Author Topic: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it  (Read 6819 times)

fredbear

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #50 on: January 21, 2019, 08:55:33 PM »
Family aside - at what point should one want to realize unpleasant things about a dating partner?

A couple minutes into the first date.  I was being put through the information-gathering sequence of the female who has audibly thrumming ovaries and a list of qualities for the successful suitor-to-be.  (The course record was a young woman I knew with 208.  Years went by before she permitted anyone a second date.) "What were my career plans?"  "What about more children?"  "Opinions on a wife working or staying at home with the kids?"  "How many more kids?" "Moving for a better job?"  "Desirable neighborhoods?"  Finally I broke in and said, "Miss?  Miss."

"What about travel vaca...."

"Miss.  Would it be OK if I finished my beer before I propose?"

Now that, of course, was an item on my list: sense of humor.  I thought I passed.  I thought she didn't.  She was certain I didn't.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #51 on: January 22, 2019, 01:07:56 AM »
@SuperSecretName

Thanks all for the replies.

I think I'll probably keep this to myself for now.  I think it boils down to the question of if I tell them, what I want to happen/what do I gain?  The answer is really nothing.  Pride is one of the 7 deadly sins, and it seems like that's all that I'm going for ("hey look at me, I made a lot of money!")  My parents and GF both know my (general) RE plans and that I've done well.  I think that's sufficient.

I guess I just wanted to brag to someone.  Random internet strangers will have to suffice :)

I came to think of that we have the badassity forum for bragging about something you are proud of.

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/share-your-badassity/


MishMash

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #52 on: January 22, 2019, 07:20:35 AM »
DH didn't tell me about an inheritance he received while we were dating, and I appreciated that.  He told me a week before the wedding when I was freaking out spending 1k on an after wedding meal (we got married in a very cheap hawaiian beach wedding, the entire thing cost 5k, with our airfare).  I had close to 6 figures in student loans, he did not.  When he told me, I wasn't pissed, I was relieved because both he and I knew we were marrying for the right reasons.

We talked finance stuff before marriage all the time, the plan to pay off my loans, living and eating on the cheap etc.  I was much more frugal then he was, and I think he appreciated that. We just didn't discuss his net worth.  I agree with the others on here, talk finances, just not net worth until you are SURE.  And with your parents, they may be upper middle class, but that doesn't mean they have assets.  DHs dad made 300k plus a year and is completely broke living off of credit cards in his retirement.

DadJokes

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #53 on: January 22, 2019, 01:00:24 PM »
Why are so many people recommending only telling financial details before marriage? This is the same forum that reams people for not talking finances before marriage! Yes, I agree if they've been together like 2 months it's not a great idea to open the spreadsheets. But beyond a few dates, shouldn't you at least know broad swaths of your partner's finances? And before even *considering* engagement, I would hope you'd have a pretty good idea of their finances, and they of yours!

Perplexing change to advice here from the usual.

Yes this.

You know sometimes people live together, have children, and never get married, right?  I'd say it depends on the depth of their relationship.
I agree. I couldn't imagine entering into even a dating situation were I or they were looking for a serious long term relationship or marriage without discussing finances and goals very early on.  Especially if you have FIRE goals which could be derailed by a big spender. That doesn't mean having to lay out NW numbers at the onset, but at least a simple discussion of spending/lifestyle goals before getting heavily involved.  I FIREd single and it was definitely something I talked about when I first started dating someone. The sooner they knew my low spending budget (although I didn't share NW) and FIRE plans, which didn't include working years longer to fund their potential spendiness, the sooner they could run for the hills screaming ;-).

As for the OP congratulations! I personally would keep the NW under wraps for now but I think talking FIRE plans with parents and especially GF is great.

It's fine to share financial goals, such as a plan to live frugally and save half your income. Actually, it's imperative to, but telling someone who you aren't at least seriously dating your net worth can result in gold-digging or future lawsuits. If someone you don't fully trust knows you are worth seven figures, it can put a target on your back.

It all boils down to how serious the relationship is.

SuperSecretName

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #54 on: February 20, 2019, 06:43:30 AM »

Decided not to tell GF.  Decided to tell my dad. I had some estate planning questions for him, so brought it up in that context/conversation. Told him it'd be up to him if he thinks he should tell my mom. I had some concerns she wouldn't keep it to herself, and he thought about it and decided not to also.  He felt it was on a need to know basis, and she didn't need to know. I've been telling them about my FIRE plans for many years now, and she knows I've done well for myself.

happy

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #55 on: February 20, 2019, 03:09:17 PM »
Was he pleased for you?