I certainly think that this discussion matters, simply because names have so much power in determinig how we see things. Child/ren's names are always going to influence how others perceive them. Will people automatically make assumptions about the family dynamics? Will people think they have a 'stupid' 'roll eyes' name.?They might be teased on the playground if the name lends itself to it phonetically. Is it easy to spell, pronounce or remember? Will people make negative or positive assumptions based on the name, maybe for example on a college application ? Does the name allow the child to have a link with their heritage or culture?
I do think that as parents who force a name on a child you have to think about all these things. I'm not saying that pandering to society should ever be the determining factor in choosing a name, but no family exits in a vacuum, and to pretend otherwise forces all the consequences of whatever name choice on the child.
Ultimately, it needs to be something that the parents agree on and like. If each parent has their own reasons for their child to have this name or that name, those reasons are important because they matter to them. Hopefully this leads to a name the family lkke and has meaning to them that will be one that the child can grow up being fond of and (as a secondary consideration) not be a source of difficulty for them.
I really feel for the OP. It really sounds like both you and your spouse really care about what your child will be named , and it's unfortunate that your views on what the right name may be is so different. I don't have anything to add to the many great answers already on this thread beyond what my fiance and I have decided:
Superficially from societies point of view it would look like we are just following in tradition, but it's actually something that we've worked out is the right fit for us as a couple.
I (and also future husband ) have always wanted to have a single last name, so as to have a family name, because to us it signify a unified front, being a team, and that's just what we wanted for ourselves.
We both like our last names, so it's not a case of one of us desperately wanting to change it to something, anything! Lol.
We both have pretty normal last names, not hard to spell or pronounce, not common but not super rare either.
Both of our last names are in the middle of the alphabet, in fact both start with the same letter so no preference alphabetically.
There is no particularly strong heritage or cultural link for either of our names, not sure exactly where they came from so aside from the fact that they symbolise our respective families, there is no special meaning.
So pretty much even so far.
We both dislike the sounds of our last names hyphenated together, and fusion names end up pretty unpronouncable, so not an option for us.
So we know that we wanted to pick one or the other of our last names to be our family name. We both agreed on future husband's last name for a number of reasons...
1. Future husband is actually the LAST person in his family to have his original last name since his grandfather died. Of his many aunties and uncles they have all either taken their spouses name, hyphenated, or died before they had any kids of their own. Future father in law changed his name to be hyphenated, and my three future brothers in law have either the hyphenated name or in practice use their mother's maiden name. So this was kind of a big deal to us that this name was otherwise going to die out completely.
2. I feel like I have a really strong link to my family and family traditions through my first and middle name (welsh name for mum's side and middle initial A. From dad's), whereas future husband's link is through his last name. His first and middle name were named because his parents liked them, not for any family link. So effectively I have the good luck that I will always feel that link to my wider family no matter what my last name is.
3. I really really love future husband's last name. When we first met as teens I initially knew him by his last name so it has a lot of positive association for me , I love the way it sounds, and I really feel like it is a strong part of my identity of him (if that even makes sence) I equally think of my fiancee as "lastname " and "firstname "
4. My name sounds great with myfirstname hislastname, but hisfirstname mylastname sounds meh.
So basically it was definitely the right decision for us and our particular circumstance.
Best of luck with the discussions and I really hope you can come to an answer you are both happy with.