Author Topic: I can't stop talking about money!  (Read 8217 times)

COlady

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I can't stop talking about money!
« on: October 13, 2015, 10:18:56 AM »
I'm wondering if anyone here can relate? I feel like I think about money so much that many times I talk about it too much, sometimes I think I annoy my friends and family but I just can't seem to stop! I've tried and it's like an addiction.  We are doing fine financially so I'm not necessarily stressed about money but I am always conscious of how much money we are spending and saving.  We saved about $500k between taxable and tax deferred accounts before having kids and we're $10k in the hole for this year.  I realize we can afford the $10k hit but it's such a shift from saving about $80k (my entire salary) per year before kids.

We have 6 month old twins and the costs have been higher than I ever expected (LOVE them and wouldn't change a thing).  One of them ended up in the PICU this year with RSV and it cost us $11,000 (max out of pocket on insurance).  The total bill came to $97k. I find myself talking about what we would have done if we didn't have insurance??? $97,000 is a ton of money. But even though we did have insurance that we pay $500 premiums per month for we still had to shell out $11,000 and our deductible and max out of pocket reset on January 1st.

And my latest money thing has been the purchase of 2 convertible car seats. It looks like we're going to need to shell out around $250 each for those ($500 for 2).

So my question....do you think/talk about money a lot but keep your thoughts to yourself and your spouse? Maybe I need to get a freaking hobby (that I don't have time for because I have infant twins).....


ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2015, 10:26:13 AM »
This is my favorite article on this site: Give Yourself the Gift of Not Worrying About Money[url]

COlady

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2015, 10:35:54 AM »
I LOVE LOVE LOVE that article. Thank you Shoulder! Maybe this is just what I need to do - adjust my mindset.  Sometimes I think I don't adjust my mindset because I'm afraid that I'll fall off the wagon into "I don't care about money land" but maybe I need to realize that falling of the wagon is not in my blood. I believe I think and talk about money to be sure that I'm still aware of money and don't get into too much of a carefree state.

ash7962

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2015, 10:59:21 AM »
I don't really have a solution, but I think/talk about money quite a bit.  I generally obsess over spreadsheets and planning, and my SO has started to get that bored look when I start in.  I used to talk to my parents about it a lot, but they have such a different view on money than I do that it became tough to talk to them about money.  I know this isn't super helpful, but just wanted to tell you that you're not alone haha.  I think after a while your desire to talk about it will naturally die down a bit.

Retire-Canada

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2015, 11:00:05 AM »
In my opinion it's one of the traps of the pers fin world.

If you save well and invest smartly to reach FI, but focus all you free time on money you are not free in any useful sense of the word. You are are just a different kind of slave in a different cage.

Time is the only thing in life you can't make more of so spend it wisely.

I favour a robust savings/investment/lifestyle plan that doesn't need regular attention. I check in once a month with my investments when I make additions. I rebalance once a year.  I'll revisit my overall budget/plan if something materially changes. In the meantime I don't worry about it and I spend my free time doing stuff I like with people I like.

FLBiker

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2015, 11:37:08 AM »
In my opinion it's one of the traps of the pers fin world.

If you save well and invest smartly to reach FI, but focus all you free time on money you are not free in any useful sense of the word. You are are just a different kind of slave in a different cage.

Time is the only thing in life you can't make more of so spend it wisely.

I favour a robust savings/investment/lifestyle plan that doesn't need regular attention. I check in once a month with my investments when I make additions. I rebalance once a year.  I'll revisit my overall budget/plan if something materially changes. In the meantime I don't worry about it and I spend my free time doing stuff I like with people I like.

+1  This is why I have never really budgeted (beyond getting the general idea from Mint).  I don't know exactly what % we save (quick calc would be ~50%) but it's certainly enough to not worry about every little thing.

Noahjoe

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #6 on: October 13, 2015, 11:42:08 AM »
A bit off topic: how did you burn off $80,000 of your money mustache in less than a year just because you had twins?!

COlady

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #7 on: October 13, 2015, 12:09:55 PM »
A bit off topic: how did you burn off $80,000 of your money mustache in less than a year just because you had twins?!

I now work part-time (20 hours per week) for the same organization as before the babies making about $60k-70k on contract. After taxes (approx. 30% with SE, fed and state) that's approximately $42k per year.  We have a nanny that we pay about $2k per month or $24k per year (this includes nanny taxes, workers' comp, unemployment, etc.). I have the nanny for about 28 hours per week. Sometimes I work a bit more than 20 hours and sometimes I need the time for doctors appointments of my own or if one of the twins has an appointment I will only take one. We can't put them in daycare (slightly cheaper) because one of them has breathing complications due to his severe RSV infection months back. If and when he gets sick again he may end up really sick again...BIG sigh for cold and flu season...causing me much anxiety. The pediatrician recommended that they not go to daycare until they're at least a year old if possible. I want to do what is absolutely best for them and will keep them at home with the nanny until we feel it isn't a good match.

So in summary after the nanny I'm really only taking home $1,500 per month. This is a case of income going WAY down and expenses going WAY up. I sure am glad we saved a ton of money over the last 5 years! We are now on my husband's crappy health insurance but it works for the time being.

I'm still working because (1) it's keeps me SANE!!! I love my boys but I also love my job. (2) The corp. I work for has great benefits (i.e. 35% match on 100% of employee contributions up to the max, low cost health insurance with a $350 deductible and $3,000 max out of pocket for family). I'm hoping to continue here part-time contract until the kids are older or in school at which time I can get my benefits back if I go up to 30 hours per week as a salaried employee or I can choose to go to 40 hours per week (obviously salary adjusted for hours).  I can't let the opportunities of this company get away.

COlady

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #8 on: October 13, 2015, 12:26:01 PM »
I guess I should've also included that I made about $90k salary when I worked full time before the babies or about $72k after fed and state tax. So I took an after tax pay cut of $30k, plus increased expense of nanny at $24k, plus increase in health insurance premiums of about $6k, plus out of pocket hospital cost of $11k for a total of $71k. Can't pin down the remaining $9k...but would be diapers, formula and other various baby gear....

Apocalyptica602

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #9 on: October 13, 2015, 02:55:50 PM »
I find that with myself as well. I definitely need to re-read that MMM article a few more times.

I don't tend to find myself 'worrying' as much, as kind of... evangelizing. I was visiting a friend this past weekend and he mentioned something about one day getting a government pension and I asked about if he has a 457b or whatnot.

From there I started to launch into a little diatribe about 401k's Roth vs Traditional IRAs, and how I'm using my HSA to invest while reimbursing myself much later for medical expenses.

... I could tell my friend glazed over and didn't care haha. Pretty much realized "I need to shut up, people don't find this is as cool or interesting to talk about as you do."

Gondolin

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #10 on: October 13, 2015, 03:35:25 PM »
35% percent match on 100%? Up to 6300 per year??!. What industry do you work in?

And yes, I used to talk about Finance way too much. I think it's because I was all ready to engage in a long campaign to convert DGF to mustachianism but, after one conversation it turned out she and I were already on the same page! So all that mental preparation was still rattling around in my head.

COlady

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #11 on: October 13, 2015, 03:45:16 PM »
35% percent match on 100%? Up to 6300 per year??!. What industry do you work in?

And yes, I used to talk about Finance way too much. I think it's because I was all ready to engage in a long campaign to convert DGF to mustachianism but, after one conversation it turned out she and I were already on the same page! So all that mental preparation was still rattling around in my head.

Unheard of right?!? I work in O&G - even with the recent tanking of prices they haven't cut the 401k match.  Not that it matters since I'm contract right now anyway.  At 10 years of service the match goes up to 50%. At 20 years it goes up 65%! And they do profit sharing (not this year since there is no profit to share) at about 20% of salary. Everyone at this company is a lifer...and this is why.

I need to cut down my personal finance chat I think.  I think people think I snooty because of it but it's just what I'm interested in.  Some people talk football, I talk tax planning. Ha ha.

COlady

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #12 on: October 13, 2015, 03:47:27 PM »
35% percent match on 100%? Up to 6300 per year??!. What industry do you work in?

And yes, I used to talk about Finance way too much. I think it's because I was all ready to engage in a long campaign to convert DGF to mustachianism but, after one conversation it turned out she and I were already on the same page! So all that mental preparation was still rattling around in my head.

AND I'm sure you can believe it....there are people that hardly contribute anything to their 401k!!! They have a guaranteed 35% return on their money and they don't max their 401k. You need to cut some crap out if you can't afford to max your 401k and get a 35% match. See look at me getting all fired about personal finance. Ha ha.

mozar

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #13 on: October 13, 2015, 05:18:06 PM »
Well my dad is always telling me about how his health care costs and he's broke. I heard all about how is kidney stone cost him 10k (2k out of pocket). Health care costs are a hot topic right now.

Trudie

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #14 on: October 13, 2015, 06:45:17 PM »
My husband and I were talking about this today -about how it's easy to live in the future (discussing FIRE).  You begin idealizing the future, negating the present, and keeping your head down a bit too much.  He and I talked about the importance of making an EMOTIONAL plan for retirement.  It's not good enough just to worry about the money.

Dee18

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #15 on: October 13, 2015, 07:46:24 PM »
$250 car seats?  Do they not have a Mother of Twins club in your town? They have a big one here where twice a year they pass on baby/child items at low cost.

COlady

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #16 on: October 13, 2015, 09:14:58 PM »
$250 car seats?  Do they not have a Mother of Twins club in your town? They have a big one here where twice a year they pass on baby/child items at low cost.

We are a member of the mother's of multiples group and it's great. I buy tons of used stuff - clothing, toys, supplies, etc. Buying used car seats is not recommended because you never know if they've been in a wreck or if they've been mistreated (checked on a plane for example). Car seats and cribs (due to recalls) are two things that I won't buy used.

Gondolin

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #17 on: October 14, 2015, 11:40:30 AM »
Wowza, I may have to switch careers!

FLBiker

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #18 on: October 15, 2015, 09:01:25 AM »
Car seats and cribs (due to recalls) are two things that I won't buy used.

Us too.  And crib mattresses -- for unknown reasons, there seems to be a correlation between secondhand mattresses and SIDS, particularly if that mattress is from another home.  (http://www.bmj.com/content/325/7371/1007.1)

I suspect it's not causal, but we wanted to get a mattress that wasn't treated with flame retardants anyway.

loobylou

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #19 on: December 18, 2015, 07:09:36 PM »
I have a similar problem. After we worked our butts off at high-pressure, high salary jobs, we decided that time was more precious than money. We saved our money and paid all our debts (a few credit cards, three student loans). Because I love working, we originally thought he'd be a "house spouse" and spend his time taking care of the household. I assumed that would mean frugal, home-cooked meals; mostly spotless house; exercised puppy dogs; fantastic budgeting and banking; and a full social calendar. You know, the kinds of things someone who is completely supported financially can do for someone who works outside the home. Him, not so much. He thought it meant doing his best with the house and working on his hobby 20 hours a week. Not what we agreed on but OK. Then I got fired from my job and we decided he needed to work part-time. So that's when we agreed to each work 30 hours a week. We'd both have more time and it would feel more equal. Now, I work a lower-stress, lower-paying job which pays 75% of the household budget. He takes odd jobs to make up the rest. He keeps telling me that we bring in the same amount and I know it's because he's not factoring in all the big-ticket items that come out of my paycheck automatically, like health insurance.  Also, he thinks working 30 hours a week making x amount of dollars is the same as me working 30 hours a week making xxx amount of dollars. It's not that I mind an uneven income situation- I just need it to be clear how much each of us brings to the table so I don't feel taken advantage of. BTW, I should mention that he has been doing the finances because he works less than I do- that was part of our deal. Also, I should mention that I'm a woman raised by a badass mom so I'm very sensitive to being taken advantage of.

I planned to open separate bank accounts- a yours, mine, ours arrangement- so we can say "here's how much we spend monthly, here's how much you contribute". I thought it might give him a reality check and he'd start taking steps to secure a higher-paying job. But, after reading everyone's comments, I think I'll start with a really good budget and keep our shared bank accounts. I'm sure I can give him a much clearer picture of our situation and help us align our goals.

little_brown_dog

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #20 on: December 19, 2015, 06:42:25 AM »
Similar issue here Ė but I tend to harp on why its so important to avoid the employment and consumer culture treadmill, and how you can do that by being frugal. Iím sure it is completely annoying, but I do it out of personal interest and genuine concern for my friends and family. I used to be very into the whole rat race: working 50 hour weeks plus commuting 3 hours a day, stressing out over every crisis and problem at work, etc. I looked very successful. Haha. Needless to say, I became very sick with chronic migraine (headaches for 4 or 5 days out of the week EVERY week) and was suffering from repeated miscarriages. I had 6 different types of med and health professionals from gen practitioners, to Obs and reproductive specialists, to nurses, to massage therapists, to physical therapists, to acupuncturistsÖall telling me that my stress was out of control.

I could have kept going and just ignored the signs, but being in pain every day and going through the agony of losing baby after baby will really change your perspective on what matters. So we went the mustachian route instead: optimized our expenses and in doing so, reduced our income needs. Cutting back my hours was the BEST thing Iíve ever done for my body. I have no more migraines and I have a healthy baby.

I have friends who have mystery symptoms like constant fatigue and hair loss. Just hearing them talk about their work and lifestyles for 5 minutes, itís like deja vu. I try not to talk about it all the time, but if I can start an honest discussion about mustachian principles, and it helps someone else avoid what I went through, Iím all for risking coming off as a little annoying.

Dezrah

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #21 on: December 21, 2015, 11:34:55 AM »
I absolutely relate to this. My family has told me that I act like I'm a "born again" personal finance obsessor. Personally I take that as a compliment.

My cubicle is across from the head of our HR so I hear people asking questions about benefits all the time. One day on of my younger coworkers came around asking some super basic questions and I couldn't help but grab him on his way past to offer unsolicited advice (he was going to forgo unlimited 401k match to save for a cruddy starter house). Happily, not only was he appreciative of the advice, but he has regularly come back for more education. Now I get an outlet and he gets to make all these great moves with an early start. He even introduced me as his financial mentor at the Christmas party. So I guess my advice is find someone to mentor ;)

Kstatus

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Re: I can't stop talking about money!
« Reply #22 on: January 06, 2016, 01:16:22 PM »
..... I'm using my HSA to invest while reimbursing myself much later for medical expenses.

...


Do you somehow get reimbursed for the medical expenses?  How do I do this, I just assumed it made sense to pay for medical expenses with tax free dollars, but I would prefer to leave the HSA principle to grow.  Is there a double tax advantage that you are taking advantage of with this?