I can understand you feel lied to. What a sucky and unfair situation you are in. I'm sorry.
I'm sitting here boggled that she's refusing to compromise or negotiate with you to make things more tolerable for you. From what you describe, your request is entirely reasonable. Did something change between then and now? Before she was agreeable, and now she refuses. Did you request something different? Is her work situation different? Does she feel more/less secure in her current city/job?
This is my reasonable second thought (I had a much pettier first thought, more on that below). I think you need to bring this up, but don't talk. LISTEN to her. Listen and ask her questions. Try to get to the bottom of *really* why there is suddenly this resistance. Is she selfish, or is she just worried? Does she not care about quality time with you? Does she not fully understand how stressful the current situation is for you? Is she worried that relationships with her friends and family will change? Just talk it out, and leave your emotions at the door. You are going in to learn, not defend yourself or argue with her or try to get her to change. Once you actually understand the things going on beneath the surface, you can deal with it. But you cant effectively do anything, if what you're fighting is invisible or you are not aware of it.
my petty first thought is that you need to play hardball too--you had agreed before marriage to work out a new place to live and now she won't even consider it, that's a dick move and I'm a terrible person, but she can't have her cake and eat it too. Probably not the best marriage advice out there, but taking your account at face value, she is being unreasonable unless there's significant information you/we don't know about. I'm NOT talking divorce, of course. I am saying that the current situation is intolerable, and since she has temporarily abdicated her seat at the compromise table, I'd put together a list of acceptable options FOR YOU. You can only control yourself, so what can YOU do to make this situation less hideous, and give yourself a timeframe to enact a change, with or without her.
Something like: In 1 year from now:
--make significant schedule changes to current job to avoid heavy traffic times (fewer hours? offset working hours? telecommuting?) Consequence: less career opportunity, look bad to your boss, etc?
--Find a job in current city within 6 months. (if this doesn't happen by x date, one of the other two choices will be chosen). Consequence: less career opportunity, less salary.
--Both Beachstache and wife move to location halfway between job and family. Consequences: more difficult to spend time with loved ones, but more quality time together with reduced commute and less-stressed husband.
--BeachStache lives in Houston in a small flat during weekdays. Consequence: wife doesn't get the pleasure of your company 70% of the time because she values a house location over a more reasonable commute.
That's all I can really think of, you can add more if there are some. But then I would present this list to her and make her choose. "Since we can't agree, these options are what I am ok with. I would like you to work with me to choose one. If you don't choose, that's fine, but one of these is going to happen one year from now regardless."
It might help wake her up from thinking if she just keeps putting you off, this will all go away and she doesn't have to be uncomfortable. No. Force her to be uncomfortable and make a decision and clearly see the consequences of that decision.
fwiw, I am married and have been for 4 years. I would never dream of forcing my husband into a long stressful commute (I know how much he loathes it) and if he expressed the desire to move, I would absolutely hear him out. Or for any other situation which he found intolerable, I would move heaven and earth to rectify the situation if I can. And if I was being unreasonable and refusing to discuss something, I would expect him to make reasonable arrangements for himself to alleviate his problem, and vice versa. And I would be giving up the right to be pissed at whatever decision he made because I refused to participate in decision making. But I hope I would also be mature enough to air any true concerns that are underneath my reluctance so we can work them out instead of flat out refusing to discuss. I hope that makes sense.
EDIT: For your fears of her resenting you and you growing to resent her, I really suggest taking some time to look for a good marital counselor and working out this issue with a neutral third party and prevent bad feelings from festering. "Where do we live" is a really big, emotional question to grapple with, one of the big ones up there with "should we have kids" and "how do we handle finances as a couple". The counselor will be worth their weight in gold and it's their job to help couples learn to handle these big disagreements in a healthy, supportive way. Especially with your mental health suffering (exhausted/grumpy all the time). Both of you deserve a solution that takes into account both your needs, and a counselor will be the best resource to help you do that.