Oy. Been a reader for a while, but going through some old posts. This one in particular tugs at my heart: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/04/13/what-does-early-retirement-mean-anyway/ with idyllic descriptions of mountain bike rides, breakfast as a family, and 2 month long summer vacations. Also reading “Your Money or your life” which is also like taking a punch in the face daily.
I'm a 35y/o with 3 young children. Spouse and I, through high earning and reasonable, albeit not mustachian, lifestyle have about $1.25M net worth. We could quit working now, move to Longmont and live like kings, actually like Mr and Mrs Mustache, on $50k a year forever enjoying our young daughters, per the 4% rule.
But alas, I am an indentured servant to the military because of degrees earned and have to work at least another 9.5 years (age 45). Or 12.5 years (age 48) until 60% pension + good affordable health care for my fam forever.
My job is actually quite enjoyable and rewarding. But about 3 months ago its location changed and now I have a daily 70 min commute each direction. KILL ME. My wife can walk or bike to work from our house. My life satisfaction has taken a big dive with the new commute.
So, what to do, gentle reader? I had always thought being in the military was a pretty good option, because, after all, everyone has a boss. And every job has frustrations and red tape, blah blah blah, and the military is not the worst place to do a job, no student debt, service to country, higher calling, blah blah. And then I happen across MMM and learn that NOT everyone has a boss! And NOT WORKING is actually an option.
I’ve tried suggesting to my wife that she stop working and we move close to my job. Because that would greatly improve my quality of life. So far she hasn’t bitten on that suggestion. While she likes the impact MMM has on our family’s grocery bills and spending and my new interest in investing, she isn’t really sold on the idea of “retiring” in her 30s. She sees these as her highest earning potential years (and she’s probably right – last year – a very good year, she pulled in $500k). Also, as you can see the whole after- child-care-and-transportation-and-work-clothes-and-lattes-she's-probably-not-really-making-any-money argument isn't applicable to us. I'm the lower earner, but my not working isn't an option.
So I’m stuck working for at least the next 9.5yrs. And the wife wants to keep working her overall rewarding, but also high powered high paying job.
In the above mentioned blog post, MMM encourages “pedal to the metal to get to retirement in 7-10 years” rather than wimpy attempts at 50. I guess I’m going to be wimpy and retire at 48 when my kids are no longer cuddly and small and cute. But I don’t really have much of a choice, do I?
I’m curious what other mustachians would do in this situation. Should I just hunker down and make the most of the life I signed up for, relishing the hours of books on CD I get to enjoy during my commute? Should I compel my wife to leave a high paying job she enjoys so we can all spend more time together as a family, since we clearly have much more than enough (also how do I do this)? At 48 will my best years be behind me? Should I get out at 45 leaving the 60% pension and health care and other benefits on the table? (would appreciate Nords take on this)
Longing for a simpler life. Whining complete.
Edit: "Paying back" the military is not an option.
I check in once a week or so to search for the keywords "military" and "Nords".
First, I understand exactly how you feel. It's the same way I felt when our daughter was born. My chain of command was totally uncomprehending about why I'd want to cut back on my 60-hour workweek to spend time with her. I should say: my childless, non-working-spouse chain of command.
I see that the other problem is the sucky commute, and I understand that there's not much you can do with the parameters. I'll re-iterate some of the suggestions and perhaps they can be tried occasionally ("respite") instead of being viewed simplistically as a permanent solution. I suggest that you throw money at the problem until you've extracted sufficient value from the spending. This is one situation where your commute is crossing the line from "frugal" to "deprivation".
1. Spending the week in the base quarters and coming home for the weekends.
It looks like the only way this would work is if you had a home childcare contractor ("nanny") who was willing to fill in from, say, 2 PM -7 PM each weekday. I've known dual-military servicemembers who've done this, and one problem is finding a reliable contractor. But when it works, it works great. I'd strongly suggest networking the neighbors, your kid's childcare/school staff, and a nearby temp agency. Even at 2-3 afternoons/week it could make the commute more tolerable.
2. Carpooling. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it? Until your co-carpooler gets stuck at work-- or until you get stuck. The problem with carpooling is that you always need a Plan B. In my case, for several years I had a beater car at my command that I could drive home when I could not commute by bicycle. If you need a backup before you're able to consider carpooling, then a beater car at work might be enough.
3. Audio books or podcasts. (I happen to know quite a few great podcasts.) A hired driver would be a treat once every few weeks if you could use the time to sleep or get your paperwork done, although I agree that it won't let you arrive late or go home early. It'll just solve the "homework" problem.
4. Combining a commute with exercise. Is there a place along the route where you could safely park the car and switch to your bicycle (or electric bicycle) for a workout? There are a few potential problems with this idea:
a. Weather. It's always good weather when you're cycling away from your car, and it's always raining (or snowing) when you're 20 miles away from it.
b. Forgetting something and not being able to simply cycle out to the car to pick it up. You end up staging a spare of everything at work.
c. Unsympathetic gate guards: "I'm sorry, if you don't have a reflective vest AND a blinking light then you can't ride on the base."
d. Flat tires, locker rooms, showers, dangerous/distracted drivers. No easy answers here.
e. The boss who seems to whimsically change work start times or keep everyone late for a "meeting". No easy answer here either, unless you want to read about it in your fitness report (and I did).
5. If 20 minutes of your 70 minutes is spent idling in line at the gate, then the park & ride option might let your bicycle cut in front of the vehicles to get through the gate faster.
6. Attitude. When is the ending date of this assignment with the 70-minute commute? Can you endure it for now as long as you and your spouse are making plans to not have it happen again at the next tour?
7. Rotation date. It might seem attractive to call your assignment officer for a hot fill billet, but you could end up in South Korea-- or Sierra Leone. The best way to approach this option would be for you and your spouse to decide what duty stations would inspire you to ask for an early rotation date. The danger is that even if you get a billet with a great commute, it might be even suckier in some other aspect of the job... probably both the duties and the chain of command.
8. I understand that combining leave and special liberty may be off the table, but at least once a quarter you should try to take Tue-Wed-Thur leave just for your mental health & morale. I agree that this is not a solution, but it'll give you a little breathing space and something to anticipate. If your command feels that you "just can't take leave", then that's a danger sign to them that you need to train a couple of subordinates to take over for you.
It sounds like you and your spouse have a good marriage. (I wish I had more readers in this situation.) I suspect a strong component of that marriage is because she feels confident that you're supporting her career. The problem is that immediate family & society may not be so supportive, and that puts a lot of pressure on a marriage even when outsiders have nothing to do with you two. The best book I've seen to handle the reaction of society toward your marriage/work situation is "When She Makes More". You're doing the right thing, and between you is probably fine. It's the rest of the world that can get in the way, and the book will give you the tools/communications tips to help you both feel better about it-- and to get your mothers-in-law on board too.
Your kids may be small, cuddly, and cute now. Parenting young children is always challenging, but in 10 years those cuties will be full-on teenagers. If you're going to save the best years of your life for the most challenging parenting, I'd suggest that you set your sights on the ages 11-17. It still takes a village, but it's a lot easier to find helpful villagers when your kids are smaller and cuter. Personally, parenting our daughter through middle school/high school was 4x more difficult (mentally & psychologically) than the earlier years (just physically and sleep deprivation). The good news is that when you're
in their faces there for them during the teen years, they appear to launch from the nest with no flight failures.
So what should you do 9.5 years from now? (Well, this is why I say "one obligation at a time" instead of "one tour at a time".) In your case I'd try to sacrifice the next 9.5 years of your career for the most family-friendly (and commute-friendly) locations that you can find. You want to make it clear to your chain of command (and your assignment officer) that family is more important than promotions. This way hopefully people will put you places where you don't have to "break out" and "make the grade". There are plenty of jobs in the military that need career E-6s and O-4s instead of E-9s, CWOs, and admirals. If your spouse can take her career overseas with you then the assignment officer will probably be grateful. I suggest this because my spouse and I spent more of our military time outside CONUS than in it, and we were left alone to take the overseas jobs that had a great quality of life.
When you get to the end of that obligation, the assignment officer knows just as well as you do that you're one tour away from retirement. I suggest that you spend the next 9.5 years getting ready to transfer to the Reserves/Guard. Sure, you'll leave with 17 years of service but you'll only have to drill for three more good years to earn a pension at age 60. In the meantime your spouse's income will have solved all of your other financial challenges and the two of you will have more than enough investments to pay for the years between ages 45 and 60. This way when you get to the end of your obligation the assignment officer will hopefully understand that you're perfectly serious about the Reserves/Guard and will give you a good active-duty assignment. Either way (if you've educated yourself and prepared your family) you win.
If you go to the Reserves/Guard at 17 years then you'll have ACA health insurance or Tricare Retired Reserve, then at age 60 you'll have Tricare Prime, and at age 65 you'll have Medicare with Tricare For Life. But if your spouse has a couple more $500K years then the cost of health insurance loses relevance.
Two other remote possibilities: keep your eyes open for TERA (which may not be likely in your community) or any earlier option to transfer to the Reserves/Guard (which might not be permitted until your obligation is finished).
As far as I know indentured servitude is not legal in the US, so the military might have paid for your education but you can always pay it back to get out.
Why don't you quit working and let your wife continue to work? Am I missing something?
For everyone else on this forum who's never been in the military: when a servicemember says that they have an obligation, you should assume that they're not just going to say "I quit" or whip out their checkbook to pay it back. It's a contract that can only be broken by becoming disqualified to fulfill the duties or by breaking the rules badly enough to get fired. In most cases, it takes longer to get out of the contract than it does to fulfill the contract.
I've been on forums for over a decade and I've developed a pretty thick skin. I don't like the forums where the moderators say "Now, now, be nice to the newbies or we'll mute you." But geez, guys, when a new poster in the military tells you that they can't ditch their obligation, then it's probably polite to assume that they really can't get out of their obligation and to stop nagging them about trying harder to get out of it. If you're going to get into face-punching mode then stick to the expenses or savings rates and not the career advice.