Author Topic: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...  (Read 5643 times)

NewJourney

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Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« on: January 17, 2016, 09:07:50 PM »
*Warninng* Before you read on, this is a rant lol ;-)

Today as I got the mail I saw this printed on the side of a groupon box in the lobby (I attached a photo). It really got me thinking how dependent most people are on consumerism. To the point of a company printing "Happiness has arrived" on the side of their boxes...and really got me thinking...because the more and more I get familiar with the mustachian way of life, it really makes me think about the lifestyle I left behind. Constantly building up debt, throwing money at everything I felt I "wanted" or "needed", manicures and pedicures every week, going shopping every week, etc. From my perspective now, it makes me sick to think how I've spent most of my life wasting so incredibly much.

With that being said, it makes me absolutely sick when I see people throwing away so much of their "freedom" with unnecessary things, now that I know the truth.  So many things today are defined by the things you own. You are considered "successful" if you are making $150,000 per year, drive a overly expensive car, have a huge house that's overly decorated, etc. but the debt for that car, the house, the over the top decorations, etc. are never considered by most people when they see that "successful" person.

So many of my "friends" think I'm crazy for how I've changed my life style. Granted I have changed, I'm no longer that shopping/mani-pedi/dinner out every night friend, the person there to help spend money, and I have lost pretty much all of my so called "friends" in the process.  Instead I'm working extra hours, and concentrating so much of my time and energy to fix the mistakes I've made in the past.  It's gotten so bad the only supporters I have are my parents and my fellow mustachians here.

This lifestyle has also helped motivate me to change my eating habits to very healthy, clean, and cheaper (farmers markets). Which also just annoys everyone as well.

This change has definitely been brining some annoying things I've been dealing with, and it does get really hard at times. But I don't care. I realize how vital this life change is, and when I have reached financial independence and an early retirement, all of the doubters who didn't even want to "hear me out on my reasons" will see what I was talking about. It does get lonely at times.

So overall it's so frustrating when you try to share your reasoning with people, but they are too stupid to listen and write me off as "the crazy person who doesn't ever enjoy life".

I am thankful, however, that I realize that the people I called "friends" are not even close to being friends.  So much for supporting you through everything in life.  So it does get pretty lonely sometimes.

Can anyone else relate?  What are your thoughts? Do you have a good support system outside of the community here?



funcomesfirst

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2016, 09:24:53 PM »
While I think it's great that you've made changes to improve your life, I'm sorry to hear that you've "lost" your friends (or determined them not real).  I don't know if we've made more gradual changes or if life was leading us in this direction all along, but thankfully a couple close friends and a large part of our family has supported the mustachian type changes we've made.  I think the most important thing is to stay true to yourself, but I also hope that you can find some people in your area who have similar interests because I think loneliness could lead to an unhappy life and I think the whole goal of FI is to find the place where you are happiest!

NewJourney

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2016, 09:27:57 PM »
While I think it's great that you've made changes to improve your life, I'm sorry to hear that you've "lost" your friends (or determined them not real).  I don't know if we've made more gradual changes or if life was leading us in this direction all along, but thankfully a couple close friends and a large part of our family has supported the mustachian type changes we've made.  I think the most important thing is to stay true to yourself, but I also hope that you can find some people in your area who have similar interests because I think loneliness could lead to an unhappy life and I think the whole goal of FI is to find the place where you are happiest!

I completely agree!  I know it's just a phase, but hopefully I'll be able to find some supporters or people with similar interests and goals near by

okits

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2016, 10:15:51 PM »
Are there any MMM meet ups in your area?  Or forum members living near you who might attend a meet up you organized? 

Other than my bestie, we don't really have any friends interested in FIRE, that I know of (wealth accumulation, sure, but not via extensive frugality.) Your friends may hit a point in the future where they realize they need to make a big change (something like "fuuuuuuuuuuuuck, I'm almost X years old and I owe HOW MUCH?!") and be more interested and receptive to your ways.  Though that they have completely disappeared from your life suggests they were just buddies to do certain activities with, and not really friends.  Don't be too disappointed if you end up leaving them behind, find new friends who are more devoted and emotionally invested in actual friendship.

YogiKitti

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2016, 10:39:09 PM »
You've changed. Your friends became friends with the old you, not the new you. It only makes sense that you would also need to change friends.

humbleMouse

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2016, 11:20:10 PM »
I am in the same boat.  Hopefully you will meet somebody in your new routines. 

Retire-Canada

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2016, 07:27:21 AM »
Can anyone else relate?  What are your thoughts? Do you have a good support system outside of the community here?

Spending a lot of energy worrying about what other people are doing is a losing proposition. Focus on your own life and choices. Live as well as you know how. Be satisfied and then let the rest of the angst go.

You can't change people and you are not responsible for that.

By living well you might find folks start asking you about your lifestyle and if that happens you may effect some change, but it's got to happen with them initiating the change.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2016, 09:23:00 AM by Retire-Canada »

little_brown_dog

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2016, 07:39:15 AM »
I feel you OP – a lot of our family and friends think we are a bit strange. But they are starting to recognize the serious perks of our lifestyle because they see the immediate benefits, namely the flexibility and security that come from frugal living. When we had our baby, it was our commitment to mustachian principles over the last few years that allowed us to lose an income without batting an eye. Now more and more people in our life aren’t affectionately dismissing us as weirdos, but actually inquiring about our lifestyle.

Remember, if you have people who are unsupportive or dismissive/negative about your positive choices, it is because they are unhappy with themselves and their life. They see you doing well (saving, healthy, happy) and they are resentful. Sadly, many people want others to stay in the same trap as them, or worse, they want to see you fail so they feel that their own poor choices are valid. If another succeeds doing the exact opposite, while they are floundering, that means they need to accept that they screwed up. These people may come around in time, but generally it’s only a good thing to lose contact with those who can’t be happy for others.

asauer

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2016, 09:27:22 AM »
Yes- same happened with me regarding "friends".  When I got past the emergency phase of debt (about 5 months), I picked up some mustachian hobbies (reading, writing, gardening).  Then I joined a book club, writing group and vegetable gardening group.  I now have some very good friends who 'get it'.  I think when we reach out when doing our mustachian fun, we will naturally attract like minded people.

swick

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2016, 08:31:46 AM »
I think this is a common experience many people go through on this journey. The idea of finding or creating an MMM meet-up in your area is a very good one. There is no feeling on earth like "finding your tribe" especially as an adult, when it is generally hard to make new friends and as you grow you lose some of your old ones.

Also, if there is someone who you feel a connection with, reach out through PM. These days it is easy to connect via email and skype and that sort of thing. Again, find your tribe.

Finding local groups with similar hobbies and interests is great too :)

NewJourney

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #10 on: January 19, 2016, 05:04:28 PM »
Yes, and I also feel that after I adapted this lifestyle change, my views on lots of things have changed. I've found myself slowing down, enjoying things more, embracing making good choices for my health, etc. which is all all the opposite of how I was before MMM.

It does get hard though when I feel discouraged about my journey. It's sometimes hard for me to remember what I have accomplished, once it's accomplished.  I only look at how far I still have to go. So it just gets old when the people you know only tell you that you're right to feel overwhelmed because I'm causing myself "unnecessary stress"

ahoy

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2016, 11:44:16 PM »
It is funny how friends seem to like seeing you spend your own money, I remember this happening to me in my early 20's.  If they are broke it makes them feel good  to think that you are broke too.

Making friends can take a long time to make, but you really only need a couple of them.  Quality rather than quantity.  Joining cheap activity clubs is a great idea.  ie: not the every weekend ski trip club.

You have to be careful who you talk to about the mustachian way of life, most people just can't fathom this.

MsSindy

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #12 on: January 20, 2016, 01:53:34 PM »
Hmm, could it also be a bit of how you approach things?  For example, some of the language you used in your post:
"makes me absolutely sick"  ...good eating habits "annoy everyone else" ... "my only supporters are my parents" ...."they are too stupid to listen"....

I know this was a rant, but perhaps you're trying too hard to convince everyone that your way is the right way!  If you do Mustachism right, no one is really the wiser, unless you go around preaching about it and making other people feel bad for their choices.

Friends come and go in life as we evolve - that's just a fact, not really good or bad.  I find I naturally spend less time with my spendier 'friends' and more time with my new friends that I have more things in common with, now that I've changed my lifestyle.  That's just natural.

Also, not sure what you mean by your friends not supporting you - what is it you're expecting from them?  You said yourself that you're working all the time, so they're probably feeling abandoned and not happy with "the new you".  ...and if you do go about preaching Mustachism, I wouldn't want to hang out with you either!  :)

You've changed, your friends haven't.  That's okay, time to evolve and move on.

FLBiker

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #13 on: January 20, 2016, 02:00:17 PM »
I agree with the comments about not being overly judgmental (advice I could benefit from taking) but I also think the reality of changing is that the people around us don't necessarily change.  I got sober ~10 years ago and lost a lot of friends.  Consumerism has a lot of the same characteristics of addiction.

Here have been a couple of the best sources of like-minded people (for me, YMMV).  Most helpful for me has been joining a Buddhist meditation group.  I also joined a bike co-op (now, sadly, defunct) and a local community garden.  Great people in both.

Mr. Green

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #14 on: January 20, 2016, 02:30:20 PM »
I try to remind myself that we're all different and the only person my effort and my goals really matter to, at the end of the day, are me. As long as I'm confident in what I'm doing and know that the work is worth it, then it doesn't matter than others may not understand or relate, because when we all have those reflective moments in life we don't ask ourselves if what we have done met the approval of others as best we could. We ask ourselves if we are happy with what we have done. It's unfortunate that so many of your friends appear to be unwilling to do things that don't require money. Dinner/game nights at a friends house are some of the most fun get togethers we have and that doesn't require spending money at all unless we want to bring some wine or help contribute to the cost of the meal. If spending money is a prerequisite of those people being your friends then I would question what their definition of a friend is.

mastrr

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #15 on: January 21, 2016, 11:21:03 AM »
"To be great is to be misunderstood"

Even Jesus was misunderstood.

Cassie

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #16 on: January 21, 2016, 11:34:38 AM »
WE retired in our 50's and downsized our house etc and a few of our friends were always criticizing etc and I finally got sick of it and dropped them. They were much older then us and still working so they were jealous. Yes they had big fancy homes but were working for them. However, most of our friends were fine with our changes and happy for us. You need friends that are really friends-not just buddies to spend $ with.  Start concentrating on group activities that bring you joy and you will make new friends.

NewJourney

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Re: Consumerism Rant/Mustachian Lifestyle Update/More Ranting...
« Reply #17 on: January 21, 2016, 05:41:33 PM »
WE retired in our 50's and downsized our house etc and a few of our friends were always criticizing etc and I finally got sick of it and dropped them. They were much older then us and still working so they were jealous. Yes they had big fancy homes but were working for them. However, most of our friends were fine with our changes and happy for us. You need friends that are really friends-not just buddies to spend $ with.  Start concentrating on group activities that bring you joy and you will make new friends.

Yes, I've found it to be so crazy how people give you a hard time, only because they don't have what you're working for. And it makes them feel better about their bad choices when you make them with them.

I agree, time to look for friends with all around similar interests.