Hi.
I just joined the MMM forum and have been very impressed with the advice given to people who are trying to become FI and more efficient in their spending. I feel like this advice is blunt but at all times constructive and supportive.
I have decided to post a Case Study because I have growing financial problems that have become dire over the last twenty years. I am 47 and my husband is 51. I've been married 22 years and have three teenaged boys aged 19, 17, and 15. Of my sons is on the Autism spectrum (the eldest), and two (the first and middle) have been diagnosed with a permanent arthritic condition that requires weekly medication and frequent doctor visits. All of my kids were homeschooled, but the two oldest are attending the local community college now with plans to transfer to 4 year schools later. My youngest is still at home.
My husband is a machinist at a company 20 miles away. It is a union job and he has pretty much maxed out on salary at this point. He has a pension that he can draw on in about 2 years (he'll have 30 years in soon), but I think (without checking exact figures) that it doesn't exceed 30,000/yr. at this point. I am a certified teacher working part-time at the local school district with kids who are home due to medical or disciplinary issues. I make a good hourly rate at $35, but the work is not steady or predictable. I do not get paid for mileage or time spent at schools visiting teachers or dropping off work, and as the district is very large it can take up to an hour to get from one end to the other to tutor students. I live in NY state with current gas prices around the $3.50 mark, but there are no expenses for tolls or parking.
My problem is that while we admittedly bring in little (especially when my husband is not on overtime), what does come in seems to disappear like water and there are no (absolutely no) savings here between us, other than a 401K at his company that we do not match fully and which has about $150,000 in it.
The breakdown of our expenses is as follows (it's bad, I know:( ):
Primary Mortgage--933.00/mo.
Secondary Mortgage--585.00/mo.
Electric--125.00/mo.
Propane--20.00/mo.
Gas (3 cars)--422.00/mo.
Medical bills (after insurance)--159.00/mo.
Gym Membership (whole family)--40.00/mo.
Netflix--7.99/mo.
Car Insurance for 2 cars--72.00/mo.
Food--500.00/mo.
Yearly property taxes and home insurance (school and town--not in escrow) add up to 4691.00. We order about $1500.00 a year in heating oil for what isn't supplemented by the woodstove. My husband brings home an average of $3000 a month counting overtime, and in a good year I can bring home an additional $15,000. The combined amount we still owe on our mortgages is $195,821.
I know this is pathetic. And compared to most people on this forum our hair isn't just on fire, it's combusting:(:(:(. At the risk of being effusive, I'll say that my husband is in charge of the money and utterly refuses to address any ideas about planning. He blows a large percentage of everything we earn on impulse purchases ranging from stops at convenient stores for snacks and frivolous purchases on ebay. Currently we owe our yearly school tax bill ($2400), but he spent the tax money I put away for that months ago and is now planning (hoping--:( ) to sell an antique tractor he owns to pay it off by the end of the month.
This lack of management has been an ongoing problem for 20 years and I don't know what to do anymore. We are living way above our means, and when I try to budget our money and explain the reasons why this must be done (for things such as food, shelter, retirement, etc.), I am told that he's got it under control and the cycle invariably repeats itself. In the absence of any kind of discipline I have tried to take pre-emptive measures. I have a 1/2 acre garden that I use to grow fruits and vegetables. We have poultry for eggs and meat, we don't have cable or cell phones, and I cook everything from scratch. My boys are healthy and very athletic, but they are growing and have very large appetites. I pay gas for the two who attend college since they commute (that's the gas for 3 cars), and both have part time jobs but cannot earn very much because they are carrying heavy course loads.
We live in a very rural area that is 20-30 miles from the nearest town in any direction. The taxes here used to be lower as we live in a NYC watershed, but they have skyrocketed in recent years though they still aren't high compared to most of the state. We have a small house that we remodeled for extra bedrooms for the kids (it was half finished when we moved in), so we ended up refinancing with a second mortgage 15 or so years ago. Moving away from here would be difficult because my parents live next door and they expect me to care for them when they get older. I haven't worked full-time since before the kids were born, and we live in an area with low growth and little income opportunity.
I know we keep more cars than most of the members here. My oldest son owns his own (bought used that he maintains and insures), and we have two for ourselves--one for my husband to take to work and one for me to use since 50-60% of my job is spent on the road. Biking to work does not seem like an option for us:(.
The other awful thing is that my parents are paying some of our expenses. They are currently financing my kids' college (after financial aid), they bought us a car last year, and they have even bailed us out on taxes once or twice when we couldn't come up with the money:(.
This is a desperate situation, and I know it:(. I didn't grow up knowing anything about money, and I married someone who was even worse:(. No matter how much I work (and during the latter months of the school year it can go up to 80 hours a week with travel) there is absolutely nothing being saved or paid down. It's as if I never even worked at all. The money is used as soon as the paycheck comes (and most months, even before), and when it is spent and we're flat broke again I am told it's because I didn't work enough and need to get a second job, knowing that I could be making three or four times the amount and there would still be nothing left.
I am tired of living like this. It makes me sick to take money from my parents. I admit that my marriage isn't good and money problems are a big part of it, but I do not feel that I can alter my domestic situation until my youngest is more independent. My husband's attitude is just that this is the way life is---that we are better off than most---and that in the current economy everyone else is in the same boat. He doesn't feel the slightest need to change anything, yet when a crisis occurs (like paying taxes or an unforseen expense), he is more than happy to let my parents cover it. I cannot go on like this and I do not want my kids to believe this is normal. I am fortunate in that the first two kids are very frugal, but the youngest is more like his father and gets encouraged by him as well. I am in the process of re-routing my paychecks for direct deposit in a different bank to have some control over what goes out, but I know much of this is a temporary solution to a bigger problem:(.
My question here is whether anyone has an idea of what I can do to improve the situation now. I do not know what will happen over the next 5 years, but I feel like I need to formulate a plan to begin to get out of debt or at least minimize what is going out so there will be enough to buy food and cover normal bills that come up. When I am home I hang laundry and cook from scratch and everything else, but the more I work (ironically:( ) the less time there is to do these things and the bills get even higher. My kids are really great and help out as much as they can, but they are also going to school and there is only so much they can do.
I'm sorry this is so long and I totally understand the thrashing I may get (and likely deserve, LOL). I am willing to do nearly anything to improve this situation, but until my youngest is a little older I would rather not to rattle the domestic cage if I can help it. There might not be much I can do without more income or more responsible spending, but even if I can get a plan in place for the future then that is something:(.
Thank you in advance for everything and please don't hesitate to be blunt. I have a very thick skin but I am barely seeing straight right now. It has been a rough couple of years.