Author Topic: Baby's last name dilemma  (Read 31570 times)

Captain FIRE

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Baby's last name dilemma
« on: June 09, 2016, 01:31:27 PM »
How did you resolve the issue if you and your spouse did not change your/their last name on marriage, and you both wanted your own last name for your baby?

I'm actually not pushing my last name, rather I want an equitable way of deciding, such as flipping a coin, basing the last name on the baby gender, or creating a new one.  But my usually fair-minded spouse broached the topic last night by "insisting" on it rather than discussing it.  I can see this going downhill rapidly and I'm trying to avoid that.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2016, 01:46:51 PM by Captain FIRE »

slappy

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2016, 01:33:15 PM »
Hyphenate or use one person's last name as the middle name?

Captain FIRE

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2016, 01:35:01 PM »
Hyphenate or use one person's last name as the middle name?

Unfortunately, this still doesn't resolve the issue of whose name is last of the two (as the first is often dropped).  :(


onlykelsey

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2016, 01:37:39 PM »
We kept our own names at marriage.  I'm pregnant now and planning on taking my mother's maiden name (in part because they weren't married and my father is an abusive criminal, and in part because we wanted a neutral-ish third name).  We went back as far as we could in our family trees to find out if we had a name in common we could take (we're both half irish catholic so we thought it could happen), but no dice.  My husband plans on taking this same last name when his father passes away because he is afraid of offending him, which doesn't quite make sense to me, but is obviously his call.  Future baby will have my last name.

Captain FIRE

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2016, 01:42:33 PM »
We went back as far as we could in our family trees to find out if we had a name in common we could take (we're both half irish catholic so we thought it could happen), but no dice. 

Interesting idea.  The create a new last name idea didn't gain traction, but I'll try tossing this one out there to see if it sticks instead.

south of 61

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2016, 01:44:04 PM »
We each kept our names when we married. I insisted our kids get my husband's name, but that was for reasons of taste (my last name is amazingly terrible and I wouldn't inflict it on anyone!). Had I not had a terrible name, I'm not sure how we would have resolved it - sorry this isn't a very helpful response is it!

onlykelsey

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2016, 01:47:29 PM »
We went back as far as we could in our family trees to find out if we had a name in common we could take (we're both half irish catholic so we thought it could happen), but no dice. 

Interesting idea.  The create a new last name idea didn't gain traction, but I'll try tossing this one out there to see if it sticks instead.

A variation on that idea might be to take a name related to something common to you, which is maybe not "creating a new last name".  i.e. if you're both from the same region of Germany, using the name of a river there, or something like that.  My mentor/father figure seriously tried to get his wife to take a new common name with him that was super advantageous like Rockefeller or Rothschild.  I think the fact that my mom's name has an old money sound to it and flows well with DH's name is part of why he's okay with it.

mamagoose

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2016, 01:54:36 PM »
How about one of you picks the first name, one of you picks the last name, and leave the middle name blank for the kid to choose when they're older? I got to pick my own middle name, it was fun.

Captain FIRE

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #8 on: June 09, 2016, 01:57:00 PM »
We went back as far as we could in our family trees to find out if we had a name in common we could take (we're both half irish catholic so we thought it could happen), but no dice. 

Interesting idea.  The create a new last name idea didn't gain traction, but I'll try tossing this one out there to see if it sticks instead.

A variation on that idea might be to take a name related to something common to you, which is maybe not "creating a new last name".  i.e. if you're both from the same region of Germany, using the name of a river there, or something like that.  My mentor/father figure seriously tried to get his wife to take a new common name with him that was super advantageous like Rockefeller or Rothschild.  I think the fact that my mom's name has an old money sound to it and flows well with DH's name is part of why he's okay with it.

Yeah my idea of creating a new last name is to something from both names to create a new one.  For example, taking two random names from my current work inbox, Maynard & Powell could be Mayell.  I don't know that we would find anything in common like that, but I can try.

Oddly for all of the opposition to creating something...my spouse's last name itself is fairly new, because the family changed it on entering the US to Americanize it.

mozar

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2016, 01:57:32 PM »
How about the kid gets their own last name? My mom had my dad's last name for awhile and then changed it back to her maiden name after they got divorced. Every time my mom and I flew together they would seperate my mom and I. After she had chosen the seats the staff would literally change my seat and put me (a child) on the other side of the plane with some stranger who had my last name. Fortunately now there's southwest and we can sit where we want. But that's the only reason I could think of that people should have the same last name.

Peacefulwarrior

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2016, 02:01:07 PM »
Any of you have a last name worth preserving more than the other? My last name is only used by around 12 people in this country and is not allowed to be used by other families. Because of that my son has my last name. His mother has a generic last name used by a very very large percentage of families here. For that reason he got mine. Had it been the other way around I would have accepted her last name for him in a heartbeat.

sis

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #11 on: June 09, 2016, 02:02:32 PM »
We both kept our last names at marriage.  We are thinking of giving the kid a non-hyphenated combo of our last names.  Other possibilities are using his or using mine so our kids aren't discriminated against due to affirmative action in college admissions.  This is all theoretical as there is no child on the way, but we've discussed it at the very least.

CanuckExpat

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #12 on: June 09, 2016, 02:04:18 PM »
Neither wife nor I changed our last names when we got married.
Our son has a different last name from both of us.

We had talked about naming him after a relative we wanted to honor, but didn't want to make it his first name, so it became his last name instead.

naners

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #13 on: June 09, 2016, 02:04:47 PM »
Our agreement was that girls would get my last name, boys would get DH's last name. Not sure how I'll feel about that if we have two boys :)

Captain FIRE

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #14 on: June 09, 2016, 02:08:16 PM »
Any of you have a last name worth preserving more than the other? My last name is only used by around 12 people in this country and is not allowed to be used by other families. Because of that my son has my last name. His mother has a generic last name used by a very very large percentage of families here. For that reason he got mine. Had it been the other way around I would have accepted her last name for him in a heartbeat.

I'm the only one that pops up on a google search for my name!  Most definitely not so for my spouse (whose  mom divorced due to dad abusing the mom).  The first Google page reveals an art forger with the same name actually.

Spouse is not swayed, however.  And in fairness, in reality there are other people on both sides who can pass the name down so it's not a terrifically compelling argument on either side.

Not allowed to be used though?  Can you elaborate, I'm super curious!
« Last Edit: June 09, 2016, 02:11:47 PM by Captain FIRE »

mm1970

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #15 on: June 09, 2016, 02:08:50 PM »
I've got friends who gave their kids a last name that combined the two (but it's not hyphenated).

John Ellis
Jane More

Katie, Karl, and Kimmy Ellismore

Many many children at our elementary school are Latino, and they have two last names.

Captain FIRE

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #16 on: June 09, 2016, 02:11:21 PM »
How about one of you picks the first name, one of you picks the last name, and leave the middle name blank for the kid to choose when they're older? I got to pick my own middle name, it was fun.

I'd offer this as a last resort - I'm wary about how this would work in practice (if the one parent doesn't really like the chosen first name).

Captain FIRE

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #17 on: June 09, 2016, 02:13:46 PM »
We both kept our last names at marriage.  We are thinking of giving the kid a non-hyphenated combo of our last names.  Other possibilities are using his or using mine so our kids aren't discriminated against due to affirmative action in college admissions.  This is all theoretical as there is no child on the way, but we've discussed it at the very least.

This used to be a theoretical discussion for us too, but we're now on a deadline, albeit 34 weeks away.

v8rx7guy

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #18 on: June 09, 2016, 02:14:37 PM »
I think everyone should have the same last name in a family, it's going to make everything much less confusing. Since I'm a traditional type person, that for us was the husband's name.  When people want to be non-traditional about last name stuff, they run into issues and drama like this.  Not worth it in my opinion.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2016, 02:46:19 PM by v8rx7guy »

DMoney

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #19 on: June 09, 2016, 02:17:52 PM »
I'm a professional woman so didn't change my name with marriage (really it's a pain, all the paperwork.  I told my husband I'd do it if he did all the paperwork...still have my maiden name many years later.)  Our kids have my husband's last name I guess because it's convention. 

He jokes that I'm not their mom because I have a different last name.  I joke that we'll never really know if he's the father without a DNA test.  (I swear it's all in good fun!)

mm1970

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #20 on: June 09, 2016, 02:19:15 PM »
Quote
Not allowed to be used though?  Can you elaborate, I'm super curious!
Yes this is interesting.

My husband's family (some of them) are from Denmark.  One of his grandparents or great grandparents was a decorated Naval Officer, so he was granted his own last name.

That's a big deal.  There are very few people with this last name left.

Otherwise, the family tree was Niels Petersen, Peter Nielsen, Niels Petersen, Peter Nielsen, Peter Petersen...ad nauseum.

sis

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #21 on: June 09, 2016, 02:20:39 PM »
I think everyone should have the same last name in a family, it's going to make everything much less confusing. Since I'm a traditional type person, that would be the husband's name.  When people want to be non-traditional about last name stuff, they run into issues and drama like this.  Not worth it in my opinion.

Yay for paternalism?  I'm glad to see that you contributed some meaningful insight to the author's question.

ketchup

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #22 on: June 09, 2016, 02:24:03 PM »
I knew a guy with a crazy, difficult-to-spell Scandinavian last name that he had no emotional attachment to (he was raised by his step-grandfather).  His main dilemma was picking what he would change it to.  I suggested Bond.  Dave Bond.  He ended up not doing it.

But that's my suggestion.  [First_Name] Bond.

Captain FIRE

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #23 on: June 09, 2016, 02:26:06 PM »
I think everyone should have the same last name in a family, it's going to make everything much less confusing. Since I'm a traditional type person, that would be the husband's name.  When people want to be non-traditional about last name stuff, they run into issues and drama like this.  Not worth it in my opinion.

I almost put a disclaimer in my initial post that I wanted to focus on the topic at hand, and not discuss traditional approaches to naming as that would be off topic, but I thought it wouldn't be necessary.

Yes, we were non-traditional as we got married later in life and both had prior careers, degrees and published articles.  We both spent 30+ years with our own last names, and both fully agreed and thought it right we keep our own last names.  (Consider also the "traditional" approach - which mind you, is first, a fallacious argument to make for why to do something, called appeal to tradition, and second, it's only tradition in some cultures - is based off women being treated as property, which is shall we say politely, a less than desirable reason to provide support for a "tradition".)

Anyway.  Let's get back to the original question?

Quote
Not allowed to be used though?  Can you elaborate, I'm super curious!
Yes this is interesting.

My husband's family (some of them) are from Denmark.  One of his grandparents or great grandparents was a decorated Naval Officer, so he was granted his own last name.

That's a big deal.  There are very few people with this last name left.

Otherwise, the family tree was Niels Petersen, Peter Nielsen, Niels Petersen, Peter Nielsen, Peter Petersen...ad nauseum.

Interesting (and a compelling reason)!  Sadly, nothing distinguishing like that for us.  One side has a father whose actions saving people was part of a best-selling novel & movie.  The other has a father who has published important scientific papers.

Captain FIRE

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #24 on: June 09, 2016, 02:26:33 PM »
I knew a guy with a crazy, difficult-to-spell Scandinavian last name that he had no emotional attachment to (he was raised by his step-grandfather).  His main dilemma was picking what he would change it to.  I suggested Bond.  Dave Bond.  He ended up not doing it.

But that's my suggestion.  [First_Name] Bond.

HAHA!  I'm totally going to go home and suggest this.

catccc

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #25 on: June 09, 2016, 02:26:55 PM »
I think everyone should have the same last name in a family, it's going to make everything much less confusing. Since I'm a traditional type person, that would be the husband's name.  When people want to be non-traditional about last name stuff, they run into issues and drama like this.  Not worth it in my opinion.

Obviously OP doesn't follow this tradition, so a different option is worth it for her family.

I didn't take my husband's name (mine is indicative of my ethnicity, which is important to me.)  Our kids have his last name, and mine as one of their two middle names.  Sometimes I wonder if I should have left it out because of college admissions issues, but college is 4 years of life, and the names they have are for longer than that...  I personally don't like hyphenated names because it is a one generation solution, just because I'm not a fan of hyphenated names in triplicate or more.  My sister also didn't take her husband's name, and their two kids have different last names (one has mom's, one has dad's).  Are you planning on having more than one?

v8rx7guy

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #26 on: June 09, 2016, 02:28:11 PM »
I think everyone should have the same last name in a family, it's going to make everything much less confusing. Since I'm a traditional type person, that would be the husband's name.  When people want to be non-traditional about last name stuff, they run into issues and drama like this.  Not worth it in my opinion.

Yay for paternalism?  I'm glad to see that you contributed some meaningful insight to the author's question.

What's your meaningful insight with this comment?  I actually gave insight, choose the same last name for everyone.  I don't care if it's husband's, wife's, new last name, hyphen, etc... I am traditional we chose husband's in my family.

Peacefulwarrior

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #27 on: June 09, 2016, 02:28:29 PM »
Any of you have a last name worth preserving more than the other? My last name is only used by around 12 people in this country and is not allowed to be used by other families. Because of that my son has my last name. His mother has a generic last name used by a very very large percentage of families here. For that reason he got mine. Had it been the other way around I would have accepted her last name for him in a heartbeat.

I'm the only one that pops up on a google search for my name!  Most definitely not so for my spouse (whose  mom divorced due to dad abusing the mom).  The first Google page reveals an art forger with the same name actually.

Spouse is not swayed, however.  And in fairness, in reality there are other people on both sides who can pass the name down so it's not a terrifically compelling argument on either side.

Not allowed to be used though?  Can you elaborate, I'm super curious!

Haha no royal bloodline or anything. It's just that where I live if a last name is only used by a few people other people can not use that name unless the ones who hold the name approves it first (or they get married into the name).

Captain FIRE

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #28 on: June 09, 2016, 02:33:57 PM »
I think everyone should have the same last name in a family, it's going to make everything much less confusing. Since I'm a traditional type person, that would be the husband's name.  When people want to be non-traditional about last name stuff, they run into issues and drama like this.  Not worth it in my opinion.

Obviously OP doesn't follow this tradition, so a different option is worth it for her family.

I didn't take my husband's name (mine is indicative of my ethnicity, which is important to me.)  Our kids have his last name, and mine as one of their two middle names.  Sometimes I wonder if I should have left it out because of college admissions issues, but college is 4 years of life, and the names they have are for longer than that...  I personally don't like hyphenated names because it is a one generation solution, just because I'm not a fan of hyphenated names in triplicate or more.  My sister also didn't take her husband's name, and their two kids have different last names (one has mom's, one has dad's).  Are you planning on having more than one?

I agree with the hyphenation issue (in addition to still leaving the question of whose name is last, because that tends to be considered the last name, with the other often dropped).

I would like to have two, my spouse is not so keen on it.  (Not a definite no, but quite wary.)  Any decision would need to be based on the idea of possibly only having one kid.  I'd offer mine for this one, and my spouse's for the next (as I'm not the holdout there), but I doubt that would be acceptable.

ZiziPB

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #29 on: June 09, 2016, 02:37:09 PM »
If your names are traditional English surnames, I would definitely hyphenate so so that you end with a very posh and elite sounding one ;-)  Something like Legge-Bourke or Glynne-Percy or Egerton-Jones.  Bonus points for incorporating as many silent "e"s as possible...

mozar

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #30 on: June 09, 2016, 02:39:12 PM »
@sis that's not how affirmative action works. What they do is group genders and races. So white men are compared to white men, white women are compared to white women, black people are compared to black people, asian people get compared to asian, Hispanics, native people etc. So what ends up happening is that white men with lower scores than white women are more likely to get in, because white men are less likely to have good grades and extracurricular activities. And asian people end up having less of a chance to get in because the pool of asian people usually have high grades and extracurriculars and it's hard to stand out. The only way to opt out of this is to not put your gender or race on your application. They might just assume that the kid is a white woman which could be annoying if you're not. So I'd be curious to see how that goes for you!

MrMoogle

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #31 on: June 09, 2016, 02:39:48 PM »
Quote
Not allowed to be used though?  Can you elaborate, I'm super curious!
Yes this is interesting.
I wonder if his name is copywritten/trademarked.  Are you allowed to change your name to something like Pepsi?

historienne

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #32 on: June 09, 2016, 02:44:10 PM »

Yeah my idea of creating a new last name is to something from both names to create a new one.  For example, taking two random names from my current work inbox, Maynard & Powell could be Mayell.  I don't know that we would find anything in common like that, but I can try.


We did this.  Something like Stone + Farewell --> Stonewell.  Much easier if you have (as we do) names from similar linguistic backgrounds, so the syllables flow together naturally.  I really love it as a solution, though, and we get lots of nice comments on our daughter's last name when people figure it out.

Captain FIRE

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #33 on: June 09, 2016, 02:46:19 PM »
If your names are traditional English surnames, I would definitely hyphenate so so that you end with a very posh and elite sounding one ;-)  Something like Legge-Bourke or Glynne-Percy or Egerton-Jones.  Bonus points for incorporating as many silent "e"s as possible...

German & Polish, sorry!

CheapskateWife

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #34 on: June 09, 2016, 02:47:08 PM »
We both kept our names at marriage, and went with kidname hislast herlast. 

There are other members of our family with hislast....

My generation is all female and gave their children their respective husband's last names.  Ours was the last baby expected and so I asked my husband to consider allowing my family name to continue.  He graciously agreed, much to the pleasure of my dad and grandpa.

However, if Cheapskate kid decides down the road he wants to be kidname herlast hislast; I'll help make that happen.

Hoping you get to a point where you and your spouse can agree and both be satisfied.

Bee21

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #35 on: June 09, 2016, 03:41:34 PM »
Do not hyphenate. It is a lot and tedious process. I am talking from experience here, though I had no choice, mine is an old and rare family name. I kept mine after marriage but the kids have their fathers  family name.

Having different surnames will create lots of problems and explanations down the lane. Like when travelling to Europe without the husband I have to take a copy of marriage/birth certificate to prove that I am their mother. Once they wanted some document on a border signed by my husband saying that we are not divorced and he consented to me taking them there.





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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #36 on: June 09, 2016, 03:48:11 PM »
Having different surnames will create lots of problems and explanations down the lane. Like when travelling to Europe without the husband I have to take a copy of marriage/birth certificate to prove that I am their mother. Once they wanted some document on a border signed by my husband saying that we are not divorced and he consented to me taking them there.

Having the same last name doesn't get you out of all those difficulties. The stated rule of many countries is they want to see birth certificate and signed letter from other parent when you are travelling alone with child. Not necessarily enforced every time, but a good idea to have it, regardless of last name.

Dicey

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #37 on: June 09, 2016, 03:50:50 PM »
Another vote for first name + parent's last name + other parent's last name with no hyphens. Kid can use both names or not as best suits his/her needs and temperament.

Edited to maintain complete gender neutrality. I don't care what gender(s) the parents are, I stand by my formula.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2016, 08:41:10 PM by Diane C »

Frugal D

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #38 on: June 09, 2016, 03:57:04 PM »
Hyphenate or use one person's last name as the middle name?

Unfortunately, this still doesn't resolve the issue of whose name is last of the two (as the first is often dropped).  :(

Also, hyphenating is stupid. If you take it to its logical end, a person's last name might be something like Johnson-Smith-Jones-Walters-Wilson-Cone-etc-etc-etc...

Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2016, 04:01:10 PM by Frugal D »

lifejoy

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #39 on: June 09, 2016, 04:09:35 PM »
Commenting to follow.

Cyaphas

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #40 on: June 09, 2016, 04:29:45 PM »
I'd pick the one that is most likely to benefit the kid financially or socially. May it be inheritance, job interviews or maybe as a news anchor. Possibly association through notoriety of a relative or ancestor. Some names are worth more than others.

MrsPete

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #41 on: June 09, 2016, 04:37:22 PM »
Any of you have a last name worth preserving more than the other? My last name is only used by around 12 people in this country and is not allowed to be used by other families.
How can you prevent people from using your last name? 

Cressida

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #42 on: June 09, 2016, 04:38:16 PM »
I don't understand why people think hyphenating is a one-generation solution. It's not. If two people with hyphenated names have a child, they can each pick one of the two elements of their last name and combine them to create a new hyphenated version for the child(ren). That's what each of their own parents did, so why not do it again?

I also don't understand the fetish for everyone in a family having the same name. As OP already pointed out, the idea comes straight out of patriarchy. And if people weren't so caught up with it, this entire problem would go away.

lizzzi

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #43 on: June 09, 2016, 04:41:02 PM »
I think everyone should have the same last name in a family, it's going to make everything much less confusing. Since I'm a traditional type person, that would be the husband's name.  When people want to be non-traditional about last name stuff, they run into issues and drama like this.  Not worth it in my opinion.

Yay for paternalism?  I'm glad to see that you contributed some meaningful insight to the author's question.

This. It just seemed easier.

Goldielocks

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #44 on: June 09, 2016, 04:54:05 PM »
I think everyone should have the same last name in a family, it's going to make everything much less confusing. Since I'm a traditional type person, that would be the husband's name.  When people want to be non-traditional about last name stuff, they run into issues and drama like this.  Not worth it in my opinion.

Yay for paternalism?  I'm glad to see that you contributed some meaningful insight to the author's question.

The question was "How do you choose a last name?"

The answer "We like tradition and the reduction of confusion, and therefore chose to go with the paternal name"  is a valid straight answer to the OP's question.  Equally valid to any other posting here, and a more common answer to boot.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2016, 05:15:26 PM by goldielocks »

Goldielocks

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #45 on: June 09, 2016, 04:55:45 PM »
If your names are traditional English surnames, I would definitely hyphenate so so that you end with a very posh and elite sounding one ;-)  Something like Legge-Bourke or Glynne-Percy or Egerton-Jones.  Bonus points for incorporating as many silent "e"s as possible...

German & Polish, sorry!
Just add "ski" to the german name...  ??

Frugal D

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #46 on: June 09, 2016, 04:58:50 PM »
I'd pick the one that is most likely to benefit the kid financially or socially. May it be inheritance, job interviews or maybe as a news anchor. Possibly association through notoriety of a relative or ancestor. Some names are worth more than others.

Booyah! I'm taking my wife's last name and passing it down to our child for this reason!

Bee21

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #47 on: June 09, 2016, 05:06:45 PM »
Apart from the philosophical problems here, think of the practicalities. Is your chosen name going to make the kid's life easier or harder? Does it sound good? Is it going to be pain to spell? I love my unique name, but is a pain to spell. It is a pain to complete forms. It is a pain to introduce myself because people never get it immediately.It always get misspelled and mispronounced and I am not allowed to get irritated. Yeah, it is my great great great grandfather's fault.

Just something to consider.

Quince

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #48 on: June 09, 2016, 05:25:55 PM »
Step 1 was to resolve the issue BEFORE anyone was pregnant. It's easier if you can say that if you don't agree and it is your hill to die on, you can walk away and make a partnership where you CAN agree.

We ended up hyphenating. I sometimes regret being "nice" and caring about what he wanted instead of pushing through for my last name ONLY. I had some leverage as he had pulled a relationship foul that he owed(and still owes) me for.  The whole tit for tat thing left a bad taste in my mouth so hyphenation it was. We decided the order by what made an amusing acronym when the kid's initials were used, and though the second child doesn't have an amusing acronym, we kept the sequence.

I am irritated a bit by hyphenation, as I'm already at a disadvantage on the tradition aspect as the kids are more likely to drop my (mother's) name if they decide to shorten.

I will say if someone is being unreasonable, the mother does have the advantage, as she is the patient in the hospital and gets to fill out the paperwork.

Mrs. PoP

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Re: Baby's last name dilemma
« Reply #49 on: June 09, 2016, 05:29:53 PM »
Disagree that the last name in a hyphenated situation is considered primary.   I grew up with a fair number of hyphenated peers and some emphasized first, some last.  One scenario I especially liked was for a pair of siblings (brother and sister) who were in sports - their last names were hypehnated, but too long to go on sports jerseys.  So her jersey always had mom's name and his always had dad's.