Author Topic: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed  (Read 4450 times)

jeromedawg

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Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« on: June 28, 2016, 11:30:49 AM »
Hey all,

So lately our 10mo old has been giving us trouble when we put him down. Usually my wife will try to feed him a little before putting him down but as soon as we put him down, he often starts crying and whining... my wife gives in and feeds him more and then he falls back asleep. It seems like it's comfort-feeding in order for him to fall asleep and I'm afraid she's fostering a bad habit in doing this. She says she thinks he's still hungry and won't sleep through the night otherwise. When my wife was gone for the day and I had to put him down for his nap, I let him cry for maybe 15-20 and then he fell asleep. But then I think he slept for a shorter amount of time than normal.

Should we continue caving into feeding him when he cries/wails after being put down?

DeltaBond

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2016, 11:35:21 AM »
I'd personaly keep him up an extra half hour, feed him some during that half hour, and then put him to sleep.  Babies often change their schedule before you are ready for it to be changed.  This way, you're controlling the change a little by letting him have more time to get tired AND to eat... he may be going through a growth spurt, too.

mozar

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2016, 11:53:24 AM »
There are lots of books on sleep methods. I think the most important part is for you and your spouse agree on the same method to be consistent. I don't think (from what I've heard) that there is a right answer.

naners

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2016, 11:59:47 AM »
There are many different opinions about this. One perspective can be found in the books "Sleeping through the night" by Jodi Mindell and Ferber's classic "Solve your Child's Sleep Problems". This perspective suggests that your child needs to learn to go to sleep by themselves and provide suggestions on how to do so. Both books are going to tell you that a 10 month old doesn't need to feed at night. You might want to check these books out with your wife and see what you think.

You are probably going to hear 1,000,000 different opinions including those who think that the Ferber approach is A TERRIBLE VERY BAD THING. I would suggest reading the book yourself to form your own opinion of what the methods actually look like.

MrsDinero

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2016, 12:11:23 PM »
I think the most important part is for you and your spouse agree on the same method to be consistent.

+1

It won't work if one of you is doing "feeding on demand" and the other is doing "cry it out".

Look up different methods (there are hundreds!) and find one that you both can commit to for a couple of weeks.  It will take time and will not be a 1 time thing. 

Cannot Wait!

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2016, 12:13:35 PM »
10 months can be a tricky age with all the attempts at standing and walking.  All that exercise tires them out and stimulates them at the same time.  Possibly new foods are being introduced as well.  Teething.  Lots of factors at play.

I'm a believer of letting him cry it out.  It is SO HARD to do but only lasts a little while before everyone gets to have a goodnight's sleep.   Perhaps do this while your wife is away?

One thing I also found helpful is to actually chart when he sleeps.  You can see patterns emerge.

catccc

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2016, 01:39:47 PM »
CIO doesn't work for all babies, just the ones that give up after 10 minutes.  We never really tried CIO on purpose, but on a road trip or two, ended up doing it.  I'm talking 45 minutes to 1 hour straight of crying, no signs of slowing down or stopping.  Pretty sure she'd have gone on longer if we hadn't intervened.
 
Nursing to sleep is something babies love to do, but it's definitely a bad habit to have.  Obviously because it can infringe upon mom's needs, and create a dependency to get to sleep for baby.  Also, I know a mom that let her babies nurse to sleep all the time, and was also an extended nurser.  She ended up having to have two decaying baby teeth pulled on her toddler.  Now, the doctor said it was due to night nursing, but she thinks otherwise.  I am not a doctor, nor was I the mom that was there 24/7 to know what really went on, but that was the doctor's explanation.

But I don't believe in CIO.  I do believe in pick up/put down.  This can take a while, and if you Dad can do it instead of Mom, it can be more successful.  So when baby cries after being put down, mom or dad picks baby up to comfort, but doesn't feed.  When baby is calm, put him back down.  You can even stay at the crib for a moment with your hand on baby.  I think letting your baby know you are there to meet his needs is a good thing.  So long as your needs are not going unmet because of baby.

Another thing she can try is to go ahead and nurse him but don't let him fall asleep at the breast.  Give his feet a tickle or something to keep him up, and unlatch him when he is just short of sleeping to put him down.  If you get the timing just right, he'll be hitting the mattress just barely cognizant that he's being put down w/o being nursed to sleep completely.  If he wakes after this, do the pick up put down.  I think PUPD is from the baby whisperer or something.  Not my most favorite resources, but decent, and a lot more middle of the road and flexible than books that I think should be titled "how to make your baby hate you and life."

IDK what time you are putting him down, but I used to put my babies down at 8 pm, and then I'd wake them just enough to nurse for a bit right before I went to bed at around 11.  Some people call this the dream feed.  This would top babe off and get us through till a reasonable hour (6 or later) in the morning.

My favorite sleep book was the "no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.  My kids weren't horrible sleepers, but I read at least 10 books about babies and sleep cover to cover before my 1st was even 9 months old.

Good luck.  Babies are tough.  Kids are harder and easier in different ways.  It's a journey, but such is life!
« Last Edit: June 28, 2016, 07:57:05 PM by catccc »

Tester

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2016, 03:00:15 PM »
Regarding kid raising books: I like to joke that the kids did not read the books, but it is not really a joke.

So, whatever method you decide to try, be prepared to fail and to have to try something else.

We tried the cry it out, but every time we said "this time he is crying for no reason, he is fed, cleaned, healty" the kid in fact had a very good reason for crying (improperly fixed diaper letting liquid out and making him wet/cold, rash, hunger, gas, teething...).
So our solution was not to feed him to get to sleep, but to see what the problem is and to fix it.
Sometimes it was feeding, but not usually.
The fact that we bottle fed him helped us know better if he had enough food or not.

Regarding feeding the kid during the night - I saw someone said that a 10 month old child does not need to be fed during the night.
While that might be scientifically true, we learned that it is better for us to feed him because it only took 5 minutes and we were able to get back to sleep opposed to at least 45 minutes of sleep/cry/sleep/cry and then getting to finally feed him.
Even our kid's medic told us that if we don't feed him too often our sanity/rest is more important than getting quickly to a strict feeding program.
And our kid got fed during the night for a long time after 10 month old :).

So my advice is:
1. Try to understand why the kid cries.
2. If the kid is hungry, decide how often you want to feed him.

Cranky

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2016, 03:10:34 PM »
If there was some person who knew how to get every baby to sleep, that person would be fabulously wealthy, and rightfully so.

You do need to agree on what you are going to do and be pretty consistent and give it a week before you know if it's working or not. And in about 3 weeks the baby will be different enough developmentally that you'll have to figure it out alllll over again.

I do caution you that keeping the baby up longer to try to make him tireder is just as likely to make him overtired.

At 10 months, a baby can actually want you to pick him up and be present in a way that a newborn can't, so you have to sort out that in a way that makes all parties reasonably happy.

Neustache

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2016, 03:13:36 PM »
CIO doesn't work for all babies, just the ones that give up after 10 minutes.  We never really tried CIO on purpose, but on a road trip or two, ended up doing it.  I'm talking 45 minutes to 1 hour straight of crying, no signs of slowing down or stopping.  Pretty sure she'd have gone on longer if we hadn't intervened.
 
Nursing to sleep is something babies love to do, but it's definitely a bad habit to have.  Obviously because it can infringe upon mom's needs, and create a dependency to get to sleep for baby.  Also, I know a mom that let her babies nurse to sleep all the time, and was also an extended nurser.  She ended up having to have two decaying baby teeth pulled on her toddler.  Now, the doctor said it was due to night nursing, but she thinks otherwise.  I am not a doctor, nor was I the mom that was there 24/7 to know what really went on, but that was the doctor's explanation.

But I don't believe in CIO.  I do believe in pick up/put down.  This can take a while, and if you Dad can do it instead of Mom, it can be more successful.  So when baby cries after being put down, mom or dad picks baby up to comfort, but doesn't feed.  When baby is calm, put him back down.  You can even stay at the crib for a moment with your hand on baby.  I think letting your baby know you are there to meet his needs is a good thing.  So long as your needs are not going unmet because of baby.

Another thing she can try is to go ahead and nurse him but don't let him fall asleep at the breast.  Give his feet a tickle or something to keep him up, and unlatch him when he is just short of sleeping to put him down.  If you get the timing just right, he'll be hitting the mattress just barely cognizant that he's being put down w/o being nursed to sleep completely.  If he wakes after this, do the pick up put down.  I think PUPD is from the baby whisperer or something.  Not my most favorite resources, but decent, and a lot more middle of the road and flexible than books that I think should be titled "how to make your baby hate you and life."

IDK what time you are putting him down, but I used to put my babies down at 8 pm, and then I'd wake them just enough to nurse for a bit right before I went to bed at around 11.  Some people call this the dream feed.  This would top babe off and get us through till a reasonable hour (6 or later) in the morning.

My favorite sleep book was the "no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.  My kids weren't horrible sleepers at least 10 books about babies and sleep cover to cover before my 1st was even 9 months old.

Good luck.  Babies are tough.  Kids are harder and easier in different ways.  It's a journey, but such is life!


My daughter, who we are getting tested for various learning disorders, did NOT do well with CIO (I only mention the learning disorders part because I do wonder how that affected her babyhood).  Above poster is right, it doesn't work with every baby.  I too loved the No Cry Sleep Solution.  Such good suggestions in that book. 

citrustea

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2016, 10:16:07 PM »
Going to give an alternate view so please be kind (and I know I am a bit of a softie).
First, there is not much evidence to prove feeding babies at night causes dental caries, and a lot to show it doesn't
https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/breastfeeding-and-tooth-decay.

Maybe he isn't quite asleep yet, and just wants to be comforted? Is this so bad? At 10 months he is still a baby, and we all want to feel safe and comforted. (eg, Maslow's hierarchy of needs as featured in a recent MMM post). All children learn to sleep by themselves eventually whether they were breastfed or not, just at different ages.
My daughter would  fall asleep with less fuss for her dad than me when I worked in the evenings. I think kids play up to their mum and want their attention. It's only natural, but at 10 months he will grow out of that too. At nearly 4 she follows the same night-time routine for either of us.
Another way to think of it: Enjoy it while he wants the attention, soon enough he will be a teenager, and not want to be hugged/kissed by his mum, especially not in public!


mxt0133

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2016, 10:38:46 PM »
As a new father I too was worried about fostering bad habits and extrapolating the implications of those behaviors 20-30 years out in the future.  One perfect example was potty training.  My oldest refused to sit on the potty to do number two, but had not problems doing number 1 on the potty.  My wife suggest that we offer him a treat if he sits down and tries.  My immediate response was, "great so when he's 18 what are we going to do offer him a car to go to college?"  I laugh at myself when I remember that moment now. 

After a while he just wouldn't go on the potty for number two, so I gave in and did small cupcakes.  First try ,he tried and it worked.  Second time, it worked again.  After that we ran out of cupcakes and when he had to go he just went anyway.  We no longer resort to rewards with him when we want him to do something.  Now we can actually reason with him or set an example.

So I wouldn't worry about creating bad habits when they are really young, they won't remember a thing before two really.  It's the parents that I would be cautious about continuing and encouraging bad habits as the child gets older.

ambimammular

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #12 on: June 29, 2016, 07:45:50 AM »
Have mom stay out of the putting down/going back in part of the bedtime routine. Baby wants comfort and if mom's there he'll be frustrated if she won't give him the goods.

The other parent carries no expectations, but can still give comfort.

It's going to take some time for him to develop going-to-bed-without-nursing skills. I remember all that and don't envy you, my friend. Best of luck!!

catccc

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #13 on: June 29, 2016, 08:09:52 AM »
Going to give an alternate view so please be kind (and I know I am a bit of a softie).
First, there is not much evidence to prove feeding babies at night causes dental caries, and a lot to show it doesn't
https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/breastfeeding-and-tooth-decay.

Thanks for this.  btw, the toddler that this happened to was on antibiotics once as a infant, and it's likely this affected the balance of microbes in the little guy.  That was probably a contributing factor. 

I night nursed my babies up through 12 months for the first and 18 months for the 2nd.  Didn't fully wean either until their 3rd birthday, and actually tandem nursed for 6 months as they are 2.5 years apart.  Just want to be clear that I am a strong advocate of breastfeeding.  Wasn't suggesting people shouldn't nurse because of cavities.  But historically, babies nursing at night might not have had other factors, such as course of antibiotics as an infant.

catccc

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #14 on: June 29, 2016, 08:18:51 AM »
btw, I did the PUPD and was so so careful to try not to let DD1 fall asleep while nursing.  With DD2, I was back to work and didn't really have the luxury of dedicating time to PUPD.  She nursed to sleep all the time.  DD1 was falling asleep independently a little sooner, but DD2 got there by the time she moved out of our bedroom at 18 months all the same.  I was a SAHM with DD1, so she nursed a lot during the day.  Since I was back to work with DD2, I guess she learned to sleep on her own for naps during the day, when DH was SAHD.  At night it was a free for all- she was reverse cycling, taking something like 3 ounces in 2-3 bottles during the day, and making up for it all at night.  Her crib was right next to our bed, so I'd wake up with her latched and think, "I don't remember picking you up and putting you in bed, but I got a damn good night of sleep, so I don't even care." So if you wife is okay with continuing to nurse baby to sleep now, it may well be just fine.

DeltaBond

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #15 on: June 29, 2016, 01:25:31 PM »
OP, you did not specify about feeding... is it breast feeding or bottle feeding.  If its breast feeing, then I change my answer to CIO.

jeromedawg

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #16 on: June 29, 2016, 09:41:16 PM »
OP, you did not specify about feeding... is it breast feeding or bottle feeding.  If its breast feeing, then I change my answer to CIO.

He's bottle feeding. He gets fed not long before sleeping but he doesn't drink the full bottle. After being put down he'll typically whine and my wife will go in and feed him the rest.

DeltaBond

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #17 on: June 30, 2016, 05:18:28 AM »
Yeah, that's a bad bad habit to get into.  He won't have to CIO too many times before a new habit will form, but she really needs to stop doing that.

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #18 on: June 30, 2016, 05:41:46 AM »
This is a reason I don't like bottle feeding if it can be avoided. My daughter slept happily as long as she was next to a breast. No long nights unless she was ill. No problems transitioning to her falling asleep herself when she was ready.

Really, I've slept better as a parent than I did before.

gooki

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #19 on: June 30, 2016, 05:51:26 AM »
He's bottle feeding. He gets fed not long before sleeping but he doesn't drink the full bottle. After being put down he'll typically whine and my wife will go in and feed him the rest.

Sounds pretty normal. I wouldn't change a thing.

MrsDinero

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #20 on: June 30, 2016, 06:06:10 AM »
He's bottle feeding. He gets fed not long before sleeping but he doesn't drink the full bottle. After being put down he'll typically whine and my wife will go in and feed him the rest.

Sounds pretty normal. I wouldn't change a thing.

We do a bottle before bed with our 9 month old.  She will occasionally whine a bit, but usually settles down and goes to sleep.  Now if she is screaming then we do the 5 minute rule (let her cry for 5 minutes then comfort).

Simple _Socrates

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #21 on: June 30, 2016, 06:47:22 AM »
I have a girl at 20 months and a boy at 16 weeks. The girl was exactly the same as op, wouldn't sleep when put down, slept only in 2 hr bursts and was constantly up during the night, it was hell to be honest. At about 10months we were both so tired at bed time we decided to do cio, we left it for 3 mins first time, then went in to ssshh, then 6 mins then 9 mins, after the third time we didn't go in. It was heart wrenching but it worked.  After only one night she went to sleep when we set her down, she also slept for 4 hrs at a time. Now at 20 months she will still wake up during the night a couple of times a week, we just change her bum and give her some water to drink and she goes back over.

The wee man on the other hand, 10pm he gets his last feed, we put him down and that's him until 8/9am next morning, rarely wakes during the night. Totally swings and roundabouts. There's no right or wrong you just need to keep trying until you find  that one thing that works for you.

catccc

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Re: Baby cries right after putting him down... wants to be fed
« Reply #22 on: June 30, 2016, 07:31:38 AM »
I am still anti-CIO, even if bottle feeding- although if you are bottle feeding, all the more reason to have him get to bed w/o the bottle- on the tooth decay, the research that points to night nursing not being a cause of caries does not translate to bottle feeding.  One because the nipple position, and two because antibodies in breastmilk can prevent bacteria growth.  (Another thing you didn't specify- is he bottle fed breastmilk, or formula?  Because maybe that last bit doesn't apply.)

I know this is going to sound kind of silly, but do you talk to him?  I feel like babies can understand more than we realize.  Feed him, tell him it's time for bed, and if he wants to more bottle, the time is now.  Then feed him more if he takes it, and if he doesn't, put him to bed.  If he cries, do pick up put down, tell him it's time to sleep.  He'll learn if he wants more to eat, he's gotta get it all in the first time around.

Alternatively, if you or your wife don't mind that you need a part 2 of feeding to get him to sleep, just keep on with the status quo.  But do be careful not to let him totally fall asleep with that bottle in his mouth, especially if it is formula.