Here’s the story.....
A year ago part of my extended family (BIL, SIL and 2 kids) moved into my basement. They stayed for 1 year just moving out at the beginning of July. (I had been trying to get them moved out since end of March – but there were always all kinds of excuses... but that is besides the point). I’m just super duper fucking glad they are gone.
While they were actually in the house I had no problems with them paying their bills. But once they actually left my SIL wanted to argue with me about the final bills - claiming they didn't drink any water for an entire month....even though she knew she was lying considering I asked her about at least 3 gallons of water she was carting out the day they moved. I said fine – fine Silvia - we’ll just take this part of the water bill off. I had let it go – decided it wasn’t worth starting a family war over a few dollars.
But since then I have discovered that she took some of my stuff - towels, washcloths, water bottles, etc. Which I can assure you has but a bee in my bonnet. The total cost of all the stuff she took is negligible. Normally I would be like whatever – just let it go. But the thing that burns my ass is that I had nicely mentioned to her about a week before they moved that when she packs her stuff please be careful not to take any of mine (I detest clutter and I really don’t have that much stuff but the stuff I have I have it for a reason – I like it). She says ok – no problem. Well, she still hadn’t packed up her stuff from the kitchen the day before they were supposed to move and I was gifting her with all my old pots and pans (I had bought a new set and wanted to put it away) – so I set them and all of her other stuff on the table.
So since my stuff has disappeared – I was thinking about it she had to physically come upstairs open my closet and storage areas and intentionally take my shit. It’s not like all the towels were washed together and she could have mistaking taken the wrong ones – never in the entire year that they were here did our stuff comingle with theirs. I had almost let it all go in my head - just telling myself that it just wasn’t that important. Well Sunday we are all ready to go bike riding and we can’t find a single fucking water bottle anywhere in the house – she has taken everyone I had. So of course I get all pissed off again.
I understand that I perhaps am being a bit ridiculous because it’s just some stuff. But it’s the principle of the matter. And I’m pissed off. She wants to act like she my best friend but then she is giving me the clear message of fuck you (or at least that is what I feel like). Like she pulled a fast one over on me.
Well, on Friday I had to go to her new place for something for her husband that I agreed I would help with – no problem. After we conclude that business – I saw a bottle sitting on the table. I tell her my water bottles are missing and describe them (because like I said I don’t have that much stuff – it’s noticeable when it’s gone). You should have seen the look on her face – like a kid caught stealing candy at the store. She then goes and gets one of them so then I have to ask for the others, which she then produces... So I ask her Silvia why did you take my stuff? She just shrugs and says I forgot. Well she didn’t say sorry or I really like these I didn’t think you would mind or anything. I calmly tell her that I don’t like this – this is not good for me.
I would have had my say and never mentioned it again. She could keep everything else –whatever. Made sure she understood that I did not accept this type of behavior. I waited for an entire month – trying to just let it go and not wanting to overreact. I felt if I didn’t say anything it would be condoning this behavior and generally setting up a president that it wasn’t a problem if my stuff walked away.
Which if this was the end of the story everything would be fine –turns out that she needs my help again. Previously I have offered assistance to her and others in the family (mostly paperwork, looking up stuff on computer, translating (my extended family doesn’t speak English), gone to hospital with them when the kids are sick, etc, etc, etc.
Friday after the whole incident after I told her this was not acceptable and I didn’t like it. She didn’t apologize or anything – which is fine she is an adult and doesn’t have to apologize for anything she doesn’t want to. She tells she needs a favor. This favor involves some paperwork she needs that enables her to claim some benefits that equate to approximately 500 dollars month. I said no - no more favors. The bitch should have thought of that before stole my shit and then not even apologizing for it after she was caught.
So now she has called up my husband about how I won’t help her and she doesn’t understand why I won’t help her ....blah blah blah. Which I’m not sure what she thought that was going to get her (honestly I know exactly what she thought that was going to get – because her husband is the boss of her and she jumps when he says jump - she figured my husband would make me do it but we don’t operate like that in our house and she well knows it- which I must admit is pissing me off too) – but then of course now me and my husband have had a fight over it. I’m like look I am not responsible for her and her stuff. My responsibilities include me, you, our dogs and our parents. She was wrong and won’t even admit she was wrong and I don’t have to do a fucking thing I don’t want to do.
Granted she will always be my family but I am not going out of my way for people who treat me like that.... I have noticed that there are takers on that side of the family - major entitlement. they used to always ask my husband for loans and never paying him back (he has stopped doing this as much - which I am glad), I even had one of them tell me the other day that it's not important for my husband to work or get paid back because my husband doesn't need money because he's married to me and I have a good job and can pay all the bills.....
What’s your opinion?
-If someone does you wrong and shows no remorse - do you just keep giving out favors to the takers or do you draw the line?
-Or does it matter the level of wrongness or is it principle of the matter?
-Am I just being petty and mean?
Thanks
cat