Hi all,
Maybe this should have gone in 'off topic' but I see we are allowed to ask "life questions" here! So here I go...I worked myself up into a total state about this last night, almost full-on panic attack, and I need some perspective.
I am going to Beijing for 12 days in May next year as part of my job (college prof taking a study tour). I have also been granted a postdoctoral research fellowship which requires me staying on in China for (ideally) another 4-5 weeks on top of those 12 days.
I speak Chinese (rusty though) and have lived in/traveled to China fairly often, although not in about five years. DH works for a large US company. DD is going to be 10 months old in May [currently 2 months - her relative newborn-ness may be contributing to the emotional fragility I feel about all this].
PLAN 1: When I got the grant, I thought I would have DD with me in Beijing for the first 12 days with students; then have DH come for 2 weeks (using annual leave) to look after her while I research, then have him take her home for my last 2 weeks so we each only have to be separated from her/each other for 2 weeks.
PLAN 2: DH found out his company has an office in Beijing, and as we both absolutely loathe being apart from each other, and neither wants to be apart from DD, he asked his boss if he could "hot desk" (i.e. work from Beijing) for awhile. We were thinking we'd both go for the full 6-7 weeks, with DD, and maybe hire a local ayi (nanny) to help with baby.
PLAN 3: DH's boss said "what if I could get you an international assignment - would you be interested?" No certainty on that, but we have to decide if we are interested, and how long we'd be willing to go for - at first I was thinking "Cool, I can relearn Chinese properly, plus financial perks from company (they'd pay for housing + daily stipend) - let's say we're willing to go for 3-4 months."
And then the fear/anxiety (yeah I may have an issue I need help with, this happens to me sometimes) kicked in:
- air pollution in Beijing is atrocious - apparently worse than smoking 1-2 cigarettes a day. Didn't care when it was myself, but a 10 m.o. whose organs are still developing? Google "babies" and "Beijing smog" and you'll see why I am anxious. Can a 10 m.o. even be made to wear a face mask?
- traffic in Beijing is dangerous - again, jumping in a cab with no seat belts was an adventure for me as a solo traveller in my 20s. With a 10 m.o. and no way to secure a car seat? Not so much adventurous as irresponsible. Alternative options: get public transport everywhere and have her in a baby carrier (cue worrying about being crushed in the Beijing subway, potential for airborne illness etc, massive crowds; buses crash as easily as taxis surely) or hire a private car that does have a seatbelt (very expensive but do-able if DH is on an expat assignment).
Those are my main two concerns. Last night I told DH I should just decline the postdoc grant, which would be a terrible idea for my career (it's prestigious and I don't have another job to replace the lost income, I'm an adjunct at the college) but I'm worried about exposing such a little baby to those risks, and feel sick at the thought of leaving her behind (she'd be fine, DH's parents could come and stay at our house to look after her...I just know I'll be miserable without her, and I'd also prefer she could still be breastfeeding at that age).
Any advice? I'm going to send emails to the expats I know in BJ who have kids, and talk to my colleague who led the study tour last year about how often they take taxis etc.