Considerations of New Job and Moving

[Carini]

I just wanted to think out loud here for a moment and get any valuable feedback that I know this community provides. I haven't gotten the job yet, but I just finished with a grueling interview process the other day, and I believe there's a good chance that I'll get an offer. I'm trying to think about all of the things that would need to be figured out, and what kind of money it will take to consider accepting the position.

It would require my family to move about 3 hours away from the rest of our family that we are close with. I'm guessing it will be at least a 35% salary increase, but it will be a much more intense position than what I'm doing now. It would also require us to move from a very small, inexpensive town to a suburb of Pittsburgh.  We have 3 kids, and two of them have a large group of friends and are in 5th and 2nd grade. I'm definitely concerned about their transition as well.  My wife would need to find a job and we would have a house to sell in a flooded market in our town.

If you were faced with this situation, what other questions would you be asking yourself and how would you go about thinking all of this through?  It's a little overwhelming at the moment. 

[mxt0133]

So far you have listed one PRO and a few CONs.  Because this is a family discussion I assume you will have a family meeting to discuss how everyone feels about the move.  Whether you take them into account is up to you and your wife.

I would take a step back and focus on your short and long-term goals.  I have done this a few time when switching jobs.  One opportunity was for more money in the same city with greater work life balance.  This was a no brainer for us because I wanted more flexibility to spend time with my young kids.

Next job transition was for greater responsibility, same pay, but even more flexibility.  This took a bit more time to discuss with my wife but in the end I gave it a shot as it did not conflict with our long-term goals.  There was some risk but my current manager is more of a mentor than a boss to the autonomy I am able to exercise more then offsets the increased responsibility.  The experience is also great for my resume.

For you mention a 35% increase in pay, will it help you get to your goals faster?  How much more time and money will you spend visiting your family now that you will be farther away?  How will it impact your relationship with your kids?

[galliver]

My family moved several states away 3 times while my sisters and/or I were young. On one occasion I was between 2nd and 3rd grade, on another my sisters were between 2nd and 3rd and 5th and 6th, respectively. On the whole, we turned out fine; eventually made new friends and all that, not scarred for life. Middle sister had a lot of trouble with that move between 5th and 6th, but I think that had more to do with her personality than age. She was the most introverted of all of us and had one really close friend through elementary school that she had a hard time leaving. But even she made new friends eventually...and ultimately applied to, got into, and made some really solid friendships at a math and science magnet boarding school at the new location. Your kids will have an even easier time because at 3 hours away and with family in the area you will visit all the time (at least at first, you'll probably taper off as you put down more roots in Pittsburgh).

I would definitely price out the 35% pay raise against cost of living (probably dominated by housing), any lost income from your wife while she looks for (new?) work, childcare if family used to help out, etc. There might be other reasons it makes sense for you to move even if this is a net loss in time and money...maybe this intense job is a great career step for a much higher-earning or flexible career in a few years? Maybe it's just infinitely more interesting for you (now or later) and will keep you engaged/energized rather than kill your soul like a bad-fit job. Maybe the 'burbs can offer your kids greater educational, cultural, etc opportunities that you would like to give them. On the flip side, perhaps it's not worth it for you. Maybe the higher paycheck doesn't compensate for longer hours and higher COL, the job doesn't necessarily lead to anything you want, and you prefer your small town to the suburbs. Maybe you don't move.

I'm going to disagree with mxt0133 and say don't ask your kids if they want to move, tell them if you are moving, as a fact.  Do talk about  their feelings on the subject, give them plenty of time to adjust to the idea, say goodbye, etc. But don't give them the false idea that it's up to them in any way if you move or not.

[MakeSmarterDecisions]

I bet that all of this is overwhelming - especially when you have kids and family close by. I agree with a few points from the other poster's here. I'm not sure I would let the kids think they had a part in the decision. I do a lot of work with decision coaching (based on my doctoral program) and the suggestion to really focus on your end goals (the things that matter to you most) is really important. You can then compare your current situation to those goals and your "future" job/housing situation to those goals and do some better comparisons. Pros and cons lists don't always work for complex situations like this. It sounds like you would need to do a lot of work around costs in the new area too. Good luck and feel free to ask more questions too.

[mxt0133]

For clarification I said to talk to the family about how they feel about the move.  Not ask them for permission.  Ultimately it's up to the parents to decide what is best for the family.  Knowing how the kids feel can give the parent an opportunity to address their concerns minimizing the impact of a potential move.

I completely agree that it should be clear to the children that it is not up to them.

[Carini]

Thanks for all of the good advice so far. To be clear, I'm certainly not letting the children help make the decision; I was just stating my concern with their transition as one of the issues to think about if we move.  I appreciate the input. Keep it coming!

[BuffaloStache]

I agree with a lot of the points that mxt0133 made- try to step back and take a big picture look thinking about how this would affect your long term goals.

Also, I'd recommend writing out a longer, more comprehensive list of the pros and cons. Note that the shear number of "pros" or "cons" shouldn't make the decision for you (one PRO may be worth the weight of 2 smaller CONS), but it can help you in making the decision. Good Luck!