Author Topic: Career/Life Help  (Read 4395 times)

nakedput

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 9
Career/Life Help
« on: October 17, 2015, 02:30:32 AM »
I hope this section is the right place to post this dilemma I have. I don't have a lot of real life friends to talk about this topic with, so I was hoping Mustachians could help me.

The Financials
approx 12k in student loan debt
0 CC debt
Currently make about 56k in a high cost of living area that lives and dies with the oil and gas markets (calgary, AB)
was living with my girlfriend but moved back home last month - trying to put a dent in my debt that I have

The Situation.
I am 26 and I feel like a total and utter loser. I have a Bachelor of Commerce in Risk Managment from a well respected university (U of Calgary). I am writing the CFA Level designation in December. Everywhere I look, my classmates, siblings, etc are doing better then me. They make more money then me, have better careers, etc. Long story short, a lot of my pain is coming from the fact that I think my career is in shambles. I am in an industry and position that I loathe. I am a claims adjuster. I was obsessed with the stock market since I was 18 years old, but my limiting beliefs held me back and I never truly pursued my passion because I always felt lesser then everybody else. I come from a working class family, and it seems like the finance world is upper echelon folk. I am finally pursuing my passion (finance), but now I feel it is too little too late. I am going to be 27 in January and I have no real technical skills to date. I still keep up to date with the markets, but don't even feel like the half the person I was when I was following them intently. I've spent too many years peddling insurance products and settling insurance claims.

I feel I have made dumb decision after dumb decision, the first of which was accepting an insurance sales role in my fourth year and then completely changed my major. Then I got hit in the head many many times while I was walking home one night and the concussion set me back a year. I have always been relatively frugal, but never seem to make money. And the salary I am getting now is severely underneath my graduating peers' salaries.

I have always been an "old soul" at heart and I have a 40 year old girlfriend from Colombia. I love her and I wish in my heart of hearts that she was still in her 20s, because my logical side just tells me that I will never marry this woman even though I love her. I am an INFJ. Maybe this is the source of my problems, I don't know. I'm just feeling a little lost lately, and some kind words would be great. I just have no idea where I'm heading, what job I want to pursue, and what to do. It feels like life has just stalled on me for about 3 years (since university). Being back in with the parents makes me feel like a kid again (although I only intend on living there for a few more months while I complete the first CFA exam). Sometimes I feel like it is my mind that creates my future, that puts me in shitty situations. No one in their right mind would go for a 40 year old woman at my age, but there was just something about this woman and I wantd to pursue a relationship with her. She deserves a man her own age that can shower her with gifts and attention, not a guy like me. Not to mention it is the same story of my life in this city..grew up with minimal friends, and still have minimal friends. And my recent attitude at work has totally put off a lot of coworkers (my role is a contract role). I've been unemployed twice since university ended (8 months and 4 months respectively).
At any rate, the positives are that I have a marketable degree (even if I don't feel like a marketable guy) in a BCOMM, and relatively little debt. I have a good girlfriend, and am strong as an ox. I have a great physique, a job, and some people say I have good looks!

Does anybody here have anything useful to add? If so, I'd love to hear from you.


Kaminoge

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 348
  • Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2015, 03:56:36 AM »
Firstly you sound depressed... now internet diagnosis are always sketchy but I think you might want to try talking to someone offline about all this.

Quote
I love her and I wish in my heart of hearts that she was still in her 20s, because my logical side just tells me that I will never marry this woman even though I love her.

But if she was in her 20s you probably wouldn't be in love with her.

Quote
No one in their right mind would go for a 40 year old woman at my age, but there was just something about this woman and I wantd to pursue a relationship with her. She deserves a man her own age that can shower her with gifts and attention, not a guy like me.
.

Ok, where the hell do you get these ideas from? I'm in my 40s (not 40) and about to marry the love of my life who just happens to be in his very early 30s. One of my good friends is in her early 40s and her soon to be husband is in his mid 20s. There are 2 women I work with who are married to men around 15 years younger. And that's just my tiny experience. So to say no one in their right mind would do it is somewhat ridiculous (and just for fun, I'll throw in Hugh Jackman, one of the best looking men in the world (my opinion, but plenty agree) who is a top movie star and has been married for a very long time to a woman 13 years older than him). So while I totally agree that it's not as common as when the age gap is the other way around it's hardly unheard of. Of course I can't speak to whether your relationship is a good idea but please don't let some old-fashioned, sexist ideas of "what everyone does" ruin a relationship if that's the only thing wrong with it.

As to everything else... you're 26. You have loads and loads of time to make changes in your life. You certainly aren't a loser. You've managed to get a degree. You have a job. You are in an OK shape financially. You are working on getting into an even better financial shape. Trust me there are lot of 26 year olds who would think your position sounds awesome. I know it's easy to say and hard to do but stop comparing yourself to everyone else (who's lives probably aren't as great as they seem on the surface). Focus on working out what makes you happy and then go for it.

Setters-r-Better

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 110
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2015, 07:10:13 AM »
I agree with everything the previous poster said.

You are taking positive steps toward reaching your goals (CFA). Keep at it and have patience with yourself. Keep your expenses low so you can stay flexible and take a more entry-level position in a more desired career path. At least in the US, entry level stock analyst positions are fairly easy to get. Also entry level credit analyst. (They can be dreadfully boring though...but still, you don't have to be from a rich family to get into the finance field....And I think there is an experience component to finishing the CFA designation).  Even the insurance industry (which you are in?) should have many finance related jobs.

It might be worth reflecting on and researching if the CFA is something that will help you get where you want to go. There are many jobs in the finance industry where that would be useless and perhaps a broader undergrad in finance or masters in finance would be more helpful to you.

okits

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 10602
  • Location: Canada
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2015, 09:52:30 AM »
I think your biggest issue is a narrow attitude.  Previous posters have talked about your relationship, so I'll address the other parts.  You might see the outward aspects of your classmates' lives (job title, where they live, what they wear/drive, partner), but you don't know what's going on behind the scenes. Do they work 100 hours a week?  Does their boss mistreat them?  Do they have a family member who is connected and parachuted them into an opportunity not normally available?  Is everything they own financed?  Is their relationship solid on the inside, not just enviable from the outside?  Do your classmates feel fulfilled or are they exhausted and constantly chasing the next big thing that will finally make them "happy"?

If you've figured out what career you truly want to pursue, go for it and don't worry about not being from the upper echelon. Those cliques will always welcome someone really attractive and charming or funny and quirky, if they're enjoyable to be around and have a positive attitude.  Are you a loser or are you in the process of achieving your goals? 

Gondolin

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 576
  • Location: Northern VA
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2015, 02:04:12 PM »
+1 To everything said previously about your relationship. She deserves what she wants...and apparently that's you!

Quote
You might see the outward aspects of your classmates' lives (job title, where they live, what they wear/drive, partner), but you don't know what's going on behind the scenes.

+1000. That classmate who just had her dream wedding to her wonderful BF? He's already cheating on her. That classmate who suddenly moved to a swanky apartment right after graduation? He's unemployed and his parents are paying for it. That classmate who landed the $150k+ a year gig at the prestigious firm? She's working 100 hrs a week, hasn't slept in days and is contemplating suicide. The list goes on and on.

Nobody's life is as great as they say/post/tweet that it is in front of others. In fact, the louder they trumpet every success to the world, the worse their internal situation usually is.

Stop exposing yourself to false comparisons between your life and the curated representations of your peer's lives.

Delete the Facebook app off your phone, NOW, and don't look back.


Otherwise, stay the course. Keep the good relationship you have. Change the bad job/career path you don't like. You're young, educated and financially free enough that making such a change is just a matter of gumption.     

crazyworld

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 96
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2015, 03:46:54 PM »
You are quite young, despair not!  Are you eating healthy, getting exercise and sleeping early/rising early?  If not, do so, even if it seems pointless for the first few weeks.

If someone else's experience helps: I completed a B Com and then a CA (similar to CPA) and then moved to the US, at age 25, then did CPA here and could not get a job (needed employer to sponsor a work visa).  After a year or so, took the GMAT, thinking I would go for MBA.  Did well enough on GMAT to get admission to MBA program, but in the meantime got a job - did not pay that well, but hey got the visa! DH was still studying (for another 2-3 years), so needed the money as well.  Anyway, I started this paying career at age 27.  Was not very aggressive with pay raises (should have been), but great place to work, so I am still here, now up the ranks and making good money.  The point is, at age 26, don't get overwhelmed about the rest of your life.  You don't have debt, that is good.  Keep learning, going, doing.  Stay frugal - having cash gives you options. 
If the stock market interests you, look to see if CFA is really needed.  It helps in some areas, but not all.  Look at job openings to see what they are looking for.

dess1313

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 438
  • Location: Manitoba Canada
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #6 on: October 17, 2015, 04:22:41 PM »
Quote
Sometimes I feel like it is my mind that creates my future, that puts me in shitty situations. No one in their right mind would go for a 40 year old woman at my age, but there was just something about this woman and I wantd to pursue a relationship with her. She deserves a man her own age that can shower her with gifts and attention, not a guy like me.
BULL $*%&   I come from a family with parents who have a 15yr age gap.  Don't let other people's expectations limit what you are or who you are!!!  talk to this person about your concerns but don't think that you're unfit for things because you're just starting out your career.

Quote
Being back in with the parents makes me feel like a kid again (although I only intend on living there for a few more months while I complete the first CFA exam). Sometimes I feel like it is my mind that creates my future, that puts me in shitty situations.
temporary.  don't let it get you down.  i did this for 5 years during the summer as i was finishing university.  wasn't the easiest but it kept me going.

Quote
Everywhere I look, my classmates, siblings, etc are doing better then me. They make more money then me, have better careers, etc.
everything on facebook, instagram, etc etc is just the window dressing.  looks pretty, serves no purpose.  you don't know who has shitty jobs with bad bosses, fights with their partners, who's almost divorcing, or who's really depressed and hiding it behind big purchases to make them happy. 

Quote
And my recent attitude at work has totally put off a lot of coworkers (my role is a contract role). I've been unemployed twice since university ended (8 months and 4 months respectively).
This is just something you can work on.  If you're depressed, or angry and its bleeding into your work life its hard to not have problems.  Please talk to a good friend or go see a doctor,  its easy to have something like depression hit you and you don't even realize you're depressed until you're down deep in the dumps.  get outside and get some sun, get out of the office, go for a walk, do something you enjoy, anything you need to do.  if you're working hard, and studying hard, ever heard of SADS?  sunlight affective disorder.  basically means you get depressed in winter from not enough sunshine giving you a lack of vitamin D.  if you're mostly an indoor person you could be feeling it too.  get outside and get some sun, and get some vitamin D in you.

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3056
  • Location: Emmaus, PA
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2015, 06:49:22 PM »
At our age everybody who seems to be hitting the big time can barely come up for air. I have a friend living in Silicon Valley who could tell me it had been 241 days at his current position because he set a countdown on his phone to convince himself to stick with it a year.

aceyou

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1606
  • Age: 37
    • Life is Good - Aceyou's Journal
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2015, 09:25:46 PM »
I'm 32 and made about 56K last year....It's the most I'd ever made to that point in my life.  My wife makes a couple thousand less than that.  We're closing in on a quarter million net worth, and I just found this site a year ago. 

Your income at 26 years old is fine, despair not:)

nakedput

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 9
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #9 on: October 19, 2015, 12:57:34 PM »
Thanks everyone. I feel a bit better. I will take things slow with the lady. I will continue to be frugal, pay down debt, and put my head down/work hard to advance myself. It feels like a bleek existence at time, especially with the Alberta economy the way it is.

Expatriate

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 40
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #10 on: October 19, 2015, 01:24:57 PM »
And get yourself a new job. As soon as possible. You're just 26. Hell, I started when I was 26, because I decided to travel extensively after graduation.

alexrcraig

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 26
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Lansing, MI
    • Have a Rich Marriage
Re: Career/Life Help
« Reply #11 on: October 19, 2015, 02:20:55 PM »
It sounds like all of your problems stem from comparing yourself to others. This is a hard thing not to do, BUT it is a very DANGEROUS road to go down.

Nothing good ever comes from the land of -er (my friends are better, smarter, earn more, etc). This is a toxic thing and as long as you focus on comparing you will:

1. Never be happy and grateful for what you do have
2. You will always focus on what other people have rather than putting your head down and working your ass off.

You have to put blinders on. The best way to do that is stop going on social media.

You also need to understand that the life people craft on Social media is a perfectly chosen one. Everyone posts their success on social media but how many of us post our failures?

Also, how much have you worked towards changing your situation? Have you looked for new jobs? Asked for a raise? etc. or just thought about it?

Here is a great video by Marie Forleo about comparison. I think it is important to note that not comparing yourself is a daily thing and not a one time thing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF2kQBDaZGs