I really appreciate all the different perspectives and advice. Lots of truth bombs in here.
I find it more than a little curious that you give next to nothing currently, yet you are feeling called to do NP work.
I've been volunteering a couple days a week at this NP for about a year. I really love it, which is why I'm so eager to take this rare full-time paid opportunity there.
Also a little confused by your husband, 10k / year? Thats less than minimun wage.
Over the past couple years he's been working only 10-20 hours a week. The hours have been increasing lately, which is nice. But still not full time yet.
My general sense is that you have backed yourself into a corner
True.
Slow your damn roll lady, this is not a good situation at all, and I GUARANTEE you that switching to a non-profit job is NOT the panacea to solve all of your very real problems.
Yeah.... more truth.
You need to seek therapy yesterday.
Thanks for the reality check. You're right. Even aside from the career counseling issue, I definitely have shit to sort out with my husband, and we need some professional help at this point.
It's entirely possible that the real problem isn't the job at all.
Some of the desperation I feel is related to doing this job I dislike for so long. But a bigger part of it is about being essentially the sole bread winner for this increasingly out-of-control expensive household.
Husband and I have been together for 15 years and we always shared the household expenses evenly and otherwise we kept our money separate. I was saving and he was not. But he wasn't going into debt either and his spending was pretty low. His earning was modest, so he didn't have that much money to spend. (He would never go into debt but if the money is there he will spend it). He was a totally consistent and responsible worker but he's not very aware of money. Like he would forget to deposit commission checks and we'd find them years later, expired. He never signed up for the company 401k because he didn't really know how it worked. He would never be able to tell you offhand what his rate of pay is, what is annual income is, what his spending is, etc.
We never had any conflicts about money. He lived within his means and I saved up my money so we could do things like make a downpayment on a home. I accepted the fact that I would always have to be sole "financial planner" of the family, but I was fine with that as long as he pulled his weight covering half of the household expenses.
But then things changed when we moved a couple years ago he didn't have a job for a while so ALL of the household expenses started coming out of my bank account. A dynamic started where he wants to buy something, but he knows it's my money, so he tries to convince me. I really hate the saying "no" over and over again. (No, we don't need a second robot vacuum. No, we don't need a blue tooth speaker for every room in the house. No, I can't justify a 4k TV. No, that $150 board game is too much.)
He gets resentful because he has a vague sense that I make "a lot of money" and I'm being stingy. His general sentiment is that I am "weird about money" and that our family would be happier if I would relax.
Anyway, since he started working again, his entire income goes towards the "shopping" category. So, it doesn't take the burden off of me in terms of household expenses and I get stressed seeing all the Amazon boxes showing up. Meanwhile he feels like he is doing all the "necessary" spending that I am unwilling to do. Like the new TV, sound system, etc.
This shitty dynamic, combined with my job stress/dissatisfaction, makes me feel like the high-paying job is kind of a curse. If I took this NP job and made 50k a year, my husband would be forced to be an equal contributor and he would stop badgering me for more spending, because I literally would not have the extra money. We go back to our previous happy dynamic. I have a job I love. All the problems are solved, right?
As I type that, I totally see how messed up it is.
I can't solve my issues by throwing a grenade on them. And I shouldn't obliterate my income as a way to avoid the discomfort for setting boundaries with my husband.
I need to have the un-fun conversation with my husband about him re-assuming some household expenses. (If he is paying $500 a month towards bills, he will spend $500 less on shopping each month.) The joint credit cards (that get paid each month out of my checking account) need to go. Having our finances separate worked well for us for many years. If husband wants to spend more, he can work more.
If I actually have control of how my income is spent, I can make plans for FIRE, which would make my current job more palatable.
There are a ton of great engineering jobs available to me where I live (part of why I chose to move to this area). I believe I could be relatively happy hunkering down in an engineering job for another 6-8 years if I knew it was working towards FIRE.
Reading all these responses, it's clear to me that I need to pause and short this shit out (with the help of a therapist) before I make any big decisions. Thanks, all.