Bold step forward or safe step sideways?

[Kenzie]

Hello all you amazing people! I am in search of some advice and different points of views for my upcoming living situation.

I am 19 years old, and because of a change in my parents relationship and the whole "becoming of age" thing I have decided to move out on my own, still in the area of where we all live now, starting mid-June until around September, when I will move to Victoria, BC.
 
I do not have a job at the moment, but I am getting one ASAP. I will have some support financially from my parents, but not very much.

I've been thinking and planning this whole moving out thing for maybe a week or so now, and I'm really pumped to do it, but a bit daunted financially. My parents weren't the smartest money people, so we are all learning how to do all this at the same time.

By moving out in the area I live, I would be spending $300-$450 per month on rent, plus other living costs (I have no debt, student loans or car to worry about!)

Today I was talking with a friend of mine who is visiting, she is also 19, and she gave me a proposition; move in with her and her Mom/Stepdad, pay a max of $2oo rent (if any),  contribute to things like groceries, gas, car insurance, and get a job where she works (starting pay $12.50 per/hr).

My dilemma is that while it sounds easier to make/save money by living with her, I wouldn't get all the benefits of moving out on my own in a small community with a strong support group. I still won’t know how to A) find a place to live on my own, B) how to budget living on my own and C) I would still be living with “family” and not get the same independence.

I like the idea of moving in with my friend simply for how easy and stress free it would be, but it feels more like taking a step sideways, not a step forward.

Is it wrong to take a step sideways?

Basically, I am posting this to try and get more points of views, and to think of more questions (and hopefully answers) as to which might be the smarter plan.

Please feel free to ask me for more details!

[redcedar]

Could you treat it like a launching pad instead of a side step?

Moving out, getting a job, learning to budget ,etc is a lot to bite off at once. Totally doable but hey you seem to have a good offer that may spread things out a bit and give you a more reasonable learning curve.

How about treating it like living on your own? "Pay" rent and full utilities to a separate account. You learn about budgeting AND build the start of a nest egg, emergency fund, whatever.

[AmandaS1989]

Hello Kenzie, I agree with GrOW. You don't have to move out and be totally independent at 19. Learning all this stuff at once is hard for people my age much less someone who's 19. Not to say you can't do it, but don't feel like you have to be a fully-functional adult as soon as you leave the nest.

The deal your friend is offering is very nice. I would grab it with both hands and hang on. Also as you said neither of your parents are very money savvy, maybe your friend's parents have good money habits you can learn from.

I would definitely go with GrOW's suggestion of 'paying' rent and utilities into a savings account for yourself to build up a nest egg. Another thing I would do is start a Roth IRA once you start working and have earned income. If you get started saving at just 19 compound interest could work miracles for you. Here is a link to an investment calculator that could give you some ideas of how much your nest egg can grow. http://www.moneypeach.com/investment-calculator/

Here's a nice budget tool he has as well http://www.moneypeach.com/budget/

Good luck!

[.x.]

Hi Kenzie,
Posting to follow.  :)

[Anatidae V]

Hey Kenzie, I agree with the others, it's a fair amount to try at once. Even if you're not paying rent, moving from pare ts home to other "family" gives a nice mid-sized step. I moved from my parents place to my grandma's at 17, to study, and then out at 22 when I had been working my first job for several months. You might want to do it a fair bit faster than me, but if you can put some money aside while you build some skills in financial management and independence for 6 months or a year, you can be way ahead when you move into your own place.

I found "Starting Out and Starting Over" by Anita Bell to be really helpful in helping me get an idea of what I needed. My sister really found the book helpful too. It's available on Kindle, and she also covers what you might need at different life stages, so it helps you see what might be useful as you get older to give your position more context.

[Shinplaster]

Another "yes" vote.  Although you will be living with a family, it won't be *your* family.  They won't be inclined to cut you slack if you don't help out, or pay the minimal amount of rent that may be decided.  Their way of doing things will be different too, and you may be able to learn some valuable things while you are there.

I think a lot of us have taken steps to full adulthood - I lived at home while working full time for a year and a half before returning to school.  I paid rent, did chores, etc., and it taught me to budget my money and my time.  In school, I lived in residence (that I paid for), so again, not fully independent, since meals were taken care of for me.  After graduation, I had a room mate for a few years to share costs.  I was in my mid-20's before I had my own place and was totally self-reliant.  Biting off bits of independence at a time can be less overwhelming than adulting all in one shot. 

[shadowmoss]

Sounds like the offer gives you experience in a few things.  You will learn about living with a roommate that is not family.  You will learn that different families do things differently.  I would specifically suggest that you start putting as much of your money you earn into an account to pay for going out on your own if it doesn't work out.  Others have alluded to that.  In other words, don't let your lifestyle increase and buy things because now you can, stay cheap and put the money back for when you will need it later for your move.  Also, be quick and cheerful to chip in to help the family.  Buy groceries, cook dinner, help with the yardwork and housework before they ask.  Just suggestions.

[Freckles]

I don't think it's a step sideways.  More of a diagonal step.  Which is awesome!  You don't have to figure out everything all at once, it's OK.  Will you be going to school in Victoria?

[Kenzie]

Thank you Freckles, shadowmoss,  Shinplaster, anatidaev, AmandaS1989 and GrOW, you guys have been very helpful, I really appreciate it! I guess I should re-evaluate my idea of what being an adult is, and the process to becoming one.

In regards to Freckles, I am taking a year off of school, so I will not be going back into university in 2016.

anatidaev, you recommend the book "Starting Out and Starting Over" by Anita Bell, I will definitely check it out!

I have though of one more point to add in terms of moving in with my friend. Yes, I love her dearly, but she has a much more pessimistic view of the world, and can be a bit negative about everything, and since I tend to be a more positive person I'm wondering if living with her would start to drain me emotionally. We are the types of friends who are very close, but don't seem to actually spend long periods of time together.

[Allie]

I'll add another vote for moving in with your friend, as a step on the path to independence. 

I think this will be as challenging as moving out on your own, but in a completely different and important way.  You'll have to navigate a friendship, her family dynamics, and maintain your individual goals.  Part of becoming independent is learning to assert yourself as an individual and create really good boundaries while being in relationships with other people.  It will be particularly challenging to live with a close friend who has a different temperament than you do. 

I went from living with my parents to living with roommates to living with my husband then kids (we met at 18).  Sometimes, I wonder if I missed out on something by never being completely on my own.  However, life is amazing and I imagine if I had gone out on my own I would be wondering if I had missed out of something by not living with friends or cohabiting with the hubby prior to marriage. 

What I never question is whether I am an independent adult capable of taking care of myself, my finances, my career, or my family.  There are many paths to adulthood.  Even if it doesn't work out well, a few months on the wrong one will take you in the right direction.

[MonkeyJenga]

Hi Kenzie! Would the new job be too far away from your mom's place to stay at home and pay rent? Plenty of people can start being independent while living with their parents, as long as clear boundaries are in place. Rules about who cooks, grocery shops, pays which bills, etc.

Whatever you do, good luck and keep doing money school!

[mozar]

Can you continue to be casual with your friend, or do you feel you will be pressured to hang out with her? If its the latter I wouldn't go for it. Can it be an intermediate step? You could live there for 6 months then find a place on your own.

[Kenzie]

Thank you's to mozar, MonkeyJenga, and Allie for your thoughts!

Just 5 minutes ago (after 2 hours of making mock budgets and talking with my mom) I have decided that I will be moving in with my friend!
This allows me to save a LOT more money, and, as many of you have pointed out, still start walking on my path to adulthood.

I want to say thanks again to all of you who posted, you definitely helped me make this decision, and its one I am very happy with!