If this is bugging you, don't just tell yourself you're wrong and try to get over it. You seem disproportionately upset over something that most people would just shrug off. That suggests that it's the kind of thing that is just going to fester. You need to deal with it somehow.
So what is the cause of the disproportionate annoyance? Is it really the "joint money goes out, individual gifts come in"? Would you be happier if she was bringing home, say, food gifts that you could share too? Or is it more that you don't value that kind of gift-giving tradition and so resent her spending money on that when it could be so much better used for other purposes? Or do you just hate giving gifts on general principle -- it is fundamentally inefficient, of course -- and her focus on it makes you feel guilty because you're not doing it and wonder if you should? Or something else entirely? Which particular button of yours is this pushing? You need to figure that out first before you try to come up with a solution.
See, I don't think it's really that you aren't sharing equally in the results. That level of upset suggests that something about what she does has hit a real sensitive spot. So my money is on the last option -- although it could be the use of the money, if you're really highly focused on a very high-priority (for you) goal and you are angry that she's ignoring your really important goal to fritter money away on stupid frivolities.
But if you want to resolve this with her, you also need to figure out how to understand why she cares so much about doing this. If you approach it as "you have this ridiculous money-waster, but I'll tolerate it because I love you," well, that's not going to go well. The reality is that different groups of people have very different cultural expectations about all sorts of things. And if she was raised in a culture in which giving little gifties was an important way to signal that you care, or if she is now hanging with a group of friends that all share gifts like that, then being able to give and receive those little gifts is actually very important to her, even though the gifts themselves are completely meaningless. You know the old "it's the thought that counts" trope? This is the flip side of that: the very act of giving the gift is a way to signal "I am thinking about you and I care about you."
Note that you don't have to agree -- heck, you can think it is utterly stupid. But it's not about you -- it's about what she needs and what she values. And you don't get to decide that for her, no matter how stupid you think it is.* If you want a happy marriage, you need to figure out a compromise that accepts that this matters to her and gives her space to do that, without judgment or implicit criticism, because you want her to be happy and this is part of that. And she also needs to be doing the same thing with you, once you figure out whatever it is that is hitting your particular hot button about this situation.
As to whether you're trending grinch-like, well, in general, I find that when one of the choices involves generosity of spirit, that's usually the right way to go.
*Have I mentioned my zero-to-120-mph-in-no-seconds-flat rage when DH went out for "sunglasses" and came home with some $120 Oakleys?
