Author Topic: Can therapy be mustachian?  (Read 3663 times)

Hula Hoop

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Can therapy be mustachian?
« on: February 18, 2018, 01:49:39 PM »
I've been thinking about getting some therapy due to some family issues - mainly from childhood but also ongoing.  My sister has done some and said that it was helpful in processing some traumatic stuff from our childhoods and recommended that I do the same.  I'm a pretty happy person in my 40s but I do have recurring thoughts/anger about these traumatic childhood issues that my sister tells me a therapist could help me with.

But my inner cheapskate/mustachian just thinks it's insane to spend that much money just to talk to someone.  What do others think?  I don't have depression or other mental illness just some really mucked up family experiences.

wordnerd

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2018, 01:53:05 PM »
Do it. This is what money is for.

Hula Hoop

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2018, 02:09:10 PM »
So it's really that much more helpful than talking to my best friend or husband?  (which is free!)

englishteacheralex

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2018, 02:28:05 PM »
My husband is a licensed clinical social worker (so--a therapist). One of my best friends is a marriage and family counselor. In my personal experience, seeing a therapist who works well with you and gives you goals to work on can be an excellent use of money. It also can be a very mature step in taking responsibility for your own mental health.

Finding the right person is very important. Therapy can just be navel-gazing. Ideally you want someone who specializes in the issues you want to work through and has some specific, research-based strategies for coming to a resolution. Done well, it's not just a conversation where you pay someone to listen to you (i.e. something your husband or friend could do just as well for free). It's an objective third party who has expertise in the area you need help in. The therapist can introduce you to ways of thinking about and dealing with your problems that a friend or husband has no training for.

If you're serious about it, I recommend "interviewing" therapists--plan to talk to at least two, maybe three people to get a feel for who best clicks with you. Ask them for recommended reading. The whole thing works best if you make a project out of it and commit to it.

Bottom line: only a waste of money if you do it half-heartedly. Very similar to joining a gym or getting a personal trainer. A wise move if you're willing to commit.

Tris Prior

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2018, 02:58:19 PM »
So it's really that much more helpful than talking to my best friend or husband?  (which is free!)

Yes.

First, these people are close to the situation and therefore might not be as objective as a relative stranger.

Second, good therapy isn't just, you sit there and talk, and the therapist listens, and you pay your money and leave. A good therapist will validate that what you went through wasn't normal (if that's an issue for you; it was for me and continues to be, I have a habit of thinking things like "well, I wasn't beaten as a child so therefore it wasn't that bad and none of this should bother me".) A good therapist will also challenge any maladaptive behaviors that you've gotten in the habit of on account of your upbringing - some that you might not even be consciously aware of. A good therapist will give you tools to cope with the trauma. (Note: there are therapists who do just sit there and make soothing noises at you. It is OK, when seeking therapy, to be up front about wanting specific coping strategies and tools and "homework" to work on outside of your sessions. I agree with everything englishteacheralex said.)

I tried dealing with my own traumatic past on my own for a long time. Once I hit my mid-40s and realized that I still had not been able to solve it on my own, I sought therapy. I did my best to keep it mustachian by choosing a therapist in my insurance network, and I'm fortunate that my therapist was willing to work with me on the copay, but honestly, I feel like this is an it-is-what-it-is expense. You can't put a price on your mental health.

Also.... my partner and my one close friend with whom I discuss this stuff (because she's been through similar) are so supportive. But ultimately it's not their jobs to provide unpaid therapy for me, and sometimes one or both of them would hit their limit on how much they could listen to me vent about my family trauma. Which is totally valid and I completely understand - and is one reason why I'm in favor of therapy. I've no idea what trauma you're facing but for me, it comes with feeling selfish for talking about myself or trying to meet my needs. That hour-ish once a week is literally all about me and I don't have to feel guilty for focusing on myself, or worry that I'm "too much" for my therapist. Because that is her job.

I hope some of this makes sense?
« Last Edit: February 18, 2018, 03:28:11 PM by Tris Prior »

Hula Hoop

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2018, 03:07:52 PM »
Tris - you sound similar to me.  It's taken me years to realize that my childhood trauma was not "normal".  I've also had various family members who know about what I went through, including my sister and a cousin, suggest therapy.  But it's going to cost me around 60 euros an hour which seems like a lot.  But of course I could afford it it's just against my mustachian way of thinking.  I guess I just need to do it.     


meghan88

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2018, 03:09:49 PM »
There's a wealth of information available to you online regarding cognitive behavioral therapy and other techniques that might be helpful for you to work through issues.  If you're looking to be Mustachian about it, you might want to start there.

However, when self-help methods don't seem to be cutting it, sometimes it can be worthwhile to plunk down some money to kick-start the process.  By trying a paid therapist, you might either (a) get more invested in resolving issues because it's costing you $; or (b) decide that it's not for you, especially if you can't connect with the right one for you.

One thing for sure:  trust your spidey-sense.  If your BS Meter is sounding the alarm, cancel all sessions immediately.

joonifloofeefloo

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2018, 03:14:35 PM »
Yep. I always think of Mustachianism as being all about prioritizing. e.g., I make significant housing choices so that I can afford counselling and other therapies for my child and me.

Like Tris, I also try to find options that are covered -free at mental health or women's centre, or at a trauma-specific centre, or at a college I'm attending, or via insurance coverage, or via my son's school coverage, etc. I've paid for it out-of-pocket when none of those was an option though.

I've experienced it as so beneficial I've offered to pay for other people's too!

Like englishteacheralex said, be specific in what you're aiming for and which therapy and therapist you select. These make all the difference. I love EMDR and CBT. (Some on the forum don't like CBT.)

Hula Hoop

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2018, 03:16:41 PM »
Meghan - yes very good points.  I actually did go to therapy briefly about 15 years ago and the therapist (a registered psychologist) kept complementing my appearance and making flirty/sexual comments that made me really uncomfortable (the guy was probably 60 and I was around 30).  He also made some really sexist comments.  I ended up cancelling all sessions after my second meeting with him.  Yuk and he really put me off the whole business.  My spidey sense was on red alert.  I probably should have reported him.

Lady SA

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #9 on: February 18, 2018, 06:08:05 PM »
Absolutely. Mustachianism is about optimizing your life, not just your finances. If there is something in your past that causes you recurring anger/upset, finding a GOOD therapist is worth their weight in gold.

That said, I am a bit biased, as I have ponied up for weekly therapy for going on 3 years now (and don't regret a single penny) after I went through something really, really traumatic with my family. I immediately sought help from a therapist because it was severely impacting my day-to-day life. As in, multiple panic attacks every day (but I didn't know that was what they were), constant anxiety, major depression, fear of leaving the house, couldn't concentrate at work, fear of people with specific hair colors and cuts in the grocery store... It sucked. Of course, my problem was sudden and hugely traumatic, which is why my symptoms were so severe and sudden. With childhood issues, your symptoms may not be as severe, but that doesn't discount them or make them less valid or worthy of being helped.

I went through two different therapists before finding one that really clicked. If you have trauma of any kind, whether recent or in the past, I really really recommend finding a therapist who specializes in trauma, CBT, and EMDR therapy. In my very first session with my current therapist, she led me through an EMDR session and literally halved the number of panic attacks I experienced--just one session! And each session after that, halved the attacks again, and now I haven't had one in more than a year. Making sure they are professional is important as well--they are not your friend. They are your support coach. I have seen my therapist every week without fail for 3 years and I still don't know anything about her personal life. She is a warm and calming influence on my life, but not "friendly", if that makes sense.

The price was hard to swallow, because at that point my DH and I were $100k in student loan debt, and I struggled with guilt all the time for spending all this money. But ultimately, my health is absolutely worth it. My quality of life had taken such a severe downturn that I was quickly spiraling into depression and worse. My therapist is single-handedly responsible for turning it around and getting me back into the light, and I am in a better place in my life than I was even before the incident. Besides, we made plenty of good progress on the debt and savings just by dint of being mustachians that it really doesn't matter in the long run.

Plus, you likely wont have to do this for 3 years, or you can have a different schedule (monthly instead of weekly). Also, be sure that they are in-network with your insurance. There are many ways you can keep the cost down. But I wouldn't compromise on the quality of therapist. Make sure they are skilled and professional, and also, you are willing to do the work. Therapy is one of those things that you get out what you put in. If you just show up and sit on the couch and chat, yeah it will seem kind of pointless. But if you are willing to put in the hard work even if it seems weird, you'll come out the other side lighter and freer.

Lady SA

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #10 on: February 18, 2018, 06:38:21 PM »
I don't have depression or other mental illness just some really mucked up family experiences.

also, I know I mentioned in my previous comment that I had some massive problems (panic, anxiety, depression) and that was why I sought therapy. I still think therapy is hugely beneficial to those without illnesses because in my case, my illnesses were situational. Now that my therapist has helped me clear up these illnesses that were impacting my day-to-day life (and did so ~2 years ago), I am still in therapy today. Why? Because underneath the incident that triggered all this, was a really messed up family system and I had internalized a lot of harmful messages. I needed to learn and develop tools to handle many situations in a better, healthy way--not just with family situations but also with my DH and my in-laws and at work and with friends.

But maybe that isn't the case for you, in which case that is wonderful! But even then, with messed up experiences, therapy is great for helping our brain stop impulsively reliving it as if the pain is happening now (and that sense of immediacy sending anger/panic fight or flight signals) and put it firmly in the past (gain distance, calm around the incident, reduce the intrusive reliving of it because it doesn't seem so immediate anymore) which in itself can be a tremendous relief. That is precisely what EMDR does and why I recommend it. Other forms of therapy aren't designed specifically for traumatic/messed up experiences like EMDR is.

joonifloofeefloo

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #11 on: February 18, 2018, 06:57:12 PM »
Amen, Lady SA! All very well said :)

cheddarpie

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #12 on: February 18, 2018, 07:09:42 PM »
Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.

MrThatsDifferent

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #13 on: February 18, 2018, 07:22:01 PM »
Yes, please consider doing it. I was suicidal at one point and therapy changed my life completely. It will help you so much and add years of value and happiness back.

Mezzie

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #14 on: February 18, 2018, 07:30:07 PM »
Therapy changed my life for the better, too. I'm going back to deal with some new issues this week. Last time it was life or death; this time it's because I know the process will help me deal with stress in a healthier way.

Be prepared to shop around a bit. It can take several tries to find the right therapist for you, and that's okay.

I would argue that investments in your health and happiness are always good.

Smokystache

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #15 on: February 18, 2018, 08:35:48 PM »
.... In my personal experience, seeing a therapist who works well with you and gives you goals to work on can be an excellent use of money. It also can be a very mature step in taking responsibility for your own mental health.

Finding the right person is very important. Therapy can just be navel-gazing. Ideally you want someone who specializes in the issues you want to work through and has some specific, research-based strategies for coming to a resolution. Done well, it's not just a conversation where you pay someone to listen to you (i.e. something your husband or friend could do just as well for free). It's an objective third party who has expertise in the area you need help in. The therapist can introduce you to ways of thinking about and dealing with your problems that a friend or husband has no training for.


This. I'm a psychologist, but don't currently practice. Here's my $.02:

- Be ready to switch. You should feel trust, empathy, and that the therapist/psychologist can see your world through your eyes (but may also say things that are true, but tough to hear). If you feel like: you aren't being taken seriously, don't trust the therapist, don't see how this will help ... after 2-3 sessions - then switch to someone else. Like every other profession, there are terrible and fantastic therapists/psychologists. Not only do you need someone who is good at the craft, but also someone who "fits" and understands you. Expect to change at least once.

- View therapy as consulting sessions. If you were starting a business, creating a complicated software program, or something else - you wouldn't think twice about paying for help. This can be the same thing ... and what is more helpful/valuable than having a consultant that helps you have a better understanding of yourself and your experiences.


milliemchi

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #16 on: February 18, 2018, 09:10:45 PM »
So it's really that much more helpful than talking to my best friend or husband?  (which is free!)

It's that much more helpful to take the car to the mechanic than have your best friend or husband drive around with you. (which is free!)

Seriously, though...

1) The therapists go to school to learn special techniques for dealing with specific kinds of problems. I recommend Clinical Psychology PhDs, they get to learn clinically proven techniques.

2) There will be things that you will tell the therapist that you wouldn't tell your best friend or husband. So, they will be working with different information. Also, different depth to it.

3) Like someone said, they are paid to listen to you and think about your problem. Your friends and husband are doing you a favor, and every time they do, a tiny piece of their goodwill is chipped away.

4) Your friends and husband are much better used as a support system. Your therapist is NOT your support system. They are not there to prop your self-esteem or mood or to cheer you on. Other people in your life can do it for free. The therapist is there to teach and challenge, and monitor progress, and give it direction. You still have to do the work yourself. Think about the difference between your coach and your family that comes to cheer at the event (and it is still you who has to do all the training).

5) Friends and SOs could be forgiven if they let you talk about the same stuff over and over and over again. A good therapist would not let that happen. There has to be progress. (I've heard anecdotally of therapists who have fired patients for not doing the work and making progress.) As your worldview changes, so will the way you talk about issues, until eventually, they are not that important anymore, and you find something more interesting to talk about. Then your friends and SOs will be grateful.

So yes, it is totally worth it if you are the kind of person willing to do the work. Not knowing at all what your issues are, I will just make a general recommendation to look up the books by Susan Forward. She has covered the spectrum of topics, and each book is super valuable.
« Last Edit: February 18, 2018, 09:12:39 PM by milliemchi »

I'm a red panda

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #17 on: February 19, 2018, 06:21:26 AM »
Being mustachian isn't about never spending money; it is about spending money on things that matter.

So 100% therapy can be mustachian.

If you need it, or even if you think it might be beneficial- GO.

(My therapist is a LSW, not a psychologist. She's amazing. And covered by my insurance, which greatly reduces the cost to me.)

chasesfish

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #18 on: February 19, 2018, 06:50:56 AM »
Yes.  Going to a therapist was immensely helpful for my spouse when she was dealing with illness/recovery

Hula Hoop

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #19 on: February 19, 2018, 06:56:43 AM »
Thanks.  OK I will make an appointment.  Unfortunately, I don't have private health insurance and therapy is not covered by the public health system here in Italy unless you have a mental illness (I don't).  So I'll have to pay out of pocket but, like most mustachians, I can "afford" it. 

Broadway2019

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #20 on: February 19, 2018, 08:17:10 AM »
Currently, I go to couples therapy and individual therapy. I find it immensely useful and vital to my life. A therapist is great because it is an unbiased opinion. I have insurance but was unable to find one I really liked.

I pay $500 a month in therapy costs and I realize it's not mustachian. However, life is too short to take every shortcut available. She has helped me through tough times and even though my fiance and I get along great, I consider her vital. My fiance and I are not dealing with any traumatic event such as cheating, but we are learning to deal with conflicts better and ultimately this will make us a better couple. I feel you cannot put a price on that.

trollwithamustache

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #21 on: February 19, 2018, 08:26:27 AM »
MMM all is about prioritizing and addressing root problems. So yeah, go see a good/qualified therapist and not some charlatan.

Laura33

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #22 on: February 19, 2018, 08:31:47 AM »
Being mustachian isn't about never spending money; it is about spending money on things that matter.

+1000.  If you focus your life around spending the least money possible, that is cheap, not Mustachian.  Mustachian is recognizing that your happiness does not revolve around having fancy stuff -- it's not wasting money on trappings, being resourceful, and the like.  It is about living the best life for you -- and that "best life" requires you to be happy and productive and well-adjusted.  What's the point of saving a few hundred euros if it means you go through the rest of your life unhappy?  Get yourself healthy first, then worry about the rest. 

Disclaimer:  currently spending ridiculous sums of money on both physical therapy and treatment for depression, because it took me until age 50 to put myself first, and I've got a lot of years of crap to make up for.  Don't be me.

chasesfish

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #23 on: February 19, 2018, 02:33:21 PM »
Thanks.  OK I will make an appointment.  Unfortunately, I don't have private health insurance and therapy is not covered by the public health system here in Italy unless you have a mental illness (I don't).  So I'll have to pay out of pocket but, like most mustachians, I can "afford" it.

Best of luck, it may take you a couple of people to find one you are comfortable with, don't write it off on day 1

FiguringItOut

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #24 on: February 20, 2018, 07:40:42 AM »
I am a big fan of therapy if this is something you feel you want or need in your life at this time.  So I would say go ahead and do it.

But like others have said above, be prepared to switch providers if you don't feel that you are getting what you need out of it.  I've had a therapist in the past who I saw for 4 years.  Then I moved and tried to find a new therapist.  I found one, but after 8 sessions I quit.  I got tired of feeling more down after my sessions with the new therapist and feeling like I have to argue with her during sessions to validate my feelings.  I wish I looked for another one right way, but I didn't and it's been 2 years now.

Disclaimer:  I am in serious need of therapy, but I can't bring myself to pay for it out of pocket right now.  I have a $4K deductible on my health insurance, and basically it would take almost a year of therapy for me to meet my deductible.  So I am looking at it as an out of pocket expense. 
I have depression and I can't take any anti-depression medications.  So in the past I was able to deal with it through therapy which was very helpful.  However, at that time, I had a difference insurance, not HDHP, and my copay's were only $8 per week.  I have been thinking of biting the bullet and starting therapy again now, just need to get my wallet aligned with my thoughts on this.  But I also jut got a raise, so hopefully I'll get myself into the right head-space to do what's right for me.  Unfortunately, for me this is not a situation where I can get 10-15 sessions, work through a specific problem, and be done.  For me it is an ongoing process, and thus an ongoing expense.

Laura33

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #25 on: February 20, 2018, 09:57:15 AM »
Disclaimer:  I am in serious need of therapy, but I can't bring myself to pay for it out of pocket right now.  I have a $4K deductible on my health insurance, and basically it would take almost a year of therapy for me to meet my deductible.  So I am looking at it as an out of pocket expense. 
I have depression and I can't take any anti-depression medications. 

So . . . you do realize that it is your depression that is convincing you that it costs too much, and that you're better off just sucking it up and pushing through, right?  Because that's what depression is best at:  finding excuses to keep you from getting treatment.  I think of it as a brain virus whose primary goal is replicating itself.

Please just go.  Take that first step.  One visit at a time.  One visit won't kill your budget -- but depression will kill your enjoyment of all things bright and good in this world.

ElizaStache

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #26 on: February 20, 2018, 10:46:05 AM »
Therapy can be a great idea for anyone, even if it's only for a few sessions. In 2016 I was at a rock bottom place, destroyed by depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I wouldn't be alive today without the push from my now-husband to get help and the help the therapist provided me. Like mentioned above, it's not just you talk, they listen and jot down some notes, collect their hourly fee and leave. It's deep probing questions, introspection, and time to reflect. You get what you put into it.

Unfortunately with my insurance it was $85 per session, 4-5 times a month, for nearly a year, but that was a disastrous year health-wise for me. I only go once every few months now. It's worth it, unless you really don't click with the therapist you're seeing. It helped that I called the clinic and they asked a bit about me and my preferences, like if I wanted to see male or female, older or younger, etc.

FiguringItOut

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #27 on: February 20, 2018, 11:35:25 AM »
Disclaimer:  I am in serious need of therapy, but I can't bring myself to pay for it out of pocket right now.  I have a $4K deductible on my health insurance, and basically it would take almost a year of therapy for me to meet my deductible.  So I am looking at it as an out of pocket expense. 
I have depression and I can't take any anti-depression medications. 

So . . . you do realize that it is your depression that is convincing you that it costs too much, and that you're better off just sucking it up and pushing through, right?  Because that's what depression is best at:  finding excuses to keep you from getting treatment.  I think of it as a brain virus whose primary goal is replicating itself.

Please just go.  Take that first step.  One visit at a time.  One visit won't kill your budget -- but depression will kill your enjoyment of all things bright and good in this world.

Laura, everything you said is true.  This is just one of the symptoms of depression.  I'm working on it, but it's uphill battle. 

Laura33

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #28 on: February 20, 2018, 12:03:06 PM »
Disclaimer:  I am in serious need of therapy, but I can't bring myself to pay for it out of pocket right now.  I have a $4K deductible on my health insurance, and basically it would take almost a year of therapy for me to meet my deductible.  So I am looking at it as an out of pocket expense. 
I have depression and I can't take any anti-depression medications. 

So . . . you do realize that it is your depression that is convincing you that it costs too much, and that you're better off just sucking it up and pushing through, right?  Because that's what depression is best at:  finding excuses to keep you from getting treatment.  I think of it as a brain virus whose primary goal is replicating itself.

Please just go.  Take that first step.  One visit at a time.  One visit won't kill your budget -- but depression will kill your enjoyment of all things bright and good in this world.

Laura, everything you said is true.  This is just one of the symptoms of depression.  I'm working on it, but it's uphill battle.

Understood -- if it helps, I was the queen of excuse-making, which is why it took me a year to even seek treatment, until I was basically nonfunctional.  Some were so bad that it embarrasses me even to say them out loud ("oh, gee, I can't remember my login for the insurance website to find an in-network doctor" - umm, yeah, the folder with the passwords is literally 2 feet away, think it might be in there?).  Feel free to pm me if you want some nagging/accountability to make an appointment.

cats

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #29 on: February 20, 2018, 12:13:48 PM »
I'd say yes, it can be.  Remember, a lot of people "self-medicate" mental health issues (including just plain stress about family relationships) with un-mustachian things like retail therapy, stress eating or drinking, etc.  If you find yourself prone to those sorts of activities, therapy may well save you money in the long run.

I'd also echo what others have said and see what your employer and insurance will really cover, to help keep the costs down.  I'd assumed for a long time that therapy would be a huge $$$ investment.  Turns out my employer EAP program will 100% cover 6 visits per 6 months, and that there are also a fair number of other options my HMO has that are relatively low-cost and that may also work for you (e.g. I was able to go to a weekly PPD support group facilitated by therapists for $5/session...it was a nice complement to one-on-one sessions)

arob54600

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #30 on: February 21, 2018, 01:02:37 PM »
I clicked on this thread because I've been kicking around the idea of going to a therapist for a over a year but really I didn't want another bill. Maybe I wouldn't be so obsessed with FIRE, if I liked my life right now.  Kinda like how people say how great their life is going to be when they loose the weight and they finally do and they are still "them." I keep thinking FIRE is when I'll finally be free! The worst part is my life is great and I'm just "ugh" about everything. You guys have given me a lot to think about. Some things are priceless.

Sun Hat

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #31 on: February 21, 2018, 07:31:13 PM »
In my mind, there is no more worthwhile thing to spend money on than sorting out your brain. I credit my old therapist with saving my life, and I think that everyone should go for a few sessions every decade for a tune up. You'd spend money to fix a roof if it was leaking, why not spend on maintenance and repair for the only place you'll ever live - your mind?

koshtra

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #32 on: February 21, 2018, 08:14:32 PM »
So much good advice here.

I've had three bouts of therapy in my life: one was life-changing, one was useless, and one was very helpful. I'll endorse everyone who's saying that after a couple of times if it's not clicking, you should probably try a different therapist. I wish I'd bailed on my useless one a lot sooner. (I haven't spent my life in therapy. I'm pushing sixty now: it's been a year or so every fifteen years, maybe.)

It's a bad idea to try to make a spouse or close friend a therapist. You really need boundaries around the role (and so does the therapist!) There are do-it-yourself options -- working your way through CBT book like Burns's, or establishing a talking partner with a bunch of negotiated rules and boundaries. But to do that you have to find the right books or the right people, and when you really need therapy you usually don't have a lot of spare energy and surplus good judgement to pick the right things. A good therapist will save you a lot of time and grief.

Your mental health matters. It *really* matters. It matters to you, and it matters, usually more than you can see, to the people who are close to you. Taking care of it isn't being self-indulgent, it's being responsible. 

dcozad999

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #33 on: February 22, 2018, 08:25:57 AM »
So it's really that much more helpful than talking to my best friend or husband?  (which is free!)


I recommend Clinical Psychology PhDs, they get to learn clinically proven techniques.



Completely disagree. Having a PhD in Clinical Psychology does not make one a better therapist. In fact most Clinical Psychologists hold a PsyD and not a PhD.

Masters level clinical psychologists and LCSW (Social Workers) can be just as effective, and oftentimes better, for therapy.  A lot of the extra time and schooling that goes into PhD and Masters level psychology programs is spent on research and clinical testing, not therapy.

Don't be afraid to go with a Social Worker or Clinical Psychologist as a therapist.  In fact, the best therapist I ever had was an LCSW.


rubybeth

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Re: Can therapy be mustachian?
« Reply #34 on: February 22, 2018, 09:16:42 AM »
Being mustachian isn't about never spending money; it is about spending money on things that matter.

So 100% therapy can be mustachian.

If you need it, or even if you think it might be beneficial- GO.

(My therapist is a LSW, not a psychologist. She's amazing. And covered by my insurance, which greatly reduces the cost to me.)

100% agree. My DH is in training to be a marriage and family therapist. I have gone to therapy. It works. I always say that if I don't have my health, nothing else really matters, and mental health matters, too.

You may want to look for a marriage and family therapist specifically if your area has them, because their training focuses on family systems. A social worker (or clinical social worker) or counselor may do similar things, but training is different.

There are lots of different ways of doing therapy. I would also add that you may not click or develop rapport with your first therapist--that doesn't mean that therapy isn't working, just that you didn't find the right therapist.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2018, 09:19:35 AM by rubybeth »