Others here are better than me at this, but I'll take a crack, since we're also relatively high income and living in a HCOL area.
Since you are making such a high income in an area with high local taxes, I would first max out all tax-deferred accounts. +1 to the solo 401k for your wife. That would be 24k to your 401k, and your wife's entire income of 20k into hers.
Subtracting your pre-tax expenses ($400x12 + $2500 + $44,000) from your income of 190k, and using this simple tax calculator:
https://smartasset.com/taxes/california-tax-calculator#NCQgnnv04MYour post-tax income after the pre-tax expenses and contributions would be $101,200, and your marginal tax rate is 35.75%.
I think your basic living expenses are reasonable for a HCOL area, with a caveat (see below). I'll round them up slightly to $65,000 a year. You would then still have $36,200 left over, or about $3000 to throw at your student loans each month.
Putting this much money into tax-deferred accounts lowers your MAGI to qualify for the student loan interest deduction (MAGI must be less than $160k for the full deduction). Up to $2500 of your student loan interest is tax deductible, which, at the federal rate of 25%, would be a $625 savings each year. By my rough calculation, this would effectively lower the interest rate on your student loans to about 6.9% (not a huge amount since you're currently paying >$8000 a year in interest and only $2500 of it is tax deductible).
Say you continue to pay $3000 a month toward your student loans. Plugging things into an online calculator, the balance will be paid off in 42 months, and you will pay around $14,000 in interest. This represents 12.6% of your principal loan of $111k, far less than your 36% marginal tax rate. Assuming that when you FIRE, you will be able to pull money out of your retirement accounts (nearly) tax-free (multiple threads here on how to do this), it's definitely beneficial to max out the 401k's before paying off student loans in your situation.
With such a high income, you don't qualify for the tax deduction for tIRAs, and I wouldn't bother buying Roth IRAs until your student loans are completely paid off. Seems the market is unlikely to return 6.9% in the next few years. (But you never know.)
A couple of suggestions:
Why do you need $2500 in your FSA? Are you expecting a lot of medical expenses this year? Funds in an FSA have to be used up within the year, or else you lose the money. People around here max out their HSAs, which are different: those funds are held in an investment account and can be used any time. They mostly go along with high-deductible health insurance plans from my understanding.
If I were you, I would live close to work and get rid of both cars, even if rent cost $500-$1000 more each month. Oakland is a fairly compact area, where you can get everything you need by either walking or biking. With a lightweight / foldable bike and the BART / Cal train system, you can pretty much get anywhere in the Bay Area. This would be a $1175 savings on your monthly budget (not including any increased rent) and much safer and more pleasant than driving on CA freeways.
Good luck!
