Shyly entering the room...
I've been reading MMM for a few weeks, and a goodly number of forum posts the past while. I tend to approach a new community by helping first, and asking for help (if needed) later. Today I am breaking this approach because I need to ask.
I've redrafted this several times, in an attempt to get myself clear enough to be clear to you! (It's not numbers, and it's fuzzy.)
I once was extremely broke (sleeping on streets, etc) and now have savings and a delightful (rented, cheap) apartment to nest in.
I was once terribly ill for several years, and through commitment to dramatic dietary changes became very healthy.
I was car-free for almost 20 years before I bought a car in cash.
I have no debt, and good savings (though not in the millionaire club by a looooong shot).
All good! Yes!
And now I feel, oddly, stuck. I feel I hit the jackpot in the MMM forums when I read a fellow (?) saying he had achieved so many major goals that now he is feeling a bit lost. I'm embarrassed to say that after gaining so much (which I am totally grateful for), I too am feeling at a bit of a loss. After reading this fellow's words, I'm betting it's common to get through major struggles and then feel disoriented without a major goal.
Why don't I have one, you ask? I parent alone (a child with special needs) and homeschool/unschool and run a tiny business to bring in our income. (I find the parenting part quite draining. I have way more energy when I'm alone all day!)
Somehow this feels like all I can do. I don't want it to be all I can do. I've always been very passionate about helping others, and have done that in a variety of ways for almost 30 years. I used to work 12-16 hours a day (mostly unpaid, all of it very happily). I keep hoping I can somehow "milk" a couple more projects out of myself, but I'm not feeling the energy and passion for that like I once did. I mean, I still do about 10 hours of volunteer stuff each week, and TOTALLY LOVE IT, but I can't see my way to doing more than that. I'd need it to be a project I could bring my kid to, or I'd need to be able to pay for child care, which would demand a much higher income. (He's smart, interested, and capable, but his 'special needs' are real and present, too.)
My life is a lot like early retirement, and I LOVE that. But, without knowing I would get to retire early, I chose to parent during the same period. I believe parenting my kid is the best thing I could possibly do -and, of course, I'm helping *him* 12-16 hours every day. But I also feel like I'm meant to do more in the world.
The most "realistic" possibility seems to be to triple my savings and hire people to do some of the fancy footwork. (A pipe dream? Or the excellent strategy of entrepreneurs that started out much much earlier and skipped the homeless/disabled part.)
Has anyone else grappled with this issue, with living with two conflicting purposes/dreams? Or, more specifically, with dedicating oneself to parenting full-time while also believing you're designed to do something else, too? Or have you grappled with achieving early retirement and feeling guilty or selfish for limiting your offers to the world? How many decades must we keep coming up with cool projects? Can we let go of those, even if we are happy, healthy, and intelligent/creative enough to come up with some more? If we're able, must we do? I'm more tired than I was at my peak, and thrive in silence. So every time my big dreams arise again, I quickly feel perplexed about how to pull those off. Mostly I feel super happy and grateful just to rest and chill and go geocaching with my kid. But this dream thing keeps nagging at me.
Well, this topic is even fuzzier than I thought it would be -I'd just love to open a discussion, then, about how "grappling" has manifested in others and what, if anything, supported you to resolve the grappling in favour of congruency? Is this really even an MMM topic?!?! I think so! And you folks sound like an intelligent and encouraging bunch, so I hope to hear back.