TL;DROlder brother and his girlfriend are living paycheck to paycheck due to very high fixed costs. His girlfriend made the post below about food stamps, totally shifting blame from herself to the government. My mom is very upset about it, as are my brother and I. We tried helping them with their budget around Christmas and they have made very little changes. Any advice on how we can help them without being too overbearing or critical?
IntroductionMy older brother's girlfriend is a great girl. She fits into our family very well, she is well educated (getting her masters in psychology), she treats my older brother better than he's ever been treated, etc. She has also befriended my mom and, because my mom lives on her own, I greatly appreciate the friendship they've established.
There's one big problem: both she and my brother just don't have any concept of a budget, let alone being frugal. I'll get to that in a minute. But first, I give you this post she wrote last Friday (she is in red, her mom's is middle comment in red):
Like I said, she is still getting her degree and will likely make a high income some time in the future. But for now, she is working full time at a local hospital making something like $12-13 an hour. My older brother didn't go to college, but has always been an insanely hard worker and worked tons of hours. He is a guard at a prison making a similar hourly wage as his GF (maybe a little more), but he works crazy overtime and probably makes decent income.
I'm guessing they make somewhere around $60,000 gross combined (top estimate) and about $42,000 net. That leaves them with a gross income of about $3,500 per month. Not great, but certainly livable in our low COL area (Youngstown).
And now to their expenses.
Monthly Income: $3,500
Vehicle Expenses- Brother's Car: $410 (2014 Chevy Silverado)
- Girlfriend's Car: $275 (2014 Nissan)
- Brother's Car Insurance: $90
- Girlfriend's Car Insurance: $90
- Brother's Motorcycle: $200 (Harley)
- Girlfriend's Motorcycle Payment: $150 (Harley)
- Both Insurance: $40
- Combined Gas:going to conservatively guess $275
Cost of Living Expenses- Rent: $550
- Groceries: $400
- Utilities: $100
- Cable: $60
- Cell Phones: $150
- Her Crossfit Membership: $100
- They Own Three Dogs: $100 per month
- Washer/Dryer Payment (They Financed): $20
Other Things to Mention- My older brother is in debt to my mom for about $10,000. She's been doing this for 10 years and ultimately has it set up so she gets $700 per month ACH to her.
- I'm excluding the small, random purchases that always seem to pop up (Panera, Dunkin Donuts, etc.)
- She has to begin paying on her student loans eventually. She already has $60,000 debt
- They have a few delinquent accounts (i.e., old healthcare bills) that I know they are paying on as well
Totals: $3,500 monthly income and $3,715 just in a conservative guess of their fixed expenses.
You might say by now, "Hey, that's their problem." But in the past couple months, my brother's girlfriend has texted my twin brother asking for butter and pasta. This is no exaggeration: come Tuesday (four days after one of them get a paycheck), they literally don't have a couple bucks to buy food.
I can't even tell you how hard it is to get those texts. My older brother filed bankruptcy four years or so ago and works incredibly hard, and it makes me sick that he struggles so much. Just this past Saturday he worked a 12 hour shift, then picked up 10 more hours of overtime because he needed to pay the bills. He worked 22 hours in a day and probably has nothing to show for it.
Which all brings me to his girlfriend's Facebook post. She's not kidding when she says she could only afford a can of soup. Her parents have (from what I understand) cut her off, as have mine (for the most part). My mom still gives them money every once in a while to keep them afloat.
But the Facebook post really upset my mom, my brother and I. Here they are will all these toys (and in debt to my mom to the tune of $10,000) and she is posting about people on food stamps.
The rest of our family knows the real issue--their situation has nothing to do with a lack of income or a government system that screws them over. They are where they are because of a series of irresponsible decisions in which they knowingly prioritized wants and luxuries (cars, dogs, gym memberships, etc.) over financial responsibility.
How Can We Move Forward?Bottom line is that my brother and his GF's financial situation is really taking a toll on our family. We hate seeing my older brother and his girlfriend work this hard and have nothing to show for it.
Sitting them down at Christmas didn't seem to change much. My brother is in the process of selling his Chevy and was able to get a $5,000 Ford Fusion; but that's literally been the only progress made.
My Big Questions- How would you approach them again without being too confrontational or overbearing?
- What specific steps would you recommend to them? I assume the basics (cut cable, etc.), but I think a diverse set of step-by-step replies would really help them.
Important Edit: While the Facebook post was solely by my brother's girlfriend, the financial problem is a mutual one. I'm looking for steps to help and approach both of them, not just my brother's GF. My OP was slanted towards being critical of her, but my older brother is equally (if not more) culpable with his bad financial decisions.