Author Topic: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.  (Read 3679 times)

FIRE_at_45

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I'm curious if anyone else has had a similar experience as I have had after recently binge reading MMM and many other blogs...I had no idea this stuff existed or I would have enlisted 5 years ago. 

Anyhow, you read all this stuff and it changes how you think.  I was already good with money and always thought the car people were crazy....you know the ones that get a new lease every year.  But now after reading this stuff I'm standing around with some buddies talking about how they just got a new Audi because you only live once.  One of my really good friends has simply resigned himself to working until he is 60.  I think it is crazy because he should not have to work that long but he wants things now.  When I suggested to his SO that they could always look at cashing out of their HCOL house and move to a LCOL area the reaction was a sideways look.  Why would I do something crazy like that...sounds boring!

So then you hold your thoughts to yourself and wonder 'am I crazy'....only I do not think I am crazy but certainly not normal. 

It is probably just a passing feeling for me because I have developed a new layer of frugal ways.  I will just accept others for their views and not impose mine but it sure feels strange like I have some secrets and am living in a different world.       

mxt0133

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2016, 11:39:06 PM »
No you are not crazy you just different views from the majority of the population.  They might think you are wierd but there's nothing you can do about it.  Just offer your opinion if they ask for it or if you truly want to help then offer a different perspective.

Welcome aboard!  I too felt like I everyone needed to know this secret that I just discovered but found out that not everyone feels the same way I do.

mozar

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2016, 08:34:42 AM »
I think most people just go along with what tv tells them to do and then have regrets when their old. It's such a radically different lifestyle for one thing, most people don't think about the future, and I don't think most people live in reality anyway.

It is the case that your not crazy, they are. You have to accept that most people think its better to be imprisoned because living your life your own way is too scary.

You also don't need to convince anyone because all the information about early retirement is freely available. If they are interested they will find it, just like you did.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2016, 08:36:46 AM by mozar »

tyort1

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2016, 08:43:52 AM »
I don't mind talking to others about MMM and frequently point them to this website.  I usually couch it in terms of learning to "game the system" so that I keep more or less the same lifestyle, but with more $$ in my pocket at the end of the day.  That's about all I can do....

Guesl982374

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2016, 09:17:48 AM »
I'm curious if anyone else has had a similar experience as I have had after recently binge reading MMM and many other blogs...I had no idea this stuff existed or I would have enlisted 5 years ago. 

...

It is probably just a passing feeling for me because I have developed a new layer of frugal ways.  I will just accept others for their views and not impose mine but it sure feels strange like I have some secrets and am living in a different world.       

I had the exact same experience. Once I found MMM & ERE, I wanted to go all in. I wanted to convert everyone in my life because being wealthy is good, having more freedom is good, etc. I literally felt that I was disconnected from everyone else because of the 'madness' of their decisions. Two to three years later I still feel like I have the 'secret' and am surrounded by madness however I can accept others more easily than before. I do join in on the madness occasionally (driving a few miles to the store vs. biking because of time and/or newborn) but I recognize what I am doing and know that I will change those behaviors once the kid(s) get old and I get more time back (FIRE).

Unfortunately, I don't think that feeling will go away.
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Making Cookies

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2016, 10:30:37 AM »
I'm curious if anyone else has had a similar experience as I have had after recently binge reading MMM and many other blogs...I had no idea this stuff existed or I would have enlisted 5 years ago. 

Anyhow, you read all this stuff and it changes how you think.  I was already good with money and always thought the car people were crazy....you know the ones that get a new lease every year.  But now after reading this stuff I'm standing around with some buddies talking about how they just got a new Audi because you only live once.  One of my really good friends has simply resigned himself to working until he is 60.  I think it is crazy because he should not have to work that long but he wants things now.  When I suggested to his SO that they could always look at cashing out of their HCOL house and move to a LCOL area the reaction was a sideways look.  Why would I do something crazy like that...sounds boring!

So then you hold your thoughts to yourself and wonder 'am I crazy'....only I do not think I am crazy but certainly not normal. 

It is probably just a passing feeling for me because I have developed a new layer of frugal ways.  I will just accept others for their views and not impose mine but it sure feels strange like I have some secrets and am living in a different world.       

Yeah, studying frugality and implementing it in your life does make everyone else seem weird. Now that DW are onboard with it I can't imagine living any other way. Its took a decade of mediocre personal spending choices to realize the bigger picture and develop a healthier relationship with money.

We can spend more than our peers if we like but its b/c we have no debt payments. Incredibly freeing. Can't wait until the mortgage is gone.

Odd example: I accidentally gave up TV during the military years ago b/c there was no convenient way to enjoy one at the time. When DW and I first married we had subscription TV but eventually drifted away from that. Years later, no live TV (we do stream some), no commercials, mailed advertisements go directly into the trash, etc.

We're REALLY weird to folks we know who consume daily TV and allow their spending habits to be shaped by advertisements. I feel like our kids have a healthier relationship with spending and media. Other folks here at MMM have mentioned going on a low news media diet - and the liberating feeling that delivered. I agree. Circles of influence i.e. don't worry too much about those things you can't shape.

Its a weird feeling but a very positive feeling.

BrickByBrick

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2016, 03:52:55 PM »
A few years back I binge-read Dave Ramsey books which led to binge-reading Benjamin Graham and Bogle(heads) etc...which led to MMM and a whole ocean of PF articles via Rockstar Finance.

After a couple years of significantly changing my finances and behavior, I definitely see the world a bit differently than many of my peers now. 

englishteacheralex

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2016, 04:14:05 PM »
Yep, cheerfully a little weird, that's for sure! A friend from high school moved here (I live 2500 miles away from my hometown, so that doesn't happen much) and I have to tone down my weird frugality a little with her. Most of our friends are more or less on the same page as we are, so this new/old friend sticks out a little for us.

But it's fine! They have different values in the money department, but they're really nice. For me, one of the hardest things about unfrugal people is that I often wind up benefiting from their non-frugality in ways I can't really reciprocate. For example, high school friend had more maternity clothes than I have normal clothes. When I got pregnant, she lent me a huge bag of maternity clothes. WHAT A SCORE! I haven't had to buy any maternity clothes! She's also going to lend me the vast quantities of baby stuff her kid is outgrowing...I have a no new baby stuff policy, so this is a giant boon.

I try to make up the difference by doing favors for her--babysitting and meals, stuff like that--but I always feel a little guilty.


FIRE_at_45

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2016, 09:43:07 PM »
Yep, cheerfully a little weird, that's for sure! A friend from high school moved here (I live 2500 miles away from my hometown, so that doesn't happen much) and I have to tone down my weird frugality a little with her. Most of our friends are more or less on the same page as we are, so this new/old friend sticks out a little for us.

But it's fine! They have different values in the money department, but they're really nice. For me, one of the hardest things about unfrugal people is that I often wind up benefiting from their non-frugality in ways I can't really reciprocate. For example, high school friend had more maternity clothes than I have normal clothes. When I got pregnant, she lent me a huge bag of maternity clothes. WHAT A SCORE! I haven't had to buy any maternity clothes! She's also going to lend me the vast quantities of baby stuff her kid is outgrowing...I have a no new baby stuff policy, so this is a giant boon.

I try to make up the difference by doing favors for her--babysitting and meals, stuff like that--but I always feel a little guilty.

That is interesting because I have had a similar experience of borrow stuff from a friend who has everything.  I try not to do it often and now I am becoming a CL ninja so I can buy what I need for 25-50% of the real cost.  That makes me feel better about buying it and I also feel I can sell it again for nearly the same price after using it for a few years. 

I think I will be okay in both world since I lived with 1 foot in the other world for many years....I did not retire at 35 for obvious spending reasons.  I did have a strange experience when I was at my parents house scrounging for food in their pantry.  My mom had a this packaged stuff (5 boxes of crackers, packaged everything).  I looked at it and thought what a waste.  I hardly buy anything now that does not come in a bulk bag. 

englishteacheralex

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2016, 09:05:00 AM »
Yep, cheerfully a little weird, that's for sure! A friend from high school moved here (I live 2500 miles away from my hometown, so that doesn't happen much) and I have to tone down my weird frugality a little with her. Most of our friends are more or less on the same page as we are, so this new/old friend sticks out a little for us.

But it's fine! They have different values in the money department, but they're really nice. For me, one of the hardest things about unfrugal people is that I often wind up benefiting from their non-frugality in ways I can't really reciprocate. For example, high school friend had more maternity clothes than I have normal clothes. When I got pregnant, she lent me a huge bag of maternity clothes. WHAT A SCORE! I haven't had to buy any maternity clothes! She's also going to lend me the vast quantities of baby stuff her kid is outgrowing...I have a no new baby stuff policy, so this is a giant boon.

I try to make up the difference by doing favors for her--babysitting and meals, stuff like that--but I always feel a little guilty.

That is interesting because I have had a similar experience of borrow stuff from a friend who has everything.  I try not to do it often and now I am becoming a CL ninja so I can buy what I need for 25-50% of the real cost.  That makes me feel better about buying it and I also feel I can sell it again for nearly the same price after using it for a few years. 

I think I will be okay in both world since I lived with 1 foot in the other world for many years....I did not retire at 35 for obvious spending reasons.  I did have a strange experience when I was at my parents house scrounging for food in their pantry.  My mom had a this packaged stuff (5 boxes of crackers, packaged everything).  I looked at it and thought what a waste.  I hardly buy anything now that does not come in a bulk bag.

You know, with food...it's really an acquired skill set to be able to cut one's grocery bill and not live off packaged food. It takes practice and commitment and new habits/routines. People talk about it like it's no big deal to "shop around the outside of the grocery store" but in the past two years I've taught myself to store food properly (took a lot of research and some buying of special equipment) so that it was possible to buy bulk and not have it go to waste, bake all bread products by hand in an efficient manner, DIY various condiments/ingredients that most people buy...these are skills that were once prevalent but which are now rare unless you take to the internet.

I can't get too critical of most of the people in my life who don't take the steps I do to optimize food spending, even though my kitchen and pantry look much different from theirs!

Stachey

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #10 on: September 22, 2016, 10:47:37 AM »
The disconnect that always bugged me was working with and being related to people who spent shocking sums of money on clothes and makeup and personal grooming and getting someone else to do their hair and nails for them. 
I would always buy what made me look good and wear it for years, not change my wardrobe every five seconds because some dweeb in a fashion magazine told me to. 
I could never wrap my head around why they couldn't see what a tremendous waste of money all that is.
Then again it's a good thing that their barely used clothes (often with the tags still on them) end up in the thrift stores for me to find.

arebelspy

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #11 on: September 22, 2016, 07:14:25 PM »
I don't know what normal is, I don't know why I'd want to be it, and I don't struggle with it.

I am myself.  That's enough. 

Let go of your struggle, and accept who you are.  :)
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FIRE_at_45

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #12 on: September 22, 2016, 07:26:01 PM »
You know, with food...it's really an acquired skill set to be able to cut one's grocery bill and not live off packaged food. It takes practice and commitment and new habits/routines. People talk about it like it's no big deal to "shop around the outside of the grocery store" but in the past two years I've taught myself to store food properly (took a lot of research and some buying of special equipment) so that it was possible to buy bulk and not have it go to waste, bake all bread products by hand in an efficient manner, DIY various condiments/ingredients that most people buy...these are skills that were once prevalent but which are now rare unless you take to the internet.

I can't get too critical of most of the people in my life who don't take the steps I do to optimize food spending, even though my kitchen and pantry look much different from theirs!

I agree with you.  I started canning stuff last year...just basic stuff like jam from blackberries I picked.  This year I stepped it up and picked so many apples (in my own backyard) and made huge amounts of apple sauce.  I also realized buying salad dressing is a waste of money...make it yourself.  Then just last week I found a bread maker just sitting there on the side of my street.  I picked it up and now we are making bread.  I may get more bad ass and do it myself completely.   I find the crock pot is my good friend.  I just throw stuff in there and see what happens...I do have some skills too.  So, pretty soon I will pair down all those extra bottles in my refrigerator. 

FIRE_at_45

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2016, 10:15:21 PM »
I don't know what normal is, I don't know why I'd want to be it, and I don't struggle with it.

I am myself.  That's enough. 

Let go of your struggle, and accept who you are.  :)

Good advice.  I think normal is really a crazy pursuit because we are all unique.  This normal is much better anyway....I was looking around work today and so many people just hanging on there.

Giro

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Re: Back in real life; the struggle to feel normal...whatever that is.
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2016, 07:41:10 AM »
The disconnect that always bugged me was working with and being related to people who spent shocking sums of money on clothes and makeup and personal grooming and getting someone else to do their hair and nails for them. 
I would always buy what made me look good and wear it for years, not change my wardrobe every five seconds because some dweeb in a fashion magazine told me to. 
I could never wrap my head around why they couldn't see what a tremendous waste of money all that is.
Then again it's a good thing that their barely used clothes (often with the tags still on them) end up in the thrift stores for me to find.

This is absolutely true.  The best thing you can do is eat healthy, exercise heavily and stay trim and muscly.  It makes you look good in any style as long as you are clean and neat.  I VERY SELDOM buy work clothes unless they are at the thrift store.