Benefits Manager over here. Correct, if a company has previously failed non-discrimination testing and found their dependent care FSA to be favoring the highly compensated employees, they can impose a lower contribution limit on to the HCEs to ensure they will pass future year non-discrimination testing. Although the IRS allows employers to offer the top value of $5,000, an employer is not obligated to do so. This testing is based on ridiculous terms using only a person's compensation and contribution level company-wide. No regard to number of children, or age of the employee, or age of the children (except you normally can't use a DCFSA for over age 13 children to begin with).
I totally agree with you as well that $5,000 is nowhere need what many working parents need to fund dependent day care and the cap has not changed to keep up with inflation.
It sucks for the employees for sure. As someone above mentioned, you may be able to do $2,500 through your company and $2,500 through a spouse if that applies and get to the $5,000 anually between you both.
By the way...If your spouse is a legit full-time stay at home parent, you would not be eligible to use a dependent day care FSA. Both spouses must be working full-time or going to school full-time. If she has earned income (taxable) through her consulting gig, then you are probably okay.