I'm guessing the $100mo car insurance includes comprehensive/collision/etc.
If DW's "food + allowance" budget is $2k/mo, there's no way you can expect to live on $2100/mo in ER. For a family like yours, the grocery budget shouldn't be more than $5-600/mo. What is DW spending all of that money on!? There's definitely some how-hanging fruit in your budget, but unfortunately, 1) picking that LHF is gonna be painful, since it's DW's stipend and your mortgage/HOA/taxes, and 2) it won't make a big difference, since you have a very large amount of spare income.
You have total debt of $365k. Assuming you've paid all your debts before you ER, your spending will be a bit lower--subtract out $2640 for the mortgage and $530 for the student loans. That leaves you with $3215/mo in spending, $38.5k/year. You'll need somewhere in the neighborhood of $1 million to retire, so you have a total of $1,365,000 to save up. Assuming 7% returns, you're looking at about 5 years. You might be able to optimize that a bit by maxing out a 401k ($18k/year), which will free up several thousand more dollars per year to invest, and that'll knock a few months off.
These are all rough, back-of-the-envelope calculations, though, and don't include things like health insurance. The bigger issue is getting DW on board with the plan.