Author Topic: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?  (Read 6504 times)

oldtoyota

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Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« on: December 30, 2013, 11:52:03 AM »
Over the past week, I've been reflecting on the craziness of the holiday "gift-giving" season.

My mother has trouble getting out to shop. Over the years, I've helped by doing her shopping online (she has no computer and won't learn to use the internet). She wants me to get stuff for me for my birthday and stuff for my entire family for xmas.

Well, what happened this past month or so is that I did not want anything for xmas. I really don't need much. I suggested we not exchange gifts at all. However, my mother feels presents are important and she definitely wanted to get me something. She said she doesn't care if she gets presents but she wants to get them for her kids. She suggested I get clothing for work. It takes a while to find something. I did a lot of sending back and forth to get the proper sizes from an online store. Finally, I found some items to fill in some wardrobe holes and felt okay about it.

Looking back on it all, it seems so silly though. Why am I buying stuff for myself, getting reimbursed, and then giving it to her to wrap? (I know. She's old and can't get out to do it as easily as she once could.)

Next year, this has to change! I am going to suggest we take each other out to eat or to a show if she insists money has to be spent.

Overall, I came pretty far this year in terms of "getting out of the matrix" of American holiday craziness. I think I still have some more work to do though.

So, what do you want to change about anything in your life related to money??



 

frugaldrummer

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2013, 02:38:07 PM »
1) Get back to formal budgeting - I'm normally pretty good about keeping a budget in my head, but in the last few years since my divorce, I've gotten a little sloppy with my spending - time to rein things in.

2) Help my young-twenties children achieve self-sufficiency - right now they are a huge drain on my coffers, and my ex-husband is not helping a bit even though his income is 3 times mine.  They're all good kids, just struggling with mental health issues and the economy.  My goal is to "teach them to fish" this year.

JessieImproved

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2013, 03:18:03 PM »
1) Get enough sleep.  This is tough with small children that wake up early, but with discipline, I can do it.

2) Focus on "the problem".  Example symptom: The house is always a mess!  Actual Problem:  There's too much stuff in it.

Michread

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2013, 03:19:20 PM »
We have one year until our Verizon contract expires (2yr contract). I hope to get the 4 of us a lower cost plan, and I WILL drop my data plan (so only 2 dc will have data). 

I want to TRY to drop our cable TV plan.  My dh pays the bills/works and he's the one who watches it! 

OLDTOYOTA - I hope that your mother takes you up on that idea, but she's your mother so you may just have to play the game to keep HER happy (speaking as a mother myself).

Thegoblinchief

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2013, 03:32:57 PM »
Get my diet back under control, drink a little less. Devote more time to fiction writing. (So far, so good today on the writing part!)

Rural

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2013, 05:13:05 PM »
Eat less but better. I actually started this just before the holidays and stuck to it even in the face of holiday cooking of all sorts, so I think it will work out. The goal is for me to lose weight and my husband to manage cholesterol levels through diet (which we've done before but had slacked off with, especially during the six months without a stove).

gooki

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2013, 06:33:54 PM »
1. Become more pro active. Always look for the what's next and act on it.

2. Go to bed earlier.

MooseOutFront

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2014, 01:32:18 PM »
The simple changes I will make are to switch wife's phone to straight talk, cut directv, and replace truck with fuel efficient car.

The more difficult change is to better communicate this lifestyle with my wife.  She trusts my financial planning and goes along without sabotaging the budget, but resists more the more mustachian I become.  Shunning consumerism doesn't move the needle with her like it does for me, and she sees further cuts as deprivation rather than opportunities to adapt to a lower level a spending without compromising happiness.  The happiness thing is the root of it all. That's what I have to do a better job of conveying over the next 12 months.

oldtoyota

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2014, 01:59:47 PM »

OLDTOYOTA - I hope that your mother takes you up on that idea, but she's your mother so you may just have to play the game to keep HER happy (speaking as a mother myself).

I hear you on that. =-)

Also, there's an ethical consideration. I am, in a sense, her arms and legs. If she could get out to shop and I said I did not want something, she would probably get me something anyway. However, I now have this control since I do her xmas shopping. When I say I don't want something and she says she wants to give me something, I think it would be unkind to say that I just won't do her shopping.

That is why I am not more...forceful about not exchanging presents for lack of a better word at the moment. I feel like I have this responsibility to substitute for her inability to shop and so I have to do it her way. I don't know if I am being articulate about this. I hope you get what I am saying.


NinetyFour

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2014, 02:29:29 PM »
I would like to decrease the amount of time I sit on my couch with my laptop...and with the, um...MMM forum, among other things.  I should set a timer for 20 minutes, so that I at least get up off my duff and do some pushups or something before I sit down again.  Another possibility is to simply stand up (with my laptop on my kitchen counter or the bar between kitchen and living room) while I catch up on the forum.  I just have to spend less time sitting!

scrubbyfish

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2014, 07:31:50 PM »
I feel like I have this responsibility to substitute for her inability to shop and so I have to do it her way. I don't know if I am being articulate about this. I hope you get what I am saying.

I think this is so beautiful :)   Falls under the domain of "some things are best done un-Mustachian". I feel it's important in situations like these to provide dignity/choice/joy, not new information/lessons/lifestyles.

HappierAtHome

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2014, 07:49:30 PM »

OLDTOYOTA - I hope that your mother takes you up on that idea, but she's your mother so you may just have to play the game to keep HER happy (speaking as a mother myself).

I hear you on that. =-)

Also, there's an ethical consideration. I am, in a sense, her arms and legs. If she could get out to shop and I said I did not want something, she would probably get me something anyway. However, I now have this control since I do her xmas shopping. When I say I don't want something and she says she wants to give me something, I think it would be unkind to say that I just won't do her shopping.

That is why I am not more...forceful about not exchanging presents for lack of a better word at the moment. I feel like I have this responsibility to substitute for her inability to shop and so I have to do it her way. I don't know if I am being articulate about this. I hope you get what I am saying.


I think I get it. I know somebody with an adult son who is very disabled (was not meant to live past five years old, serious intellectual deficits). He'd always wanted to get superhero tattoos on his arms, and she had always told him no. Eventually she decided that for his 40th birthday she would take him to get the tattoos he'd always wanted, as she didn't feel it was right for her to be able to force her preferences on him just because he was disabled and dependent on her. As she said, her other sons were able to go get tattoos even after she said no, who was she to deny her disabled son his right to make his own decisions?

HappierAtHome

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #12 on: January 01, 2014, 07:53:42 PM »
And on topic:

Spending $1 or $2 on silly little things like a coke at work. It's not good for me, but it also adds up and I resent wasting my money on this tiny things.

Spending money on takeaway. I want takeaway and dining out to be a treat, not a regular occurence, so that I can save money (and health) by cooking my own meals.

firelight

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #13 on: January 01, 2014, 08:04:02 PM »
1) Eat better
2) Sleep earlier (and wake up earlier)
3) Be more active

oldtoyota

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2014, 01:15:29 PM »
I feel like I have this responsibility to substitute for her inability to shop and so I have to do it her way. I don't know if I am being articulate about this. I hope you get what I am saying.

I think this is so beautiful :)   Falls under the domain of "some things are best done un-Mustachian". I feel it's important in situations like these to provide dignity/choice/joy, not new information/lessons/lifestyles.

Thank you. =-)

oldtoyota

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #15 on: January 07, 2014, 01:16:41 PM »
Ooo, yes. Sleep. I am adding that to the list.

beanlady

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #16 on: January 07, 2014, 01:39:00 PM »

Also, there's an ethical consideration. I am, in a sense, her arms and legs. If she could get out to shop and I said I did not want something, she would probably get me something anyway. However, I now have this control since I do her xmas shopping. When I say I don't want something and she says she wants to give me something, I think it would be unkind to say that I just won't do her shopping.

That is why I am not more...forceful about not exchanging presents for lack of a better word at the moment. I feel like I have this responsibility to substitute for her inability to shop and so I have to do it her way. I don't know if I am being articulate about this. I hope you get what I am saying.

It's what your mom wants and her money, so yeah, just go with it... your situation is such that you can ensure that you get things you can use at least, so better than most of us in dealing with gifting from parents!

Anatidae V

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #17 on: January 07, 2014, 03:41:30 PM »
I'd like to start a date night with my partner again. We were doing it last year, but it got forgotten as things got hectic.

My other behaviour goal is to move every day and to take some quiet time. I consider these one goal because I've found that for my current sedentary lifestyle, my best meditation is focusing on what my body is doing when I exercise.

chasesfish

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Re: Behavior in Review--What Do You Want to Change?
« Reply #18 on: January 08, 2014, 04:07:29 AM »
Its all small stuff

- Get the cell phone situation under control
- Move very close to work
- Smarter spending while travelling