Hi Silverfox,
Lots of great advice here, and I'll add my voice to those who say Don't Panic, you have time to work this out with some work and attention.
Just wanted to add, given that no one else has mentioned it, that your highest interest debt right now, the credit cards, don't have to stay at the rates you have. Obviously, you want to pay them off quickly, but you can't lose by either calling your card companies and asking them to reduce your rates, telling them that you have received a 0% financing offer and asking them to match it, or doing a balance transfer to a card offer that has a low rate. There is lots of info out there on doing the transfer game if you do a little googling.
I think you are doing exactly the right thing by researching your options for the big decisions, taking time to get DH on board, and going after the low hanging fruit now while you gain some data about your spending habits. In the meantime, getting those rates down could be as simple as a phone call, and provide some short term relief, even if it's just psychological. If you were set to pay these off in a month or two, it wouldn't be worth the hassle, but it could give you some of the breathing room you need.
We've paid off a lot of debt at 0-1% interest, and it also makes things like the re-fi seem less urgent, because the HELOC or mortgage rate stops being lower than the cc rate.
Just a small step to consider in the bigger picture. Good luck!