Author Topic: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it  (Read 6777 times)

SuperSecretName

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Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« on: January 18, 2019, 02:07:38 PM »
I'm 37.  Did some re-calculating (I had two errors for months!) and with the market rise today, I've crossed the threshold.  I rent and it doesn't include home equity of a rental property I own (basically a wash.  leftover from RE bubble)

My parents are retired and are upper-middle class, so not like they are gonna ask me for money.  GF does well for herself, and is always trying to overpay for things, so the opposite of looking for a handout.

I know it's a bad idea - I think there was a thread about it, but not sure how to find it.

TheHardenedInvestor

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2019, 02:13:21 PM »
Tell your wife not your girlfriend. Tell your parents if it makes sense to. Avoid telling them out of pride. Congrats on hitting this milestone!

oldtoyota

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2019, 02:45:22 PM »
Do what you think will work best for you.

My dad knew a two decas, and they were girlfriend/boyfriend. Each knew they other had $10M or so. They weren't married. They survived just fine knowing about the other one's finances.

If you do not want to tell anyone in real life, then let us celebrate with you. We'll keep your secret. =-)


Syonyk

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2019, 02:58:39 PM »
There is zero benefit, and many downsides, to people knowing your financial state, unless you are intimately and legally paired with them (read, "married").  And even then, depending on the person, they may or may not care about the details.  My goal for our household is that my wife doesn't have to worry about money, at all, and her goal is to spend efficiently - which she's far, far better at than I am.  I dislike thrift stores.  She knows the local thrift stores very, very well, and enjoys finding bargains there.  But even then, I would be surprised if she was within 20% of our current net value - it just doesn't factor in to our daily life much.  We have enough, I manage the large scale finances, and we're happy with this arrangement.

Anonymous brags online are fine, if your handle isn't easily attached to you.  Mine is, so... you won't find many details on this forum with concrete numbers.

Most people think that is an utterly absurd, insane amount of money, and that, therefore, you're "loaded," and should be paying for everything.

Seriously, congratulations, but don't tell people.

okits

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2019, 07:48:39 PM »
If your parents might be tempted to brag about their rich and successful kid, donít tell them.  You could have any random person they care to impress too aware of your financial situation. 

Only you know the particulars of your relationship, but if thereís a reason why someone is your girlfriend/boyfriend and not your wife/husband then that could be a reason to keep your financial situation to yourself.

Congratulations on making the two-comma club!  The anonymous internet strangers here know what an achievement that is.  👍

MDM

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2019, 10:02:56 PM »
If you want to share with your parents, and you will be happy to do so and expect they will be happy for you and keep it private, then do so.  You should know yourself and them by now: do it if you expect a good result (i.e., shared happiness).

Somewhere between "girlfriend" and "wife" it makes sense to share.  One defensible milestone would be after "girlfriend" becomes "fiancee." Or maybe in the weeks leading up to an engagement decision: at least before you marry, and perhaps before you decide to get engaged, it would be good to understand how compatible the two of you are with things financial.  Money arguments are, unfortunately, a significant contributor to divorce.  Better to have those discussions beforehand....  Good luck!

Imma

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2019, 02:35:58 AM »
Is your girlfriend a woman you've just met a couple of months ago and you're now dating? Or are you talking about a long-term partner that you're just not married to?

My s/o and I (officially fiance, but we've been engaged for years) were never secretive about money / income, but since we moved in together and started having a joint household, we've been completely open about our finances. I would be pissed off if he suddenly revealed a big hidden investment account after our marriage later this year. But I guess if your relationship was this long-term, you wouldn't be in doubt what to do.

If you are planning a future with her, you must talk about your dreams for the future. Have you talked about FIRE as a future dream yet? I think I would start from there and see what her reaction to that is.

CindyBS

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2019, 08:06:29 AM »
First, congratulations!

Can you tell them without being specific?  Something like "I just reached a financial goal I've been working hard for for years and am really proud of it." 

BTDretire

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2019, 09:08:38 AM »
I suggest you just keep it between us, there is no upside to telling, and there could be a downside.

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2019, 09:16:24 AM »
Why are so many people recommending only telling financial details before marriage? This is the same forum that reams people for not talking finances before marriage! Yes, I agree if they've been together like 2 months it's not a great idea to open the spreadsheets. But beyond a few dates, shouldn't you at least know broad swaths of your partner's finances? And before even *considering* engagement, I would hope you'd have a pretty good idea of their finances, and they of yours!

Perplexing change to advice here from the usual.

Syonyk

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #10 on: January 19, 2019, 09:32:25 AM »
Somewhere between "girlfriend" and "wife" it makes sense to share.  One defensible milestone would be after "girlfriend" becomes "fiancee." Or maybe in the weeks leading up to an engagement decision: at least before you marry, and perhaps before you decide to get engaged, it would be good to understand how compatible the two of you are with things financial.  Money arguments are, unfortunately, a significant contributor to divorce.  Better to have those discussions beforehand....  Good luck!

I think that's a reasonable point to really dig into finances - engagement being a "Ok, we intend to get married, barring any major problems, let's really dig in" period, as far as I'm concerned.

Why are so many people recommending only telling financial details before marriage? This is the same forum that reams people for not talking finances before marriage! Yes, I agree if they've been together like 2 months it's not a great idea to open the spreadsheets. But beyond a few dates, shouldn't you at least know broad swaths of your partner's finances? And before even *considering* engagement, I would hope you'd have a pretty good idea of their finances, and they of yours!

Perplexing change to advice here from the usual.

It depends, but my now-wife had no idea of the details of my finances until we were engaged, beyond basics.  I actually went out of my way to not make financial details too evident when I was meeting people, because I had no real interest in anyone who was excessively interested in my finances... several friends demonstrated that no matter what you earn, your wife can out-spend it (even if they were pretty clamped down on stuff).

My wife knew I was financially stable, and I knew she could pinch a penny hard enough to squeeze blood out (she was living alone on a teacher's salary, paying down student loans, driving an inexpensive car, etc).  That was sufficient.

As we moved towards getting engaged, I'd say we had discussions on finances, but nothing particularly detailed.  I did know the student loan debt she was paying (not that much), and her car loan (her parents were more or less horrified at the car she was driving when they came to visit and made a very substantial payment on "not a rolling wreck" for her, with the remainder of some of her college savings or something like that), but we didn't really merge finances until we were married.  She had her own accounts, and we had a shared cup of money for groceries (cash), but were still separate up until we got married.

At that point, I paid off her (now our) debts and we've gone forward merged, though that's pretty easy since she stays at home.  I make the money, she spends it far more efficiently than I would.

But, no, I don't see any advantages of sharing details early in dating, especially not if you're very well off.  I had no interest in someone liking me for my cash, and tended to show up on a motorcycle places for dates (which, to be fair, was because I showed up everywhere on a motorcycle).

SuperSecretName

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2019, 09:36:23 AM »
Weíve been dating about a year. Both divorced with kids.  Sheís knows my FIRE plans (by 45) and is supportive. She also already knows Iíve done well for myself, though obviously not how well. She makes a good salary (similar to mine) and invests/trades. Not financially inept. We both drive Fits.
« Last Edit: January 19, 2019, 09:37:56 AM by SuperSecretName »

Rosy

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2019, 09:54:20 AM »
Based on your description above she sounds like the perfect partner to celebrate such a milestone with.
You know it is a huge milestone - so why not share it with your girlfriend, so you can both rejoice over your good fortune?
You are one lucky dude.

As far as telling your parents, depends on them and your relationship with them. I'd tell my mom in a heartbeat, she would be so happy for me and proud of me, but I know there are parental relationships where it isn't a good idea to share your excellent finances for a myriad of reasons.

Syonyk

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #13 on: January 19, 2019, 09:58:07 AM »
Yeah, given that, I'd probably discuss it.  Who knows, maybe she beat you. ;)

My parents have no idea as to my financial state beyond "not struggling."  They've also likely worked out that I took a truly massive pay cut to move to somewhere I like vs somewhere I hated...

PoutineLover

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #14 on: January 19, 2019, 10:43:12 AM »
I think that finances should be discussed with serious partners, especially if marriage or living together is on the table. Unless it's at the very beginning of the relationship. I wouldn't be dating someone that I couldn't trust to talk about that stuff. Celebrating milestones together and appreciating each other's success are some of the joys of relationships. Parents it would depend on the relationship. Mine I'd definitely tell, but not everyone has trustworthy and supportive parents.

COEE

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #15 on: January 19, 2019, 10:58:54 AM »
First, Congrats!  It's quite a milestone.

I'd only tell girlfriend after she becomes fiance - and I would expect to understand her financial situation in return.  I'd start by asking if she was serious about moving the situation forward then ask if she is interested in sharing each other's financial picture.  She may even have a higher net-worth than you it sounds like.  Regardless, before marrying I would insist on prenup's - it will protect both of you.  I would not wed with that kind of net worth without a prenup.  If she declines - ask yourself why.

I wouldn't tell your parents.  I used to tell my parents my salary and financial situation.  I don't anymore.  I'm 37 and have a similar financial picture as my parents do after a lifetime of saving.  My situation will only get better.  If you're that age - even with your parents being upper-middle class (whatever that means) it will only do you harm.  If they ask - just tell them that you're comfortable and leave it at that.

Get a will.
Get a umbrella policy.

Be gracious to those who have supported you.
Give graciously.

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #16 on: January 19, 2019, 11:28:15 AM »
Huh. Apparently I have very different benchmarks than a lot on here, because I wouldn't dream of having gotten engaged before talking finances. As part of that, I wouldn't have moved in with a partner before finances (I've lived with two partners, discussed finances before moving in with either of them), and I wouldn't get engaged without living with someone first. Personally, I'd want to know WAY before living with someone or being engaged if knowledge of my money would change their behavior. Then you're not in too deep, and it's easier to split it off- less mutual life lost.

Based on your description above she sounds like the perfect partner to celebrate such a milestone with.
You know it is a huge milestone - so why not share it with your girlfriend, so you can both rejoice over your good fortune?
You are one lucky dude.

As far as telling your parents, depends on them and your relationship with them. I'd tell my mom in a heartbeat, she would be so happy for me and proud of me, but I know there are parental relationships where it isn't a good idea to share your excellent finances for a myriad of reasons.

Agree. She sounds like someone who would celebrate with you. And if it changes her regard toward you... wouldn't you want to know?

With parents, it's way more complicated.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #17 on: January 19, 2019, 11:36:01 AM »
Huh. Apparently I have very different benchmarks than a lot on here, because I wouldn't dream of having gotten engaged before talking finances. As part of that, I wouldn't have moved in with a partner before finances (I've lived with two partners, discussed finances before moving in with either of them), and I wouldn't get engaged without living with someone first. Personally, I'd want to know WAY before living with someone or being engaged if knowledge of my money would change their behavior. Then you're not in too deep, and it's easier to split it off- less mutual life lost.

Based on your description above she sounds like the perfect partner to celebrate such a milestone with.
You know it is a huge milestone - so why not share it with your girlfriend, so you can both rejoice over your good fortune?
You are one lucky dude.

As far as telling your parents, depends on them and your relationship with them. I'd tell my mom in a heartbeat, she would be so happy for me and proud of me, but I know there are parental relationships where it isn't a good idea to share your excellent finances for a myriad of reasons.

Agree. She sounds like someone who would celebrate with you. And if it changes her regard toward you... wouldn't you want to know?

With parents, it's way more complicated.

My school of thought was, discuss finances in general terms before engagement. After engagement, then you actually break out the account balances and so on. YMMV.

My husband and I were engaged before we lived together... but I have kids. Moving someone in with your kids is a HUGE commitment. Way different than moving in with someone just the two of you.

BOP Mustache

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #18 on: January 19, 2019, 11:48:21 AM »
If you trust the woman (like I do with my wife), I laid it all out on the table after six months into the relationship. No point hiding things.

Why not just say, you know those plans I had for retiring at 45 like we have talked about. Well I was reading an article on this thing called a 4% withdrawal rate and was doing some figures and realised my net worth was 1 mill. I thought that was pretty cool.

My wife (current GF at one point) would have been happy for me/us both.

AnnaGrowsAMustache

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #19 on: January 19, 2019, 12:35:37 PM »
Unless they are also mustachian, keep your mouth shut. People turn feral when they hear 'million', and you don't want to discover unpleasant things about your gf and family at this stage.

MDM

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #20 on: January 19, 2019, 01:00:18 PM »
Unless they are also mustachian, keep your mouth shut. People turn feral when they hear 'million', and you don't want to discover unpleasant things about your gf and family at this stage.
Family aside - at what point should one want to realize unpleasant things about a dating partner?

Syonyk

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #21 on: January 19, 2019, 01:02:21 PM »
Family aside - at what point should one want to realize unpleasant things about a dating partner?

Before they realize that by playing nice they can get access to a large sum of money...

marty998

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #22 on: January 19, 2019, 01:50:02 PM »
I think that finances should be discussed with serious partners, especially if marriage or living together is on the table. Unless it's at the very beginning of the relationship. I wouldn't be dating someone that I couldn't trust to talk about that stuff. Celebrating milestones together and appreciating each other's success are some of the joys of relationships. Parents it would depend on the relationship. Mine I'd definitely tell, but not everyone has trustworthy and supportive parents.

I like this answer.

Family aside - at what point should one want to realize unpleasant things about a dating partner?

Before they realize that by playing nice they can get access to a large sum of money...

The early dating question is to walk past a newsagent with them, point to the lotto sign and ask them what they would do if they won that.

The response could be quite illuminating.

GreenEggs

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #23 on: January 19, 2019, 03:49:29 PM »
A lot of guys would claim to have a Million $$ hoping to get a GF! 

Padonak

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #24 on: January 19, 2019, 03:52:17 PM »

The early dating question is to walk past a newsagent with them, point to the lotto sign and ask them what they would do if they won that.

The response could be quite illuminating.

Please pretend that I'm an alien, just landed on earth, totally tone deaf and clueless. What are some specific examples of (1) good answers and (2) bad answers to this question?

happy

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #25 on: January 19, 2019, 04:26:10 PM »
Its such an individual question, and has individual answers. I guess I would abide by the general rule that once told you can't take it back, so think before you speak.
In my own situation:

I told my dad when my net worth hit 1mm. Most of this was equity in my PPOR due to high house prices around here that I'd derived merely from being in the market, so not at all relevant from a retirement point of view. He chuffed and chuckled proudly and said "I bet you never thought you'd get there". It didn't change anything. I didn't tell my mum because she wasn't at all into finances and would probably have said something deflating.

Its a long time ago  - I wasn't mustachian but LBYMs and fairly conservative with money. My now ex, looked very financially responsible before we got married - lived in a share household, small not very new car, paid off, no debt, in fact no credit card. Spent money on books and CDs ( in those days!) but nothing alarming. His spending started on our honeymoon and just didn't stop. The divorce was obviously financially difficult but after a few years it became apparent I would pull ahead alone even as a single mum unsupported by him, without him continuously emptying our coffers. I obviously had bad luck/made a poor choice with regard to my ex partner, but my point is that you never really know someone except with the passing of time. I've never been one for the American concept of pre-nups, but I really think its worth considering, particularly if you are going into a relationship with a big net worth already built up.


marty998

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #26 on: January 19, 2019, 05:38:59 PM »

The early dating question is to walk past a newsagent with them, point to the lotto sign and ask them what they would do if they won that.

The response could be quite illuminating.

Please pretend that I'm an alien, just landed on earth, totally tone deaf and clueless. What are some specific examples of (1) good answers and (2) bad answers to this question?

Good answer - invest the capital, spend the earnings (I would find that a good answer).
Bad answer - whatever it is you personally find to be bad spending(?) Choose your poison.


MonkeyJenga

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #27 on: January 19, 2019, 07:20:15 PM »

The early dating question is to walk past a newsagent with them, point to the lotto sign and ask them what they would do if they won that.

The response could be quite illuminating.

Please pretend that I'm an alien, just landed on earth, totally tone deaf and clueless. What are some specific examples of (1) good answers and (2) bad answers to this question?

Good options (for me): things that contribute positively to the world. Donate to charity, become an influential political donor, invest in new solar technologies or environmental research.

Bad answers: unending dreams of lavish consumption. Yachts, fancy cars, fancy homes, fancy hotel travel. If your main goal is spending money on stuff, we're not compatible. Or donating everything to a megachurch whose founder flies around in private jets.

MustacheAndaHalf

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #28 on: January 20, 2019, 05:51:49 AM »
It might be riskier to tell your parents than tell a fiance, if they boast about it.  Especially if it comes up at a family gathering, that can alter how people treat you.  And of course, you're family, so why isn't your money their money?  Yeah, logic won't come into it, unfortunately.  Also, your parents might already have a million (or more, to retire) and haven't told you... maybe take that as an example?  They haven't needed to share what's in their bank account...

There's generally a taboo about discussing what people make, or what they have in their bank accounts.  To steal a line I saw this year, when you compare money one of you has to go away knowing they have less.  So when you tell this girlfriend who isn't your fiance, have you considered she might feel bad as a result?

use2betrix

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #29 on: January 20, 2019, 07:01:37 AM »
I tell my parents everything. Since I move a lot I use their address for a lot of mail and Iíll have them occasionally open pay stubs or tax returns and send me pics so they donít have to mail.

My parents have supported me a lot in my life (not overly financially, but emotionally and supportive of many decisions Iíve made). Telling them about my income or savings is moreso because I know how proud they are of me, and it shows. I got a raise recently and called them on my way home because I was so amazed. My wife and I have taken some longer sabbaticals and theyíve watched our dog while we were out of country and weíve also stayed with them a few months off and on.

happy

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #30 on: January 20, 2019, 03:36:41 PM »
When I told my dad I knew he wouldn't tell anyone else...we were the kind who didn't discuss money.

Dibdab

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #31 on: January 20, 2019, 06:34:02 PM »
That info needs to get buried along with yourself hopefully at over several mil by then.
Of course you will have to consider how to explain yourself if you wanna do something as countercultural as retiring  young

BPA

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #32 on: January 20, 2019, 06:47:24 PM »
Interesting perspectives.

From the other side, the boyfriend I had from 18-20 was a millionaire in his own right (ie not family money) and didn't tell me about it. He worked at the mall and I figured he was as broke as I was working in a grocery store. I was fairly spendy back then since it was the eighties and I was high maintenance as far as appearance went. And fragrance (all the money I wasted on that. lol).

I did find out that he was a millionaire from one of his friends. I never told him I knew. And it never made me "feral" or anything like that. And it certainly didn't make me decide I would land him no matter what. No machinations here.

So, I'm with the people who acknowledge that each case is different.

happy

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #33 on: January 20, 2019, 07:49:00 PM »
Quote
And fragrance (all the money I wasted on that. lol).

Ah yes I remember 80s, I spent a lot on fragrance also. Only the best brands.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #34 on: January 21, 2019, 05:50:17 AM »
I wouldn't be so specific about the amount to the parents.
But by the time your RE, you could tell them in general you can afford to never work again, without mentioning the sum.

The GF has the right to know in general terms how you are doing financially and more in detail the closer you come to an engagement/marriage. And more so, tell her how you plan to live your life with all that money. Tell her you won't spend it on luxury, but on lowish living expenses to cover the rest of your life.

SuperSecretName

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #35 on: January 21, 2019, 07:04:00 AM »
Thanks all for the replies.

I think I'll probably keep this to myself for now.  I think it boils down to the question of if I tell them, what I want to happen/what do I gain?  The answer is really nothing.  Pride is one of the 7 deadly sins, and it seems like that's all that I'm going for ("hey look at me, I made a lot of money!")  My parents and GF both know my (general) RE plans and that I've done well.  I think that's sufficient.

I guess I just wanted to brag to someone.  Random internet strangers will have to suffice :)

JLee

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #36 on: January 21, 2019, 07:39:45 AM »
Thanks all for the replies.

I think I'll probably keep this to myself for now.  I think it boils down to the question of if I tell them, what I want to happen/what do I gain?  The answer is really nothing.  Pride is one of the 7 deadly sins, and it seems like that's all that I'm going for ("hey look at me, I made a lot of money!")  My parents and GF both know my (general) RE plans and that I've done well.  I think that's sufficient.

I guess I just wanted to brag to someone.  Random internet strangers will have to suffice :)

It's an accomplishment, not really all that much different then getting a college degree, etc (which is societally normal to talk about).  I talk finances with my (not married) partner(s) and with close friends.  It depends on the sort of relationship you have, I think - is it something you'd normally talk about, or is it completely out of the blue?

thesis

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #37 on: January 21, 2019, 09:07:49 AM »
Send her a decently large sum of money anonymously, see if she turns up with some obnoxiously expensive consumer-sucka purchase or if it quietly goes into savings. Cheap price to pay a good indicator of how she might handle big money :)

Yeah, parents are tough. When I hit the 20% savings rate, my mom's jaw nearly dropped, though she was happy for me. I think she just got it in her mind that I had to be loaded to be doing that. They are not bad with their money, they just aren't really focusing it in the best of ways. They were set back half a lifetime during the recession, partly what inspired me to learn as much as I could about how to handle money, but because of this it may be a sore spot to discuss with them. I'm grateful to have learned from their mistakes, but still they are in a less-than-ideal situation, and I'd honestly be hesitant to tell them that my real savings rate is now 50%. =/

I'd start talking FIRE concepts with your GF and see how she responds to those. Your first barrier is whether she is open to or likes the idea of FIRE. If the response is favorable, you can then start indicating how close your are or thinking out loud about / discussing what you might like to do with your life. No need to jump into the "I've got $1m" conversation right away.

Also, congrats, that's an awesome milestone :)

Smokystache

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #38 on: January 21, 2019, 09:19:56 AM »
Thanks all for the replies.

I think I'll probably keep this to myself for now.  I think it boils down to the question of if I tell them, what I want to happen/what do I gain?  The answer is really nothing.  Pride is one of the 7 deadly sins, and it seems like that's all that I'm going for ("hey look at me, I made a lot of money!")  My parents and GF both know my (general) RE plans and that I've done well.  I think that's sufficient.

I guess I just wanted to brag to someone.  Random internet strangers will have to suffice :)

I think you've made a wise choice, but I completely understand the desire to share your accomplishment. THIS IS REALLY SOMETHING. I'm assuming that you don't make $300k+ per year or that you didn't stumble into a huge pile of cash. So to have a plan, stick to the plan, and then keep sticking to the plan is HUGE.

The MMM forums are a highly skewed population- so it may not seem quite as big of a deal here - but how many people do you know who make a similar amount of money and likely have a $1million net worth by their mid-30s?? I don't personally know any (and I realize they may be "closet mustachians"). Even the friends and acquaintances I know who made big money don't have this kind of net worth.

Nicely done!!

Sailor Sam

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #39 on: January 21, 2019, 09:20:34 AM »
Send her a decently large sum of money anonymously, see if she turns up with some obnoxiously expensive consumer-sucka purchase or if it quietly goes into savings. Cheap price to pay a good indicator of how she might handle big money :)

Deeply skeezy.

PoutineLover

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #40 on: January 21, 2019, 09:43:00 AM »
Send her a decently large sum of money anonymously, see if she turns up with some obnoxiously expensive consumer-sucka purchase or if it quietly goes into savings. Cheap price to pay a good indicator of how she might handle big money :)

Deeply skeezy.
+1
Also, if I anonymously received a large amount of money, no way I'd spend it or put it in my investments. How would it have been sent? Who does it actually belong to? That would raise so many questions that I would definitely not try to just keep it. And if I did find out it was a test from my partner, bye! That's super manipulative and weird.

honeybbq

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #41 on: January 21, 2019, 10:25:22 AM »

I guess I just wanted to brag to someone.  Random internet strangers will have to suffice :)

+1 that's what we're here for. I can't imagine laying my NW out for anyone unless I had a specific question or point. We are safe, and we'll never ask you for money. :D

tralfamadorian

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #42 on: January 21, 2019, 11:06:57 AM »
Send her a decently large sum of money anonymously, see if she turns up with some obnoxiously expensive consumer-sucka purchase or if it quietly goes into savings. Cheap price to pay a good indicator of how she might handle big money :)

Deeply skeezy.
+1
Also, if I anonymously received a large amount of money, no way I'd spend it or put it in my investments. How would it have been sent? Who does it actually belong to? That would raise so many questions that I would definitely not try to just keep it. And if I did find out it was a test from my partner, bye! That's super manipulative and weird.

+2
If I received something like this, I would presume it was an end stage stalker, misdelivered drug money or something of that ilk. 

patchyfacialhair

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #43 on: January 21, 2019, 11:15:57 AM »
Send her a decently large sum of money anonymously, see if she turns up with some obnoxiously expensive consumer-sucka purchase or if it quietly goes into savings. Cheap price to pay a good indicator of how she might handle big money :)

Deeply skeezy.
+1
Also, if I anonymously received a large amount of money, no way I'd spend it or put it in my investments. How would it have been sent? Who does it actually belong to? That would raise so many questions that I would definitely not try to just keep it. And if I did find out it was a test from my partner, bye! That's super manipulative and weird.

+2
If I received something like this, I would presume it was an end stage stalker, misdelivered drug money or something of that ilk.

I took @thesis remark to be a joke. Seems like an outrageous enough suggestion to me at least.

Sailor Sam

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #44 on: January 21, 2019, 11:27:46 AM »
Send her a decently large sum of money anonymously, see if she turns up with some obnoxiously expensive consumer-sucka purchase or if it quietly goes into savings. Cheap price to pay a good indicator of how she might handle big money :)

Deeply skeezy.
+1
Also, if I anonymously received a large amount of money, no way I'd spend it or put it in my investments. How would it have been sent? Who does it actually belong to? That would raise so many questions that I would definitely not try to just keep it. And if I did find out it was a test from my partner, bye! That's super manipulative and weird.

+2
If I received something like this, I would presume it was an end stage stalker, misdelivered drug money or something of that ilk.

I took @thesis remark to be a joke. Seems like an outrageous enough suggestion to me at least.

Hmm, yes. I'm certainly not immune from being a victim of Poe's law. Even with a smiley face, apparently.

PoutineLover

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #45 on: January 21, 2019, 11:42:39 AM »
Send her a decently large sum of money anonymously, see if she turns up with some obnoxiously expensive consumer-sucka purchase or if it quietly goes into savings. Cheap price to pay a good indicator of how she might handle big money :)

Deeply skeezy.
+1
Also, if I anonymously received a large amount of money, no way I'd spend it or put it in my investments. How would it have been sent? Who does it actually belong to? That would raise so many questions that I would definitely not try to just keep it. And if I did find out it was a test from my partner, bye! That's super manipulative and weird.

+2
If I received something like this, I would presume it was an end stage stalker, misdelivered drug money or something of that ilk.

I took @thesis remark to be a joke. Seems like an outrageous enough suggestion to me at least.

Hmm, yes. I'm certainly not immune from being a victim of Poe's law. Even with a smiley face, apparently.
Guess I missed that too, but I've read enough messed up stories of dating "tests" people have encountered that it seemed plausible that someone would try this. Plus it seems like half the people in this thread don't even trust their own partners much, so we're already in a weird zone where things don't make sense.

Imma

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #46 on: January 21, 2019, 11:44:23 AM »

From the other side, the boyfriend I had from 18-20 was a millionaire in his own right (ie not family money) and didn't tell me about it. He worked at the mall and I figured he was as broke as I was working in a grocery store. I was fairly spendy back then since it was the eighties and I was high maintenance as far as appearance went. And fragrance (all the money I wasted on that. lol).

I did find out that he was a millionaire from one of his friends. I never told him I knew. And it never made me "feral" or anything like that. And it certainly didn't make me decide I would land him no matter what. No machinations here.


This leaves me curious! How does a young guy who works in the mall make a million? That's a massive achievement.

thesis

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #47 on: January 21, 2019, 12:26:49 PM »
I took @thesis remark to be a joke. Seems like an outrageous enough suggestion to me at least.

Much appreciated! The winky face may have been a better choice here, sorry for any confusion, hehe.

Yeah, I think figuring out how people will spend their money in the future can be difficult, if not outright impossible. Some people who are super spendy now will completely turn their lives around while, like one story shared above, some start out frugal then completely let themselves go. There's no crystal ball. I suspect looking at one's motivations in general may be a decent indicator, but I still have no idea. Some people are frugal until they're out of debt, which is good, but then they start seeing their freed-up money as party money. Technically, that was the path I was on before discovering the FIRE movement*, but I changed. I want to say that past behavior is an indicator of future results, but there's a reason investment firms tell you otherwise (so they don't get their butts sued to the ends of the earth)

*well, I guess it was a combination of fear and trying to be responsible, but I also wasn't thinking about investing the money, and I was still more wasteful with money than I would probably have wanted to admit
« Last Edit: January 21, 2019, 12:30:23 PM by thesis »

mm1970

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #48 on: January 21, 2019, 02:24:25 PM »
Why are so many people recommending only telling financial details before marriage? This is the same forum that reams people for not talking finances before marriage! Yes, I agree if they've been together like 2 months it's not a great idea to open the spreadsheets. But beyond a few dates, shouldn't you at least know broad swaths of your partner's finances? And before even *considering* engagement, I would hope you'd have a pretty good idea of their finances, and they of yours!

Perplexing change to advice here from the usual.

Yes this.

You know sometimes people live together, have children, and never get married, right?  I'd say it depends on the depth of their relationship.

BPA

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Re: Crossed $1,000,000. Want to tell GF/Parents. Talk me out of it
« Reply #49 on: January 21, 2019, 02:32:11 PM »

From the other side, the boyfriend I had from 18-20 was a millionaire in his own right (ie not family money) and didn't tell me about it. He worked at the mall and I figured he was as broke as I was working in a grocery store. I was fairly spendy back then since it was the eighties and I was high maintenance as far as appearance went. And fragrance (all the money I wasted on that. lol).

I did find out that he was a millionaire from one of his friends. I never told him I knew. And it never made me "feral" or anything like that. And it certainly didn't make me decide I would land him no matter what. No machinations here.


This leaves me curious! How does a young guy who works in the mall make a million? That's a massive achievement.

Successful litigation following a pretty scary accident apparently. But it was really cool that he worked hard at the mall when he could have been FI. Admittedly I never confirmed the exact amount. But I'd seen the scars and he told me he'd broken his back in an accident years before.

OP: It's totally up to you, of course. And congratulations on reaching such a milestone!