one I just don't feel right sharing a 6 figure one), but my parents pretty much know our net worth and it's no big deal considering theirs is much bigger.

jodelino

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #51 on: January 15, 2015, 06:37:58 PM »
Interesting thread.

I'm a public employee and so my salary is a matter of public record and I'm open about it. But when it comes to net worth, my husband and I disclose that only to our lawyer and our accountant--we have a pact to tell no one, not even our kids (probably that will change someday, when we are likely closer to the end of the line). Our kids are hard workers, high earners, and good savers and investors--we've always talked values and strategies with them--and that, along with a major investment in their educations--has really paid off, but we don't feel a need to disclose NW numbers.

I WISH I had a friend who enjoyed the same combination of luck and decision-making that have led me to the financial place I'm in, and it would be great to discuss the nitty-gritty, but I don't, and I don't want to brag or sow envy or resentment or depression. Most of my friends are struggling financially for various reasons, ranging from divorce, to a kid in re-hab, to never having found a good career groove, to having chosen a worthy but low-paying path, etc., and they know I'm in a different place but don't know the details. I do enjoy being able to pick up the check or buy a pair of concert tickets and treat a friend to something he/she can't afford, or give a struggling friend's son or daughter a nice gift card to their college bookstore, but I try to do that in a low-key way.

Yankuba

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #52 on: January 15, 2015, 07:05:17 PM »
It is funny how, at least in the US, how taboo it is to discuss personal finance, but people will tell you all kinds of salacious details of their sex life before they tell you how much money they make.       

Nobody tells me salacious details about their sex life

MrMoogle

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #53 on: January 15, 2015, 07:07:29 PM »
So there are good reasons to keep your weath a secret:
http://www.joshuakennon.com/stealth-wealth-why-americas-rich-hide-their-money/

vagon

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #54 on: January 15, 2015, 08:17:43 PM »
I'm contractually obliged not to reveal my salary, but I openly talk about savings rate, target savings rate, house prices etc.

annegables

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #55 on: January 15, 2015, 08:37:11 PM »
my husband is military and we are very open about his salary and housing allowance (the tax-free money you get if you choose to live off base, amt based on location/cost of living, rank, and if you support anyone).  First, all this info is easily found online.  Second, and perhaps more importantly for us, his salary is being footed by the taxpayers, who have EVERY RIGHT to know exactly how much is being spent on him.  And most of the general public taxpayers have no understanding of military pay and assume everyone (even officers, if they understand the difference between officers and enlisted) gets paid crap.  This myth of low officer pay gets perpetuated by military families who make $100k+ per year and still complain to all and a sundry about living paycheck-to-paycheck.  I once overheard an officers wife (O-4) complaining to a pastor's wife about not being able to make ends meet.  The pastor's wife was going to try to organize some financial help for them until I pulled her aside and discretely showed her the military pay scales. 

Also, in our situation, it is helpful for our military peers to know that they dont have to settle for the just-over-broke status quo.  I have been able to help several families budget better and save money partly because we all know what everyone else makes.

mozar

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #56 on: January 15, 2015, 08:46:40 PM »
An old friend recently told me salacious details about their sex life. I was like wow, I didn't want to hear that. He also told me he wanted to retire someday which as much as I've ever talked about money with my friends.

I used to be staunchly against telling my family anything at all. Mostly because I was angry with my parents that said they would help me with college and they didn't, leaving me with 135k in debt. But know that it's paid off I'm less upset about it. I don't think I'll ever go into details but I recently told my dad I planned to retire early. He just went on and on about how frugal my great aunt was and how I must have learned it from her.
With my mother I gave her a list of books she is working through, culminating with the millionaire next door. She knows I make a lot of money and she is convinced I'm going to buy a yacht. I'm hoping that book helps her see the light and we can discuss finances more seriously. Her brothers are all work till your dead types so I have to consider dealing with their criticism. But I would love to tell my cousins because I think some of them would get into MMM.

Hey It's Me

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #57 on: January 15, 2015, 08:51:19 PM »
My employer has written in the handbook it's a fireable offense if they catch us disclosing our compensation to anyone within the company.

LMAO - that's some shady stuff right there. Is that even legal??

AlwaysBeenASaver

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #58 on: January 15, 2015, 08:56:31 PM »
My employer has written in the handbook it's a fireable offense if they catch us disclosing our compensation to anyone within the company.

LMAO - that's some shady stuff right there. Is that even legal??

I had an employer (in California) years ago send out a memo to that effect. Several employees called them on it, told them it was illegal. HR checked into it and published a retraction.

Hey It's Me

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #59 on: January 15, 2015, 09:07:29 PM »
Absolutely.

It's pretty well-known in the IT world that a new hire will likely get paid more for any given position than someone internally promoted into it.

Does this apply across the board? My husband works for a major financial institution and has been internally promoted numerous times over the past decade. I'm pretty sure he is underpaid somewhat for his position, although the company has pay scales to be sure it isn't overly egregious. On the one hand, that would frustrate me if he is underpaid. On the other hand, we live very comfortably on what he makes. Is there any chance that being an underpaid but good worker (which I'm sure my husband is, he gets praised all the time) would contribute to job security? In that case, I wonder if he would be tempted to let sleeping dogs lie.

If he has been working at the same company for several years, he is most definitely underpaid. I remember reading that generally, if someone that stays with one employer for longer than 2 years ends up earning 50% less over the course of his/her lifetime.

MrsCoolCat

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #60 on: January 15, 2015, 09:48:08 PM »
I feel that people lie about their salaries (more than I realized), so unless I get real figures I'd rather not know. Just like I didn't know or was prepared for that crap storm that was trying to find a job in 2008/2009... College should have been more realistic but nope.

Now, after a lot of living, observation, etc. salary is relative to me. I enjoy my time over over-time. Salary is just a number because it depends on debt, expenses, etc. As much as I'd love to make more I just have to be reminded and humbled that I am doing well overall, and hey, better than a majority of this world where a lot of people have it worse off.

MrsCoolCat

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #61 on: January 15, 2015, 10:01:52 PM »
I also wish talking about money were less of a taboo in the US. I think it would really open some people's eyes that it's possible to make a decent salary but live well on much less than you make. I think that's part of why MMM is so interesting--he just tells you how much he made, how much he saved, and then how much he lives on now.

So true! But I agree that you never disclose salary to coworkers because it will almost always cause that resentment and anger in one or the other. In general corporate is so crap and favor really varies by department and who you know. I give up. I just want to retire and/or be a SAHM. I'd rather put all my energy into my family rather than a job. I gave up on the idea of a truly fulfilling career a long time ago and I'm 30. I'd rather believe in the idea of being a good mother and enjoying life from being FI, but that's just me. Life is always unpredictable, interesting and a lovely test. Anyways, no more rambling.

garth

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #62 on: January 15, 2015, 10:25:00 PM »
I told one friend what my upcoming salary is going to be (he asked, and already knew the range I was expecting) and I'm hoping it wasn't a mistake. I'm not sure what he makes, but I landed a nice job with an embarrassing pay rate that is likely quite a bit higher than his. I don't plan on telling anyone else. I have a feeling some in my family would label us "rich" and resent us.

ScroogeMcDutch

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #63 on: January 16, 2015, 04:57:26 AM »
I am quite open about everything. My family all knows, as I run a company together with 2 of my brothers (and there's quite a bit of pay discrepancy between me and them). I don't have a problem with being open about it and explain some of the choices I make. At some point, when I was still employed I asked friends who had done the same studies as me to tell me what their salaries were as I thought I was being underpaid quite a bit at the time. This turned out to be true, and I used those numbers to negotiate a higher salary (but it was still too low, so I decided to become self-employed).

Being open about it has been good to me so far, and I hope it's not going to come back and bite me in the ass.

chasesfish

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #64 on: January 16, 2015, 05:59:59 AM »
Sharing salaries with co-workers is a slippery slope.  Its interesting because its gone from almost a fireable offense to something a manager can only discourage, but not retaliate against.   I personally found nothing good really comes from these conversations after I had been out in a professional role for 5-6 years.

As to these 60% pay gaps, that's on the employer for not establishing a grading system that has a reasonable but tight pay range for a specific job function (and level).  Then where that employee falls in the range will be based off performance, qualifications, and the overall employment market at the time the employee is hired.

Apples

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #65 on: January 16, 2015, 06:43:07 AM »
I make more than I should, b/c I'm supposed to save money to buy the family business (which I'm working in).  Which makes our 40% savings rate easier to achieve than it should be.  I've done the math, and if I were to make what I consider a fair market rate, we would have a 28% savings rate, which isn't all that impressive.  So my friends know I'm overpaid and we're expected to save money.  I've shared what my husband's student loan debt is that we're working through, and I'll probably tell 1 or 2 of them when it's paid off, but after that it's closed lips for life.  We're going to buy a small farm from my grandparents and say it's about twice the cost of a house, since there's a house plus 80 acres of crops.  I had a friend say "oh, so it'll be like $200,000"...I just said yes.  The truthful answer is that's a fraction of the real price.  And it could be great in a good year (lots of money to pay the loan with, add to savings, etc. 90% savings rate) or lose more money than our two salaries combined, and we're pulling all that money back out of savings.  In those years I'll probably complain a bit haha, but the good years no one needs to know about.  I also make more than my best friend, and similar amounts to other friends, but in a lower COL area.  So I certainly don't want to brag.   But recently getting married and having some friends live together has started a lot of convos on budgeting and joint/separate finances and saving for retirement, so that's good.

hodedofome

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #66 on: January 16, 2015, 08:22:50 AM »
I try to be more open about it with close friends. I have a saying that I don't have a need to tell you anything about my finances, but if you ask I will tell you whatever you want about my life. Some people need to see concrete examples of how much is a fair salary, how much can they save, how much can they give, etc etc. Especially if nobody ever taught them anything about that.

I'm a far cry from my grandfather who won't even tell his own wife how much money he has. I never knew any of my parent's finances either.

Melanie A

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #67 on: January 17, 2015, 07:36:35 AM »
I have only told my close friends and boyfriend what I make but other than coworkers, if anyone asked I don't think I'd have a problem saying it. Although, I know for the most part, due to the type of field I'm in, I don't make as much as everyone else. If I knew I probably made signifcantly more, I may feel differently. I discuss the topic of finance openly with close coworkers and friends but without revealing actual numbers. I do wish it wasn't such a taboo subject either. We could probably learn from each other.

I don't discuss my salary with my coworkers because it can go both ways where I may feel like I'm not getting paid enough or someone else may feel they're not getting paid enough in comparison. Some people have this mentally regardless how hard they've worked, they deserve a certain amount. Fortunately, at my company, they give raises where it's deserved. One of my coworkers had revealed how much she made to me and although I was initially surprised, I also feel like she's very sloppy with her work, continuously makes errors and gets extremely defense, usually resulting in arguments. So for that reason, I don't discuss my salary at work.

randommadness

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #68 on: January 17, 2015, 09:19:59 AM »
I have a group of 8 best friends and everyone knows what everyone else makes. A few of us talk about investing and finances non-stop during the week and the rest either take the advice or sit on the sidelines.

It probably helped our initial openness (many years ago) that three of us are in the same career field as Federal employees so it was public information as others have mentioned.

With more recent friends, and women I see (lol), I don't offer any information. If my 'newer' friends came out and asked me, I would tell them though. I don't offer the info though as I know I make more than a lot of my friends.

EscapeVelocity2020

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #69 on: January 17, 2015, 10:54:19 AM »
Nope, but I'm interested to read this thread on MLK when I have more time :) (aka posting to follow)

cazaubon

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #70 on: January 17, 2015, 09:41:55 PM »
I have not discussed salary with my coworkers, but have discussed our net worth and retirement savings with a coworker I am friends with.  I have a really unusual relationship with my boss, we have worked together for 15 years and are more friends than boss/employee at this point. We have discussed our salaries, net worth, annual spending and net worth, as well as our retirement plans. I am encouraging him not to fall into the OMY trap. :-)

pancakes

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #71 on: January 17, 2015, 10:45:29 PM »
I will be open with people if they ask for specifics but otherwise remain generally vague. People I work with are fascinated by the way I pay attention to my finances and will often ask if I met my targets for the month. Only once I shared specific saving values with one of my co-workers but I think it only discouraged them as the comment back was something like "your husband must earn a lot if you can save that much". He does ok but but the real reason we save that much is because we we keep our expenses low. Sometimes it is easier to assume success is due to circumstance rather than effort.

Within my workplace however it is against the terms of our employment to discuss our pay so I never talk specifics about how much we earn.


Jeremy

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #72 on: January 18, 2015, 12:09:08 AM »
We share all of our spending and our tax documents

It is helpful to many and hurts no one

Many bloggers share their net worth
http://rockstarfinance.com/blogger-net-worths/


davef

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #73 on: January 22, 2015, 12:51:53 PM »
I'm an open book. I talk openly with friends, family, and even coworkers about income and expenses, debt and investments, etc. I don't go shouting out how much I make and such unprovoked, but if the conversation goes that way....

I do have a few friends who are low income earners that I think would treat me differently if they knew what I made. So to them I try not to give details, but I likely would if they asked outright. To my wife, Father, brother, and best friend, I would tell them anything they asked about my finances.

Plus I post it all on here, so I don't see it as private.

AH013

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #74 on: January 22, 2015, 07:26:01 PM »
At a past job I used to be more open book with friends/colleagues, but then a funny thing happened which usually happens to mustachians.  When people find out you have money (by virtue of saving it) they expect you to pick up the tab, and then are frustrated when you don't because "you can afford it".

After a job change I now just quietly sit back and nod along to ramblings of how tough finances are, how we all can't wait until the next paycheck, and how awesome their recent truck/motorcycle/carbon-fiber bicycle/100" 4D TV/iPhone 6P 1.5TB version/<insert latest man toy> is.  I recently made the mistake of responding to a water cooler discussion of "how much do you contribute to the 401k?" with the truth ("the max") and had an "oh shit" realization immediately after it left my mouth.  It's been over a month and people still haven't let up trying to figure out how much money I must have stashed away somewhere that can be used for rounds of beer, gifts, etc.  I randomly bought a gift for a coworker (like I've done in the past) and sure enough everyone wanted to know why they didn't get one too.

I wish we could all be more open about basic stuff like this, but the sad reality is the presence of perceived "available money" brings out the worst in people.  If you have any doubts, just look up any lottery winners...all of the friends and family you never knew you had seem to track you down for "their share".

caliq

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #75 on: January 22, 2015, 07:31:38 PM »
At a past job I used to be more open book with friends/colleagues, but then a funny thing happened which usually happens to mustachians.  When people find out you have money (by virtue of saving it) they expect you to pick up the tab, and then are frustrated when you don't because "you can afford it".

After a job change I now just quietly sit back and nod along to ramblings of how tough finances are, how we all can't wait until the next paycheck, and how awesome their recent truck/motorcycle/carbon-fiber bicycle/100" 4D TV/iPhone 6P 1.5TB version/<insert latest man toy> is.  I recently made the mistake of responding to a water cooler discussion of "how much do you contribute to the 401k?" with the truth ("the max") and had an "oh shit" realization immediately after it left my mouth.  It's been over a month and people still haven't let up trying to figure out how much money I must have stashed away somewhere that can be used for rounds of beer, gifts, etc.  I randomly bought a gift for a coworker (like I've done in the past) and sure enough everyone wanted to know why they didn't get one too.

I wish we could all be more open about basic stuff like this, but the sad reality is the presence of perceived "available money" brings out the worst in people.  If you have any doubts, just look up any lottery winners...all of the friends and family you never knew you had seem to track you down for "their share".

That's really awful :( Sorry you have to deal with greedy coworkers!  Pro athletes are plagued by the same issues as lottery winners :/

That said, I'm really open with my family (parents & aunt who I see daily), but I'm also still at a negative net worth so things may change.  I've made it pretty clear what my goals are and I do intend to provide support for them in the future, but I don't know how exact I'll be when the numbers start getting really big!

Mostly my peers just bitch about student loans, which I can totally commiserate with, so I haven't been faced with any tough decisions there either. 

I wish everyone was more open about finances too, because I think the secrecy gives employers a huge advantage in terms of salary negotiation.  And also because if everyone was open, maybe there would be more opportunities to educate people on how to be smart with their money. 

Eric

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #76 on: January 22, 2015, 07:36:51 PM »
I recently made the mistake of responding to a water cooler discussion of "how much do you contribute to the 401k?" with the truth ("the max") and had an "oh shit" realization immediately after it left my mouth.  It's been over a month and people still haven't let up trying to figure out how much money I must have stashed away somewhere that can be used for rounds of beer, gifts, etc.

That's the beauty of the 401k though.  People know assume you can't touch it until retirement age, so you can just cry broke because all your money goes to the 401k.

AH013

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #77 on: January 22, 2015, 07:47:14 PM »
I recently made the mistake of responding to a water cooler discussion of "how much do you contribute to the 401k?" with the truth ("the max") and had an "oh shit" realization immediately after it left my mouth.  It's been over a month and people still haven't let up trying to figure out how much money I must have stashed away somewhere that can be used for rounds of beer, gifts, etc.

That's the beauty of the 401k though.  People know assume you can't touch it until retirement age, so you can just cry broke because all your money goes to the 401k.

Yeah, but unfortunately people aren't stupid (well.....).  They figure if you're saving $18k for retirement, you're probably also (unnecessarily) saving extra money for other stuff that could be re-directed to more immediate needs usage, like $7 craft beers at the upscale pub down the street.

I've smartened up and realize now when colleagues ask for 401k contribution rates, they want confirmation that they aren't being "stupid" and saving too much, and that their "whatever the full match is" rate is exactly in line with everyone else.  Oh well, good to know for the next job :)

johnny847

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #78 on: January 22, 2015, 07:48:17 PM »
I recently made the mistake of responding to a water cooler discussion of "how much do you contribute to the 401k?" with the truth ("the max") and had an "oh shit" realization immediately after it left my mouth.  It's been over a month and people still haven't let up trying to figure out how much money I must have stashed away somewhere that can be used for rounds of beer, gifts, etc.

That's the beauty of the 401k though.  People know assume you can't touch it until retirement age, so you can just cry broke because all your money goes to the 401k.
But they also know that you can just take a 401k loan, so you're not actually broke, right?
*sigh*

pancakes

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #79 on: January 22, 2015, 11:52:34 PM »
I feel that people lie about their salaries (more than I realized), so unless I get real figures I'd rather not know.

I saw this just the other day at work. One of our employees has taken a job elsewhere and was discussing her pay rate (which will will be less than what I'm currently on). My boss was being super positive about it and blurted out that it is more than she is paid which simply has to be a lie because she knows what I'm paid and there is no way she'd accept less than someone who she manages.

Lying about pay to make someone (who was already over the moon with happiness) feel better doesn't seem helpful at all.

Kyle Schuant

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #80 on: January 23, 2015, 02:25:14 AM »
I am open about it all, because who cares, seriously.

People mostly aren't interested though.

DeltaBond

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #81 on: January 23, 2015, 10:35:51 AM »
I was a book with too much writing on the jacket and a flashy bookmark, and I lost friends over just that.  Seriously, its a good feeling to be able to be open about this stuff, but what would the purpose be on being open with everyone?  Most people don't bring up the topic, so if you're bringing it up, how is that a productive conversation?

ambimammular

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #82 on: January 23, 2015, 12:07:56 PM »
My best friend wants to do our taxes together this year, as she's hoping I can find her some extra breaks. I'm a little hesitant for her to see the differences between our household earnings and her own. I don't want it to cause resentment or make her feel like we're on a different level (she's expressed thoughts like this before).

dunhamjr

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #83 on: January 23, 2015, 12:36:29 PM »
My best friend wants to do our taxes together this year, as she's hoping I can find her some extra breaks. I'm a little hesitant for her to see the differences between our household earnings and her own. I don't want it to cause resentment or make her feel like we're on a different level (she's expressed thoughts like this before).

if you are worried about income envy, but are still willing to help her with her taxes... then maybe just offer to help instead of doing them side by side.

MrsCoolCat

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #84 on: January 23, 2015, 07:52:55 PM »
I feel that people lie about their salaries (more than I realized), so unless I get real figures I'd rather not know.

I saw this just the other day at work. One of our employees has taken a job elsewhere and was discussing her pay rate (which will will be less than what I'm currently on). My boss was being super positive about it and blurted out that it is more than she is paid which simply has to be a lie because she knows what I'm paid and there is no way she'd accept less than someone who she manages.

Lying about pay to make someone (who was already over the moon with happiness) feel better doesn't seem helpful at all.

People are so cynical. I just love it when I never asked about salary and the person brings it up in some kind of context AND then you find out later they're lying! I guess people just want to feel important or whatever...

Kris

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #85 on: January 24, 2015, 09:45:51 AM »
I struck up a conversation with a colleague the other day, and it just happened to come up that husband and I are planning to retire in 3 1/2 years, when I'll be 51.  The look of confusion, dismay, disbelief, and... Something undefinable, but that looked alarmingly like anger... Led me to snap my trap shut and change the subject.

Reyes01

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #86 on: January 24, 2015, 10:49:51 AM »
I'm open about how much I make, save, etc. I like talking about finances:-)

Cassie

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #87 on: January 24, 2015, 11:43:31 AM »
Kris, that is exactly the reason I stopped discussing it unless it is with someone of a similar mindset.  People actually get mad.

Kris

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #88 on: January 24, 2015, 11:59:52 AM »
Kris, that is exactly the reason I stopped discussing it unless it is with someone of a similar mindset.  People actually get mad.

Yeah, it was freaky.  And she is a really nice person. It was... Odd.  And a little disconcerting.  It was like a barely-contained wave of hostility began to shimmer around her. I had only experienced anything like this before from a now-retired colleague who is and has always been a very negative person.  When I told her I would be retiring early, she laughed in a mocking way as though I was a poor, deluded child.

Cassie

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #89 on: January 24, 2015, 12:25:19 PM »
I can't remember if I already posted about this in this thread but when I retired at 58 a good friend of mine who is 8 years older & works for herself tried to talk me out of it. She then left me a voice message at work telling me not to do it.  Her & her hubby also got mad that we were selling our big home & buying a small home.  They also hated that we were getting pensions. She pointed to my hubby & said "Is he getting one of those things too?" in a nasty voice. We had been friends for 16 years & she knew the reason we both worked for the state was for the pensions.   I only stayed friends with them for another year & then dumped them.  All the years we were friends she knew our plan but I guess did not believe we would do it.   

pachnik

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #90 on: January 24, 2015, 12:30:46 PM »
I can't remember if I already posted about this in this thread but when I retired at 58 a good friend of mine who is 8 years older & works for herself tried to talk me out of it. She then left me a voice message at work telling me not to do it.  Her & her hubby also got mad that we were selling our big home & buying a small home.  They also hated that we were getting pensions. She pointed to my hubby & said "Is he getting one of those things too?" in a nasty voice. We had been friends for 16 years & she knew the reason we both worked for the state was for the pensions.   I only stayed friends with them for another year & then dumped them.  All the years we were friends she knew our plan but I guess did not believe we would do it.
Wow, some friend!   
I am an open book about finances with my husband, my parents and one close friend and that is it.  I work in a small office where I am an assistant to two lawyers.  There is one other assistantbesides me.  I am not sure what anyone there thinks since I don't have a vast wardrobe and take local vacations.  I think I mentioned 'investments' once so who knows what they think. 

iris lily

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #91 on: January 24, 2015, 12:41:26 PM »
Our one frugal friend will talk about his 'stache, and we talk about ours to him. He is single, age 55, could retire today since he easily has $1m in income generating assets. He actually is fairly unhappy in his job, too, so it's too bad. An "investment counselor" got ahold of him and is telling him he needs $2m. ugh.

But I just mention now and then that he's got FU money, always keep that in mind.

Cassie

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #92 on: January 24, 2015, 12:46:35 PM »
Il: it sounds like you should try to convince him to start reading this & other sites. Maybe then he would see that it is possible.

greenmimama

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #93 on: January 24, 2015, 01:20:47 PM »
I certainly use to be an open book until my DH started making a lot more, now we don't tell anyone since it changes the way they look at us, we are still the exact same people we just make more money than we used to, ok a lot more, but still.


Spondulix

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #94 on: January 24, 2015, 04:13:35 PM »
My job is union, where everyone starts at the same wage. Raises are negotiated by the union (so equal raises for everyone), so it's easy to guess someone's salary based on how long they've been there. It's awesome, actually - there's no weirdness or judgement talking about pay differences or raises, and it's allowed us to have very open conversations about benefits, 401k, savings, budgets, etc.

bulery326

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #95 on: January 24, 2015, 10:28:33 PM »
I am very open with friends and family about what DW and I make and how we approach our finances.  I don't go out of my way to brag about the numbers, but if someone is willing to ask for specific numbers then I am always happy to give them out.  I am a professor and even gave a personal finance lecture in my class where I outlined my approach and the students responded incredibly positively.  For many of them (already 20+ years old) it was the first time someone talked about all of this with them.

Only a very few people have ever had negative reactions leading to bad blood.  In a sense it has always been a good sniff test for people with bad attitudes that aren't worth staying friends with.  If you are going to be catty about the answers to questions you asked then I am not going to go out of my way to stay close with you.

I am sorry to hear people have had such bad experiences especially with family and friends.  I find that when I talk to people about personal finance they become more open and want me to help them get better in this area.

Happy Little Chipmunk

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #96 on: January 25, 2015, 12:04:24 PM »
Fascinating thread...has caused some reflection, which is usually a good thing.

DH works at a place with an open book attitude to pay rates. Pay ranges have assigned expectations, responsibilities and deliverables. Everyone knows (if they care to look) what bracket everyone else is in and can negotiate for more responsibility or projects or occasionally ask for less if their life situation changes. It sounds like there's not much drama or discussion about pay with his workmates.

I like thinking of money as just another tool which we should all learn to use appropriately. So in theory, I'm all about openness and discussion so that we can learn from one another. But I also recognize that most people like to see their own choices reflected back at themselves in order to feel validated and when it comes to how we earn, spend and save many people get defensive about their personal choices and hung up on dollar amounts. And so I talk about goals, percentages and methods and not actual $$$.

I've introduced my sisters (and a few others) to MMM, but we've never discussed actually net income or net worth. Although we now discuss budgeting & financial planning issues (they know I like to think about this stuff and will give them my opinion if asked...but I try to do so only when asked!) we've never been concrete with the $$$.

It's obvious that my spending priorities are different from theirs. Our small differences in life choices have added up and compounded and we all lead much different lives now (and are married to very different personalities). It's important that we let each other walk our own paths.

I am completely open with only one person besides DH; a retired relative who lives alone and has made excellent choices with her money. It is very nice to have someone more knowledgeable and experienced to talk with! And of course, she reflects my own values and experiences right back at me so I feel that I'm making good choices! ;-)


retired?

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #97 on: January 25, 2015, 01:43:04 PM »
I am fairly private about it....friends and family don't have a clue on how much I have saved or earned.  Well, some clue since I had cash for DP on extra home and $$ to give sister for DP on her home, but I figure if I asked them to guess, they'd be off by anywhere from 20-50% either way.

It is a private thing for me.  I am happy to discuss what decisions are good or bad, but the details of my specific situation aren't really anyone else's business.  People always judge, even good friends.  If one is seeking help, like your friend, then providing that info helps you help him.  But, I don't ask friends/family for financial advice.  I do research.

My best friend for 20+ years has solid idea.  Once on a trip, and Obama's view that 250k means wealthy came up.  I argued against such arbitrary cut-offs.  He says "ah, so you must make more than 250"....other friend says "no, he didn't say that".  I didn't say anything.

That said, my former Chinese co-workers had no problem stating exactly what they earned (probably to the consternation of HR), but that is probably b/c they didn't realize the level of disparity.


DeltaBond

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #98 on: January 26, 2015, 10:00:07 AM »
I've been open about it with a couple who was more frugal than I was, in fact, they were down right cheap... although we could talk about it, and they were great to give advice, but they would get weird about my spending habits...  And that's a very strange feeling.  When I say cheap, I'm talking about the wife already being dangerously underweight, and not wanting to eat all of her food in a restaurant so she can save some for lunch the next day.  That would seem normal if she wasn't already getting the cheapest thing on the menu, which was usually a very small purchase.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2015, 12:24:04 PM by DeltaBond »

caliq

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Re: Do you every say "Screw it...I'm gonne be an open book about my finances"?
« Reply #99 on: January 26, 2015, 10:12:51 AM »
I've been open about it with a couple who was more frugal than I was, in fact, they were down right cheap... although we could talk about it, and they were great to give advice, but they would get weird about my spending habits...  And that's a very strange feeling.  When I say cheap, I'm talking about the wife already being dangerously overweight, and not wanting to eat all of her food in a restaurant so she can save some for lunch the next day.  That would seem normal if she wasn't already getting the cheapest thing on the menu, which was usually a very small purchase.

Dangerously underweight?  Otherwise I'm confused...