Author Topic: buyers remorse  (Read 2609 times)

paradox

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buyers remorse
« on: September 05, 2014, 10:59:31 PM »
i probably just need reassurance, its probably too late to stop this train: I am self employed and work 15-20 hours, age 65, just signed a 5 office year lease renewal.    My partner is 63 and is also self employed as a musician, does lots of related stuff, with no plan to stop.  We just sold our 1200 sf house in a "hot" neighborhood, about 8 minutes from my work.  The thing I liked about living here is the walkability to stores and fun places to hang out.  We have been driving each other crazy in our house because its basically 3 rooms, and theres no where to go to escape.  He has the (new 50") TV going all the time and i am not a tv person.  We figured buying bigger would relieve the tension of feeling so cramped.  So, our offer was accepted, and i have taken on a 30 year mortgage and a 2100SF house.  It is a wonderful house, but lacks the walkability part, although it is still less than 10 minute commute.  I guess the trade off is:  I have taken on twice as much debt, lost my neighborhood, but in exchange will get an amazing house and hopefully an easier time at home.  The house is in my name as the other one was, but he plans to contribute more so that i shouldn't have to pay more.  Of course, for him, this means lots more gigs at odd hours, and then he's not at home (pro/con).  As I write this it seems like a money vs. quality of life thing:  relationship should improve, but loss of neighborhood bad.  (We couldn't afford anything over here, its become too hot. 

Blackadder

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Re: buyers remorse
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2014, 04:23:23 AM »
Random strangers on the Internet cannot reassure you -- only you can.

When I'm facing a dilemma and need to weigh pros/cons, I try to split them up in smaller parts that I can grasp and judge better. E.g. analyzing "unsatisfied at work" becomes "that one annoying colleague" and "to much work of type X, not enough of type Y."

So make a list of the negative things that happen in the relationship department (be concrete). And the things which will improve (be honest). Same for the neighborhood aspect (what was good, what did you lose).

Even without applying some "length of the list" heuristic or numeric weighing scheme, it should become much clearer to you whether you can be satisfied with your decision.

lizzzi

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Re: buyers remorse
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2014, 06:02:20 AM »
It sounds like this was a tricky, very nuanced decision, and it sounds like you have thought it out very carefully. Let's face it, you are going to spend more time in your home than anywhere else, and it must be a pleasant, happy place for both of you. Mustachians tend to be minimalists, and enjoy figuring out how to live in tiny spaces…but it seems to me that if your partner is a TV watcher and you have a 50" TV that is on all the time…that you will go bonkers if you do not have a way to get away from it. I am like you, not a TV watcher, and my DH used to drive me stark, staring insane with the TV on all the time, even in the bedroom at night. He needed it on to go to sleep, and it was a bone of contention for years. I hated it. (But I loved him. Our only marriage problem was the TV, which probably meant we were happier than most.  Perhaps it is like that for you, too.) Anyway, with two incomes to pay for that house, and the decision made, I would just lighten up on yourself and enjoy it. You can always go back to the old neighborhood and hang out on weekends or whatever.

bateloomer

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Re: buyers remorse
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2014, 06:56:06 AM »
My Roku remote has a headphone Jack.  Perfect way to be together in the same room when one of us is working or reading or just is in the mood for silence and the other want some TV time.     Congrats on the move!

TexasAnnie

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Re: buyers remorse
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2014, 07:58:32 AM »
"its probably too late to stop this train".   Have you closed on the old house and/or the new house?

I have regrets about a duplex I sold (20 years ago).  It was a money maker but my skin was a little thin (I'd get stressed out over minor things).  At closing I thought, wait, new owner is not going to make as much money on rent as I did; I wish I could keep this and learn how to manage it.  But in the end, it was okay.  But that didn't change my daily life or debt picture. 

On the other hand, I sometimes wish I had bought a cheaper house when we bought this one 5 years ago, so the mortgage would be much lower.  I'm in similar situation, live with a partner that doesn't own the house with me, but I bought with both of us in mind.  But this house is very convenient with public transportation, 15 minutes to work by car (5 for her since she moved her office) and I'm working up to biking on some days.  I'm working  (slowly) on ways to increase income and lower expenses in order to stay in this house, which is in a hot market (it is 1700 sq ft).