Author Topic: corrupted baby showers  (Read 3496 times)

Case

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corrupted baby showers
« on: March 30, 2017, 02:50:40 PM »
A friend of mine has impregnated his girlfriend, and to make a long story short, she went off the pill in order to trap him (not merely a suspicion; she confirmed it).  Another friend is now hosting a baby shower for them.

My personal opinion is that what the person did I find reprehensible (her, not my friend), and therefore I do not want to participate in a baby shower for her, and so the current plan is not to attend.  I can get them a separate gift later.  However, my question is, to what degree do you think people will judge me as an asshole for doing this?
I don't personally care what they think, but since these are all coworkers I have to consider impacts.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2017, 02:55:06 PM by Case »

prognastat

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Re: corrupted baby showers
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2017, 02:55:27 PM »
A friend of mine has impregnated his girlfriend, and to make a long story short, she went off the pill in order to trap him (not merely a suspicion; she confirmed it).  Another friend is now hosting a baby shower for them.

My personal opinion is that what the person did I find reprehensible, and therefore I do not want to participate in a baby shower for her, and so the current plan is not to attend.  I can get them a separate gift later.  However, my question is, to what degree do you think people will judge me as an asshole for doing this?
I don't personally care what they think, but since these are all coworkers I have to consider impacts.

Anything shy of making the gift a paternity test would be kind.

Vindicated

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Re: baby showers
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2017, 02:58:55 PM »
Simply, it is reprehensible.  She was wrong to do that.  However, was your friend on his way out before finding out?  If he is/was unhappy, he can still leave.  As long as he is still a good father*, he doesn't have to be with the mother.

Is this a co-ed baby shower?  Most are women only around here.  We had a "Diaper Party" for all the guys to get together, cook out, have some beers, etc.  That was nice.

Anyway, if it's not a co-ed baby shower - No Problem!  You don't have to go or give anything.

If it is a co-ed baby shower, and your friend is happy with the mother - Go to support him.  He's happy, you should be too.

If it is a co-ed baby shower, and your friend is unhappy or planning to leave the mother - Go to support or skip.  I think people would understand either way, if they know the situation.

*Of course, some leave with no intention of being in the baby's life.  I hope this isn't the case

Anything shy of making the gift a paternity test would be kind.

I like it.

Case

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Re: baby showers
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2017, 03:10:41 PM »
Simply, it is reprehensible.  She was wrong to do that.  However, was your friend on his way out before finding out?  If he is/was unhappy, he can still leave.  As long as he is still a good father*, he doesn't have to be with the mother.

Is this a co-ed baby shower?  Most are women only around here.  We had a "Diaper Party" for all the guys to get together, cook out, have some beers, etc.  That was nice.

Anyway, if it's not a co-ed baby shower - No Problem!  You don't have to go or give anything.

If it is a co-ed baby shower, and your friend is happy with the mother - Go to support him.  He's happy, you should be too.

If it is a co-ed baby shower, and your friend is unhappy or planning to leave the mother - Go to support or skip.  I think people would understand either way, if they know the situation.

*Of course, some leave with no intention of being in the baby's life.  I hope this isn't the case

Anything shy of making the gift a paternity test would be kind.

I like it.

Not sure if my friend was on the way out, but she feared he was and did this on purpose (to her own addition).  He will be a good father, but's a super messy situation even beyond the details I've given (rather not give more).  I think he plans to remain with her, though I'm not sure whether or not he is happy with her.

It's a co-ed shower, which seemed weird to me too.  I alternatively proposed taking the guys out for beers/whatever, which I may stick to.

prognastat

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Re: baby showers
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2017, 03:44:06 PM »
Not sure if my friend was on the way out, but she feared he was and did this on purpose (to her own addition).  He will be a good father, but's a super messy situation even beyond the details I've given (rather not give more).  I think he plans to remain with her, though I'm not sure whether or not he is happy with her.

It's a co-ed shower, which seemed weird to me too.  I alternatively proposed taking the guys out for beers/whatever, which I may stick to.

I don't know about your friend, but if this were me and I was effectively tricked in to the biggest decision of my life the relationship would be over.

bobechs

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Re: corrupted baby showers
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2017, 03:50:13 PM »
Co-ed showering is a bit wierd, but for myself I'd say babies have no need for showers until they can at least sit up.

Catbert

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Re: corrupted baby showers
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2017, 03:51:06 PM »
If you don't want to go then don't.  No need to explain to your friend or co-workers why you're busy that day. 

bugbaby

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Re: corrupted baby showers
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2017, 05:26:39 PM »
It's common knowledge that a man who does not want a baby wears a condom. He trusted a trickster, sure, but he still participated in the pregnancy. 

However you don't have to go to the shower or give a gift if you don't want to.

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prognastat

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Re: corrupted baby showers
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2017, 05:31:21 PM »
It's common knowledge that a man who does not want a baby wears a condom. He trusted a trickster, sure, but he still participated in the pregnancy. 

However you don't have to go to the shower or give a gift if you don't want to.

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Ah so a woman must also to be equally blamed for the baby if a man uses a faulty/sabotaged condom intentionally.

bugbaby

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Re: corrupted baby showers
« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2017, 05:33:08 PM »
It's common knowledge that a man who does not want a baby wears a condom. He trusted a trickster, sure, but he still participated in the pregnancy. 

However you don't have to go to the shower or give a gift if you don't want to.

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Ah so a woman must also to be equally blamed for the baby if a man uses a faulty/sabotaged condom intentionally.
Indeed yes, she is responsible for her own birth control.

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prognastat

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Re: corrupted baby showers
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2017, 05:36:18 PM »
It's common knowledge that a man who does not want a baby wears a condom. He trusted a trickster, sure, but he still participated in the pregnancy. 

However you don't have to go to the shower or give a gift if you don't want to.

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Ah so a woman must also to be equally blamed for the baby if a man uses a faulty/sabotaged condom intentionally.
Indeed yes, she is responsible for her own birth control.

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Sorry but just no, if fraud is involved you can't blame the other party for being trusting. That's no different than someone being taken advantage of financially by a huckster who scammed him by putting on a friendly face and lies. You don't blame the victim of a crime and fraud is a crime. Unfortunately in such cases as a man there are no recourses.

However blaming the victim for falling for it to me is immoral.

Pigeon

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Re: corrupted baby showers
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2017, 05:38:01 PM »
IMO, the baby shower is to mark the welcoming of the baby.  It's not a statement about the circumstances surrounding the conception.

But if you don't want to go, don't.   Your acquaintances are going to think what they want, nothing you can do about that.

Goldielocks

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Re: corrupted baby showers
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2017, 10:29:35 PM »
  Your acquaintances are going to think what they want, nothing you can do about that.

Most of them won't even notice unless you make a statement about it.  Just have "other plans" that day that prevent you from going.   Some may even think that you had the right idea.  Baby showers are not often "fun night of the year" for many.

Case

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Re: corrupted baby showers
« Reply #13 on: March 31, 2017, 04:55:41 AM »
It's common knowledge that a man who does not want a baby wears a condom. He trusted a trickster, sure, but he still participated in the pregnancy. 

However you don't have to go to the shower or give a gift if you don't want to.

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Your statement is false.  People who have not wanted babies don't wear condoms all the time; it might not be wise, but if their partner is on birth control then it significantly shifts the odds.

However, my friend certainly bares responsibility.