Author Topic: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time  (Read 32888 times)

stephan145

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 3
Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« on: October 23, 2020, 07:39:55 AM »
I know I can't just outsource the question of whether I should move out from my parents home or not. However, I'm interested in your take on this situation and what recommendation you guys have.

About me: I'm 24 years old and live in Central Europe. I finished my Master in Computer Science a few months ago, since then I'm working on my PhD. I'm pursuing the PhD because I LOVE the academic life. I love researching, reading current papers, get to the very bleeding edge and even increase the knowledge of humanity by publishing own papers! I have an amazing team and project, thus I do not regret my decision for a second. The only downside is the pay-check; I certainly could earn much more money working in industry.

I was a rather quick student, it took me just 4 years for my bachelor+master ('minimum' duration of study is 5 years). I did two semesters abroad (only ~3 months each) where I lived away from home. Except for these two exceptions I live with my parents. I bike to university everyday (~35km, 80min for the round-trip).

Current financial situation: I have ~35k € invested in (mainly) an low-cost all-world ETF (actually 75% developed world, 15% emerging markets, and 10% bonds). I earn ~2.300€ take-home pay a month (including a bit of income from my self-created company).

Enough preliminary, the reason for this post is that I'm dallying over renting a small flat (27mē + 10mē balcony) for 360€/month. I'm thinking about it extensively for the last two weeks (is this too little time to make such a large decision? I don't know...).

My main arguments for leaving the nest:

* the new flat would be really close to university (~15 minutes walking, or 4' biking)
* I'm kind of limited for inviting guests over right now. Especially on short notice. And especially if it's a single girl, if you know what I mean. Every (other) month or so, I invite my friend group over -- this is okay, but even though I'm an absolute introvert I would not mind inviting people more often. I know it's okay for my friends to invite me way more often than the other way round, but it's nagging me a bit.
* Similar to the previous point: My ex-girlfriend (of  ~4 years) and I broke up a few weeks ago. I don't feel like dating anyone right now, but thinking mid-term I know it would certainly be really nice to have an own place.

On a higher level, I guess I would really enjoy the freedom and independence. I hope to grow a lot by owning my own flat. I even look forward to the chores (cooking for myself, washing the dishes, washing the clothes, cleaning the flat, ...). This makes me ponder whether I'm overly idealizing the idea of moving out. The reality will probably not be as cool/ideal/perfect than I imagine it to be right now.

My arguments for staying with my parents for a bit longer:

* I hope the breakup is not influencing my decision to leave home too much. But to be honest, I would certainly enjoy the freedom of being able to hook up with someone without needing to explain myself.
* Money. I not only have to pay rent, but also for food (which is free right now) and various other things (internet, one-time investments like pans, vacuum  cleaner, a table, a bed, ...).
* I have a really good relationship with my family. I don't want them to feel like I don't enjoy their generous offer (home, food, ...).

To summarize, I feel like I really want to live on my own. Right now, the advantages outweight the downsides by a lot. The only thing that's stopping me from pursuing this dream is that the grass is always greener on the other side. Do I really have to move out in order to gain the benefits listed above? Can't I be happy without spending so much money (unnecessarily?)? I'm more than happy for any response/feedback/personal story/your take in this/... ANYTHING!

Malcat

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 11636
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2020, 08:13:31 AM »
You're 24.

Move out.

NotJen

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1287
  • Location: USA
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2020, 08:14:59 AM »
My arguments for staying with my parents for a bit longer:

* I hope the breakup is not influencing my decision to leave home too much. But to be honest, I would certainly enjoy the freedom of being able to hook up with someone without needing to explain myself.
* Money. I not only have to pay rent, but also for food (which is free right now) and various other things (internet, one-time investments like pans, vacuum  cleaner, a table, a bed, ...).
* I have a really good relationship with my family. I don't want them to feel like I don't enjoy their generous offer (home, food, ...).

Really, I only see one of these as a pro to living with your parents - money.  They are providing you with a lot right now - how long do they want to continue that?  As I was approaching college move-out age, my extended family started gifting me house-warming type presents that would help when I had my own place (kitchenware, linens, small appliances, etc.) - is that something you could start accumulating cheaply (do you have access to Freecycle or Buy Nothing groups?) in anticipation of moving out some day that would help defray the costs? 

Also - why aren't you considering living with roommates?  It's common in the US at least to live with roommates (especially in your 20s) if you are more budget concious.  This gives you freedom away from your parents, but without such a large price tag.

Your first point is actually in favor of moving out.

Also, I think your relationship with your family could improve if you move out - mine certainly did - it's much nicer to visit with each other because you want to than because you have to.  Make sure to keep up frequent contact and visits with them when you move out - maybe a standing family dinner night where you see them every week would help them continue to feel generous.

This makes me ponder whether I'm overly idealizing the idea of moving out. The reality will probably not be as cool/ideal/perfect than I imagine it to be right now.

Moving out WILL NOT be perfect.  It will be hard, but hard things are often worthwhile.

Personally, I was very happy to move out of my parent's house to attend college (I didn't move back after going to school 800 miles away).  I have no desire to live with them again (even though I love them very much and enjoy their company - I do stay with them short-term for visiting), and would only consider it if it was needed for caretaking.

bbqbonelesswing

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 319
  • Age: 30
  • Location: Philly
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2020, 08:17:24 AM »
You're 24.

Move out.

+1 to this.

I don't have much else to say here. It's time to become self-sufficient. Find a few roommates to keep your costs down as you get on your feet. Good luck!

Sibley

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6633
  • Location: Northwest Indiana
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2020, 08:45:23 AM »
You're 24.

Move out.

+1 to this.

I don't have much else to say here. It's time to become self-sufficient. Find a few roommates to keep your costs down as you get on your feet. Good luck!

+1 from me as well.

OP - Free rent, free food, free utilities, etc? You're a mooch. No one likes mooches.

ReadySetMillionaire

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1688
  • Location: The Buckeye State
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2020, 08:51:38 AM »
I certainly think the modern attitude against communal living should be reversed. It's an unbelievable waste of resources that (1) me and my wife, (2) my dad and his wife, (3) my mom, (4) my wife's parents, (5) my brother-in-law and his wife, (6) my sister-in-law, (7) my twin brother, and (8) my older brother and his wife live in eight different houses.

This is only a modern development of the last 50-75 years. It is a crazy waste of resources, and my wife and I have talked about having her sister, my twin brother, or her parents live with us. My bet is one of the three will happen at some point.

So, that is at least worth thinking about.

But, you say you want to go out on your own. Go do it. I loved living by myself when I was 24 and in my first year of law school. It was arguably my favorite living situation.

Now I yearn for more socialization, hence my shift in attitude.

But do you. There's no wrong answer. The worst case scenario is either unlikely to happen or not as bad as your brain is telling you it will be. Living alone is great at your age. Go for it.

Malcat

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 11636
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2020, 09:11:24 AM »
I certainly think the modern attitude against communal living should be reversed. It's an unbelievable waste of resources that (1) me and my wife, (2) my dad and his wife, (3) my mom, (4) my wife's parents, (5) my brother-in-law and his wife, (6) my sister-in-law, (7) my twin brother, and (8) my older brother and his wife live in eight different houses.

This is only a modern development of the last 50-75 years. It is a crazy waste of resources, and my wife and I have talked about having her sister, my twin brother, or her parents live with us. My bet is one of the three will happen at some point.

So, that is at least worth thinking about.

But, you say you want to go out on your own. Go do it. I loved living by myself when I was 24 and in my first year of law school. It was arguably my favorite living situation.

Now I yearn for more socialization, hence my shift in attitude.

But do you. There's no wrong answer. The worst case scenario is either unlikely to happen or not as bad as your brain is telling you it will be. Living alone is great at your age. Go for it.

There's a difference between communal living and continuing to live with your parents to the detriment of developing an independent life and identity.

Some people can live with their parents as adults just fine, but a 24 year old who doesn't feel comfortable bringing friends and dates over to their own living space is not a healthy, thriving, independent 24 year old.

Unless OP is from a culture where it's normal to live under your parents rule until marriage, no matter how long that takes, then it's high time to strike out and be an autonomous adult.

It is all fun and rainbows?
Hell no.
But self sufficiency and independence are kind of a big deal for developing into a functional, healthy adult.

ReadySetMillionaire

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1688
  • Location: The Buckeye State
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2020, 09:14:37 AM »
There's a difference between communal living and continuing to live with your parents to the detriment of developing an independent life and identity.

Some people can live with their parents as adults just fine, but a 24 year old who doesn't feel comfortable bringing friends and dates over to their own living space is not a healthy, thriving, independent 24 year old.

Unless OP is from a culture where it's normal to live under your parents rule until marriage, no matter how long that takes, then it's high time to strike out and be an autonomous adult.

It is all fun and rainbows?
Hell no.
But self sufficiency and independence are kind of a big deal for developing into a functional, healthy adult.

My post tried to communicate "both things can be true at the same time," but likely failed. I was just trying to state that it's okay and efficient to live with family; but if you want to go out and become independent, go for it.

Malcat

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 11636
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2020, 09:20:26 AM »
There's a difference between communal living and continuing to live with your parents to the detriment of developing an independent life and identity.

Some people can live with their parents as adults just fine, but a 24 year old who doesn't feel comfortable bringing friends and dates over to their own living space is not a healthy, thriving, independent 24 year old.

Unless OP is from a culture where it's normal to live under your parents rule until marriage, no matter how long that takes, then it's high time to strike out and be an autonomous adult.

It is all fun and rainbows?
Hell no.
But self sufficiency and independence are kind of a big deal for developing into a functional, healthy adult.

My post tried to communicate "both things can be true at the same time," but likely failed. I was just trying to state that it's okay and efficient to live with family; but if you want to go out and become independent, go for it.

Ah.. gotcha.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2020, 09:22:35 AM by Malcat »

AnnaGrowsAMustache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1941
  • Location: Noo Zilind
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2020, 09:33:32 AM »
I don't know that you're really seeing all the benefits of moving out, from your view within the nest. The benefits are VAST. You will learn so much. You will probably be living with others for a few years, and they will be others with a totally different way of operating. You will learn an enormous amount about how other people think and be in the world that you can't really see from the outside, or from interacting with them in more formal settings like a workplace. You will learn to pay your own way. Paying board to your parents (who love you) is quite a different mindset to paying a landlord (who doesn't love you), a power company etc etc. Every habit or thing you did without thought while living at your parent's house, because they did it, will be brought into question. Every item you thought essential will be tested.

Seriously, living with your parents and watching other people live independently is like watching other people go climb a mountain. You think you know everything about it from watching them, but it's quite a different experience actually having your own boots on the ground.

Samuel

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 704
  • Location: the slippery slope
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #10 on: October 23, 2020, 10:57:14 AM »
Definitely move out. I'd say the same if you didn't have a 35k € cushion or a direct path to either solid (academia) or wildly lucrative (industry) careers. It really is kind of a no brainer. 

This is perfectly doable on your current salary and what better use do you have for the extra money at this point in your life? Continue padding your investment accounts? I'd argue you're not properly valuing your independence and all the growth, self respect, and fun that comes with it. We're all fans of investing early and often here but judging by your excessive sensibility and obvious aptitudes you're going to be financially just  fine.

Having more money invested is great but don't lose sight of the highest use of money: To buy freedom. Ask any older person and they'll tell you freedom in your 20's is very nearly priceless. In your situation it's actually pretty cheap. BUY.

stephan145

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 3
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2020, 12:14:47 PM »
Thanks for all your responses!

All your opinions seem to be pretty consistent. As I already mentioned I know that I want it too, I just needed someone to tell me 'go do it!'.

Regarding mooching: I would not call it 'mooching'. I think the mindset of moving out as early as 18 or so is more common in the US than in Europe. Quite a lot of people in my country are living with their parents longer - even till they are 27 or so. I do have to agree with you, Malcat, that the one's living with their parents after ~23 are really comfortable with that. They don't seem to want to move. Probably that's different in my case.

Anyway, many thanks for the answers! I certainly did not expect that many. I really made up my mind now, I want to move! Thanks all of you for supporting me :)
« Last Edit: October 23, 2020, 12:16:39 PM by stephan145 »

lhamo

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2051
  • Location: Seattle
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #12 on: October 23, 2020, 12:21:55 PM »
Agree that you should try moving out.  Even with a relatively modest grad school stipend you make more than enough to cover such a modest rental + food and other living expenses.

Linea_Norway

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8161
  • Location: Norway
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #13 on: October 23, 2020, 02:09:15 PM »
Definitely move out, at 24 you need privacy from your parents and learn to become a independent individual. Cooking and cleaning are skills you need to practice. Also, practicing that your money holds to the end of the month is a skill you need to practice while running a household.
You can buy all the stuff you need, like furniture and vacuum cleaner) second hand, like a good student would.
You can also arrange a parttime evening job for some extra cash. If you work in a restaurant, you might even get a free dinner.

Imma

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3196
  • Location: Europe
Re: Benefits and disadvantages of leaving home for the first time
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2020, 02:31:29 PM »
Do it! The apartment seems extremely affordable too. I don't know where you live in Europe but it sounds like I should move there! An apartment like that will cost you at least €800 where I live but a recent graduate would probably have a similar income.

Everyone will have to leave their parents' house some day and this sounds like the right moment for you. You have a grown up job now and enough savings.