I understand what you are saying, however, just because you thought she was your friend and had you best interest prior to leaving, she most likely didn't. Or may be she though your weren't her friend or had her interests. That's the problem. Your perception of the situation is not the same as the situation itself or how she saw it. I know it's hard for you, I'm not minimizing your struggle. What I"m saying is that in the end, it will be for the best, even if you can't see that silver lining right now.
May be try to find out why she left. That could shine some light on the whole thing.
I'm sure you're right about the part in bold. I was happily married, but she clearly was not. And I would very much like to know why she left. Unfortunately, she shut down all communications with me the day she left.
Why is it always the woman who initiates the divorce? I've read that among couples where both spouses have a college degree, the divorce is initiated by the woman something like 90% of the time. I guess men are just easier to please?
I do think there is some truth to the fact that men just live with a situation. On the outside looking in our our divorce people would say I initiated it, because I was the one who filed, and in the last couple weeks when I had finally given up the fight, I did move forward because I knew she'd drag it along and I wanted to get the kids through it and on to the new normal as fast as possible. But on the inside of our marriage, she was the only one threatening divorce for years on end. I'm not saying that this is the situation of the other women on here, but there did become a little bit of the "boy who cried wolf". I eventually got deaf to the whining about how she never had enough money, never had enough fun, never had enough of whatever issue of the month was coming up. We constantly talked about how we could change things, and we'd make changes and it was never enough. We'd make a change and then she'd move the bar. Sometimes "unhappy" just becomes the excuse word to use when they just want out and nothing will ever work. We went to marriage counseling. What she claimed was her biggest issue, I literally changed in a week and never looked back, because the only reason I was doing it in the first place was that I thought that's what she was clearly signaling she wanted me to be like in the first place. Therapist thought I was being a little overly optimistic about how easy it was to change it, but two months later he had to admit, it was changed and gone and even he was surprised, yet then the excuse became she could not forget how I had been before and it would be too hard to get over so it was just easier to keep moving forward with giving up. Then we told the kids. Tears all around, then a week later as we are getting ready to go to attorneys she gets cold feet and makes up. Things simmer for a year then the week before Christmas she blurts out she wants to be done and she has determined she should never have gotten married and never have had kids, she only did it because society made her feel like she should. She figured out she wanted to be single because she had never lived on her own and supported herself. By the way she turned around three months after we were divorced and was living with someone and already pregnant, so it was all made up crap, or she was confused about what she wanted. I called the attorney the next day and had the paperwork done two days later. We worked out what went into the paperwork those two days. Until my ex started dragging the kids into the crap, I was making due, so yes, I would not have initiated. It was once the kids were being impacted that I finally said enough is enough and that's why I rushed it through at that point. A year before we had told the kids, they were devastated and then we "made up" (meaning she said she changed her mind) and lived as a family for another year during which I took a new job and we moved several states away. I was not going to have he kids go through another yo-yo ride of we are getting divorced, no we ain't, yes we are. I had tried to listen and meet her needs for the better part of the last 5-10 years are she pulled away and came back, the feminine yo-yo and I was done. So again, did I "initiate the divorce"? I'd say I finished it, but she had spent the better part of a decade initiating it. Now in the end, I'd agree with Figuring that I am much happier, but I had to do a LOT of work on myself and processing of my marriage, my part in it not working, to "fix myself up" to be ready for the next person I let into my life. I deserved the shit marriage I got because I did it all wrong, listening to the world and how "love conquers all" and the other bullshit we are sold, instead of actually finding a woman that understood what marriage and family are really about. If you can focus on yourself and make sure you are a whole person on your own, you can end up with an amazing second act, and it can get better. The trick is to acknowledge and take ownership of what you were responsible for in the failed marriage and do something about it.
Now I also feel that the "unhappy" tag is tossed around way to easily these days. I think people expect marriage to be easy. It's not and was never meant to be. Two imperfect people living together in the same house is never going to be easy. Talk to long time married couple and you start to figure this out. There are always a lot of challenges. My best advice if you chose to re-enter the married world at some point is find someone who you fight well with. What I mean by that is that your disagreements are resolved in a positive and constructive way, not by belittling or name calling each other, or hurting each other. That's when you've got something that can last, because you will have points in time where you are on other sides of the world in how you view an issue, and finding a way to work together on it is hard. If you can do that, you'll avoid almost everything that causes issues. Also, learn to be satisfied with what you have. Stop having grass is greener syndrome with regards to your spouse, your finances, your job. That does not mean do not try to make your life better, but do it as a team, and with realistic expectations that avoid stressing both of you out. Affairs always start because someone does not know how to do this.