My ex tried contacting me a few times through texts and calls, but I'm refreshingly clear that I do not want to move any further with her due to our conflicting values in multiple realms. So I've ignored her calls and begun moving on. The red flags are clearer than ever and there's no way I'm painting them green. Thank you to everyone whose contributed as it's made letting her go feel so much smoother, it feels healing.
I began this relationship well before finding MMM, but just as I had begun taking on frugality. I really liked her so I oversaw some clear red flags early on related to trust, which is non-negotiable as a requirement in a long-term relationship for me.
Reading through all the different posts, it's nice seeing the dichotomy of the perspectives here. Looking at the principles/values they live by and aspire to seems to be something I need to gauge more clearly. I can also be clearer here upfront and lead in the direction of frugality, creative dates like rock climbing picnics, beach picnics, bonfires, surfing, etc. Clearly sharing principles early, seeing where she's at, gauge her habits and values.
I definitely want someone financially responsible, who facilitates that in me. I'm overly clear I don't believe in debt so no outside of legit needs. I don't want to loan anything over a few hundred and only in a dire situation to someone I'm sure I trust and is worth that risk to me.
Some people seem to keep expenses separate, others merge, I don't currently see myself getting married, so separate is the way to go for me.
To my questions:
1)How do I deal with revealing/hiding my wealth to lovers and friends when they are in debt or haven't begun saving?
Some good answers here, for sure begin by leading with frugal dates and seeing whether our principles align. Seeing how they approach life.
Keeping my numbers close until I'm at least pretty sure we have a long-term future together based on compatibility and how much we enjoy exploring life together. Share my budget for dates. If I genuinely think we'll be life partners/lovers, I can share my numbers (thinking a few months in) to gauge whether she respects my desire to stash (& hopefully already stashing alongside me) or whether I should let her go.
Ideally it'd be a 1-1 split but I can take a bit more on if they're not earning as much.
2)How do I screen for people who'd otherwise be chill becoming golddiggers when they find out about my beginning wealth?
I can simply say no and keep numbers discrete, I feel more at peace not sharing numbers with family, friends after reading everyone's posts and some of the stories posted.
I'm studying for midterms so I'm responding slowly, excuse me.