I feel you 100%, we too pay the costs of living in a rural area. With all the time/energy/money invested in the homestead, any type of relocation feels like leaving a lot behind. Right now we have long commutes, but thankfully they should wind down pretty soon.
Much of the stress you are feeling is probably due to your husband working out of town. I had a month long out of town assignment (home on weekends) a while back and even though my kids are in school, and my wife only works part time, it was incredibly stressful for her covering 100% of family and homestead duties.
Can he find something in the same town you are working in? If you could commute together you could probably justify the expense pretty easily.
If you are planning on a second baby I'd try to stick it out with the highest savings job you can until that time comes. The money you invest now has the most opportunity to grow and will shave the most time off of your husband's working career.