Boss called me a job hopper--Is he right? Should I care?

[BuckeyeFinance]

I left my job of 2.75 years today for an opportunity at another company.

Here it is in cliff notes form:

-First real career-type job a couple years out of college after some very entry level jobs.
-Start at bottom of barrel (for the company) on 43k per year--thrilled with that at the time
-Receive yearly  2k raises and a promotion after 1.5 years bringing me to 54k at 1/1/15.
-All feedback I receive is positive. I get another job offer for 63k in May and take it to my boss who matches it, no questions asked.
-Company makes me feel great about working there consistently. Good work-life balance. Promises me continued growth into the future.
-I get another job offer for 85k with great advancement opportunities.
-I tell my boss and offer to give 4 weeks more of my time as opposed to the standard 2.
-He calls me a job hopper and tells me he passed up on many opportunities for more money and his W-2 is higher now because of it.
-Mentions the word betrayal several times and how important loyalty is.
-I point out that the company has poached several of its high ranking employees from other companies by offering more pay.
-I also point out that I have industry experience with only one company and nearly all of the company's highest executives have been with many companies in the industry during their careers.

I think I am being the logical one in this conversation but I really look up to this man. He is an incredible businessman and I would love to have him as a reference in the future if needed. I am interested to get some opinions on this. What would you have done? Do you perceive me as a job-hopper? Unethical?

[AZDude]

He is being ridiculous. I'd be OK with the rant up to the point where he starts talking betrayal and loyalty. First job I had out of college I was laid off. I have since survived four rounds of layoffs at different companies since then. No mention of loyalty when you are abruptly unemployed.

Think of yourself as a mercenary, nothing more. Take the best situation for yourself and your family. Might not always be the most money, but it often is. No need to look up to someone who thinks you taking a job where you will make 22K more per year is a betrayal.

I will say that it sounds like the company has treated you well since you have been there, and that might be part of the reason for the nonsense from the boss. Its still nonsense. You did nothing unethical. The company would get rid of you without remorse if they thought it was the best thing for them.

I worked at a start-up a while back. They underpaid me, but the experience I was getting was something money can't buy. However, when the company's financial situation soured, I jumped ship. My boss was *very* unhappy with me for leaving. Two months later, two other guys were laid off and the company went out of business shortly thereafter. I would have been completely screwed if I had stayed on much longer.

[choppingwood]

It isn't unusual for people to move around, especially early in their careers. He is angry because having matched your last better offer, he expected that you would not be looking at other offers for a while, given that they appreciated you.

If you want a reference from him, I'd suggest you not argue the issue with him, but express repeatedly your appreciation for him and how he did match that last better offer.  He values loyalty, but it isn't where you are at. Don't worry about it.

[Cassie]

Your boss is being stupid.  Look out for yourself because that is what companies do.

[JLee]

Loyalty?  Hah. Definitely time to move on!

[Trudie]

Companies will drop you like a rock.  There is no such thing as loyalty.  I also find that memories and praise are short for jobs well done or going the extra mile.  Thank yous are rare.  So in most places to suggest that you owe them any more than to show up and do the job for which you were hired, to do it completely and ethically, and to leave the place in better shape than you found it.... well that's all they could really ask.  I hope you're just giving them the two weeks.

[okits]

What you've done is smart, logical, and ethical.  But if you want something from your boss (reference) do not argue with him (especially using evidence and reason).  Try to smooth things over with him, absorb any other anger he directs at you (it will most likely pass), keep being a great employee until the end, write him a thank you note detailing all the things he's done that you appreciated and tell him how much you genuinely look up to him.  If he's not screaming-hostile to you as you leave, make periodic efforts to keep friendly, casual contact (Facebook, etc.)  If you do need to ask for a reference in the future, hopefully he'll have chosen to remember the good things about your time with him, not that he was upset when you left.

(And congrats on the huge raise!  Nice going.)

[Eric]

You've probably lost him as a reference.  However, you've gained a 35% raise.  I'd call it a good trade.  This is business, not personal, so it's too bad your boss doesn't see it that way, but it is what it is.  I guarantee he'd leave for a 35% raise.  Maybe he'll cool down over time.

3 years is PLENTY of time at one job, especially your very first "real" one.  You don't reach job hopper status in my opinion until you're moving once or more a year.

Edit -- good suggestions by okits above

[regulator]

No worries.  I have never stayed anywhere more than 3.5 years.  Mostly I got bored and moved on, once I got laid off, once I got fired.  Every single time I went somewhere better, either in terms of money, location or work-life balance.  You know how much loyalty companies show you when things get topsy-turvy?  Zippo.  So ignore the sour grapes from the old boss and move on.

[MDM]

...and I would love to have him as a reference in the future if needed.

For what do you expect to need a reference from him?  E.g., presumably you got the most recent job w/o such a reference.  Any future employer is going to be more interested in what you have done recently.  Good luck!

It is very possible, perhaps even likely given your description, that your current boss did fight through company bureaucracy for you and is personally disappointed that you are leaving.  You are doing what is best for you.  Not unethical at all.  But do understand your boss's disappointment as well, because his reaction is also understandable. 

[MrsPete]

Your boss is being unreasonable; however, the best thing you can do is let it go and leave with dignity.  You never know when you might encounter him (or someone else who's watching) in the business world, and you should never burn bridges. 

[pbkmaine]

No, you should not care, but you should not match his anger, either. Tell him you are sorry he feels this way and that you have had a wonderful experience. As others have said, do not burn bridges, ever, if you can help it.

[BuckeyeFinance]

Thanks for the replies. I'm going with the consensus here which seems to be to smooth things over as much as possible over the next couple of weeks. I did remain fairly calm in our discussion this morning and I am very glad I did. I almost always regret showing emotion in the workplace (a sad but true reality).

To MDM: my boss is well known in my industry within the city. One of the people I interviewed with at the new company knows him well and mentioned that in the interview. It's likely that future employers would know him.

[mozar]

I've job hopped and in a pretty small industry. I run into people I used to work with regularly. If they remember me at all it's certainly not details. Future employers are not going to go ask your former boss how he felt about you leaving.  People don't give references anymore anyways.

[regulator]

Thanks for the replies. I'm going with the consensus here which seems to be to smooth things over as much as possible over the next couple of weeks. I did remain fairly calm in our discussion this morning and I am very glad I did. I almost always regret showing emotion in the workplace (a sad but true reality).

To MDM: my boss is well known in my industry within the city. One of the people I interviewed with at the new company knows him well and mentioned that in the interview. It's likely that future employers would know him.

Then tell him you really appreciated the fact that he went to bat for you and got you more money, but that you are being offered too much to walk away from.  Nothing personal and you appreciate everything he has taught you and done for you, but it is just too much money to walk away from.  He may not like it, but your boss can likely reconcile with that and hopefully let it go.

[mxt0133]

Let your boss calm down, I'm sure he fells like an ass for saying those things.  To me it shows how valuable you really are to him and the company.  I'm sure if an under performer quit, he would have said something along the line of 'don't let the door hit you on the way out'.  Instead he felt betrayed and angry, which is understandable if you had a good working relationship and had a mentor and mentee relationship.  I mean the relationship works both ways which is why he felt so emotional about it.

Before you leave I would have another meeting with him expressing in detail why you feel that it is what is best for you at the moment and how you value him as a mentor/boss.  Do your best to try and stay in touch.

Also reach out to all the people that you have a good working relationship with and keep in touch with them for future references.

[MBot]

Thanks for the replies. I'm going with the consensus here which seems to be to smooth things over as much as possible over the next couple of weeks. I did remain fairly calm in our discussion this morning and I am very glad I did. I almost always regret showing emotion in the workplace (a sad but true reality).

To MDM: my boss is well known in my industry within the city. One of the people I interviewed with at the new company knows him well and mentioned that in the interview. It's likely that future employers would know him.

Then tell him you really appreciated the fact that he went to bat for you and got you more money, but that you are being offered too much to walk away from.  Nothing personal and you appreciate everything he has taught you and done for you, but it is just too much money to walk away from.  He may not like it, but your boss can likely reconcile with that and hopefully let it go.

+1

[rmendpara]

Haters gonna hate.

[tvan]

Great advice ITT. Only thing I would add is that if you were in your bosses shoes and unable to match in order to keep you there you would try the same tactic.  You are obviously valuable.

He's probably from an earlier generation that doesn't understand people are not as loyal to companies anymore.


Fwiw I'm a millennial and I have been at my current company 7 years. In a large group of millennials this makes me stand out above them. So loyalty isn't all bad. Of course none of the competitors can match my company's pay so it's a little easier for me. :D

[sol]

Then tell him you really appreciated the fact that he went to bat for you and got you more money, but that you are being offered too much to walk away from. 

Did you give your current boss the opportunity to match your new salary offer?  If you just told him you're leaving, I can see why he might be upset.

If you're going to try to smooth things over, you might mention offhandedly how you wish your current company could pay as well as the competition because you really liked them and would have loved to stay.  That might bury any anger over being a job hopper.  You're not disloyal, you're currently underpaid.

[BlueMR2]

Ridiculous boss is ridiculous.  In today's world, being at a place for a year and a half is considered "long term".  Unless you change jobs every 3 months or so I wouldn't call you a job hopper.

[worms]

Is he right?  Probably not.
Should you care?  Possibly not.
Should you be more understanding of his disappointment at losing you? Absolutely.

[alsoknownasDean]

After nearly three years? It's hardly job hopping.

Good luck for the new role. Maybe it's worth keeping on good terms with him just so you could return if the new role doesn't work out.

[Goldielocks]

The fact that you kept looking after the 63k match really stinks.

I would not want you on my team after hearing about that.

Switching jobs at three years at your career level is common, its the fact that you are constantly looking that puts me off.  A great place to work relies on a team of people who are committed to results and to each other.

Looking around every two or three years is OK.  Looking constantly and always being dissatisfied with what you have are not.

I hope that you make a ton of money and are stressed out with a horrible team/ boss in your next role.  You can only learn this stuff through experience.

[matchewed]

I hope that you make a ton of money and are stressed out with a horrible team/ boss in your next role.

Wow...

[bacchi]

Looking around every two or three years is OK.  Looking constantly and always being dissatisfied with what you have are not.

Did the OP write that s/he was always dissatisfied and looking constantly?

[iamlindoro]

I hope that you make a ton of money and are stressed out with a horrible team/ boss in your next role.

Wow...

Warm welcome to OPs boss, everybody.  ;)

[TomTX]

I hope that you make a ton of money and are stressed out with a horrible team/ boss in your next role.

Wow...

HI OP's boss! Silly monkey.

Obviously, you take the new job. It's a tremendous opportunity and a huge raise. Nearly 3 years in your first job is not a job-hopper.

Changing companies is typically the only way to get big (20+%) increases in salary. That said, your current company has been very generous with raises compared to the average - but that should not tie you to them.

BTW - negotiate an immediate start/vesting in the 401k at the new job. Max it out. Don't inflate your lifestyle.

[Goldielocks]

Looking around every two or three years is OK.  Looking constantly and always being dissatisfied with what you have are not.

Did the OP write that s/he was always dissatisfied and looking constantly?

I was with many of you until this part.... Normally, hopping jobs at 3 years is actually average.  But OP...

Looked around, got a 63k offer in MAY, took it to my boss who matched it without a fuss ( I know how hard that is to do for the boss, who is not the owner, you have to put your own neck on the line and sell the employee).

Then in AUG, manages to get a second offer, which means OP interviewed since MAY.

OP got what they wanted but was not satisfied, kept looking or responding to recruiters, didn't say that he was happy for now, get back to me in 6 months, etc.

I don't know about all of you, but a great team and work environment is not easy to find.  It takes living through a few bad ones to learn that.

OP definitely deserves more money, so no push back on the choice to leave, but WOW, to keep looking like that would show to me, the manager, that I completely misjudged how much the person liked working for me. 

[trailrated]

Looking around every two or three years is OK.  Looking constantly and always being dissatisfied with what you have are not.

Did the OP write that s/he was always dissatisfied and looking constantly?

OP definitely deserves more money, so no push back on the choice to leave, but WOW, to keep looking like that would show to me, the manager, that I completely misjudged how much the person liked working for me.

You shouldn't have to hold yourself back in your career to prove that you like working for someone. OP had their own best interest in mind, and if they didn't who else would? Certainly not the company that pretty much admitted to underpaying them for years. Kudos to OP, while I can understand why the manager would be upset, it is not your responsibility to keep your manager happy. It is your responsibility to make your own life better and it sounds like you certainly are on the right path.

[matchewed]

Looking around every two or three years is OK.  Looking constantly and always being dissatisfied with what you have are not.

Did the OP write that s/he was always dissatisfied and looking constantly?

I was with many of you until this part.... Normally, hopping jobs at 3 years is actually average.  But OP...

Looked around, got a 63k offer in MAY, took it to my boss who matched it without a fuss ( I know how hard that is to do for the boss, who is not the owner, you have to put your own neck on the line and sell the employee).

Then in AUG, manages to get a second offer, which means OP interviewed since MAY.

OP got what they wanted but was not satisfied, kept looking or responding to recruiters, didn't say that he was happy for now, get back to me in 6 months, etc.

I don't know about all of you, but a great team and work environment is not easy to find.  It takes living through a few bad ones to learn that.

OP definitely deserves more money, so no push back on the choice to leave, but WOW, to keep looking like that would show to me, the manager, that I completely misjudged how much the person liked working for me.

Fine having a take is just wildly different than wishing ill will on OP.

[pdxvandal]

I hope that you make a ton of money and are stressed out with a horrible team/ boss in your next role.

Wow...

I hope I never work with someone like you.

[sunday]

People will remember HOW you leave a job, so use this time to set up a good "legacy" for yourself. Prepare a guide for the new person who is going to take over your job. Make it easy for them. Help the new hire integrate seamlessly into the new work environment. Clue them in as to the resources you are now using at that job, what's most useful, and if there are any pitfalls. Your old boss may still be upset at you for leaving, but your coworkers will thank you for not dumping someone on them that has no clue what's going on. And you never know if this new hire is someone you will cross path with again later in your career. Don't burn any bridges and take the high road. Good luck with your new job. It's exciting when someone recognizes your contributions and rewards you for it.

[Bob W]

Boss should have locked you at a midterm contract on the first raise.  It was a mistake to give raise without commitment.    A commitment is a written agreement not a nebulous assumed deal.   

[Goldielocks]

Looking around every two or three years is OK.  Looking constantly and always being dissatisfied with what you have are not.

Did the OP write that s/he was always dissatisfied and looking constantly?

I was with many of you until this part.... Normally, hopping jobs at 3 years is actually average.  But OP...

Looked around, got a 63k offer in MAY, took it to my boss who matched it without a fuss ( I know how hard that is to do for the boss, who is not the owner, you have to put your own neck on the line and sell the employee).

Then in AUG, manages to get a second offer, which means OP interviewed since MAY.

OP got what they wanted but was not satisfied, kept looking or responding to recruiters, didn't say that he was happy for now, get back to me in 6 months, etc.

I don't know about all of you, but a great team and work environment is not easy to find.  It takes living through a few bad ones to learn that.

OP definitely deserves more money, so no push back on the choice to leave, but WOW, to keep looking like that would show to me, the manager, that I completely misjudged how much the person liked working for me.

Fine having a take is just wildly different than wishing ill will on OP.

Ok, maybe too blunt, but that has been my experience, the jobs with the best money have stressful environments and I learned a lot/ grew a lot because of it. I think everyone can benefit by having perspective. Maybe OP has a very high need or motivation on salary, fine.  Then I also hope that he is highly compensated.

[okits]

Boss should have locked you at a midterm contract on the first raise.  It was a mistake to give raise without commitment.    A commitment is a written agreement not a nebulous assumed deal.

+1 - get it in writing or it's not enforceable (and basically doesn't exist.)

I understand the source of upset as goldielocks has explained it, but from OP to go from making 54k at the beginning of May to 85k now means the company was severely underpaying.  Either the company knew it (that's bad for the employment relationship) or they aren't utilizing and valuing staff expertise efficiently (that makes for a lousy place to work.)  OP, try to smooth over the hard feelings as best you can, but I think moving on is the right decision.

[Davids]

The fact is you came to them in May with an offer from another company for $63K and they matched it for you no questions asked. If I was a manager and then 3 months later you told me you were leaving I would be mad to. The manager probably went to bat for you with upper management saying you were worth the increase and felt you were valuable and did not want to lose you and got you the increase.Now 3 months later you are leaving makes the manager look bad and that is why he is frustrated. I would be to if I was in his shoes. If you never did what you did in May then there would be no issues but because of that I am on the manager's side here. Be careful it is a small world, you probably lost a reference with him and who knows what future opportunities may hold if you end up wanting to leave your new employer.

[Jakejake]

A couple years ago, I dumped my financial adviser who handled my 403b at work because he dropped the ball at getting a 457 set up for our office, after he was the one who said I should have one. A new company came in, they were eager for our accounts and agreed to work on it. I transferred my accounts.

The first adviser, when I told him, acted over the top ridiculous, saying things like "I can't believe you would do this to me" - as if I was a cheating spouse who had done him wrong. The reality though is that we had a business arrangement, he got paid through fees to handle my account, until I got a better offer. That is all. I don't have some kind of moral obligation to him that would require me to give up retirement contributions and ultimately have to work extra YEARS out of a sense of loyalty to him. I know he wouldn't fuck up his own retirement options out of loyalty to me, but he was OUTRAGED that I left him.

Likewise, your boss is not willing to fork over the extra tens of thousands of dollars out of his own salary to match your latest offer and in return work extra years until he retires. You know that, he knows it. It would be absurd for you to accuse him of being disloyal because he's not willing to sacrifice over 20k a year of his own income and postpone his own retirement to keep you; but he thinks you should sacrifice that for him. The expected loyalty of an employee to a boss is one directional in that way. If he was paying you 63k a year since May, it's only because he was confident you were bringing in MORE than 63k in profits to his company. There's no reason to feel guilty about that. That's capitalism; he profited off your work (and if he didn't, then he was a bad manager). Now he's just pissed that he can't continue to profit off your work in the future.

[JLee]

The fact that you kept looking after the 63k match really stinks.

I would not want you on my team after hearing about that.

Switching jobs at three years at your career level is common, its the fact that you are constantly looking that puts me off.  A great place to work relies on a team of people who are committed to results and to each other.

Looking around every two or three years is OK.  Looking constantly and always being dissatisfied with what you have are not.

I hope that you make a ton of money and are stressed out with a horrible team/ boss in your next role. You can only learn this stuff through experience.

If you were my boss and you told me that, I would walk out on you without a two weeks notice and also file a formal complaint with HR on my way out the door. Because you're an asshole.

The fact is you came to them in May with an offer from another company for $63K and they matched it for you no questions asked. If I was a manager and then 3 months later you told me you were leaving I would be mad to. The manager probably went to bat for you with upper management saying you were worth the increase and felt you were valuable and did not want to lose you and got you the increase.Now 3 months later you are leaving makes the manager look bad and that is why he is frustrated. I would be to if I was in his shoes. If you never did what you did in May then there would be no issues but because of that I am on the manager's side here. Be careful it is a small world, you probably lost a reference with him and who knows what future opportunities may hold if you end up wanting to leave your new employer.

Turns out he is more valuable to a different company than to his current one - maybe they should've given him 80k to match the market instead of just matching the first outside offer. ;) If the company was downsizing, do you think they'd keep him around at 63k if they could get someone else for 40k? I doubt it.

[BuckeyeFinance]

The fact that you kept looking after the 63k match really stinks.

I would not want you on my team after hearing about that.

Switching jobs at three years at your career level is common, its the fact that you are constantly looking that puts me off.  A great place to work relies on a team of people who are committed to results and to each other.

Looking around every two or three years is OK.  Looking constantly and always being dissatisfied with what you have are not.

I hope that you make a ton of money and are stressed out with a horrible team/ boss in your next role.  You can only learn this stuff through experience.

A recruiter called me on my work phone and told me about a job that paid a lot more and was a step up in responsibility and growth potential. You sound bitter for some reason.

[Kaikou]

The fact that you kept looking after the 63k match really stinks.

I would not want you on my team after hearing about that.

Switching jobs at three years at your career level is common, its the fact that you are constantly looking that puts me off.  A great place to work relies on a team of people who are committed to results and to each other.

Looking around every two or three years is OK.  Looking constantly and always being dissatisfied with what you have are not.

I hope that you make a ton of money and are stressed out with a horrible team/ boss in your next role.  You can only learn this stuff through experience.

OMG!

[Kaikou]

Looking around every two or three years is OK.  Looking constantly and always being dissatisfied with what you have are not.

Did the OP write that s/he was always dissatisfied and looking constantly?

I was with many of you until this part.... Normally, hopping jobs at 3 years is actually average.  But OP...

Looked around, got a 63k offer in MAY, took it to my boss who matched it without a fuss ( I know how hard that is to do for the boss, who is not the owner, you have to put your own neck on the line and sell the employee).

Then in AUG, manages to get a second offer, which means OP interviewed since MAY.

OP got what they wanted but was not satisfied, kept looking or responding to recruiters, didn't say that he was happy for now, get back to me in 6 months, etc.

I don't know about all of you, but a great team and work environment is not easy to find.  It takes living through a few bad ones to learn that.

OP definitely deserves more money, so no push back on the choice to leave, but WOW, to keep looking like that would show to me, the manager, that I completely misjudged how much the person liked working for me.

If you value a team member you pay them their value. OP has been underpaid for 3 years. He doubled his salary, now do you think the company would have gone to him saying you are worth double. lol.

[Zamboni]

Meh, bosses are often pissy when someone gives notice. Just stay nice to him.

He'll get over it.

[regulator]

The fact is you came to them in May with an offer from another company for $63K and they matched it for you no questions asked. If I was a manager and then 3 months later you told me you were leaving I would be mad to. The manager probably went to bat for you with upper management saying you were worth the increase and felt you were valuable and did not want to lose you and got you the increase.Now 3 months later you are leaving makes the manager look bad and that is why he is frustrated. I would be to if I was in his shoes. If you never did what you did in May then there would be no issues but because of that I am on the manager's side here. Be careful it is a small world, you probably lost a reference with him and who knows what future opportunities may hold if you end up wanting to leave your new employer.

Money talks and bullshit walks, to put it bluntly.

Companies get away with underpaying the loyal saps who stick around for the long term, laying them off when it becomes convenient for the employer.  This stuff is a two way street.  There is no loyalty from the employer to the employee any more.  Why on earth would you reasonably expect any coming the other way?  Sometimes the market heats up rapidly and that is EXACTLY the time everyone should be shopping themselves, as happened with OP.  If his soon to be ex-employer thought so much of him they should have offered him market.  Otherwise, a friendly goodbye would seem to be a lot more productive and mature than sour grapes.

[Exflyboy]

The bottom line is we go to work for money..thats IS the bottom line.

If somebody wants to pay you more money for your time.. well that's capitalism.. deal with it.

I have been a boss for a long time.. people move on, it happens.

Don't burn the bridges like others have said.. you maybe asking him for a job one day..:)

[Rollin]

Thanks for the replies. I'm going with the consensus here which seems to be to smooth things over as much as possible over the next couple of weeks. I did remain fairly calm in our discussion this morning and I am very glad I did. I almost always regret showing emotion in the workplace (a sad but true reality).

To MDM: my boss is well known in my industry within the city. One of the people I interviewed with at the new company knows him well and mentioned that in the interview. It's likely that future employers would know him.

You're getting four years of pay in three years!  Also, all those future percentage raises are on a much higher base.  Just be smart with all that new dough!

He shouldn't blame you, although I can see that he'd be frustrated.  However, if wants you he could up the pay.

I've had two jobs in 30 years.  My first was 8.5 and I was accused by one person of abandoning the place I worked.  So, it really depends on the person, but 3 years is not bad at all in the beginning of your career. 

[Bikeguy]

In my field,  people will just ask around to others employees about whether you are a good employee or not.  I've never had people call a reference ever.

This is America.  If you were that undervalued,  it is your former companies loss. If they paid you what the market dictates,  you wouldn't be posting this thread.

And the worst thing I've been called is a red eared honky ass MF. Still brings a smile to my face.

Thankfully not by my employer.



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[irishbear99]

I just left my last job of 4.5 years (the longest I've ever been in one position) for a new job. Same parent organization, different sub-org and location. My former boss knew I'm on the fast track for advancement, and even worked over those 4.5 years to provide opportunities that would hasten that advancement. That being said, when the inevitable offer came earlier this year, he acted like a total shit. To the point where coworkers were pulling him aside and asking wtf.

The point of the story? People don't always act in a rational manner. I agree with the majority that you didn't do anything wrong. Continue to act professionally, and congratulations on your new job!

[clifp]

Your boss is being unreasonable; however, the best thing you can do is let it go and leave with dignity.  You never know when you might encounter him (or someone else who's watching) in the business world, and you should never burn bridges.

He is not being unreasonable, he is doing his job and trying to retain a valuable employee, by appealing to your emotions and using a bit of guilt.
What the hell is suppose to do congratulate you and wish you well?

He went to bat for you with his boss and argued that you were underpaid and matched their offer.  The natural reaction of any boss who has relatively new employee <2-3 years is to be annoyed when employee does the "I got a higher offer somewhere else".   When you match their offer you expect a least year or two of loyalty. He now looks bad with his boss.

It sounds like this isn't a guy you want to piss off, giving him 4 weeks is a good start,  So a little humble pie is in order.

Before you leave a conversation with him that goes something like this.

I am sorry, I realize that what I did so soon after you got me a raise, wasn't very professional.  It was such big increase in salary, and I have gotten lots of students loans (insert reason I really need the money).  The recruiter called and I reacted instead of thinking.  If who ever takes over has question feel free to have them give me a call.  (This is pretty much an empty promise)

If you have an opportunity to talk to your boss's boss let him know that this wasn't related to your boss.

If you don't do this DO NOT USE YOUR BOSS as a reference, and even if you do I'd be hesitant.

While its true that most companies don't allow bosses to give formal reference, LinkedIn changes things.  Its way easier now then its ever been to use your network to get informal references, and yes I'd think twice before making an offer to employee who did this.

[mm1970]

Then tell him you really appreciated the fact that he went to bat for you and got you more money, but that you are being offered too much to walk away from. 

Did you give your current boss the opportunity to match your new salary offer?  If you just told him you're leaving, I can see why he might be upset.

If you're going to try to smooth things over, you might mention offhandedly how you wish your current company could pay as well as the competition because you really liked them and would have loved to stay.  That might bury any anger over being a job hopper.  You're not disloyal, you're currently underpaid.

This is good advice.

You know, if they matched your offer with no question, then you are probably underpaid.

As far as "constantly looking", you've been there 3 years.  It's nothing personal, it's business.  Especially when you are new in an industry, moving around gets you a lot more experience and knowledge than staying put.

Don't burn bridges, but if you can couch it in the right way, it will be fine.  He's probably just taken aback, figuring he had you hooked.