Author Topic: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks  (Read 5240 times)

Freedom Invested

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Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« on: February 24, 2017, 04:47:48 PM »
Anyone else find that those in your workplace sometimes abuse their seniority by being rude or overly dominating? They know they can get away with it because they so often do.

I cannot wait until the day I am financially independent because I won't take that shit anymore. Until then, i'll grin, bare it, and remember I likely won't be working nearly as long as this particular ass-hat. Maybe it is gloating or smugness, but sometimes its just the right thing for me to feel better. Anyone else do the same or use other strategies?

And before you ask, yes, I had such an experience today and fortunately it is Friday. :)
« Last Edit: February 24, 2017, 05:11:23 PM by Freedom Invested »

ringer707

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2017, 05:25:15 PM »
Yup. I actually discovered MMM while working at a job with an absolutely horrid boss who treated me and several other coworkers terribly. Fortunately, after about six months of job searching, I got out and into a job that I absolutely love.

Any chance of a job change for you? I hated having to work there and deal with all the anxiety from being treated like crap, but it felt daaaaamn good to give my boss my two weeks notice.

G-dog

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2017, 05:31:28 PM »
Anyone else find that those in your workplace sometimes abuse their seniority by being rude or overly dominating? They know they can get away with it because they so often do.

I cannot wait until the day I am financially independent because I won't take that shit anymore. Until then, i'll grin, bare it, and remember I likely won't be working nearly as long as this particular ass-hat. Maybe it is gloating or smugness, but sometimes its just the right thing for me to feel better. Anyone else do the same or use other strategies?

And before you ask, yes, I had such an experience today and fortunately it is Friday. :)

Hahah! Freudian! 

You could confront them... What do you have to lose?

Freedom Invested

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2017, 05:47:28 PM »
Yes, this happens to me all the time.  My strategy is I mostly just take it out on my wife and kids. 

Another thing I do is imagine comebacks that I assertively deliver in an alternative universe: You're such a goddamned genius that you're still working and you're fucking old.*

*Obviously being "old" is relative, but relative to me she's fucking old.

Bonus points if you actually do this one day and record the whole thing. Of course assuming you live in a one party recording state. ;)

Yup. I actually discovered MMM while working at a job with an absolutely horrid boss who treated me and several other coworkers terribly. Fortunately, after about six months of job searching, I got out and into a job that I absolutely love.

Any chance of a job change for you? I hated having to work there and deal with all the anxiety from being treated like crap, but it felt daaaaamn good to give my boss my two weeks notice.

I'll probably stick it out as I just started this job from another one that was quite worse. Though if it did get as bad as it seems like your job became I would definitely move on. Fortunately my skills are in relatively high demand and should be until I'm FIRE'd.

I cannot wait until the day I am financially independent because I won't take that shit anymore. Until then, i'll grin, bare it, and remember I likely won't be working nearly as long as this particular ass-hat. Maybe it is gloating or smugness, but sometimes its just the right thing for me to feel better. Anyone else do the same or use other strategies?

Hahah! Freudian! 

You could confront them... What do you have to lose?

Lol. I meant bear of course when baring my problem here. Although I am not sure if that was Freudian or my grammatical error. Can they be both?

Freedom Invested

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2017, 05:48:33 PM »
Thanks for these funny comments guys. Already feeling way better.

Seems like humor is the common denominator in dealing with this particular shit and maybe all really.

G-dog

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2017, 05:49:28 PM »
It can be both, and you can add in autocorrect!

Freedom Invested

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2017, 06:41:33 PM »
It can be both, and you can add in autocorrect!

Fair enough.

And to your previous point about confronting them... why the hell not. That's likely why superiors get away with so much shit as I have seen in corporate environs. People are unwilling to challenge authority and authority is thus not challenged themselves, so doesn't bother to change. Hmm... I'm going to think of some intelligent responses to use that don't directly confront, but still alter their behavior.

Guava

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #7 on: February 24, 2017, 07:32:48 PM »
Had the experience twice this week but rarely have had it before. I was pretty annoyed and I left early both days. I am a little bummed because I will be in this role for 14 more months but the offending guy is on his way out soon so that's a plus. I am the first female ever in this role and I have to work twice as hard as the men. But some of the old guys...well, they don't really want a woman around no matyer what so they (mostly two of them) tend to be jerks more often and purposely (whereas the others are offensive out of ignorance and open to hearing they are being jerks).

G-dog

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #8 on: February 24, 2017, 07:37:14 PM »
Lots of ways and tones can be used to confront -
1. Combative - why are you being such a prick?
2. Sympathetic - is everything alright? You seem upset.
3. Neutral - what do you mean by that?
4. Aggressive - fuck off!

Number 2 can even get you promoted.... Because you are so empathetic.

SwordGuy

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #9 on: February 24, 2017, 07:51:14 PM »
So far, I have a 100% "This book is SO awesome!" response from people who tried it.

https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-People-Stand-Revised-Expanded/dp/0071785728/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487990920&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+deal+with+people+you+can%27t+stand

Very pragmatic.   Good for work environment, marriages and family, and even in prisons.   

Despite the title it's actually a very loving, compassionate book - that also happens to teach you how not to put up with shit.

Freedom Invested

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #10 on: February 24, 2017, 08:04:08 PM »
2. Sympathetic - is everything alright? You seem upset.
Number 2 can even get you promoted.... Because you are so empathetic.

That is perfect. I select this response.

Haha. Did you ever play Knights of the Old Republic, G-dog? You remind me of the intelligent and sarcastic robot with succinct answers to everything.

Can I be your protege?

Freedom Invested

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2017, 08:12:41 PM »
Had the experience twice this week but rarely have had it before. I was pretty annoyed and I left early both days. I am a little bummed because I will be in this role for 14 more months but the offending guy is on his way out soon so that's a plus. I am the first female ever in this role and I have to work twice as hard as the men. But some of the old guys...well, they don't really want a woman around no matyer what so they (mostly two of them) tend to be jerks more often and purposely (whereas the others are offensive out of ignorance and open to hearing they are being jerks).

Good on you and I hope you stay strong. Even if there are guys that don't tell you I am sure there are those that like female colleagues around. More than half of my mentors or people I confided and trusted most have been females. You are valued no matter what toxic people do and say.

Freedom Invested

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2017, 08:26:13 PM »
So far, I have a 100% "This book is SO awesome!" response from people who tried it.

https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-People-Stand-Revised-Expanded/dp/0071785728/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487990920&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+deal+with+people+you+can%27t+stand

Very pragmatic.   Good for work environment, marriages and family, and even in prisons.   

Despite the title it's actually a very loving, compassionate book - that also happens to teach you how not to put up with shit.

Cool, I'll check it out.

G-dog

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #13 on: February 25, 2017, 05:44:54 AM »
2. Sympathetic - is everything alright? You seem upset.
Number 2 can even get you promoted.... Because you are so empathetic.

That is perfect. I select this response.

Haha. Did you ever play Knights of the Old Republic, G-dog? You remind me of the intelligent and sarcastic robot with succinct answers to everything.

Can I be your protege?

Oohs, that made me briefly feel smart! Thank you!

I've never even heard of Knights of the Old Republic, but have spent way too much time in the corporate school of hard knocks.  A sarcastic robot may be surprisingly fitting (not quite as crude or lazy or drunk Bender).

A slight head tilt, indicating sincere concern, is a nice touch with the 'are you OK?' query.

Whether this person is being rude because they are stressed, or because they are mean - this should make them pause. Their reaction will likely tell you more about where this is coming from.

SwordGuy

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #14 on: February 25, 2017, 02:59:29 PM »
I had a problem with a "Sniper".  That's a person who makes a smart-assed comment that derails what you are explaining to others and makes you look bad.  After some observation and thought, I realized they weren't doing it because they were socially inept; they were doing it either to be mean or for corporate advancement.

The book I mentioned gave a great way to deal with it.

Just look at them with a puzzled look.   With a gentle, questioning voice, look them straight in the eye and say, "As I understand it, the purpose of this meeting is to improve the productivity of process X.   It's not clear to me how your comment about my attire advances the purpose of this meeting.  Would you explain?"

You see, the one thing no sniper wants is to be in someone else's crosshairs.

They might reply with something like, "What, can't you take a joke?"

This is where the fun comes in.   And trust me, this is REAL fun.

No matter what their response, unless it's a sincere apology, respond in this manner, with a gentle, questioning voice and demeanor:

"As I understand it, the purpose of this meeting is to improve the productivity of process X.  It's not clear to me how your statement about whether I can take a joke advances the purpose of this meeting.   Please explain it to us."

If they give a rude, "Never mind!" and you're still in the mood for more fun, you can always respond with:

"No, seriously.  We all want to be inclusive and get everyone's input.  If you felt it was important enough to bring the topic up, we want to understand how it will advance the purpose of this meeting."

I've only had to use this once, but by God, did it work.   And boy, howdy, did they squirm in that spotlight.

Not only did they stop sniping at me, they no longer sniped at anyone in my presence either.

And because I was so nice and polite about it, no one could give me any grief about being unprofessional.


pbnj

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #15 on: February 25, 2017, 03:44:32 PM »
Sword Guy's post is going to be memorized.  That was freaking awesome.

G-dog

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #16 on: February 25, 2017, 03:52:15 PM »
Sword Guy's post is going to be memorized.  That was freaking awesome.

Agreed.

And that is one way you nicely call out someone!

Friar

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #17 on: February 25, 2017, 04:25:47 PM »
It's a great response but I feel I'd have trouble trying to pull it off without sounding sarcastic.

Freedom Invested

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #18 on: February 25, 2017, 04:26:41 PM »
That was awesome SwordGuy. Now I have to read this book.

I love that if the person tries to punish you, it would seem like they are petty or a moron. Did anyone thank you or acknowledge you for doing it? I can imagine others had similar treatment from him/her.

Freedom Invested

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #19 on: February 25, 2017, 04:38:34 PM »
2. Sympathetic - is everything alright? You seem upset.
Number 2 can even get you promoted.... Because you are so empathetic.

That is perfect. I select this response.

Haha. Did you ever play Knights of the Old Republic, G-dog? You remind me of the intelligent and sarcastic robot with succinct answers to everything.

Can I be your protege?

Oohs, that made me briefly feel smart! Thank you!

I've never even heard of Knights of the Old Republic, but have spent way too much time in the corporate school of hard knocks.  A sarcastic robot may be surprisingly fitting (not quite as crude or lazy or drunk Bender).

A slight head tilt, indicating sincere concern, is a nice touch with the 'are you OK?' query.

Whether this person is being rude because they are stressed, or because they are mean - this should make them pause. Their reaction will likely tell you more about where this is coming from.

I'm endeavoring not to care, but I cannot help my curiosity. I'm thinking the guy was lashing out because we've disagreed a couple of times regarding a particular client. Sheesh, maybe with more corporate school of hard knocks and I won't care anymore.

SwordGuy

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #20 on: February 25, 2017, 10:07:01 PM »
That was awesome SwordGuy. Now I have to read this book.

I love that if the person tries to punish you, it would seem like they are petty or a moron. Did anyone thank you or acknowledge you for doing it? I can imagine others had similar treatment from him/her.

There were a couple of people who understood exactly what I was doing right from the start. :)

The rest figured it out about the third iteration.

It was a good day.


chasesfish

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #21 on: February 26, 2017, 05:29:02 AM »
Someone told me early in my career - Stay close to the client, when you're the one generating revenue for them, they need you more than you need them.

That plus FI really helps me not give a sh*t

GreenSheep

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #22 on: February 26, 2017, 07:30:17 AM »
So far, I have a 100% "This book is SO awesome!" response from people who tried it.

https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-People-Stand-Revised-Expanded/dp/0071785728/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487990920&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+deal+with+people+you+can%27t+stand

Very pragmatic.   Good for work environment, marriages and family, and even in prisons.   

Despite the title it's actually a very loving, compassionate book - that also happens to teach you how not to put up with shit.

Thanks so much for this suggestion! I started reading it yesterday and already feel like I have a better understanding of how to approach difficult people.

iowagirl

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #23 on: February 27, 2017, 02:37:32 PM »
I have 2 of them, one is the HR person.

I am so nice to them that they feel like dirt when I'm done with them. I've learned to be so polite to people like that while if you read between the lines I told them to FO and get a life.

1 of them felt so bad she isn't as bad the other, well she will never change but is being nicer because she has seen me talking to her boss. It wasn't about her but it scared her enough.

SwordGuy

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #24 on: February 27, 2017, 06:55:21 PM »
So far, I have a 100% "This book is SO awesome!" response from people who tried it.

https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-People-Stand-Revised-Expanded/dp/0071785728/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487990920&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+deal+with+people+you+can%27t+stand

Very pragmatic.   Good for work environment, marriages and family, and even in prisons.   

Despite the title it's actually a very loving, compassionate book - that also happens to teach you how not to put up with shit.

Thanks so much for this suggestion! I started reading it yesterday and already feel like I have a better understanding of how to approach difficult people.

As I said, 100% of the people who have gotten back to me about this particular book recommendation have loved it.

Aelias

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #25 on: February 28, 2017, 08:24:51 AM »
I find that MMM philosophies / frugality have helped me develop a healthy detachment from my job and the difficult personalities I encounter therein.  Like, I see a lot of people engaging in office politics and backstabbing each other trying to get to the top, and I just do not understand it.

I like my job, and I do it as well as I can.  But it's not who I am.  And I have enough FU money and marketable skills that I do not have any fear of losing job.  Ironically, I think this makes me better at my job--I can stand my ground with difficult people and tell them when they're wrong.  And the inevitable pettiness and stupidity just rolls off my back.


Freedom Invested

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Re: Dealing with Rude Work Remarks
« Reply #26 on: March 03, 2017, 11:33:47 AM »
So the best strategy is to take solace in the fact that you'll likely retire earlier, remain valuable to the company(ies) until you do, be professional (kill them with kindness or question how what they are doing furthers the discussion/helps the company), and be somewhat emotionally detached. And if you do decide to keep working past financial independence you can quit at any time.

Seems good to me.