Carpenter feeling burnt out, advice appreciated

[samanil]

Hey yall, I'm in a bit of a pickle here and would appreciate some advice.

I do carpentry and have been absolutely hammering at my job and side hustle (food delivery via bike) since Sept 2020. My net worth has tripled so I'm thrilled with my results, but I am now pretty burnt out. I usually get seasonal affective disorder (depression due to shit weather) but this winter has been especially rough: it has forced me to take 3 weeks off (so far) due to severe mental and physical ailments. I took my first paid vacation ever a few weeks ago, to the Caribbean, during which I started to feel better, but when I returned I was inundated with burnout pain (serious fatigue and headache, and then an ear ache--though not sure if the ear ache resulted from burnout). I didn't make it through the first week back to work and now I am taking this whole week off. The pain was serious enough that I was scared I may do serious long term damage to my health.

My plan moving forward is to ease up on my side hustle, maybe stop it completely, and stop trying so hard at work. I've been neglecting other areas of life such as socializing and I think that is pretty unhealthy. Instead of saving as much as possible, I am going to lower my ambition to "just" maxing out my 401k and IRA. Also, I am planning to ask for a leave of absence next winter so I can go somewhere south of the border during the shit Seattle winter, which I despise. If it works out, then I may try to do that every year. I would save less but then work would be sustainable.

So I've got some big tweaks I need to make, and am strategizing how to make them. My concern in the meantime is how to go back to work and keep progressing, albeit at a slower pace, without letting burnout totally derail me. Any advice would be much appreciated!

[CNM]

You are seeing medical and mental health providers, I hope?

[NorCal]

I think your plan is a good one.  My belief is that your mental state is best when you have a good balance of diet, exercise, and social life.  Work on that and see how much it helps.

In regards to your side-hustle, it doesn't have to be a yes/no decision.  It could be a seasonal or one day a week thing as you get more balance in your life.  Obviously, prioritize the balance now.  The nice thing about most side-hustles is that you can scale them up or down depending on your life priorities at the moment.

[samanil]

You are seeing medical and mental health providers, I hope?

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and am looking into therapy, thanks for asking. I also have a monthly coaching session with a life coach/friend, which consists mostly of him listening to me talk and helping me sort out my thoughts on things.

I think your plan is a good one.  My belief is that your mental state is best when you have a good balance of diet, exercise, and social life.  Work on that and see how much it helps.

In regards to your side-hustle, it doesn't have to be a yes/no decision.  It could be a seasonal or one day a week thing as you get more balance in your life.  Obviously, prioritize the balance now.  The nice thing about most side-hustles is that you can scale them up or down depending on your life priorities at the moment.

Great point. I have a personality characteristic where I am pretty black/white about things. Either I'm hammering at work, or I'm way out there in Baja or on a big trail, far removed from the rat race. I definitely need to learn balance. I was thinking maybe setting a limit of $100 per week for my side hustle, and then I'm not allowed to do it anymore.

[Moonwaves]

Time limit might be better. Once you've taken into account the amount you need to earn to make it worth your while doing at all, obviousy.

Good to hear you're going to talk to a doctor and start therapy. It sounds like consciously incorporating non-work stuff into your life will be a good thing to work on.

Since you mentioned your black-and-white thinking, I just also wanted to throw the idea out there, that going somewhere sunny/less grey in the winter months doesn't mean you have to be on holiday. I'm pretty sure carpenters can find work other places, too. You could choose somewhere in the world you'd like to live for a month or three and maybe pick up some carpentering while there. Have you read the blog posts on carpentourism?

[CNM]

It seems like the typical advice when it comes to burn out is to take time off.  Are you able to take a longer period of time off from carpentry?

[sonofsven]

So is this a work problem or a SAD problem?
As a construction lifer (started at 14, I'm 55 now) who also lives in an even more gloomy climate than Seattle (albeit without the millions of people, which is key for me) I can relate on both counts.
I first encountered stress around age thirty and thought I must be coming down with a horrible disease! Dizzy spells, headaches, etc. One of my clients was a doctor and did a complete physical with blood work (in trade for carpentry) and determined I was in perfect health.
Strangely (or not), as soon as he told me that I felt great. My physical signs of illness disappeared. Welcome to stress!
Traditionally, folks in the PNW go to Mexico or Hawaii to relieve the SAD blues. I had a painter who would go to Thailand every winter. That turned into a career change for him that was incredibly successful.
As a bit of practical advice don't work weekends and limit your overtime. Keep a simple schedule and don't take your work home.
Also, I had a number of colleagues who got into contracting for hire in their twenties because it was "easy money", most of them felt trapped and wanted out within five to ten years. Some did, successfully, others didn't. The point is, if it's not for you it's never too late to change careers.
I've had very helpful relationships with therapists, and not productive ones, too. But uf you find the right person it can be a profound experience.
Now in middle age a large amount of time is spent on physically caring for my body so I can continue working, and I've had to cut out many recreational activities because of work injuries. No one ever said it was going to be easy.
It's a long haul, not a sprint. Take care of yourself now and reap the benefits in the future. Hope you find something here helpful.

[SunnyDays]

As a fellow sufferer of SAD, I find that full-spectrum lightbulbs help a lot.  You can also get something like a Sun Box if you want to spend the money, either one works, but you have to spend enough time per day exposed to them.  Mornings for about a half hour seems to work for me.

[LifeHappens]

I took my first paid vacation ever a few weeks ago, to the Caribbean, during which I started to feel better, but when I returned I was inundated with burnout pain (serious fatigue and headache, and then an ear ache--though not sure if the ear ache resulted from burnout). I didn't make it through the first week back to work and now I am taking this whole week off. The pain was serious enough that I was scared I may do serious long term damage to my health.

Is it possible you are suffering from physical exhaustion as well as mental burnout? Between carpentry and bike delivery you might be burning through your physical reserves. How has your sleep and nutrition been?

[JGS1980]

Burnout is often times both physical as well as mental.

Take vacations on a regular basis (every 3 months for at least 1 week off) as this will decrease both your emotional and your physical fatigue. You will literally "recharge".

If you've been at it for 2 intense years without a break, then even a month off straight may not be enough to recover. You've built up a debt that now must be paid.

Best of luck to you during your recovery.

[Sibley]

You sound like a friend of mine. Run 120% or 0%, no in between. That doesn't end well.

My hunch is you need to take an extended break - 3-6 months, just to focus on your mental and physical health. And then work on figuring out balance - how to run at 80%, 100%, 50%. It'll be tough because it's not natural for you, but long term you'll be much better off.

You're a carpenter. You have skills, and those skills are in demand. You won't have trouble finding work I bet.

[samanil]

Thanks a lot for all the responses everyone. It helps to get thoughtful feedback from different perspectives.

Since you mentioned your black-and-white thinking, I just also wanted to throw the idea out there, that going somewhere sunny/less grey in the winter months doesn't mean you have to be on holiday. I'm pretty sure carpenters can find work other places, too. You could choose somewhere in the world you'd like to live for a month or three and maybe pick up some carpentering while there. Have you read the blog posts on carpentourism?

Interesting idea! I've actually considered that. I did build a deck for my aunt in the Redwoods in exchange for room and board 2 summers ago and it was extremely satisfying.

It seems like the typical advice when it comes to burn out is to take time off.  Are you able to take a longer period of time off from carpentry?

I could take a long time off of carpentry if I wanted to. I could just do my side hustle and break even. If I have to I will. But my hope is I can get back to it and make it to next winter. I'd love to max out my 401k again. There's that burnout mentality again. My idealistic side is hoping I can reign it in and make things work. Time will tell.

So is this a work problem or a SAD problem?
As a construction lifer (started at 14, I'm 55 now) who also lives in an even more gloomy climate than Seattle (albeit without the millions of people, which is key for me) I can relate on both counts.
I first encountered stress around age thirty and thought I must be coming down with a horrible disease! Dizzy spells, headaches, etc. One of my clients was a doctor and did a complete physical with blood work (in trade for carpentry) and determined I was in perfect health.
Strangely (or not), as soon as he told me that I felt great. My physical signs of illness disappeared. Welcome to stress!
Traditionally, folks in the PNW go to Mexico or Hawaii to relieve the SAD blues. I had a painter who would go to Thailand every winter. That turned into a career change for him that was incredibly successful.
As a bit of practical advice don't work weekends and limit your overtime. Keep a simple schedule and don't take your work home.
Also, I had a number of colleagues who got into contracting for hire in their twenties because it was "easy money", most of them felt trapped and wanted out within five to ten years. Some did, successfully, others didn't. The point is, if it's not for you it's never too late to change careers.
I've had very helpful relationships with therapists, and not productive ones, too. But uf you find the right person it can be a profound experience.
Now in middle age a large amount of time is spent on physically caring for my body so I can continue working, and I've had to cut out many recreational activities because of work injuries. No one ever said it was going to be easy.
It's a long haul, not a sprint. Take care of yourself now and reap the benefits in the future. Hope you find something here helpful.

That's interesting, I was just watching a TED talk where the central idea is that the way you think about stress determines it's effect on you.

What's clear to me is that carpentry in the winter is not for me. Nor is 50 weeks a year of it for me. But I don't think I can count it out until I've tried doing it 9 months a year. Because there are times when I really enjoy it. Another factor is that I'm still in a position where I basically just take orders all day. There's no creativity or autonomy, which I've read is essential for liking your work. So again, I don't think I can count carpentry out until I've gotten good enough at it to where I have more autonomy. If I don't like carpentry when I'm really good at it and doing it in a balanced way--then I would feel confident deciding I don't like it and it's not for me. And at that point (3 - 5 years), I will in all likelihood be solidly coast FIRE, so I'll be in a stronger position to hang up my tool bags anyways.

Regarding taking care of my body, when I was in the Caribbean I started doing yoga (have done a lot in the past), and when I got home I immediately bought a yoga mat and plan to do it regularly moving forward.

As a fellow sufferer of SAD, I find that full-spectrum lightbulbs help a lot.  You can also get something like a Sun Box if you want to spend the money, either one works, but you have to spend enough time per day exposed to them.  Mornings for about a half hour seems to work for me.

I bought a top shelf SAD lamp a few months ago as I was starting to crumble. It was too little too late, but could be helpful in the future.

Is it possible you are suffering from physical exhaustion as well as mental burnout? Between carpentry and bike delivery you might be burning through your physical reserves. How has your sleep and nutrition been?

Yeah definitely. Upon returning from the Caribbean my sleep was terrible--I was waking up an hour or 2 early even though I was exhausted. I have a pretty good diet overall.

Burnout is often times both physical as well as mental.

Take vacations on a regular basis (every 3 months for at least 1 week off) as this will decrease both your emotional and your physical fatigue. You will literally "recharge".

If you've been at it for 2 intense years without a break, then even a month off straight may not be enough to recover. You've built up a debt that now must be paid.

Best of luck to you during your recovery.

I really like that idea of 1 week off every 3 months. And yes, I'm in debt. I'm hoping I can repay it over time (with interest :-D) instead of all at once.

My hunch is you need to take an extended break - 3-6 months, just to focus on your mental and physical health.

I hope not but you might be right.