Author Topic: Boss seems to be toxic  (Read 2610 times)

Daisyedwards800

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Boss seems to be toxic
« on: November 14, 2019, 09:23:51 AM »
It's actually the boss of my own boss (who is lovely).  He is quite a micromanager, always stopping by, always trying to find the negatives in everyone (he hasn't found much in me but that is not for lack of trying).

The issue at hand is that I live in a big city, and about once a week I order in lunch (whether it be to rain or just a craving for something like sushi that I can't get nearby).  I order on Seamless and I type in the instructions to call my cell phone so I can go downstairs and pick it up (I work on the 40th floor so I have to take an elevator down to get it). 

However, the building services for my firm has a messenger area located in the lobby and all the food delivery people go over to that desk and leave the food there.  Then a messenger from my firm will bring it up to the employees.  We are a hierarchical firm with partners, and my boss is very old school.  The issue is that he doesn't want the messengers to bring the food to me.  So I have written in the instructions EXPLICITLY, do not bring up to me, call me and I will come get it downstairs. 

This usually works but occasionally a messenger will be new or just substituting and bring it up to me.  If my boss of boss sees it, he gets livid.  But every other employee gets food delivered to their offices and no one has a problem.  I don't really get it but now my boss of boss has called the head of messengers, and spoken directly to the messengers to make sure that food is not delivered to me EVER.

I have been somewhat of an innocent bystander in this because I have done the most I can do to prevent it from happening again.  I also think it's VERY WEIRD.  Who cares if food is brought to me if it's the policy of the firm to have this occur?  Anyway, this is the type of thing that makes me yearn for FIRE.   My last job was much worse with 24/7 hours so I am sticking this out but I don't understand why people have to use their power so negatively.

BikeFanatic

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2019, 09:45:39 AM »
I agree with you that your boss is very toxic. They are making the food delivery issue into a power struggle (which comes naturally to some people).

I am a firm believer in getting out of intolerable environments. I switched jobs recently after feeling like I could hang on another year or two since I was close enough for FIRE, but the situation forced my hand   and I did get moved to a higher paying position. Well it is night and day better also. Just the change alone boosted my motivation and the toxic people changed from overbearing to Iwould say toxic lite.

Currently I am hoping I can work another year full time then either go Part time or hang on six months further for full FIRE.

SunnyDays

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2019, 09:45:52 AM »
Huh.  So are you being singled out for "special treatment" if everyone else is allowed to do this?  Are you the only person under your boss, who is the only person under his boss?  That is the only scenario in which the boss' boss should have any say in the matter.  If this is a very hierarchical company, why this the boss' boss even coming to you directly?  He should be dealing with it through your boss.  If the big boss has nothing else against you and isn't using this issue as some sort of payback, then it IS very weird.  Do you have an HR rep who could handle this?

Daisyedwards800

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2019, 09:56:49 AM »
Huh.  So are you being singled out for "special treatment" if everyone else is allowed to do this?  Are you the only person under your boss, who is the only person under his boss?  That is the only scenario in which the boss' boss should have any say in the matter.  If this is a very hierarchical company, why this the boss' boss even coming to you directly?  He should be dealing with it through your boss.  If the big boss has nothing else against you and isn't using this issue as some sort of payback, then it IS very weird.  Do you have an HR rep who could handle this?

Unfortunately the HR director who I was pretty close with quit, and the people in HR are overwhelmed now because of that.  I think they also wouldn't quite know how to deal with it.  I'm not on his bad side otherwise.  He really just has this pet peeve that some partner will come up to him and ask why are his employees getting deliveries.  I am the only person under my boss and she is the only person under him.  So yes that's why he's so involved all the time.  He can't help himself lol.  He basically said other people's teams might be able to do this but he won't have a partner be able to use this against him on HIS team.  I then asked out loud why is the culture here people looking for the negatives?  And he said because every dollar in overhead is a dollar out of the partners' pockets.

ctuser1

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2019, 10:31:33 AM »
There are two possibilities.
1. Your boss' boss is eccentric has a sincerely held beef against food deliveries.
There is indeed some bad history you don't know about, potentially involving food deliveries, and your boss's boss does not like that in his team. Or maybe even there is no such bad history, but he just is eccentric and feels strongly about this one (or a small number of such issues).
2. Your boss' boss is a bully and is simply using this for power projection.

In case of #1, I'd either choose to sidestep on his pet peeves if I can, or leave if another better (or maybe even similar) opportunity comes along. As long as this boss' boss is a person with integrity (albeit an eccentric one) I would be careful never to burn my bridges with him/her and try to make him/her a valuable part of my network.
 
In case of #2, hit the interview circuit NOW, or maybe try to transfer internally. This person is a bully. Bullies make very bad bosses and are not reliable as references later - so this boss will add very little value to your career growth.

Deciding which case applies is a tricky judgement call that you will need to make. It's harder without a long history, but then you don't want a long history with a bully as your boss, or boss' boss.

Car Jack

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2019, 11:50:28 AM »
Go away from the building for lunch every day.

My last job was horribly micro managed by essentially the 2nd in charge for the entire company.  Getting out of that building was the most healthy thing I (and many of my co-workers) did every day.  Some, who brought lunch in would literally go outside and either eat away from the building or in their cars just to not be anywhere near the toxicity.

SunnyDays

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2019, 11:51:18 AM »
Huh.  So are you being singled out for "special treatment" if everyone else is allowed to do this?  Are you the only person under your boss, who is the only person under his boss?  That is the only scenario in which the boss' boss should have any say in the matter.  If this is a very hierarchical company, why this the boss' boss even coming to you directly?  He should be dealing with it through your boss.  If the big boss has nothing else against you and isn't using this issue as some sort of payback, then it IS very weird.  Do you have an HR rep who could handle this?

Unfortunately the HR director who I was pretty close with quit, and the people in HR are overwhelmed now because of that.  I think they also wouldn't quite know how to deal with it.  I'm not on his bad side otherwise.  He really just has this pet peeve that some partner will come up to him and ask why are his employees getting deliveries.  I am the only person under my boss and she is the only person under him.  So yes that's why he's so involved all the time.  He can't help himself lol.  He basically said other people's teams might be able to do this but he won't have a partner be able to use this against him on HIS team.  I then asked out loud why is the culture here people looking for the negatives?  And he said because every dollar in overhead is a dollar out of the partners' pockets.

If heís worried about overhead, whose time is more expensive - yourís or the messengerís?  You have to get lunch somehow.  Is the messenger paid per delivery?

Jon Bon

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2019, 12:12:30 PM »
Yeah that makes no damn sense at all!

That is the whole reason for messengers so the expensive skilled workers dont waste time delivering paper and in this case, food!


BlueHouse

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2019, 12:20:25 PM »
I can't figure out why YOU"RE getting in trouble when the messenger (and then the delivery people as well) do not follow instructions.

I have FU money, so my answer is different than it would have been without it, but I would stop being defensive and get offensive about it.  The next time it happens and the boss asks why you're getting deliveries, I'd say "God damn it!  I have left them instructions and they seem unable or unwilling to follow them.  What is wrong with that group? "   Get really mad and see how that old geezer handles someone else having a little hissy fit!




clarkfan1979

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #9 on: November 14, 2019, 02:26:46 PM »
I can't figure out why YOU"RE getting in trouble when the messenger (and then the delivery people as well) do not follow instructions.

I have FU money, so my answer is different than it would have been without it, but I would stop being defensive and get offensive about it.  The next time it happens and the boss asks why you're getting deliveries, I'd say "God damn it!  I have left them instructions and they seem unable or unwilling to follow them.  What is wrong with that group? "   Get really mad and see how that old geezer handles someone else having a little hissy fit!

I had situation about food at work, but I wouldn't recommend my response. Similar to above, I was operating with the mentality of FU money.  I am not willing to let other people ruin my life at work. I set firm boundaries and as a result, I enjoy my life to the fullest. Life is too short for pointless and petty bullshit, even if that means changing employers.

I teach college full-time. Another instructor puts out a candy bowl for her students only (engineering). She sent an email to my supervisor saying that my students (psychology) were taking her candy from the candy bowl and I should make an announcement in my class that "psychology students are not entitled to the candy bowl"

My "supervisor" at the time, who I do not think is very smart, was totally on board with me having this conversation with my students. However, I made a mockery of the request, because it was totally stupid.

I asked my supervisor under what conditions should I grant students permission to the candy bowl? I explained that some students take both psychology classes and engineering classes at the same time. Are they automatically excluded if they are in my psychology class or are they automatically included if they are in an engineering class? What happens if they take the class, but fail? Should I ask to see their transcript before taking candy from the bowl? I then ended the conversation by saying, "I am not going to use class-time for instruction to monitor, regulate and supervise a candy bowl of another instructor. If they want to give away candy, that is great. However, they need to be able to live with the consequences of giving the candy away." 

I no longer work at that organization and my life is now way better.




 


Daisyedwards800

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #10 on: November 14, 2019, 03:12:28 PM »
I definitely am taking this into consideration but need to be here at least 2 years since I've been hopping a little the last few.  Two years is June 2020.

BussoV6

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #11 on: November 19, 2019, 07:37:28 AM »
I can't figure out why YOU"RE getting in trouble when the messenger (and then the delivery people as well) do not follow instructions.

I have FU money, so my answer is different than it would have been without it, but I would stop being defensive and get offensive about it.  The next time it happens and the boss asks why you're getting deliveries, I'd say "God damn it!  I have left them instructions and they seem unable or unwilling to follow them.  What is wrong with that group? "   Get really mad and see how that old geezer handles someone else having a little hissy fit!

This could work. Or OP could ask this boss of boss to use his influence to get the messenger team to follow instructions. Then if they screw up, it's on him.

pk_aeryn

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #12 on: November 22, 2019, 01:35:30 AM »
If youíre dead set on staying (though reading your other post, Iím still wondering if thereís a decent in closer to your BF) I would not order food anymore. This sucks and you should be able to, your boss sucks and is weird and wrong - but if you HAVE to stay this is a pretty easy change to make even though you shouldnít have to.

Also is it POSSIBLE you could give the delivery person another address you could pick it up from that isnít your exact office/floor? I donít live in NY so just throwing out ideas.

Or if your direct boss is cool and can accept messengers, can you ask your boss to be the ďrecipientĒ.  Does your boss know your grandboss is treating you this way? Would they help you by accepting a delivery on your behalf?

Failing that, this isnít super Mustachian, but are there meal service frozen meals you can order (deiivered to home), brought to and keep in the work freezer?

FINALLY ultimate thought - since you want to FIRE, donít do any food ordering and keep some emergency canned tuna and snacks at your desk if you fail to meal prep a hot lunch.  Sushi is amazing but also really expensive so minimizing this will help a lot.

Your grandboss sucks, Iím sorry.  And sushi is delicious.  I wish it were cheaper.
« Last Edit: November 22, 2019, 01:44:35 AM by pk_aeryn »

Linea_Norway

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #13 on: November 22, 2019, 03:54:07 AM »
If you’re dead set on staying (though reading your other post, I’m still wondering if there’s a decent in closer to your BF) I would not order food anymore. This sucks and you should be able to, your boss sucks and is weird and wrong - but if you HAVE to stay this is a pretty easy change to make even though you shouldn’t have to.

Also is it POSSIBLE you could give the delivery person another address you could pick it up from that isn’t your exact office/floor? I don’t live in NY so just throwing out ideas.

Or if your direct boss is cool and can accept messengers, can you ask your boss to be the “recipient”.  Does your boss know your grandboss is treating you this way? Would they help you by accepting a delivery on your behalf?

Failing that, this isn’t super Mustachian, but are there meal service frozen meals you can order (deiivered to home), brought to and keep in the work freezer?

FINALLY ultimate thought - since you want to FIRE, don’t do any food ordering and keep some emergency canned tuna and snacks at your desk if you fail to meal prep a hot lunch.  Sushi is amazing but also really expensive so minimizing this will help a lot.

Your grandboss sucks, I’m sorry.  And sushi is delicious.  I wish it were cheaper.

I also thought that this was an unmustachian problem, because Mustachians bring their own lunch to work and certainly don't get it delivered.

But change jobs as soon as you can. In the mean time, use another delivery address if you really want to throw away money on food delivery.
Haven't you read MMM's most recent blog that explains the price difference between home made pizza and delivered pizza? That was a factor 500 in price difference.
https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2019/11/18/pizza-delivery-is-for-millionaires/
« Last Edit: December 02, 2019, 01:07:01 AM by Linea_Norway »

AnnaGrowsAMustache

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #14 on: November 22, 2019, 07:48:57 AM »
I think the best solution would be to go out for lunch and take your full lunch everyday. Don't be available at that time for anything, and certainly don't do any work in that time. Just fuck off and deliver yourself to lunch. See how the boss likes that.

MoneyQuirk

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Re: Boss seems to be toxic
« Reply #15 on: December 01, 2019, 11:44:41 PM »
I think this is one of the biggest problems with work as a whole.

Your boss has pretty much complete say. Especially about the small things.

Your options (unless they have crossed some sort of legal boundaries) are to quit (usually only if you have an equal or better paying job lined up) or... to deal with it.

This is why FIRE is gaining so much popularity. One of the bosses I respected the most said, "People join for a cause. People stay for the other people." If the people are toxic, people are looking to leave as quickly as they can.

Good luck! I wish you the very best