Best Way to Get Help with Daily Chores (Dishes, Laundry, etc.)

[HopefulMustache]

I feel a little guilty and embarrassed even asking this question, as on its face it seems very un-mustachian. Almost slothful. But in the spirit of spending our time and money where it gives us the most value, which I think is 100% MMM-endorsed, I wanted to put the question to this community.

What's the best way to get help with daily chores like dishes/laundry? I've seen full-on cleaning services that can do this as an add-on (we have no cleaning help at all right now, but could consider this) but I'm particularly curious as to whether anyone has someone come daily just for a couple of key chores, how they arranged it and what it costs.

For a little background: Washing/Drying the dishes and washing/drying/folding the laundry are two daily chores that give my partner and me little joy - they simply must be done daily. Often, after we put our young kids to bed, we use the last of our energy to take care of these chores, and it'd be nice to apply that energy elsewhere (or just get a full night's sleep). If they're ever not done on time it's also an almost immediate source of stress, which it would be nice not to feel anymore!

I've long felt this way about these chores but even the idea of this felt like an unreachable, idiotic luxury. Maybe it still is. Recently our income increased though and I'm thinking about it again.

There are some things I like about doing the dishes, honestly. And the laundry doesn't really take that much time. So while I welcome respectful attempts to persuade me not to pay for this, I do already get that.

Thanks for any recommendations or tips!

[simple money]

I think this can be called a house manager. I have seen ads for this job including the tasks you are looking for paying $25. hour...but it is normally more hours than you probably need. There is a lot of down time with laundry. I have a friend that uses a laundry service that picks-up and delivers, there are also laundry mats that wash/dry/fold.

At my last job, I was a nanny. Most of the cleaning I did was related to the kids; laundry and keeping their closets and drawers organized, cleaning/organizing toys, dishes and general tidying. Since I was doing a load of laundry anyway, I told them if they needed anything else washed (in a normal cycle) just to add it to the hamper, so it worked out to be one hamper full a day. Also, I would load and empty the dishwasher as needed.

My current job included doing the laundry, loading/unloading the dishwasher and tidying in the ad which said "house manager/nanny" In MA the current rate is $25. per hour.

Both families also had a weekly house cleaners which averages $150+ Some cleaners will also do dishes and laundry but I do not know how much extra it is. I think most people have the sink empty and clutter put away before the pro cleaners come, so they can concentrate on the deep cleaning stuff.

Maybe there is a local kid looking to make some extra $ that could come by and do it for you...maybe pay by the load with laundry because from start to finish it can take a few hours but they wouldn't need to be there the whole time.

[reeshau]

You mention young kids, and so my first thought is also a nanny.  What is your childcare situation now?  If you are in daycare, you may find an in-house nanny will have time for household help, too, although I agree the primary responsibility should be childcare.  That may also save a bit on the incremental cost.

DW had a difficult pregnancy, and we had a nanny for a few months to help with recovery.  She did laundry and help with meal prep, around things like naptime or while DS was watching a show.

If you go this route, make sure you are upfront with the duties you are looking for.

[SunnyDays]

I made a comment in another post a while ago that might apply here.  Sometimes you need more of things to make life simpler.  Can you get a dishwasher?  You may then need more plates etc, but loading and unloading every few days is easier than washing daily.  If you have more clothes, would that allow you to just do laundry on weekends when you have more time?  Depending on the ages of the kids, they might also be able to take on some parts of these chores if you had more time to involve them.  Or at least, if you still want to hire someone, they would be able to come less often to help out rather than on a daily basis.

[fell-like-rain]

I can see dishwashing being at least conceivable as part of an existing cleaning service, but I can't imagine it's economical as a standalone thing. Handwashing a full day's worth of dishes would take, what, 10 minutes max? Maybe 20 if you're also towel-drying and putting them away right then. But you add in the travel time and costs... I don't think you could get someone to do this in my area for less than $30 a pop. If you have them come daily, that's $11,000 you're spending each year in order to avoid doing dishes. If you want to go that route, sure, but don't kid yourself that it's "100% MMM endorsed".

Laundry is more doable- I have seen services advertise pickup/delivery laundry services for $1 per pound. I feel like a full basket of laundry is around 15 pounds, though don't quote me on that, so you're looking at $15ish once or twice a week rather than $30 every day. That brings it down from "idiotic" to "mildly wasteful" in my view.

[oldladystache]

There's almost certainly someone in your neighborhood who would welcome the opportunity to earn $25 or $30 a day. The trick is in finding them. Put the word out and they may find you.

[FLBiker]

I don't have any experience outsourcing this stuff (and I do support the principle of using money to get yourself time) but I wanted to suggest potentially changing how you use dishes / wash clothes.  I admit we've drifted from this a bit with a kiddo, but I'm a big believer in -- if you need a dish for something, grab a dirty one, wash it, and use it.  We always do the dishes at the end of the day (and usually at least once or twice before then) but during the in between times, when there are some dirty dishes by the side of the sink, I always grab my mug or plate from that pile.  I also work from home, so I'll frequently do the dishes or empty the dishwasher when I'm doing something else in the kitchen (like waiting for water to boil for tea).

Similarly, I think there are ways to reduce the amount of clothes that you wash.  For me, socks, underpants and t-shirts go in the hamper each day.  Jeans and "over" shirts go when they fail the smell test.  I also tend to pull something out of the hamper when I'm going to work out or do something dirty.  Again, with a kiddo, we certainly have more laundry.

These might not work for you, but is there perhaps something you can change in how you use dishes and / or clothes to reduce the time spent washing them?

[skiersailor]

How about installing two dishwashers and alternating their use?  You pull clean dishes out of one of them as you need to and put dirty dishes in the other so nothing piles up in the sink.  It would also eliminate the need to put most of the dishes away in cabinets and drawers.  You would need a system that clearly identifies which machine is currently clean and which is dirty.

I would rather pay for a laundry service than invite a service worker into my home who I then have to manage.  You wouldn't have to outsource all laundry - just the high volume items that are relatively durable.

[Dreamer40]

I know people who swear by the washer/dryer combo. Like you put the clothes in and it washes then dries them in the same spot. That saves you from needing to transfer to the dryer and you could have a clean load ready for you when you get home at the end of the day. But does laundry really need to be done daily? What about letting it pile up a bit, at least as the weekend approaches? I usually do laundry on Mondays and Thursdays when I’m home doing other stuff.

A friend had a house cleaner team who also started the laundry while they were cleaning. On the condition that they didn’t have to sort and could simply throw anything into a regular cycle. I don’t think they charged anything specific for it, it was just part of the regular cleaning rate.

One big way to cut down on dishes is batch cooking. Heating up leftovers makes fewer dishes than cooking a fresh pot of something. And make sure each person isn’t doing something unnecessary like using multiple clean water glasses a day.

[use2betrix]

Dishes/laundry (to me, and I outsource a ton, even with a stay at home spouse) seems like a bit more troubling considering it’s someone coming into your home. Plus, I’d feel awkward sitting on my couch watching Netflix while someone does my laundry and dishes lol.

With that in mind, are there any ‘other’ things you could outsource? Lawn care, vehicle washing, grocery shopping, etc.?

Not counting out what you’re looking for, but still ideas for more ‘common’ things to outsource.

[HopefulMustache]

Thank you everyone for the great feedback! Lots of great food for thought. Really appreciate it.

Dishwashing for me is a bit more work than seems to be the average. I have a dishwasher, fill it daily, and it probably only encompasses 80% of our dishes for a typical day without including any pots, pans, storage containers or other larger items used when we cook. I can barely keep up with unloading/reloading the dishwasher and handwashing until my drying area is full in 45-60 minutes and usually things still build up in a pile unless we've just been living on sandwiches for a while. I do agree that it's hard to imagine someone coming just to do that, but I still dream.... part of this may just be having 3 young kids. When they're older they'll probably require fewer special "baby/kid" dishes and be able to help more too.

Laundry is also daily. No getting around it for the kids. I'm with you FLBiker and if it was just my own clothes I'd probably do a small wash every 7-10 days and be fine, but as a family we easily fill up a daily load.

Getting a nanny who would also be able to help out around the house is really intriguing. Our kids are at a home day care and we love it there though. My partner and I also both work from home these days and the house isn't so big, so I think on a practical level that would be very difficult even if we didn't like our day care.

For those who outsource these or other tasks (or who have been nannies or otherwise helped out with this stuff for someone) - curious for how you set it up? Did you use something like care.com? Do people still post on craigslist? Is there a favorite app or service anyone can recommend for me to browse or potentially post an ad? Thanks for any tips here.

[reeshau]

We put a posting on Care.com, and got a lot of responses.  (Circa 2015)  We were open to hiring a person, and using Care.com to handle the payroll and taxes, (nanny tax) but ended up finding someone with their own business entity.  We were happy to "gross up" our pay, and have them handle the tax hassles.

[SunnyDays]

Exactly how do you hand wash dishes?  Do you wash, rinse and dry each one, one at a time?  That's time consuming.  It's easier to just rinse off dishes that aren't really dirty, maybe just crumby, and put them in a rack to dry themselves.  Truly dirty dishes can all go in a soapy sink together, use a cloth to go over each dish while it's still in the water, just shifting them around (maybe use a rubber sink protector to minimize noise), drain the water, then spray them if you have a sprayer or quickly splash water over them to rinse, then put in drainer to dry.  Clean dishes go on one side of the sink, dirty on the other.  You will always have dishes to look at, but you'll get used to it, lol.  If seeing a stack of dirty dishes really bothers you, get a bin to put them in (WalMart has the perfect size - they're white plastic), then you can just put the whole bin into the sink and fill with water.

Glasses, utensils and pots and pans can then go in the dishwasher, because they're harder to clean by hand.

This might be a much faster system than you're currently using. 

[simple money]

You are lucky to have childcare you are happy with (hard to find these days.) Also, if you work from home in a smaller house, having a nanny w/ three young kids may not be the best option.
I normally do the laundry and dishes during nap time...but with three kids the nanny may not have time.

Since you just need someone to basically come in, start a load of laundry, load dishwasher. Switch laundry, empty dishwasher, fold laundry it would probably be best done without the kids there or anyone in the way. Hmmm I do think there are plenty of students or even a parent with kids in school or someone that wants a side hustle that would probably like the extra $ to do this...just not sure how to find them.
For a nanny:

Indeed.com is the most popular job search site.

I do not think anyone would use craigslist for a nanny job...too sketchy.

Care.com jobs also show up on google searches and indeed so a perspective nanny would be able to find it and I think it is free to post an ad there. However, most of the nannies I know do not use care.com because you need to sign up for an account to inquire about a nanny job posting...but that means you can also do a reverse search and see all the nannies that are looking for jobs.

The best option imo when looking for a nanny is to use the local nanny agency. To apply for these nanny jobs there are normally higher standards; more experience, higher education, first aid certifications, glowing recommendations, etc. The nanny agency does everything for the family including; placing the job ad, background checks, calling references, setting up the first interview and negotiating pay. There is a fee for the family (not sure of the cost) but in the end they will get "portfolios" of all the best applicants for the job. On the nanny side of things, it involves working with the same "placement" person from beginning to end, it's professional, private and they really want to make sure it's a good fit on all levels for family and nanny.

[Dragonswan]

Do you use Next Door?  If so I would post on there and limit the area to your development or neighborhood.  There may be a teen that could come and do the dishes after school and get a load of laundry going.  If they seem responsible you might be able to get babysitting as well on the weekends and have them do several loads of laundry then. A SAHM whose kids are in school might could come every day as well.

[BeanCounter]

We had (before I FIRED) a wonderful nanny who also did light cleaning and laundry. She did after school care for us. So she was just around doing chores an hour before the kids got home and then would help with their homework, get them to do their chores, continue laundry etc. She also would drive them to their extracurriculars.
I found her by placing and ad in the campus email at her University. In the education department where students where getting education degrees. It worked really well and I had five other applicants who were equally qualified and willing.

Good Luck! I think it's a great example of money well spent in this stage of life! And from my experience it didn't have any significant impact on my FIRE date.

[neophyte]

How old are those kids? I don't know how old I was when I started washing dishes, but I do remember I had a step stool that I had to go get in order to reach the sink. Maybe hold back the knives. Kids can start sorting laundry once they have a good sense of light and dark and colors. They'll probably need to be at least 6 or 7 before they are much help with folding though.  They can start putting away their own folded clothes a bit younger than that.

[GreenSheep]

This reminds me of a coworker who once hired a nanny mostly because her ad said she would "clean your home with Eastern European vigor," and he wanted to see exactly what she meant by that! Haha! She turned out to be amazing with the kids and the cleaning and some light cooking. So yeah, I'd say at this stage in life, with two working parents and 3 small children, outsourcing some of this stuff is nothing to frown upon if you have to disposable income to do it.

But in addition to that, as a few others have mentioned, maybe there are ways to tweak the way you do things and to start giving the kids some responsibilities. Not all clothing necessarily needs to be folded (underwear, kids' t-shirts, etc.), and kids can definitely learn to do some basic chores. It will probably take longer at first, while they're learning, but it will be worth it in the long run! You might also have to re-think how things are organized so that the kids can reach lower cabinets to put their dishes away, lower drawers to put their clothes away, etc. You could also start, if you haven't already, doing things like getting socks that are all one color so that there's no need to match them up and fold/roll them together -- they can all just be tossed in a drawer for each person/size. Stuff like that seems simple but can add up.

[jeninco]

I'm still a bit confused about why the dishwashing takes so long. If the issue is that there are many things that can't go into the dishwasher, why not replace them with items that can? Your favorite thrift store/Goodwill/Salvation Army can keep you forever supplied with cheap, unbreakable (or breakable, but who cares) items that your kids can use to feed themselves. They can also probably put their own dishes into the dishwasher -- and that's a good habit to start. If you have, say, wine glasses that can't go into the DW, FFS replace them with something that can, at last for the next few years!  That should leave you with a couple of pots and pans, perhaps.

On the clothing front, I think the adults in your family need to have a conversation. Some options:
can you fold while you're watching TV or talking together?
Can you just assign a basket to each family member, and put the clean clothing in the basket, if the same things are being re-worn frequently?
Buy more clothing?
Definitely seconding the proposal for each family member to have a single color of socks, so you can just sort by color and toss them into the appropriate drawer.
??

Basically, what's the bare minimum you can get away with and still both feel comfortable with the solution? This doesn't have to be permanent -- make a plan to re-assess every 3 months or so. At some point, no one will be pooping through their clothing multiple times per day, and you can dial back the laundry frequency.

Good luck!

[GreenSheep]

Basically, what's the bare minimum you can get away with and still both feel comfortable with the solution? This doesn't have to be permanent -- make a plan to re-assess every 3 months or so. At some point, no one will be pooping through their clothing multiple times per day, and you can dial back the laundry frequency.

Yes, this is kind of what I was trying to say. Of course a basic level of sanitation needs to continue, but otherwise, when you're just trying to keep your head above water, some lower standards and "laziness" for the sake of your sanity are definitely appropriate.

[affordablehousing]

We've just made do by minimizing the number of dishes and pots. My parents find us barbarians, but I get itchy when I see the sea of dishes some people use- different plates for salad, dessert, coffee mugs? Hogwash. Washing pans? just use cast iron and let the flavors meld one meal to the next. My philosophy is that food is just pre-poop so why make a fuss over it.

[CNM]

Another idea for laundry - rather than having to fold a thousand tiny pairs of pants (I also have 2 children!), what about just putting them all in a bin in the closet, unfolded?  Then it's just a matter of putting the right things in the right bins. For everyday clothes for the children, it does not matter if they are wrinkled.  Ditto with shirts & underwear.  It's so easy, even my toddler can do this.

[kite]

Minimize & simplify.

Even if you ultimately decide you need outside help, it's a whole lot easier if you have the bare minimum of stuff.
One cup/plate/bowl & set of utensils per person. Three changes of clothes.
Be ruthless. minimize the toys, hobbies & outside activities too.   

I've got hired help because I need it for some elderly loved ones who can't be left alone. I found them via good old fashioned networking. Like finding the best job, spouse, etc, you need to cultivate a network.

Both aides do housework because it's what they do and they like to keep occupied while their patients are resting. But minimizing the number of cups, plates, bowls, sheets, towels, etc. keeps the workload and opportunity for confusion to a minimum. Minimize the number of belongings.  Simplify the meals.  This makes the routine chores as painless as possible.

[CNM]

Another idea about the dishwashing -

It sounds like you have enough dishes to run it twice a day. Once at night, with the day's dishes in it (lunch containers, snack dishes, some dinner dishes), and then maybe once again in the morning with whatever left over dinner dishes and breakfast dishes.  I also LOATHE doing the dishes-- specifically, the putting away of dishes-- but it is a really quick job, especially when split with a partner.  Doing the dishes 2x a day should allow you to never have dirty dishes laying around.

If you are feeling stressed because of the leftover dinner dishes, I suggest that you let your standards slide a bit.  A few dirty dishes in the sink overnight is not the end of the world.  You can even use the time honored white lie that you are "letting them soak." 

If it makes you feel any better, I am always trying to think of ways to end the tedious day-to-day household tasks.  I have yet to think of a good one.  I already have weekly house cleaning service, which goes a long way, but the other stuff grates on my nerves.  I have yet to think of a satisfactory solution, other than to try not to worry about it too much.

Finally, another comment on the clothes- A poster mentioned having fewer clothes. I actually disagree for the kids.  I like them to have enough clothes to go through an entire week without the need for washing, so if us parents have a busy work week (which we almost always do), there is no ADDED stress of having nothing to wear for school.  Then each kid has one large load of laundry to be done each week on the weekend.

[Villanelle]

I've seen people have what they call a "Mother's Helper"  Generally this is a younger person who might not be 100% comfortable babysitting alone, but is more than okay when a parent is home.  They not only mind the kids, but they can also be tasked with light housekeeping.  Something like folding laundry or emptying the dishwasher would be well within the skill set of a 12year old, for example.  Or a 16 year old.  They can come over for an hour after school a few days a week and not only do a few basic chores, but also entertain kiddos while you prep for dinner or get something else accomplished.  Since you'd like only need help a few days a week, you can work around their various activity schedules. 

I've seen ask for this in local Facebook groups, Nextdoor, etc. 

[mistymoney]

I would think daily would be cost prohibitive.

do you have a dishwasher or doing by hand?

why is laundry daily? could you save it up and have someone take 5 loads to the laundromat?

would just getting a weekly cleaner who would do this one time per week plus the other chores make it more doable for you?

[herbgeek]

Old fogey here.  I would never have thought (in my day) of hiring this out, because that sort of thing didn't exist.  Also sometimes, adding in additional help requires more work: oversight, scheduling, communication particularly if things aren't as you like them, having someone you depend on suddenly quit.

Instead, I got really good at systems, systems thinking and habit and routine creation.   You have already identified that it doesn't work for your family to do laundry after the kids go to bed.  So why not trying throwing in a load when you first wake up, then transferring to dryer either when you start your work day or at lunchtime.  Live with some wrinkles/put a sweater over if you can't hang the clothes up right away.  You got 5 minutes between meetings?  Do something quick instead of some web surfing.

Use paper plates sometimes.  Yes, I know bad for the environment, but perhaps a tradeoff while your children are small.  Batch cooking is good, not just to have food ready quickly after a long day, but also fewer pots and pans to wash during the week.   One thing I did when working and going to graduate school was to have themes for weeknight meals.   So Wednesday was pasta- I might mix that up between ravioli, penne or mac and cheese but its easier to work within limited options and not spend brain cycles doing all the decision making.  Also easier to always have the ingredients on hand for a few meals so you don't need last minutes runs to the store if you have limited menus during the week.

And yes, get the kids involved as soon as they are able.  Kids can sort laundry pretty young, and empty the dishwasher.   Even preschoolers like to tear lettuce to make a salad.

[GreenSheep]

Old fogey here.  I would never have thought (in my day) of hiring this out, because that sort of thing didn't exist.  Also sometimes, adding in additional help requires more work: oversight, scheduling, communication particularly if things aren't as you like them, having someone you depend on suddenly quit.

Yeah, my grandmother had 9 kids. I have no idea how she did it, even as a SAHM. There's probably a reason the oldest (a girl) never had her own kids. She'd already helped raise 8 of them by the time she finished high school!

That is very true about the fact that hiring help can create its own work/problems. Not exactly the same for this situation, but I had a friend who used to say that figuring out where to go when the housekeeper was coming over to clean was a "rich people problem." (Actually, the first time it came up, it was even more ridiculous. The housekeeper switched days, so my friend had to quickly come up with somewhere to be, and... tragedy of tragedies... the massage parlor couldn't fit her in that afternoon!)

[MayDay]

Ugh, as a household with 3 kids and two working parents I can imagine this!

My kids are older now and they do the dishwasher unloading every morning. But when they were younger we had a mother's helper/babysitter who came to the house from 6-9 am every day. She unloaded do she's, packed lunches, got the kids ready and fed and on the bus. We paid her ~50$/day, she was a homeschooled high schooler.  It was amazing!!!!!

I find daily dish doing a requirement, and we don't do fancy cooking or use a million dishes. If we get behind it spirals put of control. We are a little better off with laundry than you but I can appreciate the issue. I personally can rewear things but my H gets stinky and both kids get stinky and dirty even now in middle school. Trying to figure out what could be reworn is yet another task to do...

My kids do do chores but the reality at younger ages is that it takes more time and mental effort to have them help with things like dishes and laundry. And it's YEARS of that so it isn't like you put in a ton of effort for a month and come out better. So personally I reserved that for weekends and mostly did it myself on weekdays.

Long story short if I was to go through those younger kids years again, I'd hire Josie to stay for another hour every day and run some laundry or do the grocery shopping or whatever. Money well spent.
 

[jeninco]

Stoping back in because I remembered I really, really liked Don Aslett's Book "Make Your House Do the Housework" which is an entire book about how to minimize the work you need to do to keep your house reasonably straight and clean.  It's stuff like "don't have multiple materials for the flooring that require you to use multiple tools to keep them cleaned" and "design for ease of cleaning".  I found the ideas to be super-helpful, partly for the concrete examples, partly for the general theory of how to think about structural changes that make cleaning. (As a tiny example, it's easier to vacuum if you don't have to steer around a ton of furniture legs. We've since installed some low cabinets that are about 6 inches off the floor, thus making it very easy to clean under them.)

[CrustyBadger]

I accidentally hired a housekeeper this past fall.   

My husband is severely disabled; I work full time.  He needed a home health aide to care for him while I worked.  We hired someone for four hours per day at about $25/hour (we use a service).  A home health aide, like a nanny, only works with the person in their care.  Our home health aides are hired to take care of my husband's needs, and they clean his laundry, clean up after his meals etc but don't do the actual housework.

Well, my husband sleeps a lot sometimes, and often there is nothing for the aide to do to fill the four hours.  Usually the aides will just sit and chat on their phones.  But this fall, we were sent an aide who was amazing.  She said she didn't believe in being idle, and she asked me if it was OK if she did more household tasks to help me out.  I was enthusiastic...

So she did.  She kept the first floor of my house spotless.  She:

- emptied the dishwasher and put stuff away
- emptied the kitchen and bathroom garbage and took it to the garbage cans
- wiped the kitchen counters, stove top, and appliances daily
- cleaned anything left in the sink from dinner the night before (pots, pans)
- put away anything left in the dish drainer
- cleaned the inside of the fridge and discarded stuff going bad
-  emptied the coffee pot, cleaned it and set it up for the next day
- took the recycling out and brought the bins back in
- swept all areas
- did the laundry, folded it, and put away my husbands plus sheets and towels (left mine)
- kept a grocery list of foods from breakfast and lunch we were running low on
- changed light bulbs
- cleaned inside the microwave

When she ran out of stuff to do, she started stuff like matching my tupperware lids and containers and cleaning out the utensil drawers.

I would never have deliberately hired a housekeeper for, say, 2 hours a day.  But oh my goodness, my life was so wonderful when she was working for us.  (I tipped her very generously for going above and beyond the duties of her job, and because she was extremely reliable.  Although the agency gets paid $25/hour, I know she didn't earn that much.)

Hiring someone else to do chores that you are capable of doing is definitely not mustachian.  However if you are going to do it, there is a good (though dated) book I once read that may help you decide what chores to hire out, and how to train someone to do them the way you like them.  It is called:  "A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a Divorce".  I think it is about 20 years old.

https://www.amazon.com/Housekeeper-Cheaper-Than-Divorce-Afford/dp/0967963605

[K_in_the_kitchen]

I'm still a bit confused about why the dishwashing takes so long. If the issue is that there are many things that can't go into the dishwasher, why not replace them with items that can? Your favorite thrift store/Goodwill/Salvation Army can keep you forever supplied with cheap, unbreakable (or breakable, but who cares) items that your kids can use to feed themselves. They can also probably put their own dishes into the dishwasher -- and that's a good habit to start. If you have, say, wine glasses that can't go into the DW, FFS replace them with something that can, at last for the next few years!  That should leave you with a couple of pots and pans, perhaps.

On the clothing front, I think the adults in your family need to have a conversation. Some options:
can you fold while you're watching TV or talking together?
Can you just assign a basket to each family member, and put the clean clothing in the basket, if the same things are being re-worn frequently?
Buy more clothing?
Definitely seconding the proposal for each family member to have a single color of socks, so you can just sort by color and toss them into the appropriate drawer.
??

Basically, what's the bare minimum you can get away with and still both feel comfortable with the solution? This doesn't have to be permanent -- make a plan to re-assess every 3 months or so. At some point, no one will be pooping through their clothing multiple times per day, and you can dial back the laundry frequency.

Good luck!

Yeah, I cook three meals from scratch daily, and I mean from scratch.  I make the chicken stock, grind the wheat and corn, bake the bread, etc.  Yes, there are plenty of dishes that can't go into the dishwasher, usually at every meal.  Loading the dishwasher and doing the hand wash dishes take 10 minutes at breakfast, and at most 20 minutes after the main meal.  Yes, we do dishes all through the day, but I think there might be something else at play here, something that could make things easier that maybe I have and the OP doesn't.

My kids didn't get special dishes that couldn't go in the dishwasher.  We use Corelle and the Anchor Hocking working glasses.  They were off sippy cups before age 3.

All of our food storage containers are glass, so we only have to hand wash the lids.

We have a huge sink, so we do the hand wash dishes by rinsing out the largest bowl or pot used to make the meal and then filling it with hot soapy water.  Wash all dishes, wash and rinse large bowl or pot, fill large bowl or pot with rinse water, then rinse all dishes (and then dump the rinse water outside on a plant).

Run the dishwasher each night, even if it's half full, then put away in the morning -- this avoids having to wash a lot of things by hand just because there isn't room.  It's not the most efficient but it costs a lot less than hired help.

Involve the kids as soon as you can.

Wear clothes more times before washing.  Don't let toddlers and little kids choose outfits and change them multiple times a day (my niece was allowed to do this and it created mountains of laundry).  Buy smocks for them to wear when doing arts and crafts so their clothes don't get destroyed.  Have a couple of sets of outdoor play clothes for dirt and mud play, and let them be worn more than once.  If your children haven't learned to use the potty don't put them in training underwear and clothes hoping they'll get it -- potty train when they can be naked from the waist down.

In other words, find ways to make it easier on yourself!  And remember that this stage in life doesn't last forever.

As for getting help, I'm going to be old-fashioned and suggest you look for a neighbor teen who wants to make some money.  Yes, you might still have to pay $10 an hour, but that's better than $25.  Or hire a teen to babysit and do the extra work of dishes and laundry after they put the kids to bed.

[mistymoney]

I accidentally hired a housekeeper this past fall.   

My husband is severely disabled; I work full time.  He needed a home health aide to care for him while I worked.  We hired someone for four hours per day at about $25/hour (we use a service).  A home health aide, like a nanny, only works with the person in their care.  Our home health aides are hired to take care of my husband's needs, and they clean his laundry, clean up after his meals etc but don't do the actual housework.

Well, my husband sleeps a lot sometimes, and often there is nothing for the aide to do to fill the four hours.  Usually the aides will just sit and chat on their phones.  But this fall, we were sent an aide who was amazing.  She said she didn't believe in being idle, and she asked me if it was OK if she did more household tasks to help me out.  I was enthusiastic...

So she did.  She kept the first floor of my house spotless.  She:

- emptied the dishwasher and put stuff away
- emptied the kitchen and bathroom garbage and took it to the garbage cans
- wiped the kitchen counters, stove top, and appliances daily
- cleaned anything left in the sink from dinner the night before (pots, pans)
- put away anything left in the dish drainer
- cleaned the inside of the fridge and discarded stuff going bad
-  emptied the coffee pot, cleaned it and set it up for the next day
- took the recycling out and brought the bins back in
- swept all areas
- did the laundry, folded it, and put away my husbands plus sheets and towels (left mine)
- kept a grocery list of foods from breakfast and lunch we were running low on
- changed light bulbs
- cleaned inside the microwave

When she ran out of stuff to do, she started stuff like matching my tupperware lids and containers and cleaning out the utensil drawers.

I would never have deliberately hired a housekeeper for, say, 2 hours a day.  But oh my goodness, my life was so wonderful when she was working for us.  (I tipped her very generously for going above and beyond the duties of her job, and because she was extremely reliable.  Although the agency gets paid $25/hour, I know she didn't earn that much.)

Hiring someone else to do chores that you are capable of doing is definitely not mustachian.  However if you are going to do it, there is a good (though dated) book I once read that may help you decide what chores to hire out, and how to train someone to do them the way you like them.  It is called:  "A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a Divorce".  I think it is about 20 years old.

https://www.amazon.com/Housekeeper-Cheaper-Than-Divorce-Afford/dp/0967963605

Where are you at and where can I find this wonderful powerhouse?

[CrustyBadger]

Where are you at and where can I find this wonderful powerhouse?

She sounds great, right?  Sadly, she had to stop working for her own health reasons.

But really, the work she did was just what anyone would do as part of "tidying the kitchen" and "doing the daily chores."   I'm sure you could find someone to do these tasks.  It's just a question of whether you are willing to pay for it. 

[Morning Glory]

Why are these chores daily?

 Can you batch cook for the week so you don't have pans every day? Use your toast plate again for dinner? Use the same water glass for a couple days? Run the dishwasher only when it's full (mine is every 2-3 days lately-4 person household. My 6 y/o can unload and put away the dishes).

Same goes for laundry- get the good nighttime diapers for the baby so there aren't as many sheets. Let your towel go a week between changes. Try to wear pants and outer shirts a few times between washes. Buy more underwear if you run out before the washer is full. (I gave up on sorting and also hampers because my kid dumps them anyway,  so dirty stuff goes straight into the washer and I run it when it's full, usually 2x/ week).

[BlueHouse]

I am absolutely on board with outsourcing chores!  Life is too short to do stuff that you really get no enjoyment from. 

I am caring for my elderly mom with dementia, and we've started having home care come in twice a day for a total of 3 hours/day (that's what insurance covers, and we split it up to cover the chores).   Mom doesn't need that much help, but she needs it consistently, so we have them do light chores/upkeep, which includes a load of laundry in the morning, dishwashing, etc along with the normal personal care duties.  It's wonderful because by the time I get there, I can actually spend time with my mom or do the financial and medical chores that I cannot outsource.  It's made my life so much better! 

So if you can find a nanny or someone on task rabbit to do these chores for you, then go for it.  Spend your time enjoying your family!   

The only thing I would add -- make sure to do the tasks yourselves at least sometimes.  What I find from having a housecleaner is that I don't always know when something in my house needs attention because I'm not looking at it each week.  When you have to clean/use your own things, you notice things that guests or a cleaner wouldn't tell you about. 

[okisok]

I recommend the Minimal Mom's YouTube channel. She has four kids and managed to minimize and organize her home so that they spend less time maintaining it. For instance, all of their clothes go in bins. If someone wants their clothing folded or hung up, they have to do it themselves.

[HopefulMustache]

OP here - I just want to say thanks to everyone for their thoughts and ideas! Honestly, just hearing how much this resonates with some of you is hugely validating by itself, so I sincerely appreciate the feedback.

Incorporating some of the advice found here, a few days ago I took stock of how much it would cost to buy an "extra" set of the things we use daily that we had more or less just enough of, and bought another set. It cost maybe $70. It may sound crazy for someone considering spending on a daily housekeeper, but in reality I'm the kind of person who usually cringes at even spending that when I don't "have to." At a minimum I figured I need that much if anyone is going to help out during the day anyway. I have some flexibility in my work hours (working at home) so for now I am going to try and shift this task to the day and do it myself and see how it goes.

Last night was my first night of not having this chore hanging over my head at night. The kids were in bed, I had nothing major I had to do (besides throw in the laundry and switch it to the drier in an hour), and I felt unreasonable levels of joy and excitement at the ability to take a walk, clean out my basement office, and get to bed early. I know some people can't fathom it, we're all in different situations, but I can barely comprehend/express how different my night felt. Did a full set of dishes during the day today and everything needed for tomorrow is all set. Hopefully I'll be able to keep that up and not have to hire someone to feel sane.

While this thought isn't exactly new, I think I was at a bit of a low point when I started this thread - I'd just been living with one of my kids in a hospital room for 10 days, during which time another of my kids lost the ability to sleep through the night so that when I got home every morning began before 5am - life was in a messy place and I needed help. Things are better now thankfully, but this thread, and the changes this community helped inspire me to enact, gave me some when I needed it. So thank you! And it sounds like this is a topic that has meaning for a lot of people - I never expected 35+ replies - so please keep the conversation and tips going, this is a great collection of ideas and strategies.

[dadbod]

I agree with everyone else that life is hard and do what you need to do!  We: (1) hire a parent's helper occasionally to play with our son so we can do the chores; (2) use taskrabbit to hire people for one off chores; (3) don't fold the kids laundry (and sometimes our laundry) - we have a "clean" laundry basket and a "dirty" laundry basket and sometimes we live out of those; (4) hire a housecleaner every other week.  I know of laundry places where you drop off a bag of laundry and they wash and fold it for you - I've never used this type of service and given the amount of laundry you are doing it probably doesn't make sense.  Get a dishwasher!  Don't use stuff that needs to be hand-washed!

I agree with someone that said a nanny + working from home is difficult.  We tried it during the pandemic and it was really challenging.

We only have one kid so we alternate responsibility for bedtime and when one person is putting him down the other person has a list of chores to do, which includes emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the counters, sweeping the floor, washing any dishes that have to be hand-washed, getting the coffee ready for the next morning, and cleaning the litter box (plus anything else that has popped up).  My husband is terrible at laundry so I do all of that.  Bedtime and cleaning time both take about an hour - 1.5 hours and it has been working for us for years.

Good luck!

[luchorpan]

So many good insights in this thread! I’ll add one thing: I look for ways to outsource domestic work *occasionally* instead of *regularly.* My spouse and I have talked about hiring a house cleaner but never pull the trigger - too much commitment. Instead, every so often when I feel overwhelmed I outsource a few loads of laundry to a wash dry fold service. (Probably going to do that this week, because I’m working both days this weekend.) This works especially well for kid clothes - they charge by weight or volume, so you get a lot of small kid items done for the price.

[catccc]

This post reminds me of another post from years ago that was titled something like "tips to make your home easier to maintain."  It was chock full of tricks and advice, but all I remember was to space furniture so your vacuum cleaner head fit between stuff easily.  I try to follow that trick still and it does help!

Going to search for it...

Ta da!

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/advice-for-making-your-home-interior-easier-to-clean-and-maintain/

Not exactly specific to dishes or laundry, but a lot about general home upkeep.