Consignment Conundrum

[curlycue]

So a friend of mine gave me an entire set of Noritake dishes (8 pc, plus serving platters, gravy boats, etc.) when she got divorced. It was from her first marriage and she is now remarried with new dishes. She consigned many things from first marriage she didn't want any more (jewelry, etc.) but gave me the dishes.

Since then most of my things have been in a friends basement due to my traveling abroad, this has been about ten years now. I will probably continue this lifestyle and want to downsize my possessions in storage, plus I don't exactly love the pattern on the dishes.

My conundrum is, I think she will be offended if she comes to my house one day and doesn't see them. She is a best lifelong friend and we talk weekly if not daily sometimes. I have other basic dishes of my own, and don't even need her set. Also, the pattern is very dated and 90's and I am not sure if it would even sell well on consignment, though it is great quality.

Should I wait until 90's patterns become retro and sell then? What could I tell my friend (she certainly could have used the money they would have brought in instead of giving them to me) if she asks where her dishes went, once I actually set up a home Stateside.

[Frankies Girl]

They were a gift. You can do whatever you'd like with a gift.

You've had the dishes for 10 years, and never used them, so I doubt that friend is going to be checking your kitchen now to see if they are in use. If you really don't want to hurt your friend's feelings, you could just ask her if she wants them back. If she doesn't, then get rid of them.

Me personally, I wouldn't wait around hoping they'd come back into style, but then I'd probably just donate them instead of trying to sell them.

[CheapskateWife]

It sounds like this is a really good friend, and would probably understand your culling of "stuff."

I think best thing is to to be honest before the gift is passed on...give her the right of first refusal on the regift.  You could even frame it by asking her if perhaps she has anyone in her family who might be starting a fresh life who would make good use of them.  I have things like that I am stowing away for my teenage stepson as he gets closer to graduation and (I hope) moving on with his life.  If she says no, then you are in the clear to do as you see fit with re-gifting them to someone who would use them.

[Cpa Cat]

I favor the direct approach: Tell her you're downsizing and you don't need formal dishware. Does she want them back or should you donate them?

[norabird]

Agreed with Cpa Cat. You say you talk often, so this should be easy to bring up. Say you appreciated her gifting them, but you don't really need them now, and offer them back to her or get the license to consign them if she's not interested. If there's not a lot of interest to buy them, maybe a friend could use them.

[dragoncar]

Agree with the above, but why aren't you using them?  Do you just really hate them?  Otherwise, maybe sell your current dishware and use the fancy ones daily (since they are super high quality).  Or are you thinking you could get significant cash for them (you implied otherwise).

[ShortInSeattle]

I favor the direct approach: Tell her you're downsizing and you don't need formal dishware. Does she want them back or should you donate them?

+1

[TomTX]

We've been dragging around some wooden salad bowls (wedding gift) for nearly 20 years now. Never used.

[innerscorecard]

Huge problem for me too. A lot of our useless stuff is gifts we've been given that we can't really just throw away. The direct approach really will not work in China. Hope someone can brainstorm up a solution...

[curlycue]

Thanks so much for all of your advice! My friend totally didn't care and I was so worried about hurting her feelings. It will be a relief to downsize a lot of my belongings in storage. I appreciate all of your thoughts and support.