I guess I am the oddball in this thread. My SO lives in my house and pays no rent, utilities or groceries.
How is that different than an adult child living at home and contributing nothing?
Would you ask the same question when one person stays home and the other works?
There is a large income and asset imbalance between us... it's not much of an expense beyond what I'd use myself (assuming I'd own the house as a single person) and I never have to clean the bathrooms.
Um, did you read the rest of my post? I specifically said that a different arrangement, like one party being in charge of the housekeeping, would be different. Contributing nothing would never be okay, and yes, I would ask that question of married couple where one person has a paying job and the other stays home and *doesn't work*. if the SAH person is working by taking care of the household, then s/he is contributing. If s/he's not doing more than half of the household chores, and not contributing financially either, then yes, I would ask the question, and all the same feelings would apply. There are different kinds of contributions and rent and utilities are only one. But if a person isn't contributing in a meaningful way (doesn't need to be half, if incomes are unequal) to the finances, then, IMO, they should be finding some way to make up the difference. If that is cooking and housekeeping, or child rearing, that still looks like an equal relationship to me.
In the end, I don't care if someone has a SO who contributes nothing to the household, because it's not my business. But in my life, that would be utterly unacceptable and I would absolutely feel taken advantage of, assuming there was no mitigating circumstance like a disability, for example. I could never respect a partner who used my free room and board in order to get by, especially if we weren't married and sharing finances. He'd be saving money, at my expense, and doing nothing to lighten my load in exchange. In my book, that's freeloading, whether it is parent/child, romantic partners, friends, whatever.
Oh, and by the way, my husband works outside the homne. I stay at home. Not exactly by choice as I left my career so we could move overseas for his, but I am a SAH wife, nonetheless. And yes, I do "earn my keep" in other ways--I handle all the finances, I cook, I do most of the cleaning, I run most of the errands, etc.
