car/father issues

[Silverwood]

Hi Everyone

So my car is a 2 door 03 standard honda civic.  It's not in great shape body wise;lots of rust. I knew this day was coming but am hoping to fix  the couple things wrong with it and make it last another year or 2.

When I took it in it the rattling was cause by the front exhaust bracket falling off. The left axle seal is leaking and the drive belt needs to be replaced. Plus they mentioned that brake, transmission and clutch fluid aren't looking good and should be replaced.  It will cost 700+ tax

So the price is whatever. It's a Honda dealership. I've tried other places but I haven't had the same great customer service as here. I realize I'm paying more for this. 

I had wanted to talk to my dad about when I should stop putting money into the car.  Instead he laughed at me, pretty much told me I was stupid  and that he would take care of it.  He would take it to his buddy who owns a garage. 


Does anyone have any advice. This is the third strike with my dad. He's made other comments.  I'm calmed down now but I find him very negative.  My mom will just say he's in a bad mood from work. I don't think talking to him would do anything. I tend to keep my distance and then everyone thinks I'm anti social.

When my car does die what exactly do I do with it? Leave it at the dealership? Try selling it on Kijiji?

[Ryo]

Best course of action might be to ask him for a referral to the place he's talking about, and then handle everything yourself.  Make sure he doesn't tag along. 

Also, you mentioned he said he would "take care of it" ... if that means he plans on paying for it, you'll be indebted to him and will no doubt have to put up with more shit in the future.  Therefore, don't let him pay for it. 

[gooki]

Have you considred maybe he's right? Sure he could be more polite about it, but I'd at least tag along with him to the recommended garage.

[Zamboni]

Two issues here.

Car:
If you put $700 into it and then do manage to drive it ~2 more years, your "car payment" based upon the repairs is only something like $30 per month, which is pretty darn good. Find out the name of your Dad's mechanic and see if they will do all of the work listed by the dealership for less for an even bigger win. If you do decide you need to get rid of it, then most scrap places will buy it from you. Around here they give $350-$500 for pretty much anything that can be driven, towed, or pushed to their lot. You can get online quotes for that from scrap yards in your area.

Dad:
Sounds like your Dad is not always the most tactful guy. That is a bummer. But, communication is a two-way street. Have you tried calmly telling him something like "Dad, I love you. I asked you for advice about my car, but then your response seemed condescending and it made me feel really bad for even asking. Can you try to talk with me in a way that doesn't hurt my feelings?"

If he then berates you for past screw ups, say you realize you haven't always made great decisions, but that you are moving in the right direction now and he needs to be respectful when he talks with you moving forward. If he blasts you for having a beater car or being thrifty, say you know the two of you don't see eye to eye on every topic, but that he needs to show his love and be respectful when he talks with you moving forward.

Maybe this will open his eyes. Or maybe he'll be a jackhat about it. But either way, at least you told him that it wasn't cool. If he keeps saying things that are hurtful or not acceptable, say so. "I feel bad when you say something that way. Why are you being mean?" You get the idea. It might take a lot of practice. Good luck!

[Silverwood]

Alright thanks for the input.

I wouldn't be taking money from him. His way of taking care of it was just to call and let them know my vehicle was coming in.  I told him it was my car and I would do that and then he hung up on me.  Today my mom tells me that I'm being stubborn when I told her that things were fine and I did not want to discuss it.   I would of gone on and  said the things zamboni listed here but she didn't give me time to. Saying I was being difficult and hanging up.   I guess I'll just continue to say things in a calm manner until they get thru.     

And also start finding out where the scrap yards in my area are  :)

[Blatant]

Methinks that -- based on the tone of your posts and the fact that both of your parents hang up on you -- there's a lot more going on that you're saying. Regardless, $700 (or less at an independent garage) is a relatively cheap price to keep a car running a couple more years.

[NoraLenderbee]

I think the first step is to stop asking your dad's advice (or at least do it less). I don't know anything about your relationship with him except what you've said. But it's clear that (whatever the reason) there's a pattern of mutual irritation that escalates and makes both of you unhappy. It's time to pull back. Not from the relationship--but just from the part of it where you are always the child asking for guidance from the adult.
It's not easy to do, but start finding other sources for advice. Like this forum, for instance. :)

[Silverwood]

There has been some irritation. He's got a lot of knowledge and experience and yet won't talk to me. Another example is  I told him I wanted to get a small trailer instead of buying a bigger vehicle  and he laughed at me and asked me if I'd ever towed one before.  Implying that I wouldn't be able to handle it.  Then ended the conversation.

I would of gone here first  or googled if it wasn't for my mom. She pushed for talking to my dad.  But I agree that it's time to pull back and not discuss these things with them anymore.   I guess I have a hard time with it too because I'm not asking for him to physically help me, just for his thoughts and  ideas on things.  I do that with the guys at work all the time.

I think they may be used to how I handled things in the past and are reacting to that instead of how I'm acting  now. Does that make sense?

I did go ahead with the major repairs on my vehicle. Looking at it like you guys have pointed out even if it it lasted another 6 months that's only about  100/month.

[Zamboni]

Good call on the car, and good luck with your parents!