Cutting back on adult birthday gifts?

[fallstoclimb]

I'm sure this has been a thread before but I wasn't able to find it.

My husband has 2 siblings, each of whom are married or almost-married.   One sibling has 3 kids, and both parents are around.  For Christmas/Hannukah, we buy for the kids and for the parents (sometimes going in all together on something), and the siblings and sibling-in-laws all draw names, which works pretty well.  With all the kids its still a little pricey, but I feel like its reasonable.

For birthdays, for a while, my husband's siblings would buy each other gifts and the SOs were left out of it.  However somehow (with the marriages?  I don't know) we've slipped into all 6 adults getting birthday presents from each couple, plus birthday presents for the kids, plus birthday presents for the parents  (and then the holidays).   So basically DH and I buy birthday presents for 6 adults and 3 kids now on just his side.

This seems like a lot to me!  But I don't know how or when to talk to the family about cutting back at least on the sibling and sibling SO birthday gifts.  We have a bunch of birthdays in Sept (including mine), so its awkward to be the only couple not getting everyone gifts.  I think people would maybe react positively if I reached out and suggested we skip adult birthday gifts, but I am not sure.....they might be offended.  No one is incredibly wasteful but no one else is MMM either, and the other women like to shop.  At the same time I know money is tight for the couple with 3 kids. 

If it were Christmas/Hannukah that was an issue, it would be easy to reach out nowish and suggest the cheaper alternative - and in fact my SIL was the one to do this a few years back.  But for birthdays that are spread out around the year, I don't know *when* to suggest it, and I am unfortunately worried about being seen as cheap.  We do probably make the most money of all the couples, but being MMMers we are aggressively paying down my student loans, but given that we are the ones with the most money (and no kids) it seems disingenous to be the ones to suggest cutting back. 

I don't know.  Thoughts??  I mean, at the end of the day we're really just talking about the 4 adult gifts, so that's less than $200 a year.....maybe we should just suck it up and deal with it.  It's not gonna break the bank.  The shopping stresses me out more than the money because DH and I never know what they might want.  They are all somewhat materialistic, but we are not, so we are clueless.

[Half-Borg]

You said your birthday is in Sept., well that's halfway over. I think the best time would be to announce it before your birthday and before any gifts are bought. That way you can say "Hey everyone cut back, I will take the first round in not getting anything"
You might have missed it this year. I would not announce cutting back right after my own birthday, that's freaking cheap.

But Xmas is coming up, so that would be a nice option to get everyone to cut back at the same time, just include all birthdays in your announcment too

[CommonCents]

Agreed, it seems disingenious to suggest cutting back right after you get presents, even if that's not the intention.  When is your husband's birthday?  Perhaps suggest before his, particularly as it's his family so maybe best if he's the one to approach the topic.  I know a family skipping presents this year to save for a trip together.  You might try broaching it along those lines, as a way to save for family time.

[unpolloloco]

Or suggest baked goods as the adult gifts!

[fallstoclimb]

Yeah to be honest by the end of my post I sort of talked myself out of it.  Yeah, buying presents for 2 sets of parents + his 2 siblings and their 2 SOs + my sister + 5 total neices and nephews (...so far) is overwhelming, both for shopping and money reasons.  BUT all I'm really suggesting is cutting out the 4 sibling and sibling SO gifts, which really, how much of a difference does that make anyway. 

[Half-Borg]

MMM is all about the small stuff!
Every expense counts, also you not only save money, you also get less stuff you don't need. And everybody else saves some money and time too.

[CommonCents]

The couple not earning much would likely appreciate it.  The couple earning more, may be receptive if you approach them and in your explanation, suggest that it might be helpful for the other couple.  I'd approach individually (and, as I mentioned above, do it related to one of your events like your husband's birthday, not theirs).  Why not also cut presents to parents?  And if nothing more, cutting back, or doing a group gift gift for the families would help.

[MKinVA]

Been there. I have 5 brothers and sisters and their spouses and 12 nieces and nephews!! How about January 1st after everyone gets their fair share for 2013, send an email to all suggesting that you cut out all the adult gift giving and concentrate on the kids. That's what we did and at the time two of us didn't even have kids, but so what? We all love the each others kids and that's what it is all about. If you all live close, how about a quarterly birthday party, each taking turns hosting, quarterly means it's not specifically anyone's birthday. Dinner or just coffee and cake if that suits. Don't be embarrassed. Start the email with "it's gotten a little expensive and time consuming for Joe and me, and I'm sure for you guys, too...so how about we..." One more little bit of advice. Send the email to everyone at the same time. Don't let someone think they are last on the list (because then they think it's about them and you've been talking behind their back).